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four pounds down... fifteen to go.

Friday, January 25, 2013

I lost four pounds! I had weighed myself about two weeks ago and was up to 144. That had really upset me although a lot of people said it was because I was doing P90X2 so maybe I was gaining muscle. But I weighed in yesterday after only five days of counting calories and taking bee pollen and I was down to 140!! I had forgotten the feeling of seeing that lower number and doing the math to figure out how long it would take to get even lower. I don't expect to lose four pounds again by next Thursday by I hope to continue the loss. It made me remember the feeling of weighing in every week and hoping it would be lower. It really makes you think hard about what you are eating.

Today I wasn't feeling great. We decided to do our usual 'cheat night' which we used to do in the year when I lost the eighty five pounds. It kept me sane and gave me something to look forward to each week. But I didn't completely throw away everything. I ordered eggplant parmesan with no pasta and no bread. And truthfully I did not even finish it. But I think from eating so little and the combination of that with the bee pollen I had horrible heartburn all night long. And this morning when I ran on my treadmill I felt sick to my stomach. Lunch was a salad with chicken, almond accents, croutons, and carrots. For dinner I made the vegetable soup recipe that came in the P90X2 book and it was absolutely delicious. I made a small steak with it only because I know with how much I am working out I need the protein. All in all it was a good day.

I think knowing how close the wedding is really keeps me in check. For the past year I have fought to control my eating. And maybe I need to set a goal every year to keep myself in check. I do wonder sometimes though if I am losing muscle by dieting the way I am. I am starting to do p90x every other day only because I find myself too tired to do it every day. Maybe that is helping my loss. Who knows. Its all so freaking complicated!

In enjoying reading everyones blogs and am so glad to be back. School started again so because my class is online I sneak over here a lot when I should be working lol. Until next time!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IBSHAUN 1/26/2013 10:46AM

    emoticon Sounds like you have good momentum! Keep going!

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Chocolate + P90X2 = not good

Monday, January 14, 2013

I'm watching the biggest loser. Thought I'd mention that lol. ANYWAYS. Today is my birthday and as most people know, not a great day for a diet. I've been very good since I began the program and have been counting calories for the most part but also just eating very clean and good. I could feel and see my shape getting better. Last night my fiance and I went to a movie and then to Fridays. I have been doing cardio in the morning and a dvd of P90X2 at night, and did that yesterday. I knew we wanted to go out to start celebrating so I tried to have most of my days food be mostly protein. Dinner was turkey breast with carrots (from the crockpot. AMAZING btw. 10$ for a boneless breast at walmart, threw it in with an 88 cent bag of baby carrots and four russet potatoes. Almost four to five meals for us. Not bad for 11 dollars and very healthy). So we had some small appetizers and dessert. Today my lunch was steak and vegetables with salad and dinner was where it veered off lol. I try to remind myself that it is my birthday and it is very hard to be perfect but I was just telling my best friend how the guilt still eats me up. I did my cardio this morning and when I got home tonight I was extremely tired and kind of depressed. I swear the dreary weather is KILLING me. I miss my boardwalk and my runs. For those who don't know where I am, I live in Jersey and my runs were from Spring Lake to Asbury Park on the boardwalk. Well Sandy took care of THAT. Anyway I chatted with my girlfriend tonight about the same "we hate our bodies" stuff. And my other friend texted me and said she was doing her P90X tonight and that she would be my cheerleader. All of this while I picked at a Whitman's Sampler box of chocolates my mom got me for my birthday. So heres what I did lol. Because we all have that night where we just want to watch our shows and don't want to work out and miss it. I set up p90x2 on my laptop on the floor in front of my TV, and watched the biggest loser while doing the dvd! And I have to say it made the time fly. I was having sound issues so I had planned to have it on low but I had to watch the movements to know what was coming next. But it really got me through it. I was able to watch the Biggest Loser and do my workout and it went fast. But heres the catch. The chocolate I ate was giving me heart palpitations from the caffeine and it really made me feel lousy. Will definitely think twice before I eat chocolate then workout lol.

I always say for me distraction is key when it comes to getting through a workout. Its why I download seasons of shows on my tablet, and why I have a smart phone to watch movies if I don't have my tablet. For me I can't just listen to music while running or on the elliptical. And my home machines are in front of a big tv with speakers. If you have trouble getting on that machine, take advantage of the great technology we have. Some of the cheaper tablets are only like 100$. If it will help you get going, use it. Sometimes its why I prefer cardio because I get so bored during strength! lol.

As for P90X2, I really love doing the different moves. I was getting into such a rut with my strength training. I just was doing the same stuff over and over. With these dvds I see a difference right away. I also feel it. My arms are tired just from typing! It also gave me an appreciation for yoga. I definitely will be trying a class. But I definitely feel like it takes a lot out of me and I have been trying to listen to my body and have skipped days where I felt I just couldn't do it, especially with my bad back. Not worth hurting it!

Have a great day!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SILLYHP1953 3/29/2013 2:22PM

    I've heard so much about the P90X2 that I think I will have to try it. I know I won't be able to keep up with it but I can work up to it. I think one of my kids has it so I'll just borrow it to start with. I listen to audio books when I'm on the treadmill and that helps a lot.

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IBSHAUN 1/15/2013 1:03AM

    First, Happy Birthday!! Way to go to take it all in stride emoticon emoticon

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ANGIEN9 1/14/2013 10:59PM


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UMBILICAL 1/14/2013 10:45PM

  Not a BL fan.

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TREE57 1/14/2013 10:45PM


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Friday, January 11, 2013

I have been telling myself that I would begin blogging again soon. I am getting married in three and a Half months and wanted to document my journey mostly of trying to lose the last 10-15 pounds that I have struggled with since I hit the 85 pounds lost mark. And also to talk about how to deal with the stresses of planning a wedding, working, taking classes, and losing weight. This community changed my life and showed me that I am not alone in my struggles. That people out there think like me, struggle with every splurge, think about the calories as if the fat starts growing back the second you swallow. It is an every day job to stay motivated to keep the weight off. And I want to share these next few months with everyone that I can to show your not alone if you have struggled with your weight. That there is a way to take it off and keep it off while being busy.

Basically my plan is to do P90X2 and start counting calories again. I can't tell you how many people I have had tell me not to count calories. My only response is that counting calories is how I lost 85 pounds. Is it perfect for everyone? No. Do I do it when I am not actively trying to lose weight? No. But for me it works. Now with doing such intense workouts I let myself indulge on protein. I have been eating A LOT of eggs. Before this week, I had continued to work out every day for about an hour to an hour and a half combining strength and cardio. And I'm excited to change it up.

As for workouts, P90X2 is definitely challenging and is fun to try. I did the first one before my trip to DR and loved the results. I plan to do it consistently until the wedding and started early because I knew it would take me a while to get back into the swing of dieting. For the past few years I could eat what I wanted in moderation and continue to exercise and maintain around the same weight, fluctuating up and down five to seven pounds. Only in the last year did the last ten to fifteen that I never lost really start to bug me. And now with my wedding and honeymoon coming up, I think this is the time to finally do it and see if I am meant to stay at this comfortable weight or truly be my ultimate goal weight of 125. I do believe in the theory of having a comfortable weight. I seem to stay between 135-140 and any time I dip below due to stress it always comes back. So if I lose it for the wedding and it comes back despite my efforts I won't be too upset. I like being a size eight.

So we are five days in and I am excited to say I'm pumped to see results. And I'm excited to catch up with everyone on here that I have missed! Blogging is very therapeutic for me and I am glad to be doing it again. =)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANGIEN9 1/12/2013 9:55AM

    What a great blog!! I know this community has been so helpful to me!! I didn't struggle with my weight until I started taking birth control and psychiatric medications in my early twenties. I was the skinny girl when I was young. I exercised and played outside everyday. We didn't have video games and didn't watch as much tv as I do now!!

Thanks for taking us on your journey! Good luck with your planning and your upcoming wedding. Where are you going for your honeymoon?? I wish you the best with your last 10-15 pound weight loss!! I know you can lose it before the wedding!!

Have an excellent day!!

Angie emoticon

Comment edited on: 1/12/2013 9:57:04 AM

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IBSHAUN 1/12/2013 12:32AM

    Hi!! It's so nice to hear from you! I was looking at my SparkFriends list the other day and thought about you. I'm trying to reconnect and get motivated again. Sounds like you have some exciting times ahead of you! Sounds like you have a plan and I look forward to your blogs and cheering you on!

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A smile and a ring

Sunday, November 06, 2011

Today I ran with a smile on my face and a ring on my finger.†

I had the most amazing run today. I haven't run outside since probably June . I had gotten used to the gym and never stopped to change what I was doing. I told myself get it done at the gym and go home. Some days I would think about running but realize it had just rained so the trail would be muddy, or it was too cold. Today I had 40 minutes to spare and instead of driving past my normal trail, I drove into the parking lot. The sun was brilliant and every tree was a million different colors. I ran 4 miles in 37 minutes and it felt amazing. I kept telling myself "I am strong. I am strong and FIT!" †to feel my feel pushing me along. To know I've done the entire 6 miles so
4 was like an appetizer. I now cannot wait to do it again.

It's a strange place to be in. To be so proud of your fitness that it makes you smile while you run. It's strange to love the HEALTH of my body but hate how I look. It's part of accepting myself I suppose. Learning to love what you can get yourself to accept. I don't have to try to love being in shape and feeling good. I have to try to love what I see as an imperfect body that will just never be as thin as I want it to be.†

I'm really happy where I am right now and it shows through every aspect of my life. I am more passionate about exercise than I ever was. I am debating becoming a beachbody coach to help other people discover how wonderful healthy living is. And I am at peace with where I am in my life. Yes I want to be done with college but this time is when the good things happen. My boyfriend of now almost 4 years proposed. I of course said yes and what flooded me was a feeling of security. I dont
Doubt his love. I don't doubt us. I don't doubt that I can keep the weight off. For me I never think of it as I am keeping it off. It's gone. I just workout to stay fit and healthy and eat well to fuel that lifestyle. And I'm in a place where I can say I am truly truly happy.

I hope to read everyone's updates and catch up. I am on facebook btw. Maureen Bioni. =]

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SILLYHP1953 11/8/2011 5:30PM

    Congratulations on your engagement, and your running, and your wonderful attitude!!! You have come SO far.

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FIT_FOR_LIFE85 11/7/2011 12:57AM

    Congratulations on your engagement! That's great news! I know how you feel about being proud of being fit and healthy but not always being happy with how you look, I feel the same sometimes. But like you said, it's about self acceptance and knowing that maybe I won't ever be as skinny as I want to be, but I can always be healthy and happy :) emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 11/7/2011 12:58:05 AM

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APIRLRAIN888 11/6/2011 11:09PM

    Congrats on great run and engagement ;)

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ANGIEN9 11/6/2011 11:01PM

    Congratulations on the engagement!! Keep exercising and eating healthy!! Angie

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I am a jerk

Saturday, October 01, 2011

Yeah I am. And I know itís automatic for people to say ďNo youíre not!Ē. But I am. I realized it yesterday. I have had a tough couple of weeks with losing my job and then taking another one. The gym is fine but I am not getting the hours or pay I need to sustain myself. I took the job yes because I am into fitness but also because I was unemployed at that moment and am not the person to turn down a job. So as time has gone on, I have continued to pursue other options, mostly other hair salons because itís what I do and I enjoy it and in the end you can make more with a license than just minimum wage.

I hadnít found anything. I went on a few interviews but nothing panned out. And all along I had been kind of depending on this one wedding I was doing on October 8. I do bridal parties, and this was a big wedding, 65$ a head because we have done many weddings and have the experience and references. I would have made about 400-500 dollars depending and it was going to pay for the tickets for the theme parks on our upcoming vacation. I was depending on it because I wasnít working at a place where I was making enough money so this lump sum would cover it to keep me from having to further myself into debt.

The girl cancelled. She found someone to do it for free. I wonít go into being pissed and angry that I was played along. Or that I had done many many trials for this bride in order to make sure she was happy. I spent a lot of time and energy on this project thinking it would pay off in the end. Immediately I realized I canít afford our vacation. We have a room, flight, and car booked for Orlando and no money to go to any of the attractions. I realized realistically, we might have to cancel.

Now let me pause and tell you I am PMSing. And that as a result of PMS I can be outrageously emotional and unreasonable. Hence, the following argument.
I was very upset and started to get down on myself. I made a trip to wawa that I wish I could erase that involved Reeses and some chips. We wonít talk about that. And then I took it out on my boyfriend, the ONLY person who supports me in everything Iíve ever done. We had an argument, which was dumb because in the end he was only trying to help me find a better job. And I felt like crap for being a jerk.

So I was depressed and upset that night, feeling like everything was wrong and everything was terrible. I kept thinking I am poor, Iím broke, Matt has to handle the bills alone, I canít do this. Then I went to bed.

It really is crazy how the next day can seem like a world away from an overly emotional pity party. I really wanted to go back in the Delorean and smack myself. I woke up and we discussed it and said we will see what we can afford when we get there. Why was that such a hard conclusion to come to? THEN I am called for an interview at the salon in MACYS. I am on the phone with the manager for 45 minutes and we click immediately and she loves me and canít wait to meet me. THEN. I get a letter from my college about the Digital Sonography program I am in and I found out I am going to be put on the waiting list later this month.

I have said before I believe in signs. I believe that the universe tells us when we are being jerks, when we are being impatient, and when we are being good.
This was the universe saying ďSTOP WHINING!!! You have so much going for you! You have a man who just told you he would fight forever to keep you. You have a home that is your own, not a tiny apartment, not sharing a house with anyone, not living with your mom. A HOME. And a healthy fit body that you got back after fighting for over a year to get it that way. PUT ON YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES AND STOP WHINING!Ē

So I did. Last night I cried and cried and cried. I was so depressed, so down. Tonight I am okay. I am realistic about this interview. Good things could come from it, or I could end up not getting it. I will always keep looking. I am very motivated and I know I can do anything. I have been able to maintain my weight for almost a year. I have succeeded beyond my wildest dreams in fitness and continue to push myself further. I need to stop whining and see that I am very lucky. And basically thatís my blog. Yep.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VERONICAVW_140 10/27/2011 12:23PM

    I am glad to hear that not only are things beginning to look up, but your are looking at things with a postive perspective! Goodluck on all of your endeavors! emoticon

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SILLYHP1953 10/6/2011 6:06PM

    Ok, maybe you were yesterday but today you sure got it together! I love it!

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JASI27 10/1/2011 11:21PM sound EXACTLY like me when I PMS............Hate it! Yet it passes every month!!! LOL Just remember..........."This too shall pass!!! Good Luck girl!

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SHERRIE_BERRY 10/1/2011 10:34PM

    Good for you!

Good luck with the interview! emoticon

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APIRLRAIN888 10/1/2011 10:02PM

    wow woohooo!!! awesome good luck

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MSB4L1 10/1/2011 10:01PM

    Ironic how a night's sleep can change everthing..I guess the saying of sleep on it is true. Best of luck to you may things keep going your way!

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