Saturday, September 18, 2010
Much as I hate, hate, hate having to do this, I made my ticker honest today.
It's been several months since I've lost any weight to speak of. That's bad, but could have been worse. At least I was maintaining...not making progress, but not going backwards either. Then...slowly....I would take a tiny step backward. I chose not to update the ticker, telling myself instead that I could make up for it, since it was such a small step. But as always happens, those tiny backwards steps started to add up. My clothing started feeling tighter. My blood sugar wasn't as stable as it had been. I could feel and see my middle expanding. And I could no longer trick myself into thinking it was not a big deal. Those tiny steps added up to 15 pounds. It made me sick.
But that's not going to do me any good, is it? So I just decided to stop the lying. I put the 15 pounds back on my ticker. I feel better now. Any pounds I lose from now on will be reflected as a LOSS on my ticker--not just a step towards catching up to be kept track of in my own mind until I was back to square one. As a wise spark buddy pointed out, that's very refreshing.
Part of my self-deceit included not logging my food for the past couple of months. Somewhere deep down I didn't want to know how many calories I was putting in my body. I'm involved in a couple of Spark Teams that keep me at least somewhat active, thank goodness. If not for that one glimmer of good, I probably would have packed on even more than I did. But now I am going to step that up as well. Hopefuly by getting my nutrition and activity in check I can jump-start that little fishy swimming in the right direction once again!
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Sooooo, I had a really funny story about a missing hat, and I wanted to blog about it while it was still fresh in my mind. It's been close to two weeks now, and I don't know if this is age starting to creep up on my memory or what....but I no longer remember what was so darn funny about that! So for those of you that were wondering, here's what happened--no embellishments to bring out the humor of the situation, because I've lost them....but anyway.....
The night before Jeff left for Camp Pendleton we had company over and Barbequed. By the time the last person left, it was close to midnight. Jeff had to be at the airport at 5:30 am the next morning, and we live a half hour away from the airport. So ok, we had to be driving away no later than 5:00, and that would be cutting it to the last second--very hard for a person like me. So it was around midnight, and Jeff thought it was time to START packing. Huh? We could go to bed and get 4 hours of sleep, but my newly "responsible" son hadn't done one single bit of packing.
He did most of it himself....I would bring him things that I had laundered and he was busy stuffing it all into the sea bags--2 of them, both huge. 4 sets of cammies, 2 pairs of combat boots, 4 different uniforms, socks, workout clothes, etc....so much stuff! The last thing was the garment bag with the uniforms, which would be wrapped around one of the bags. There was a tackle box full of various pins, collar stays, gloves, etc--anybody who has helped a soldier pack knows the stuff I'm talking about. And the "hygiene bag." and the paperwork. That stuff would all go into the carryon. But then he laid out the uniform he was to travel in....and the hat was missing. He had worn it on the day he went to visit the recruiter and knows he had it on in the car. But the rule is that he needs to have a hat on outside, but off inside, so he knows he took it off as he stepped into the house. So it had to be here, right? We tore the house apart. Upturned furniture. Looked in every drawer. Looked in the laundry hampers. Looked in every room, even if it was unlikely that he would have taken the hat off there. Took flashlights to the car and examined every nook and cranny. UNPACKED all the stuff he had spent hours packing. Packed it again. NO HAT! Finally he decided he'd have to wear the other hat--the one that is usually white. He had a green cover for it, so painstakingly took the white cover off and put the green one on. Finally it was 2:30 and we were going to bed. Less than 2 hours later we were up again, getting ready to leave for the airport. I had wanted photos of my handsome son in his uniform in the morning, but they turned out awful--he was tired, crabby, and the lighting was all wrong--but I knew he had neither the time nor the patience to do it again, so we let it go. There will be other opportunities. And we got some great ones the night before....before we knew about the upcoming hat-search, so everybody was happy and smiley with Jeff in his cammies. Those photos will have to suffice! I walked around at work like a zombie that day....and spent much of the week trying (unsuccessfully) to catch up on my lost sleep.
So what, I wonder, did I think was funny about this story? Ah well....maybe someday.
He's back in San Diego now and will be leaving Sep. 14 for his MOS school in Texas. He's looking forward to that, but I worry because he is trying to grow up too soon. He's got me a little scared that he's going to do something he may very well live to regret--I bet you can guess what I'm talking about. (((big sigh)))) Gone are the days when I can send him to his room to think about it, so we'll just have to see what transpires!
Oh--and the hat? Still missing.
***edited for typos. Wow--and I proofread and everything!
Saturday, August 21, 2010
I haven't blogged for about a month! That's really odd for me because I usually aim for blogging weekly. And it's not because I had nothing to say....on the contrary, I feel like I've been through a whirlwind!
My family, along with Jeff's GF, went to San Diego two weeks ago to witness Jeff's Boot Camp graduation. What an awe-inspiring experience! I wouldn't have missed it for the world! I'm looking at the photos and planning how I'll scrapbook them....smiling all the time. The transformation in my baby boy is unmistakable. But still underneath it all he's still the same old Jeff.
The day before graduation, family day, we got our first peek at the new Marines. They marched in wearing their identical shorts, T-shirts, and tennis shoes. One would think it would be hard to pick one guy out of the group of 188, but no, it wasn't at all. They did help us out by marching as platoons and stopping in the designated area for their platoon, so all the family members were able to be somewhat in the right area. As it turns out, we were in the absolute PERFECT spot. After much instruction to the group assembled about staying behind the cones when the Marines came in even though we would want to run up to them, they marched in, stopped, and then on command turned with crisp, military accuracy--and I was dead-on face to face with Jeff. Of course, he was probably 15 yards away....but at that precise moment he saw us and broke out into a grin. He quickly tried to mask it...his lips were quivering as he gained control--he only truly smiled for that split second, but it was so awesome. We caught that on film. He's standing there smiling while all the other Marines are staring straight ahead stone-faced, as they were supposed to. Ah, same old Jeff. He's got some of his mom in him for sure....I always wear my emotions on my sleeve. Then they turned again on command, and off they went for their 3-mile motivational run.
A little later that day we were sent to the bleachers at the Parade Deck as the platoons once again assembled, this time for Liberty Call. Another awe-inspiring experience. Then they were dismissed and we got our first hugs with our new Marines. They had to stay on base, but were free to roam around at will, buy junk food, etc. And boy, did they ever! It was their first taste of freedom in 3 months, (well, almost....they did surprise them with a trip to a Padres baseball game the weekend after the Crucible) and they were making the most of it! It was such a great day...but went by way too fast.
The next day was the graduation ceremony itself....very cool...and then suddenly, they were free to go! We wasted no time, got back to the hotel so he could change, then went to In & Out Burger, only about 3 blocks from where we were staying. Lisa and I had been there before on a trip to LA, but the rest hadn't, and Jeff had been hearing alot about it. We ate, lots of new Marines there still in uniform--Jeff seemed to have been the only one who took the time to change! But then we really had to hustle to get to the airport. Except....
We fly non-rev. (Airline-speak for standby.) Jeff had purchased tickets for himself and Abbi, but the rest of us stood frustrated in the airport as one plane after another left with no available seats for us. Finally we ended up going back to the hotel and leaving the next morning. We didn't even make the first flight then, but thank God we did get on the second flight of the day. So the ending was kind of anti-climatic. Jeff arrived home with no fanfare....the welcome-home banners never got put up, (we were supposed to arrive several hours before him, so I thought I had time....) and he even had to go to the boarding kennel by himself to pick up Cassie, and then to the airport to pick us up. It was supposed to be the other way around.
But snafus and all, we had him home for 10 days. There's more to tell, but this is getting very long, so I think I'll save the saga of the missing hat for another time!
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
I have a story to relate. It's true, and has a happy ending!
In the latest letter from Boot Camp from my son Jeff he mentioned that the upcoming week (now) was when the recruits would firm up their travel plans for their trip home after graduation. He said there was a chance (no promises) that he might get a phone call home at that time. He said sometimes they let them make that call to make sure everybody is coordinated with flights, etc. When I read that, I was ecstatic! We sent him off to Boot Camp 11 weeks ago and have had no contact since then other than letters. Some of you may remember how devastated I was when I missed the 7-second phone call on the night he arrived at the MCRD--and I would be damned if I would let that happen again! I have kept my cell phone in my pocket every waking minute ever since I got that letter about a week ago.
So, last night I worked pretty late (nothing new there....) which made dinner pretty late too. We finished around 8pm and I knew my daughter would be home shortly after that, so I got out my phone and texted her to ask if she would like us to leave the food out for her, and then I left the phone on the table while I cleared away most of the dishes and leftover food. I loaded up the dishwasher, looked through the mail, wiped down the counters and stovetop, and then headed downstairs to the family room to relax a bit. (you know.....read some email, get a few spark points....)
About an hour later, from far away, I heard what sounded like my cell phone. It took a few moments to sink in....OMG! My phone! I left it upstairs on the dining room table! I ran up the stairs.....grabbed the phone......too late! I checked the missed call log, and my heart sank as I saw a San Diego area code. This couldn't be happening....not again! I burst into tears.
Then, suddenly, and without completely thinking it through, I hit the "redial" button. The phone rang....I don't know what I thought I was going to say. I imagined that Jeff was sitting at the travel agent's desk, trying to call home to discuss the travel arrangements....and I supposed that his turn was over and the agent would have moved on to someone else. But what the heck--maybe he was still there. I waited for the travel agent to answer.
Suddenly someone was barking into the phone. It wasn't "hello," it was some other sort of grunt/snarl. I said, "Um, I just got a call from this number, and I think it might have been my son...." There was a pause, then the decidedly unfriendly voice asked my who my son was. I gave him Jeff's name, and then he asked me again what my son's name was. By now I was pretty sure this was NOT a good idea and considered just hanging up....but I was in it now...so I repeated his name. The DI (yes, that was his phone, no travel agent) said "this is gonna cost him..." but then yelled "WULFF! WULFF, GET OVER HERE NOW!" There was a lot of commotion and yelling back and forth between them, and I once again heard "this is gonna cost you, but your mother is on the phone." But then suddenly it was Jeff on the phone, talking to me and I was just so overwhelmed hearing his voice that I'm not really sure what he was saying at first. Just that it was coming from his beautiful voice. All I could keep saying is how sorry I was and was he in a lot of trouble? He did not seem mad, embarrassed, worried....none of the emotions I expected from him, he just sounded happy to be talking to me. He said it would just be some pushups, so I was not to worry....and that he only had a couple of minutes and he wanted to tell me about his MOS. I quickly wrote down the information--I forgot to ask about the flights by the way- and then our time was up. I turned the phone out to where my daughter and husband were standing and they yelled "I love you Jeff" into it, and I put it back to my ear and told him I love him too, and he said "I love you Mom" and then he was gone.
I know he got a trip to the quarterdeck for my phone call. I know I shouldn't have made the call. But I got to talk to Jeff! How can I be sorry about that??
Saturday, July 10, 2010
I'm usually addicted to the scale. When I'm being good, that is. I just can't keep myself from taking a peek every day. I know I shouldn't....nobody loses weight EVERY day, so obviously some days bring disappointment. But that's ok...it works for me. But lately, I have NOT been good. I make lots of resolutions, set lots of attainable goals, all that.....but for some reason, my heart just hasn't been in it! You all know what I mean...."do you want the fries or the fresh fruit with that?" "um, I'll have the fries. And please pass the salt." "Oh, it's your birthday? Well sure, I'll have a piece of your cake. The corner piece? Sure, why not?" "Go for a walk? Oh, I don't know....my neck really hurts today, and I'm really tired."
Sooooo, you can imagine what kind of damage I figured I'd done to myself with this kind of behavior. I could actually feel my clothes getting tighter. I could see my "spare tire" looking more robust that it had of late. I, even addicted to the scale as I am, was afraid to step on. And I avoided it for several weeks. Finally today I said "enough." I got on the dang thing. And I was pleasantly surprised. No loss--but of course, I knew that already. My biggest concern was the gain. How big would it be?? I estimated 8 or so pounds. Praying for it not to be 10 or more. Guess what?
No gain? How could that be? My ticker still isn't accurate. I have a long way to go until that happens. But all my fears were for nothing....I have not gone any further backwards!
I want to use this as an incentive to really make that scale - and ticker - start moving again. I mean, really? I can give myself free rein to eat/drink/be lazy and still not gain? Even just a little effort can make a difference at this point I guess!
My latest goal was to lose 10 pounds before my son's Boot Camp graduation on August 6. I think it's still attainable!!
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