Sunday, January 24, 2010
We all look for those numbers on the bathroom scale to show us what we want to see and sometimes they don't...for days. We rack our brains trying to figure out what we're doing wrong... it's disappointing but we keep going..
I am a "why" person and I seem to have to figure it out so that I can "fix it".
There are some things that we just can't fix and we need to learn what those things are.
There are some things that we CAN fix and we get to decide whether or not we want to try to fix them.
Today's quandry: Why am I eating healthy and moving my body more and the weight is not melting off at a faster rate?
I have the answer to this problem: When I was eating poorly... my daily caloric intake was much lower. There was very little movement/exersize.
Now, I am eating healthy food and moving SO much more and my caloric intake is higher.
So, I have to weigh this. Do I lower my caloric intake? Right now, I am not even making the minimum that the nutritional tracker says I need. Do I stay at the same nutrition level and strive to meet my daily nutritional goals and ramp up the exersize?
One word pops into my mind; PATIENCE
Give my body time to adjust to the new eating regime. (I do feel physically better than I have in years.) I noticed today in the grocery store that I was breezing through the aisles effortlessly pushing that cart instead of using it as a crutch to prop up tired body.
Give my body time to adjust to the new exersize program. (I am still not enjoying doing it and would like to stop doing it.. but know that it is crucial to continue...It is getting easier, though and I will continue.)
hmmmm.... I have thought about this quite a bit the last few days and here's what I've decided...come up with and I'm happy with it.
I've decided that for right now it's important to just keep doing what I'm doing.
It's too new..too fresh and would be too easy to go back to the old way of eating...after all I've been doing that for decades.
I am going to love myself enough to continue to work toward a healthy habit pattern of proper nutrition while continuing to faithfully exersize.
I will be patient with myself, understanding that this whole thing is new and exciting but also a shock to my system...physically, mentally and emotionally, in many ways and the changes that I am working toward establishing in my life are worth my patient understanding.
This is not a race. I am going to remove my weight loss ticker from my sparkpage and perhaps simply post the little trophys for 5, 10, 20lb weight loss goals met. I can then put the weight loss ticker back up at a later date when I am more established. I'll still be able to have it within view...but it won't be constantly in my face...it won't bother me as much.
This is a crucial time in the program....in MY program and I have only just begun.
I will be a gentle but firm, loving horse trainer who strives for quality and not a mean, hard rigid task master who strives for perfection.
Now that's something I can live with for right NOW and longer.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Sparkpixie has a quote on her spark page that really seemed to touch me....
When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something's suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful.
I think Barbara Bloom's quote touched me because I am that vase.
A damaged heart, a damaged life ...cracked and broken but mended by the gold of love that God has provided. His love has filled all the cracks. Love fills the cracks made by the hurt and pain of a broken heart, broken head, broken life.
Behold, I make all things new.
Rev 21:4 And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.
Because we are changing and going through the struggles that come along with it...there are times we want to quit..to give in... to give up.
I am so thankful for all the encouragement that I've received by way of people, quotations, etc.. but when it comes down to it and making your body move...only YOU can do it and you have to find that thing inside of you that pushes you forward. What do we call that thing?
Hmmmm... is it drive? passion? ignition? I'll think about that later...
In looking at a couple of Barbara Bloom's poems, I came across one that spoke to me in the moment when I was struggling to overcome myself.
The Horse Trainerís Advice by Barbara Bloom
Make your body like a door,
not a wall,
so what he feels
is not that you are something solid
like the fake brick walls
he was beaten to jumpó
but that instead,
he can see past you
to the field every horse knows
by smell, by sight,
by the feel of the grass,
and he will approach the door,
curious, unalarmed as you slip the halter on,
his head bent slightly in recognition,
his great heart calm
I have decided to be a gentle horse trainer...one who understands structure and discipline but who trains with the heart and mindset that it's about loving the horse and nothing else.
I want my body to feel the steady calm, instead of the tense or intense whip of a really mean, driven trainer/ taskmaster, who's " in it to win it".. but who cares more about winning the prize than he does the horse.
Something to strive toward and to think about...
Friday, January 22, 2010
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.
I've been thinking about this verse today and how it connects spiritually to ..not only my weight loss journey...but my spiritual journey ... the journey home.
"do not be conformed to this world"... hmmm...
Although emotions and life's experience certainly play a part in helping us develop the "way we think"...many of our beliefs are in some ways formed or influenced via the MSM (mainstream media). Mass media has always pressured us to think, act and talk like they'd have us.....or like theircorporate sponsors would have. The motivation of their "worldly hearts"? ...to make a buck.
We Americans have been referred to as "sheeple"..blindly following the one who dangles the carrot in front of our faces..lol. Not just any old carrot, mind you...but the biggest, prettiest looking carrot.
And hey, since we're having fun or I should say, "they're" having so much fun manipulating nations....let's throw a little friendly competition in there...and let's make it "emotional"...after all, it gets pretty boring..ruling the world! They sit back and laugh while they watch us compete..hence, the catchphrases... "keeping up with the Joneses" and "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful". We've been blindly led, subtly influenced and most importantly...duped!
I am thinking of these things in light of the verse above that says, "Donít be conformed to the world". Jesus said, "You're in this world. But not of this world." Selah / (something to ponder, weigh, think about, determine the value of)
"Are ye transformed by the renewing of your mind"? Just how do we go about doing that?
Though there be a willingness to change or the decision to change....
...Change is not automatic.
Is the key our minds..and like a diver, we come to an understanding that where our head goes..our body follows? Proverbs 23:7 says, "As he thinketh in his heart, so is he". Selah
The Greek word that was translated "transformed" is the word "metamorphoo" ...the same word that we get the word "metamorphosis" from. It describes a complete change...like that of a caterpillar changing into a butterfly.
Is transformation something WE do? I have come to a belief and understanding that it can't be...it just isn't.
I may be a focused, determined little caterpillar who has decided to put in the hard work and effort...but nothing I do will really turn me into a big, beautiful butterfly with a wingspan that measures from sea to shining sea.
There are many who would fool themselves by buying wings "off the rack". They've donned the most colorful, flowing, sparkly butterfly costume and run around pretending to fly. "Watch me, watch me", they gleefully shriek.. as they live for the next trade wind to come along and carry them..propel them...up,up and awayyy. "Look Ma...no hands!"
Though they look like butterflys...they're not really flying...they just think they are.
We can't "earn" our transformation by the sweat of our brow...but like the butterfly..the change must come from our Creator... His timing...His way.
Transformation is done TO us..not BY us.
Yes, we do play our part in corraling and reigning in our flesh..."drink this water, do this workout, eat this food"... "change this thought process"....but no matter how much the caterpillar does...he cannot speed up the process of the REAL transformation..which is internal, spiritual and ultimately... eternal.
Looking at the emotional "whys" of overeating is vital and of major importance in our quest for a new, healthier, happier "us".... "me".
"that you may prove what the will of God is"...
So, ..am I saying that our efforts are in vain? Absolutely not! Our efforts are part of the proving process needed to strengthen us while the "life's blood" is being pumped into our bodies. We must hang there in a vulnerable state...patiently waiting for that process to be completed.
When it is...our wings will be enlarged...we will take off in flight and be carried not only by our wings...but by our heart...where the real battle has been fought and won...where the real victory has been realized ..where the real power is housed.
We must endure, sacrifice and wait... we must surrender,... we must submit...to the one whose Love will set us free. Only then..will be really be a butterfly in every way. When our Creator's will is accomplished ... "that which is good and acceptable and perfect".. will BE.
It is then that real life will begin for us and we will freely, and joyfully spend our days sipping the nectar of eternal life and eternal love.
Blessings to you....
Thursday, January 21, 2010
I've read plenty of blogs and plenty of comments on Sparkpeople. There seems to be a couple of camps out there... (nobody who's on my list of Sparkfriends, but whose blogs I've noticed/read in the passing)...who seem to be upset by those who would try to encourage them when they're feeling whatever they're feeling...let's just call it "down".
Pollyanna or Pissy Polly....
Me? I'm proud to be what some would consider a "Pollyanna"...if being a Pollyanna means that I'm happy most of the time and that I smile alot and that I encourage others...well..then I'm proud to be one..because it took me a long time to get from there to here! I'm not ALWAYS happy..but I am generally an "upbeat" person who likes to laugh. I am a very thankful person who looks for the good in others and in life.
I've spent too many years being a "Pissy Polly" (at least on the inside)...wallowing in my misery, my limbo, my personal doom and gloom bat cave. I've hung out the shingle that says.."nobody will ever really understand me"...or "nobody cares". I'm done with that...it's a bunch of crud and I got rid of it a long time ago. Nonsense!
Oh, don't get me wrong..if you wanna' be a Pissy Polly because that's where you're at and where you wanna' be...that's your decision. Just remember..there IS a difference between a little "tea and sympathy" and an all out "bitchfest". Everybody has bad days. It's how we've learned to cope with them that counts. They will come. They will hit us hard at times ... but YOU get to decide what you'll do with it.
You can't "force" people to be happy or to see things the way you do. You can't "change" anybody else..only yourself. So, if I see that you're feeling down...I'll may come and sit next to you...I'll hold your hand, cry with you and feel your pain....but I ain't campin' at your campground...I've been there...don't like the view, raccoons bug me and I can't stand the smell of skunk.
I feel that way because of what I have chosen to believe. Jesus said, "Take up your bed and walk"...so I'm gonna' "Get to Steppin'!! My Jesus said, "Follow me." My Jesus said, "My sheep hear my voice, and I know them and they follow me." "My Jesus said, "Your faith has made you whole"..and I follow the teachings of the bible and of my Lord, Jesus Christ..the one who said,
"The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; because the LORD hath anointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he hath sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound"
Job's friends ended up being miserable comforters...and I don't plan to be one...
(a miserable comforter), that is. Does misery love company? Absolutely!
Misery will seek out those who agree with its miserable view. (Larry Tates, unite!!!)
I've simply decided that I won't be joining the party.
On the days I feel like ripping somebody's head off.. I simply keep to myself...otherwise my words lash out and may hurt others...and that's not the real intention of my heart...to hurt anyone.
Although it can feel good to vent and to "get it all out"... it doesn't really help anybody unless it's used as a tool to progress ones self.. Sure..I can identify with those feelings of angst and frustration...but what's the point of "getting it all out" if you intend to KEEP it?
How many times have I wished I could've had just ONE person who cared enough to come to me and say, "Hey..it's gonna' be okay." Just those few little words could have and would have made all the difference at certain times in my life....just to know that somebody cared.
Does losing weight, exersizing and feeling like you're putting your body through hell, ever feel good?
Let's not forget the the emotional b.s. that we have to contend with on a daily basis...like uhh...life?
C'mon...we're changing our thinking,.. our heads and our hearts are involved here...some of us are struggling minute by minute..second by second....thought by thought...because it's a FIGHT.
Our bodies are screaming..."STOP IT"...but our heart says..."Keep Going!!!" We're eating things we know are good for us and are trying to find new ways to cook and eat and make things taste good.
Our bodies are undergoing a great deal of stress..experiencing fatigue and pain at times and sometimes we get irritable, angry or wanna' scream but we know what HAS to be done in order to accomplish our goals..so we do it. Does it feel good? No, it doesn't...but you know what? I try to remember someone who took the pain for me...for us...and he didn't complain about it. He sweat great drops of blood and he went through more than you or I will ever go through, physically, mentally, emotionally....spiritually.
So go ahead...Pissy Pollys...vent until you're blue in the face..wallow in your pig dung...your doom and gloom. Wear it like a badge of honour and have people tell you how "honest" you are because you say what they "feel" or what they were thinking. Big whoop! Just another mask. Been there...done that...it's soooo yesterday.
You oughta' be thankful that somebody cares to stop by to see how you're doing...somebody who's perhaps been where you are...mentally, physically, emotionally and has felt that same way ...has felt that same type of pain..perhaps MORE and wants to help.
Let's say, perhaps , that it is a person's first time visiting Sparkpeople and they happen to read your blog ... they see you're distressed and they hop in to try to extend a hand of help and friendship. What do you do? You quickly slap their outstretched hand and call them names? You'd slap away the hand of a new person whose compassionate heart sees the pain and wants to help....wants to offer you some kind words of exhortation, comfort or inspiration?
Boy..that's the way to encourage others to "spread the spark". Yeah..spread the spark and get slapped down for doing it. Nonsense!
It irritates me when you so proudly announce..."I'm gonna' swear now...you might not wanna' read this". HAH! Give me a break. I can cuss like a sailor breathin' in and quote bible verses breathin' out... SO WHAT!!! There's no power in that. There's no love in that.
The day I have to place a warning label on my blog is the day it's time to stop blogging.
Venting is one thing and can sometimes help...but when it turns into QUACK, QUACK, QUACK..well, that's different. (In my opinion :))
Why do you get so angry when you think somebody's trying to "fix" you? Isn't that what you're here for...to FIX you?
People try to help because they care.
It's not about "fixing" people...it's about LOVING people.
I am and will be eternally grateful for each and every kind word that has been spoken to me by wonderful people who really put their hearts and souls on the line. People who would go the extra mile to extend a helping hand...be it advice, pep talks, a good kick in the rear, suggestions and prayers.
So for all you Pissy Pollys out there..I'll pray for you. I'll pray that the light floods your campground so you have to pull up stakes and move up higher.
Just call me Pollyanna!
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