Tuesday, October 19, 2010
I've been watching this season of Project Runway with a strange perspective. Lately I have been thinking about how I'm probably like the contestant Gretchen who is very strong willed and has had a hard time learning to take criticism from host Tim Gunn. She gets very defensive and upset and loses sight of the value of what she's being told. She "gets off her game" as a result.
I think I can be the same way. I think all the women in my family can be the same way, actually.
Last night my boyfriend said something to me before we went to sleep about how we are thinking of adopting a dog (its almost official), but that I should watch out that I don't lose sight of the other work I have to do because I work from home. I was so offended by this. I felt like he was saying I am not capable of taking care of my responsibilities. For various reasons this got right under my skin and pushed some weird buttons.
The thing is, its probably important we talk about this. Why did that thought coming from my partner's mouth hurt me so much? Should I take it as criticism, learn from it, or just get angry at the way I think he perceives what I do all day long? I feel like I am taking more offense than he meant and I'm having a stronger reaction than is necessary. I can't figure this out by writing a blog and not talking to him about it, obviously, but I wanted to write down that I think my ability to gracefully take criticism in stride has hindered me in a few areas of my life. I don't have time to sit and dwell and wonder about it. I'm simply recognizing that this caused me some fear and pain -- more than it should have.
Maybe its like paying attention to an injury you didn't know you had. What can I to avoid making more pain but to allow that to heal properly?
I'm sure we all have buttons that get pushed that lead us to destructive behaviors. I just feel like if I'm going to conquer weight loss, I have to learn to take outside opinions in stride a little better, and not jump to such an emotional state.
I'll write more about the dog in another blog post because she deserves her own words. :D If all goes well, I'll have a walking partner at the end of the week.