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ITs all just advice

Monday, July 30, 2012

Its all just advice. When you are searching for help, makeing a plan gaining ideas, asking opinions...its all just advice. Some advice we ask for, some unsolicited, some given with the best intentions, other not. Its important to remember we are all fighting our own individual demons. My demons are mine to own, yours are yours. Our issues may be similar but never the same. We envy others who seem to have it all figured out, but never think they too are fighting a hard battle within. Someone who has no issues with food struggles with something else (possibly gambling, relationship issues, who knowS). Its part of being human, and none of use are immune tto facing problems until we are dead, and then ....who knows.

A "friend" called me yesterday. I put friend in quotations because Im never sure where I stand with her, she is a taker. She asks for help all the time, takes whatever you offer, invites herself over, makes plans that end up costing you time/money but benefit her.....the worst part is she rarely/never reciprocates so i usually cut our conversations short to avoid having to expend the extra energy/time/money helping her or having to say no (which im getting better at. I wont post specifics at this time, its the conversation I want to focus on right now. So I answered her call (which I usually dont), and she was calling to tell me she was grateful for me. She had to take her cat back to the shelter yesterday and knows I have been through the same thing with both a cat and a dog (due to Madelynne being scared to death of the cat, and the dog lost its mind).

I posted my struggle (selectively) on FB, and we had talked about it in person also when it happened. Our dog has been gone 2 years and the cat 1 year, but she remembered my honesty with the situation, and my struggle making the tough call. She was upset that she had to make the decision, but strangely knowing I had been through it made it a little easier for her. Turning a pet into the shelter is not an easy decision but when the safety and mental health of your child are in question the choice as a parent has to be made. Other people will judge you (and I have been judged for both decisions) but in all honesty my child does and always will come first. I reminded her that it is harder to be a parent then just an adult, and we make the best decisions we can based ont he information we have at the time. Our talked turned to sleep issues with her daughter (which she knows I have been through with mine), and concerns about finding a preschool for her child that offers a scholarship to help.

I am always honored when people ask me for advice about parenting. Since my mom dies when I was 5 I feel like Im just floundering most times making choices and sculpting these tiny humans into productive polite ladies. But when someone asks me for help, I think to myself "well someone thinks you are doing something right" and it makes me struggle seem a little less. She usually takes my advice, which is equally as flatering. I left the conversation feeling very happy to have her in my life. She's the type of person you may look at and think "She's got this all figured out." Shes tall, gorgeous, fit. She owns her own business, teaches yoga, takes fantastic trips (just got back from 2 weeks in africa), dates cute guys, has a great circle of friends. But I know from many conversations with her what her demons are, and although her demons are not food related, they are there and she struggles with the every bit as much as I do with food.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEAUTIFUL8186 9/5/2012 2:29PM

    So true. I don't have issues with food, but I do have confidence issues a lot of the time.

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ROCKINMOM776 7/30/2012 11:19PM

    I think we are put into each other's lives for a reason. Whether that reason is to teach you how to say 'no' or to teach your friend how to appreciate someone who is genuine, or to teach us all that we all have our 'demons', whatever they may be. You came into mine to teach and encourage me :) I hope my purpose in yours is something good (and not a negative lesson, lol)!!!

Good for you for helping your 'friend', quotes or no quotes :)

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Using my tools, made it through

Monday, July 30, 2012

I made it! It wasnt pretty, I consumed double my normal cafeinne intake plus 6 liters of water but i made it through Sunday. I used just about every tool I could think of to stay away from the food:
-Read my AA book, read a magazine (shape), read Spark blogs, reread some of my old blogs
-Took a hot bath
-Afternoon Delight with my hubby
-went for a walk
-pulled out my sewing projects (finished most of the things)
-listened to music
-finished my chores
-sat in the sunshine
-chewed gum
-asked my husband for help (several times, which he gladely gave)

I made it. At the end of the day I felt strangely torn. I was happy to have made it through the day eating on plan (this is my rational mind), but unhappy that it would be a whole week before I would even consider allowing myself an indulgence (my addiction/irrational mind). I miss the food, its like a lover I want to keep on the side at my beckon call whenever I get the urge. And I know its there waiting for me, always waiting. I woke this morning and have already done my exercises. Im starting slow with some stretches and ST/body weight exercises. I dont want to spend an hour working out, I think it took me about 45 min.

Its Monday, time to plan a weeks worth of adventures with the girls :). Happy clean eating everyone.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROCKINMOM776 7/30/2012 11:20PM

    My husband would recommend the Afternoon Delight method. You know, for all day.

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GHOSTFLAMES 7/30/2012 5:19AM

    ONE DAY AND ONE STEP AT A TIME WE WILL DO THIS WE ARE WORTH IT.
REMEMBER TO TRACK DAILY YOUR FOOD AND FITNESS TO BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE.
WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU IF YOU NEED ANYTHING AT ALL JUST ASK.
TAKE CARE AND GOOD LUCK ON YOUR SPARK JOURNEY.

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My love hate relationship with Sunday

Sunday, July 29, 2012

I either look forward to or dread Sundays. Since Monday feels like a fresh start its easy to make Sunday my "cheat day." But coming out of a bad month i need to maintain focus on portion and power through at least 2 weeks of clean sane eating before I even step on the scale. I know I gained weight during the past month being so out of control, but i refused to get on the scale and see what the damage actually was. Some may say "face the music," know what weigh so you know how much you need to lose and how much your binge cost you.....But for me the mental obsession of the scale just adds to the unhealthy choices I make. Getting on the scale would cause me to cut my food back so much I would starve, then I would try to workout like a mad woman, eventually I would lose control being so hungry and dealing with the mental guilt and torture and have another binge. So Im waiting til I am 2 weeks clean with healthy eating, then Ill get on the scale (maybe) and see what I am dealing with. I am already feeling better, thinking clearer, doing some journaling (which by the way if I go MIA on spark chances are I am in the food) and reading the AA book and 24hours a day book for guidance and insight. If you have not read the AA book (or at least parts of it) I highly suggest you pick up a copy. Addiction is addiction in my opinion and I simply replace their alcohol/alcoholic verbage with food related terms.

So its sunday, Im eating clean, I have no plans for today to get out of the house. This will be a relaxing day, but it will be a struggle to stay out of the food and not obsess over it. I can do it though. HAppy eating to all!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OOLALA53 7/29/2012 12:27PM

    I feel a little lost on Sundays. I've never been married or had children and have not been in a relationship for many years. I'm torn between not wanting any obligations on sunday to counteract hectic weeks and wanting some structure to my day so that I don't eat just for distraction. I do that less and less now, but it's still a concern.

I agree with you about not weighing yourself until you've been on track for a bit. Weighing myself has rarely been the real impetus for me to change. It can even be used as the reason to eat!

Although it is an alternative point of view, you might consider reading the book Brain Over Binge. It's about a recovered bulimic, but I know some bingers have found help with their habit, too. emoticon

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Time to myself

Saturday, July 28, 2012

So lately, I have been forcing myself to stay in bed til at least 5am (usually up at 4). Next week I will probably be up at 4:30 because I will start my workouts again, but this weeks focus was and is getting my food in control. I have now 5 days without any unhealthy eating! For me that means no binging, no flour/sugar and weighing all my meals...no bites, licks, tastes nothing that I didnt put on the food scale. I am physically feeling much better. Since my last binges didnt contain flour/sugar I am not suffering from the sugar withdrawl, headaches, or hormonal rollercoaster caused by that specific "drug". I am hydrating like crazy, and peeing all the time...my caffeine intake is up but i can live with that for right now.

This morning I am going yard saling by myself. Something my husband suggested as a way to have a little me time. I am taking him up on it and getting ready to leave the house, breakfast in hand. Its 5:54 and my 3yr old has already gotten out of her bed, saying she needs to potty. I took her, she went and then I put her back to bed. Hopefully, she will stay there, so im waiting to leave the house, not wanting to wake her.

Hope you all have a great weekend full of family, friends and clean eating :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROCKINMOM776 7/28/2012 12:23PM

    Proud of you for your week of clean eating!! It's so hard to stick with it sometimes, especially with kids I think, but you're nailing it! Good for you for taking a rest week. Sometimes it's what your body needs to get things leveled out.

I'll still be around while I'm at the beach. I will have assignments and stuff that I couldn't turn in early, so I'll have my laptop with me.

Enjoy your me time, and woo-hoo for your little one getting up to potty!!

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NJJ-EXERCISE30 7/28/2012 6:43AM

    emoticon

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The purge

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Sunday I got rid of my box of binge foods. I had reduced it quite a bit a few months ago but still couldn't let go of the M&m's, reeses and other "good stuff." I knew monday was a new start for me with the food, and I have not been indulging on the sugar like in the past, but it was incredibly difficult. I have several unopened bags of my faves...but i know the terrible torture I feel physically after bingeing on it. It is now gone. I have no binge food box! My house is becoming cleaner, wiping the smudges (metaphorically speaking) and letting the light shine in.

I do not begin to think i am "cured" I will always deal with this struggle. I still have nuts and SF ice cream in the house (also regular ice cream for hubby but i wouldnt eat it since I react so violently to sugar). Let me pose you a question:

Is this progress? or am in just substituting since I cant be trusted with the nuts?

I am seeing it as progress for today. Happy clean eating to all....pitter patter upstairs!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOWFATFOODIE 7/27/2012 8:36AM

    Woohoo! I think its great! I like the idea of filling the box with other stuff... Also add progress pix, pictures of fun activities you can now do that you are healthy, clippings that illustrate goals or fun things you WANT to do and need to stay healthy for....


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CHEETARA79 7/26/2012 11:51AM

    I think you should fill the binge box with something else - not food. Fill it with stuff that you can do when you feel the urge to binge. For example, put a book of crossword puzzles in there, put the phone #s of your friends and family in there, fill it with nail polish. Fill it with activities you can do instead of binge. How does that sound?

I'm just like you with the nut butters. I can't keep them in the house because I will eat them out of the jar with a spoon!

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ROCKINMOM776 7/26/2012 11:28AM

    I think it's all progress, dearie!! I'm proud of you for removing temptation. It's just a stumbling block in your path to a healthier you!! I think you should avoid things that you know will cause you to overdo it (for awhile, anyway)... but if you can find a suitable substitute, go for it! As long as it satisfies the craving and doesn't awaken the monster.

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MOLLIESMAMA 7/26/2012 10:42AM

    I have to get the nut butters with not sugar in them (sugar causes me sever intestinal pain), but i still cant trust myself withthem. Ill eat an entire jar. I would like one day to be able to eat these things in moderation, but i need to do a lot of mental/internal/soul searching work before I get there. So even having it in the house for me is like giving myself permission to binge on it when the time comes. But I am no longer bingeing on flour and sugar items since I have learned that I physically cannot tolerate them. Right now i am seeing that as progress. Thanks for the input!

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DEBJAE 7/26/2012 9:44AM

    I see it as progress. There's no way a box of binge food would survive 24 hours in my house...I'd feel the 'need' to eat it ALL...so I am VERY proud of your restraint and awareness!!!

Awesome, you are such an inspiration!

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KEGELLES 7/26/2012 7:10AM

    Be careful with nut butters though! Too much can be detrimental to the diet. They are so delicious though and definitely a great option in moderation.

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KEGELLES 7/26/2012 7:07AM

    I would look at this as progress! I am one giant sweet tooth and it I threw out all of my guilty pleasures right now, I think I would die. Have you thought of some similar healthy(?) options as a stepping stone? When I need a caramel or chocolate fix, I eat one of the Skinny Cow Dark Chocolate Clusters packs--120 cal for like 5 clusters. Sometimes I only eat half!

Good luck! Happy snacking!

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KGWINDER 7/26/2012 7:01AM

    Sometimes you just need to totally let go of something to know that you can. Over time it gets less important. A few years ago, I noticed TV prompted me to sit too much and was talking about food so much that I was always feeling hungry. Now I read, go for walks, do errands...was that substitution or just finding a healthier lifestyle?

We each need to do what works with our bodies...no need to label it, just know we made changes that did lead to progress!

P.S. if you love the taste of nuts - mixing nut butters half and half with canned pumpkin or greek yogurt gives you the flavor but with much fewer calories. Pumpkin goes with peanut butter very well and the yogurt I love with cashew butter.

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