MMICKEYP   4,400
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A Song For My Spark Friends!

Saturday, October 02, 2010

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CAROLANN27 10/3/2010 3:41PM

    Nice reminder!

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GODSCLAY47 10/3/2010 3:04PM

    That's the first time I ever heard that song and I enjoyed it! Thanks for posting! I was thinking ,,,my teen Sunday School class would enjoy that!

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2010 - Begin Again!!!!! Keep doin' it til you get it :)

Saturday, October 02, 2010

Hello my sparkster friends. I'm baaaack! And, I'm childless....after 4years. It was time for Haley t o go back to her mother. I terminated my guardianship...well, technically, I'm still the legal guardian until January 10, 2011 if all goes well...which I believe it will.

I delivered Haley, lock, stock and barrel to her mother yesterday. It was a bittersweet moment and a hard decision to make but a necessary one. I am thankful that her mother will have the mental health people coming in to counsel them once per month and Haley will have a counselor come to school once per week.

I just couldn't do it anymore. The stress was unbearable and the thought of her mother being down the street, continuing to have more children was too much for me....and Haley.

So, basically..this was forced on her mother and I know it will be hard on her but she has the support system that I didn't have.

I took my life back...I had to. I was spiraling down into a depression and I had to get out of it before I hit rock bottom.

I'm in the worst shape in all ways....but you know me...I keep getting up.

The first thing I'm gonna do It feels so weird without her... I miss her but I don't, ya know? I've been her mom for 4 years...hard to let go..but I have to.

I'm looking forward to being "just" a Gramma world and life was consumed by one little girl. I was losing .... me.

Actually, it's been 4 years of hell and heartache...but I'm believing that the good seeds planted will grow in time.

I don't even want to get on the scale...but I know I will. YUK I know I've gained.
My hair was falling out from the stress and I felt like I just couldn't make it another day.
My strength was gone, my faith hope fading. God carried me.

What was supposed to be a few months of caring for a child ...turned into 4 years.

I had to take my life back or I wasn't going to have one.

I'm not a selfish person...but being with Haley was turning me into someone I'm not and I couldn't stand it anymore.

So, it's time to begin again and start over.

Tomorrow I will start logging my food and go from there.

Feels good to be back.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANONALEE 10/4/2010 8:12AM

    WOW, Michele, I missed this blog when you re-started. Sure, the really important one. What a life changing decision you have made and no wonder what you're going to do is rest -- the natural way to heal. I am relieved to hear that you will no longer be the scapegoat for a very unhappy situation and pray along with you that Haley and her mother find the help they need.


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DIFROMWYOMING 10/3/2010 9:59AM

    Welcome back! I am sure making this decision was heart breaking, but sometimes doing the right thing for everyone means making difficult choices. And you sent her to her mother with a lot of love, and a safety net.

Now it really is time for you. Time to take back your life and make yourself a priority. Welcome back to SP. Welcome home!

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JANE1216 10/2/2010 11:33PM

    I'm so glad you are back and that you're getting your life in order --- something we mom-types just don't do often enough -- it's hard to raise our kids these days - it seems like the job is never done. I'm proud of you for having that tough love and for taking back your life --- I have an adult son and although we're doing well right now (PTL!) -- we've been through some times --- and it's so easy for a mom to put herself on the back burner and just do, do, and do for everyone else. But WE are people too! So -- good for you and I'll be praying that the Lord will give you peace about your decisions and the strength/comfort to know that you're on the right track.

Blessings ---


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CAROLANN27 10/2/2010 2:08PM

    Oh Michele, your story comes at the exact right moment for me. (First, I'm so glad you're back!) I am having to make the decision not to take an adult daughter with a mental illness in for the same reason---my own sanity. I have been to hell and back this week with threats of suicide and all sorts of things. I haven't really blogged about it because I feel it would be an invasion of her privacy, but my feeling must be very similar to yours with regard to the difficulty of the decision.

I'm so happy for you that you have taken your life back. I agree with all the others' comments. They are similar to those I have been getting from my family and close friends. I guess we can't save the world. We can only do what we can do. Our own survival must come first. But, sometimes I feel I am being selfish.

I am on my way out of the house right now, but just wanted to thank you so much for sharing your story!! I will write more later.

Again, welcome back!!



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    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon mickeyp I love you so much. And you made the right decision and the Lord God backs you up all the way. Only you know how much you can do and take and expend of yourself till you reach a breaking point. We all each have our own mothers whether they are good or bad, God has appointed to each one of us a certain, particular mother to care, tend and raise us for His purpose. We have to follow the leading of Holy Spirit with accepting the mother that has been assigned to each one. We do not know Gods reasons for the certain assignments of certain mothers to certain children, but He has a plan, lets help Him carry it out by allowing Holy Spirit to lead us into all truth and show us things to come. You have to take your life back because you have a certain and specific calling on your life also. Just follow love and peace. Let love and peace be your umpire. Lean and depend on Grace. Grace changes our hearts and Love changes our hearts. The Grace of Love Himself gets the job done. I am so glad that you are back here and getting yourself ready to jump back into your life and the calling on your life with two feet. You go girl, you go for the gold. God has called you and gifted you with certain gifts that only you are capable of performing for the Kingdom of God. Only you know what God is truly saying to you. It does get scary at times making changes and doing things brand new, but practice makes perfect. Change is good especially when the Lord has inspired you to make the change. God loves you so much. I am so glad that you are here and such a big part of sparkpeople. Glad to have you here spirit, soul and body and ready to become the best that our heavenly Father of Lights has created you to be. Hello. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ONEKIDSMOM 10/2/2010 1:02PM

    First, good for you for making what must have been a hard decision. Even when you are "doing something good" for someone else, when it starts to destroy YOU, it's time for that self-preservation to kick in. I'm glad it did!

You deserve some time to restore... get back to being you... yes, support as Grandma, but just that! emoticon emoticon emoticon

Oh, and emoticon back!

Comment edited on: 10/2/2010 1:08:12 PM

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KENDRACARROLL 10/2/2010 11:56AM

    Hi. I was thinking of you just the other day, wondering if you're okay and whether you'd be back. I'm really glad you're checking in.
Wow, sounds like you really had some stressful times.
There is nothing selfish about trying to preserve your sanity and wanting to live your own life. It takes courage.

Please take the time to find yourself again.
Be good to yourself.
We're here for you.

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CHUBALUBA2 10/2/2010 11:12AM

    I'm glad that you're back. There is a season to everything in our lives. Child rearing is one of those seasons. I'm still in my years of it, but I'm also looking forward to the days when my nest is empty. I can understand how and why you wanted to help raise your granddaughter, to give her a stable home life and love. Your motivation for doing all that you have done was love. Your granddaughter will someday see that and recognize all that you have done for her. She will always see you as a constant, stable, and loving entity in her life. That's something that every child needs whether that person is living with them or not. Don't look in vain at all you've done or dismiss it as a mistake. There are variables here that you cannot control. These variables create an enormous amount of stress and anxiety. That makes the challenge of raising your grandchild even more taxing. The years she spent with you were her formidable years. Your time spent with her made a lasting impression. It was time for her to go, but she's taking everything you taught her along with her. You've equipped her to deal with some of the issues that she's about to face whether you know that or not. I'm sure it was a heartbreaking decision, but I believe it was a necessary one. I'll be praying for you, my friend. Get yourself healthy physically and spiritually. Taste and see that the Lord is good!


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LOVE_2_LAUGH 10/2/2010 11:08AM

    God carried you right to the place you need to be right now. And even though the past four years have been stressful and difficult, I know you're also thinking about the blessings both to you and Haley.

And now it's time to take care of you. To live your life with your DH and to enjoy each other. As for the scale -- it's only a number. A number you can change if you choose to. I'm so glad you've got your life back.

My best to you and to Haley and her mother. I pray that the reunion is a permanent one and that Haley will continue to thrive.

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TERI99 10/2/2010 10:46AM

    What a difficult and loving road you have been traveling. I believe that you are correct in that God will certainly bless those four years and the precious seeds were planted, but you are also right in knowing that it is time to take care of you, for you can be nothing to anybody if you are not healthy. Many prayers for this time of transition and adjustment. You're not alone!

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LISALOSING52 10/2/2010 5:53AM

    Michele I'm so glad that you have taken your life back. All of this stress wasn't good for you or Haley. I'm sure both of you will be sad...but happier. It was time for her mom to step up to the plate and take care of her. You know it was ripping that child up, with her mom still having children but not wanting her. I'm glad they will have the support system they will need to help them through.

Now. On to take care of Michele. It will take time to heal. But honey, just let God carry you through. And of course All of us Sparkfriends will be here for you whenever you need us. We love you.


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Bloggety Bloggety Blog..What to write about? Hmmm

Sunday, June 13, 2010

I could write about how the birds are singing and it makes me happy.

I could write about how I can't wait for Fall..because I really do enjoy "sweater weather".

I could write about the green, green grass and very blue sky.

I could write about a multitude of things...

I guess today I'll write about; Peace

Peace.... what is peace? What is peace to you?

Is it peace and quiet? Is it an internal calmness?

Is it that feeling you get when you're near the water or taking a walk in the woods?

Is it a still and confident assurance that God is in control and that He knows the plan...(even if you don't)...and you trust Him?

I've looked for peace and never found it.

I've searched for peace and thought I'd seen a glimpse of it.

Somehow I know that when I find it...God will be at the other end with open arms...waiting.

Be still and know that I am God...that's what the bible says in Psalms 46:10a.

Deuteronomy 31:8 NLT
Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD is the one who goes before you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor forsake you."

Isaiah 41:13 NLT
I am holding you by your right hand--I, the LORD your God. And I say to you, `Do not be afraid. I am here to help you

Hang on to that when you're feeling alone or when you feel discouraged and want to just quit.

Hold on to that. Hold on to the fact that He loves you and is with you ...holding your hand and saying; "Don't's gonna be okay...I'm here to help you."

Have a day filled with joy and love and ... peace.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JANE1216 6/14/2010 1:36PM

    And peace, joy and love to you too! Great blog -- as always -- I'm glad I stopped by -- I actually just wanted to stop in to say hi and wish you a wonderful week - but here I am, getting blessed by reading your blog --- thanks for sharing --- have a very happy Monday, and Tuesday, and Wednesday and . . . I think you got the picture!!!

Blessings --

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 6/14/2010 1:36:20 PM

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ANONALEE 6/14/2010 9:49AM

    Peace be with you, Michele!

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TERI99 6/13/2010 8:36PM

    We have such an awesome God...your words are exactly what I needed today. The verses you chose touched a hole in my heart. Thank you. Peace...yes, peace.

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KENDRACARROLL 6/13/2010 1:47PM

    Good, now I can watch the soccer game, instead of going to church :)
But seriously, peace is when the world feels right. When the kids are safely at home at night (not easy with an almost 17-year-old very rebellious son...) Peace is not constant, it's moments to cherish. Goal is to find more of these moments when the world lifts of your shoulders and you can breathe freely.
Thanks for your blog, my friend.
Have a blessed Sunday.

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LISALOSING52 6/13/2010 10:08AM

I love all the beauty that surrounds us. I trust in God. and I'm thankful for all my Blessings.

I hope your day is filled with love, joy, happiness and peace.


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Hair Emergency! Whoa! It's what color?

Friday, June 11, 2010

I don't dare post a picture! Suffice it to say that it's a "good thought gone bad"..haaaaaaaa.
I'm laughing my butt off over here because I went to Walgreen's and labored over the hair color aisle. Being the conservative that I am...I figured I'd be safe with a light warm golden brown. WRONG. What I have now is a dark cherry brown. AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Why me?

This too shall pass. Trying to strip the darkness from my head so that I can go get a haircut.

Word to the wise: DO NOT...I repeat...DO NOT trust those little loopy hair swatches in the stores...they're out to getcha', I tell ya!

All in good humor, though... at least I can laugh about it.

I never wanted to look Goth...really. haaaaaaaaaaaaa

Have a great weekend and week ahead, spark friends!

Just pray for me..that's all anybody can do right now..haaaaaaaaaa

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TERI99 6/11/2010 10:04PM

    A few years ago, I decided I wanted to be a redhead. I had never dyed my hair ever, so how bold to go from blond to red, but I figured why just change a little. So I became a redhead. The first time, it turned a beautiful auburn color, and I actually liked it. But apparently I have red in my hair (hidden, I assume) because every time I'd go to get my roots touched up, my hair would get a bit brighter red. Then my "Lucy" night. My friend, who always did my hair, put the color on, and when she was finished, it kind of looked like a hologram; depending on which way I tilted my head, it had a slightly different color - burgundy, purple, dreadful! She redyed with ash blond, ash brown, bleach, about 5 doses to tame the color till I would go out in public. I was surprised I had any hair left after that...good thing I wore it really short then! Thus endeth my life as a redhead. And like you, we got quite a lot of laughter out of the escapade!

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DIFROMWYOMING 6/11/2010 8:09PM

    1st: Thanks for your blog comment on MY blog. And then, wow, you have a good sense of humor. I'm afraid I'd be in tears. You could have a whole new YOU with this new hair color! Get all new goth styled clothing and make up and really surprise your DH!

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MRPLATSON 6/11/2010 11:06AM

    I always marvel at the little old ladies in my neighborhood who are trying to dye their hair red and end up with radioactive orange.
Never trust the swatches!

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KENDRACARROLL 6/11/2010 10:17AM

    So far I've never dyed my hair, so I can't really relate.
Good thing you can laugh about it.

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Okay, Okay..enough already!!! lol

Saturday, June 05, 2010

I know it's been a while since I've been on here...but gee...I've kicked myself off 3 times already!!! haaaaaaaaaa What's up with that???

Hmmm...maybe I'd better trim my nails or something.

I do this stuff all the time...and have to laugh at myself. (Well, somebody's gotta do it!) hahaha

It never fails! Whenever I put a plug in the socket...I always have to turn it around the other way. C'mon now...seriously... You'd think that once in a while I'd put the fat end in the fat slot and the smaller end in the smaller slot...but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not me...hahaha.

Oh well, at least I can chuckle at myself, eh?

If you look for the good...the good will be magnified.
If you look for the bad or the miserable...THAT will be enlarged.

What you SHALL find. Trust me..I know these things...just ask all my wall sockets....they're battered and bruised enough... Hey! You think it would help if I perhaps LOOKED at the end of the plug before putting into the socket??? hmm,,,,


See ya! xoxoxo. emoticon

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    I love your sense of humor it does great things for me. Just accept yourself for who you are. You are the property of the royal family of God. Now, knowing that you are perfectly and wonderfuly, and awesomely made and created by the Love Master Himself. How can you be so down on yourself? You are a winner and an over comer and are made in the image of Love Himself. Go and look in the mirror of your spirit and soul and see how you resemble our Daddy God. Enjoy today as the gift that our Lord has given us to live out His love. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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