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I will not...I will not...I WILL NOT!!!

Friday, January 15, 2010

I will NOT be a scale watcher!! I refuse!! That new "Scaley" scale keeps looking at me ..beckoning me to come and talk to him. When I do I am disappointed. I'm locking him in a closet til next week. I refuse to add another addiction to my NO WAY!!! I don't care if he whines and cries...he's staying locked up until "Weigh Day"!! That's all there is to it!

I did have a nice date with my tape measure and no..I haven't named "her" yet..haaaa...and overall ...over 18 inches...GONE!!! I'm really happy about that! Whooo Hoooo!

Have a wonderful day, Sparksters!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WINGSOFCHANGE 1/16/2010 1:07PM

    Good going! Don't let that evil, mechanical device have any power over you. And remember, there's always the hammer if the scale doesn't cooperate!
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BIBLIOHOLIC57 1/16/2010 10:19AM

    Too true! I remember reading one of Geneen Roth's books and she mused on why a person allows a piece of metal to determine how they'll feel about themselves for the day.

I try to weigh in just once a week. For me, the real barometer of weight loss is when my clothes get looser. That's fantastic!!!!

Have a happy Saturday, bunkie.

The little ham,


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KELLYHARTLINE 1/16/2010 6:46AM

    Oh definately girl....keep him in the closet for a week!!!! that's the best place for him....cause it is easy for him to misbehave and hurt your feelings when he has room to roam!!!!

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DEBRA_T 1/15/2010 8:47AM

    Yes, those scales sitting out there on the bathroom floor are just begging to be stepped on, but can become the arbiter of how you are doing -- much better to go with the "perceived exertion" idea from exercise. You know how you're doing no matter what Scaley has to say -- he can never have the last word, or even the first word for that matter, inanimate object and all.

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MUSHCAT 1/15/2010 2:19AM

    Yeah, it's hard to resist the scales beck and call when she sits by the bathroom door. I resist...most days. My tape measure remains silent in my drawer, waiting for her Sunday outing.

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Wednesday, January 13, 2010

STOP THE PRESSES!!! STOP THE PRESSES!!! I CANNOT believe I am ...dare I say it???

Okay, okay...I'll say it!! I'M EATING ..........SPINACH !!!! Popeye lookout! LOL

I cannot believe that I'm eating healthy foods and they taste marvelous!!!

Fruit salads and leafy green colorful and full of life..Well, they WERE alive..but they're gonna' help me LIVE!!!! yAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!

Not having craving for sweets... I LOVE IT!!!

I cannot believe that I have a bag of potato chips in my cupboard and I see them everyday and I DO NOT TOUCH THEM !!! Amazing!!!

Every little step is a HUGE victory!!!

I'm lovin' it! :)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANITAWPG 1/16/2010 2:16PM

    we add spinach leaves into our salads. And when we make pasta sauce we also add in spinach leaves to that - healthy, and makes a nice thickener

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ANNIEV 1/14/2010 8:38PM

    emoticon What a great blog! I love it! Keep up the great work!

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KELLYHARTLINE 1/14/2010 9:00AM

    I love spinach too!!! I could eat only veggies if I dared!!! I gotta have that protein too though...Sparkpeople said so!!!LOL!!!

I know why you didn't eat those chips.....YOU ARE HEALED!!!!!

Keep up the good work and I will catch up to ya later!!!


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VEGGIE67 1/14/2010 5:20AM

    I love my veggies. Glad you've discovered them. Sometimes it's all in how you cook them.

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    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticonaint life great with good food, its a miracle isnt it lol emoticon emoticon emoticon

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WINGSOFCHANGE 1/13/2010 5:47PM

    Good for you!! I hope that you feel as good as you sound! You sound positive and totally committed. We're having a big spinach salad with grilled chicken for dinner tonight - YUM! Okay, so what's next for you - brussel sprouts???

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    You go girl! I love spinach, too. Today I was hungry but couldn't get something to eat yet and I was thinking about how good a spinach salad would be! Shiver me timbers!

Ann emoticon

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JAKEANDNELLIE 1/13/2010 5:10PM

    You are my hero!
There is no way I could have chips in the cupboard and not touch them! They are my weakness - I'm a recovering chipoholic!
I often put some frozen spinach into my soup (a Progresso low-sodium if I haven't made any lately). I also throw about 1/2 of frozen mixed vegetables in sometimes. I'm upping the "filling power" and the nutritional value of my one cup serving and adding my daily veggies.

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DEBRA_T 1/13/2010 4:54PM

    I know, I know!!!! You know what I ate for the first time in 45 years -- Brussel Sprouts! And I liked them -- not loved them you understand, that would be asking too much -- but I would have them again. It is a HUGE victory and when we hit the "Tipping Point" where we can't live without spinach and oranges and apples and brussel sprouts, not to mention we just feel wrong if we don't move during the day, well, sister, I'm here to tell you, we're sliding on down to Skinny Town! Woo-hoo!!!!!

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MOEJOE69 1/13/2010 3:22PM

    Sounds like your doing great!! Good for you, keep up the great work!! emoticon

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You All Are Wonderful!! Thank You!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

I just wanted to say that I am so thankful for all the wonderful people I have met here on Sparkpeople. Each and every one of you is truly wonderful, unique and each bring your light to this site. Please forgive me if I'm a little slow at getting back with you or in thanking you for a spark goodie. I will get faster as time goes on. But I want you all to know that I appreciate each and every word and all the spark goodies and heartfelt well wishes...they really do mean alot to me.

Thank you for your encouragement...laughs...words of wisdom...and just for being.. YOU!

How could I ever have known that there were so many people out there..just like me..needing encouragement...needing eachother.. to be able to do this thing.

God knew.

Thank you, Father.

Keep it comin' ...Keep it comin'!

Thanks again Spark Friends...thanks again... I can't do it without you..and I wouldn't want to.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOMOSEVEN 1/13/2010 10:42PM

    I too have been amazed at the number of wonderful believers that we experience here. I am so glad and I truly believe God lead me to this site too. It is so encouraging to come into contact with so many believers. Thanks for your friendship. emoticon

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    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticonYou are one super woman, you are so right, here you can see the truth, all the truth about everything that led us to become over weight and thus less healthy. I love this website also and all the beautiful people that come together here to make it what it is which you are one of the beautiful people, dont ever forget that, God made each and everyone of us unique and beautiful. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BIBLIOHOLIC57 1/13/2010 2:51PM

    Right back at ya, woman! Have a lovely day!!!

Annie emoticon emoticon emoticon

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WINGSOFCHANGE 1/13/2010 8:39AM

    The feeling is mutual! I'm glad to have you as a friend too! Have a great day.

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MMICKEYP 1/13/2010 3:41AM

    Aww,, thanks, everybody..sniff're all wonderful! emoticon

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JAKEANDNELLIE 1/13/2010 12:54AM

    I'm thankful to have your SparkFriendship!

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KAJIRA_CALLA 1/12/2010 11:44PM

    glad to have you as a friend as well you've been a huge inspiration to me. Thank you

Together we can do this. emoticon

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DEBRA_T 1/12/2010 11:08PM

    There is a lot of strength created by entwined threads.

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KELLYHARTLINE 1/12/2010 10:52PM

    I am very thankful for you too!!! Funny....I think about all my spark friends when I am making food choices and decisions to exercise...I feel as though I don't want to disappoint my fellow Sparkers.

ALL TOGETHER we will beat this!!!! emoticon

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    I think you are wonderful, too! Glad to have you as my friend!

Ann emoticon

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Chocolate Thoughts......

Monday, January 11, 2010

Chocolate Thoughts....

I don't think that there has been one day in my life that chocolate hasn't been a part of it in some small way.

For me, cold turkey doesn't work..and now, I know why.

I have developed a relationship with food and with chocolate....the taste, the texture, the luxurious smoothness on my order to replace something I lacked: acceptance and ...comfort.

I have developed an unhealthy relationship with it. ( It's food…not a person! It's FALSE comfort...not REAL.) I know that it has nothing to do with the food and everything to do with ME.

The chocolate kiss has no power unless I make it so. The chocolate syrup has no authority....I DO!

The double chocolate brownie cannot control is a THING!!!

Others seem to be willing to put it away...throw it why can't I? What's wrong with ME?

Don't get me wrong..when I say that I've developed a relationship with's all in light of some underlying "feelings". It's not like I'm knitting baby booties for my Hershey's kisses or
anything...or tucking my Lay's Sour Cream and Onion potato chips into bed at night or stuff like

Feelings are emotional. Emotional problems cannot be solved by "things" chocolate.

I have been pondering, praying..looking for the "whys" to my over eating...because I really wanna' know!!! I really want to accept my healing!

Well, by way of my REAL comforter, the holy spirit, the Lord has been revealing certain truths to me. I wanted and needed these truths in order to not just "control" what I do..but to CHANGE what I that I can KNOW that I am truly HEALED...and that this particular healing in my life happened over 2000 years ago...and all I have to do is accept it in my heart.

Here's what he has shown me:

Chocolate has been like a ...a nurturer...a rewarder..a satisfying ahhhhhh...that
says; "You've got everything you need..You can fall asleep now..You can rest..You are at peace." The gentle hand and the soft touch that says, "I love you and everything's gonna be all right." (like a mother)

I am seeing a mind picture of a new born baby, eyes closed, clean an soft, snuggled in an extra soft little blanket....milked out.....tummy full..the baby sleeps..content, satisfied, blessed, comforted peace.


Acceptance, Validation, Judgment, Criticism, Unconditional Love....all non-issues with chocolate..just total acceptance and love.

Thank you, Lord.. for helping me to see this..and thank you for expounding on it more so that I can have total understanding and be free. In your word it says, "Behold, I make all things new." Make ME new! Create in me a clean heart so that I may love you more...learn to love myself more...learn to love others more. I will settle for nothing less than I believe you have already given me in what your son accomplished on that cross...many, many years ago...which is; pure love and total healing!

Help me to understand the "chocolate nurturer and comforter" that I have created in my own my own mind. I realize that it has been false and has never really helped me. Help me to understand that I can still enjoy chocolate or ANY other food, and still not have to "milk out" on it. Yes, there are times I'd like to eat it..but need to limit the amount or just NOT have it at all for that day.

Just like the apostle Paul said in 1Corinthians 10:23 All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not.

I realize that for me, personally, ..banning chocolate from my presence is in essence, giving it POWER that an inanimate object or thing simply does not and cannot possess.

I know that whatever comfort I think I feel after eating certain foods is false comfort and not real. YOU are REAL comfort, holy spirit..MY comforter. Forgive me for placing something else on the throne in this area of my life....forgive me.

I asked myself the question: So why do I seem to need to constantly be comforted? Why? Why have I never been able to find peace within myself...why am I always in an internal state of unrest?....why? I'm a leg jiggler too, lol. I'll bet it's all connected! :)

It's not the's the "comfort".

So is it a relationship with food...or a relationship with COMFORT? it the REWARD?.....a reward that I give myself for whatever little thing I've done that I feel is RIGHT or GOOD. It's my own reward system...all make me feel good about myself.

I've envied those who seem to be able to feel satisfied and confident in that things they do and never seem to need anybody's just comes from within themselves. Me, I have to announce it...even if I’m the only one who hears it. I have to announce any little thing that I've done right. "Good job, deserve a reward!" "You had a hard about a little bowl of ice cream." "There you gooooo....ahhhhhhh." "Good, job, good girl." Don't I really believe I'm good?

False comfort.

Why don't I feel good about myself? Is it because I never felt unconditionally, really loved? sad. I think those feelings of self worth come from a very early little children.

I forgive those who I felt did not love me.. or for not being able to love me the way I think I should've been loved...or would've liked to have been loved. I forgive them. I'm not blaming them....I'm not blaming anyone. For whatever reason..they did what they did or didn't do because of what they'd been taught, experienced, etc.. perhaps it had been handed down to them by their parents...and down and down...who knows?

Moreover,..I'm not blaming me. Blame has no place in this. What's that all about?

I forgive me. I forgive me for making some terrible, emotionally stupid decisions, which have affected my body, my life, my

Forgiveness is a big deal. Lord, I am thankful for your forgiveness. Please help me to continue to find a way to love bigger and better than I ever have before. Use me to show YOUR love to others.

Not my love... YOUR love. this is fun!!! So now...let's tackle..Peanut Butter!!! No, chips...chips first..then peanut butter!!! I can't wait!! (sigh) LOL Let's save ice cream for another day, eh?...don't know how much insight and enlightenment one person can take in a day!!!! Haaaaaaaaaaa

Really, I know that this is only the beginning of understanding the "whys"...and it's part of the journey on the way to you....REAL LOVE...REAL WHOLENESS! Amen!

Recently there was this one thread written on SP and I hopped right on.. I AM a chocoholic.
I take it back.

I'm NOT a chocoholic. I DO love the taste of chocolate and have made it more than it needs to be in my life....and that WILL change...that HAS changed!

I've known lots of alcoholics in my day and my grandfather founded AA in our town in the 20's.

Although it's a great program and it helps alot of of the things that I can see is:

(In my opinion..)
It keeps you an Alcoholic FOREVER...and that's a rip-off! There can be no complete and total
healing when you allow alcohol to be your jailer. It gives alcohol power and control over the

It's the same thing with chocolate.

I will never say that I am a "recovering" chocoholic or a "recovering" anything else. Either I'm healed or I'm not!..but that's me. Jesus died over 2000 years ago so that I could be healed and live forever. I will not, cannot and must not slap him in the face. To deny my total healing would be for me to say that his sacrifice was in vain..for nought...for nothing.

Instead..I will say that I am healed and my body or my brain just has to "catch up" with the truth!!!!

The flesh will always war against the spirit because they are enemies.

Instead, I will say that I am daily overcoming and conquering temptations of the flesh...but in my spirit...the real me.. I KNOW I AM HEALED!!!! Now get with truth, brain! Get with the truth, body!!! I control you!!! I give God control of me!!! I submit to HIM!

The power lies within always always will.

I know that it has nothing to do with the food and everything to do with ME.

I have had a pan of brownies sitting on my kitchen counter for over 5 days and haven't touched one...and have no desire to.

I have had a little chocolate which I've calculated into my nutritional tracker and it hasn't been a problem. I didn't want more...didn't even think about it.

Know why? I'm HEALED! :)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOMMASPORT 1/15/2010 12:28PM

    Chocolate for me is obvious self medication.. I prefer 85% cacao I try it in moderation, try to take SamE if the craving chocolate as that apparently triggers the same production of seratonin according to some health food gurus.... but I am not a doctor or certified health practitioner so don't take my word for it on this one... I also, when I am being good add plain chocolate powder to coffee... which makes it very strong... but then only use the milk and stevia to sweeten it... when I am being not so good like yesterday I stayed in my calorie limit but had an alarming amount of those calories in the form of dark chocolate .... Not a day to use as an example... and not in the zone at all.... But I am back on the wagon now

But chocolate cravings.. yeah they are real.. I also am on prescription thyroid and if I do not take that the craving for caffeine is out of this world... Hormones are weird things and they do not have tri-corders yet (Star Trek geeks know what I am talking about)...

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    emoticon emoticonIsnt sparkpeople something, we can admit all of our failings, sins and false idols and not be condemned. We even get understanding from people just like us. I have totally come out of bondage from food. Not just chocolate, ice cream, chips or any other specific food, nope, it was all of it, all the food. I was listening to one of Kenneth Copelands teachings and found out from him theat obesity is a spirit. So, I took authority, in the name of Jesus over that spirit of obesity and applied the blood of Jesus over it and cast it into the sea about one year ago and ever since than there has been slow and gradual changes taking place with my relationship with food. God is so good. Oh, I forgot, what we bind and loose an earth is bound and loosed in heaven. So, I bound and loosed the demon spirit of obesity off of me forever more. Some people dont believe in doing things like that but I do and it works because it is the word of God. emoticon emoticon

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JAMESJ4U86 1/12/2010 9:05AM

    i understand what you are talking about here. i too have a bit of a relationship with sweets, especially chocolate. i have put down a gallon of chocolate milk in one hour before. i too am comforted by it and what i have had to tell myself and i am still convincing myself of this is "the only thing i need to comfort me is ME" i am very excited about what i am doing to take control of my life and take the control away from fast food, sweets and laziness. i wish my boyfriend could show a little more enthusiasm but he says that i do not have to change he likes me the way i am which is fine but i secretly think he likes a little extra on me. you know those Latin men, they like the thicker ones. i know it is good to have somebody accept you for you but i hope he can accept the change. i have heard of relationships ending over things like this. i never understood that but it does happen. it is one of things i learned in sociology, that some relationships depend on consistency, and when a major change happens it throws the whole thing through this loop that scrambles it like an egg and ends up being completely broken. oh well you know the saying "your best friend is you"? its true. emoticon

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    I hate when I feel food has power over me. I struggle with it. I am getting better though! Thanks for posting this! It is inspiring to me!

Ann emoticon

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GODSCLAY47 1/11/2010 8:48PM

    Ok I have to say I needed this blog! Well Praise the Lord --a Word in due season-- Thanks so much--I'll be reading this one over!!

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DEBRA_T 1/11/2010 5:37PM

    Heavens above, Michele, when you decide to write, you really get it all out there. It is the truth that passes all understanding that God loves you with an infinite love and it is completely unconditional, freely offered and never taken back no matter what. There is healing in meditating on this truth and, as we learn to live life more and more like the incredibly loved beings we are, we can slowly put down the false material gods we have turned to instead in our distress.

I believe so whole-heartedly in the idea of putting down one binge food at a time and to give yourself every chance to keep those foods in your life in the moderate portions. If it cannot be, then part company with that knowing that whatever hole is created in your comfort scheme will quickly be filled up with the love of God and the love of others.

You can count on me!

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PASTORJEFF2 1/11/2010 12:32PM

    way to go, i also had a chocolate problem.

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It's okay....

Sunday, January 10, 2010

It's okay to take a day of rest and to plan the new week ahead. Just woke up...had to take my Mom and brother to the Flint Airport and left here at 4am..stopped at McDonald's and came home..ate..back to bed. Little Haley is still sleeping so I'm walking on eggshells...don't want her to wake up

Yesterday was a little different so I had to modify things but I did it. Although I love fast food, I rarely eat it anymore....but I did have an egg mcmuffin and it was good. I'm logging it a chip..a cookie..etc. It's time consuming but it really is one of the biggest keys in keeping me on track.

When I look back over last week and see the healthy choices I made...I feel really good inside. I didn't have the ordinary "junk food cravings"...I felt full almost all the time. I didn't deny myself anything that I wanted..I just tracked it and figured it all in. At times I did a little bit of juggling but it kept me on my toes. I didn't realize that tv dinners had so much sodium in them.

The most time consuming thing was entering my Kroger brands into the computer but now that they're in there I won't have to do that again.

Last week is done and now a new week begins. If I did it last week I can do it again!

Once I get used to this new routine of eating healthier and exersizing..I'll be able to tweak things a bit and pretty much have an idea of what I can eat or not eat...etc.

But, today...I'm going to have a restful, reflective day ... spend time with Haley and enjoy living!

She's been a little trooper and several times has seen me eating something and said, "Gramma...are you supposed to be eating that?" LOL "Yes, honey..I can eat it." "Type it in the computer, Gramma." "Gramma...come on...let's do MORE exersizes!" "Gramma..your tummy is getting skinnier." "Gramma..why are you still fat?" "Well, honey... it takes time for the fat to go away." "okay"

Don't forget that the people around you are going through some changes too. They may say good things to cheer you on and they may say stupid things that make you feel like smacking them... they're in transition also.

Spark on, my friends and have a wonderful week!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KELLYHARTLINE 1/10/2010 10:25PM

    Sundays are my day of rest, reflection and preparing for the week ahead too. Sounds like you have a great little motivator(Haley)!!

We ARE doing this Mickey!!! Funny, I was bobbing my head and saying it with you...BUSY DAYS BURN CALORIES!!!!LOL

I didn't even think about the people around me and the changes they are dealing with too...thanks for bringing this to my attention. Maybe there is something I can do to help them too!!!

I'm going Krogering tomorrow!!!

Have a great week!!!!

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JAKOMOM 1/10/2010 1:11PM

    Good for you, especially realizing that it is ok to just enjoy life. It took me forever to get this!

Also, planning ahead was a great choice- YEAH for you!

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