Thursday, April 01, 2010
Okay, okay...so March just plain sucked...or should I be more honest and say...that my behavior during the month of March really sucked. WAAAAAAA.....lol. (In like a lion..out like a lamb)...yeah.
Okay..so I'm over it. Back in the saddle again..yeeeeehawwww.
I might fall down..but I keep gettin' up... been that way all my life... no reason to stop now..haha.
Still finding my balance...not quite sure how much I'll spark...probably here and there...blog a little...comment a little...etc. Spend more time outside walking with Haley...try to move this body more....
Begin Again - 2010! Looking forward to April showers? huh? Am I gonna' cry or something? haaaaaa....well, if I do..it'll water all my May flowers..that's for sure.
All I know is this.... Winners never quit and quitters never win!
I'm a winner!
You are, too!
..Now where'd I put that saddle???
Friday, March 26, 2010
I'm on my quest to "Find Balance".....
Why is the grass always greener on the other side?
If we got everything we wanted, would we REALLY be happy? Or...would we find something to NOT be happy about?
What does "NORMAL" feel like? What does real CONTENTMENT feel like?
Perhaps we must define what OUR normal is...what OUR contentment is.
We're always COMPARING, aren't we!?! Comparing ourselves with others, etc...when the fact of the matter is: EACH ONE OF US IS UNIQUE!!!
There are no two people in this world who are EXACTLY alike. Sure, there are similarities in values, experiences, likes and dislikes....but no two people are exactly alike.
In trying to find my balance...I'm going to continue to remind myself that ...when I don't feel like I'm measuring up to...or keeping up with...or doing as well as... others, ...that I am a unique individual and my program must be tailor-made for ME.
Pressure and anxiety be gone!
I want this journey to be a walk...a nice walk down a garden path. You know...smell a few flowers...pull a few weeds...dig a few holes...mend a few fences....admire the sights and sounds and smells... and ...smile. Just smile. (and eat lunch under a tree..lunch is nice..lol)
I've never been at peace...there's always that old "internal angst" going on in there.
What I'm hoping to achieve is not some kind of "Nirvanic Bliss"...but just a good old sense of "wholeness" from the inside out. Breathe in...breathe out...be thankful...ahhhh.
I really do like myself... I really do appreciate the "me" I am today....I just have to make the outside match the inside...that's all. Then...after that happens...we'll see how it goes.
Truly the need to control everything comes from a place of "having NO control"... or of "LOSING CONTROL".
Ahhhh to be a bird and just flyyyyyyyyyyyyy.... to soar above the clouds and just glide....letting the wind lift me.... take me where it will.
Freedom is a big deal.
I wanna' be free.
Look Ma.... no hands!
John 8:32 And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Life can be a whirlwind and I have been trying to come up with a schedule that will allow me to spark and still keep up with my many responsibilities at home. Balance!
I'm so thankful for all my sparkfriends and those who have taken the time to stop by and comment on my blogs. I wish I had more time to spend with all of you.
My responsibilities at home have suffered due to my sparking and my not being able to keep up with the emails, comments, etc. Oh, I've loved every minute of it...but I already had a full plate and the plate is overflowing...lol.
You could say that I've become a plate spinner and a juggler.
My plates are crashing and my balls are falling...lol.
Now I have to clean up the mess.
So, I will be logging in to enter my foods into my nutritional tracker.
I'll be entering my fitness stats.
I'll be blogging much less...probably reaading more.
Maybe I'll simply become a lurker and instead of commenting on the blogs directly, send an email or something...I'm not sure yet. I have to find a way to stop the avalanche of emails from coming in.
I just can't handle 60 plus emails everyday. I tried turning off some of the features and notifications...but it still hasn't worked. If anyone has any suggestions, I welcome them.
I figure if I do less blogging...there will be less emails, etc...and turn off my activity feed stuff.
I feel a personal responsibility to get back with every single person and feel terrible when I can't. I don't like that feeling.
SP is fun for me and I want to keep it that way. I don't want it to become a burden.
I haven't done so well in the month of March and I need to get back on track...my way.
I expect to be using SP for a long time..so I won't be leaving it. I think it's great and I love the support from all of the lovely people I've met here. It's made all the difference.
So, we'll see if I can make this work.
God bless each and every one of you! I'll miss keeping up with your activities, etc...and I'll pop in from time to time...when I have time...to see how you're doing!
Please feel free to email me...I'll still be here...just a little less visible! lol
God bless and have a wonderful new week ahead!
Saturday, March 20, 2010
It could be right around the corner! That something you've been wanting...waiting for.
I wonder how many people give up and if they'd only hung in there a little while longer..they would've gotten what they wanted...
Instant gratification doesn't go along with perseverance...
We want it and we want it now...and most times..we're willing to pay for it...lol.
If it worked for so and so...it might work for me!? Sadly...time and time again we're disappointed and go on to the next great adventure.
Hard work and patience is what it really takes. Hard work and patience go hand in hand....they're friends..they're pals...buddies.
One definition for endurance is: the ability or strength to continue or last, despite fatigue, stress, or other adverse conditions; stamina
Perseverance definition: steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.
See..that's what it's going to take. Not a "quick fix" but a steadiness, a calmness, a heartfelt resolve, ... a committment.
We need to replace defeating thoughts and words with ones that will empower us...help us to keep on keepin' on....
In order to change a thought or a way of thinking...you must replace it with something else.
Inspirational quotes and stories are nice...but how do you REALLY hang on to them? I've got notebooks full and just love reading them but the effect seems to be fleeting and temporary.
You hang on to them by remembering them..living them...by making them your own.
In my case, my best inspiration comes from reading and using the words from the bible.....it's my "answer book".
I believe that the word of God is living and real and a present help to me at all times.
I believe that God gave us the examples of men and women who, like us...weren't perfect, had problems and trusted God to deliver or help them.
I was a biblical research student for over a decade so it may be easier for me...but it's really not that hard if you'd like to give it a try. I have more fun with it now than I used to when I was actually studying the bible during seminars, classes, etc.
There are many good, free bible helps out there...but me, I use blueletterbible.org..it works for me. So..here we go...I type in the word; patience. All the books in the bible where the word patience is used, will be there at my fingertips. Now, you can take a look at some and find the one that hits your heart or that you'd like to look at. There are continued search results at the bottom of the page for more. Always...there is something that will just stick right out at me...and in this case, it's James 1:3...so I click on the dark blue "Jam 1:3". It then takes me to that verse.
There are little boxes to the left of the verse like a "C" for concordance. That will take you to the Hebrew or Greek word and sometimes can help you to gain a better understanding of what the word means. There's also a little "V" for version. That one will take you to different versions, etc.
In the concordance section, I can click on the Strong's concordance number and a definition will pop up that can further help me in my understanding of the word.
So, I've found my verse...and it's the one I'm going to hang on to...
James 1:3 Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.
I can see that the word "trying" is the Greek word, dokemeon...which means."proving" or
"that by which something is tried or proved, a test".
The word, "faith" means; conviction of the truth of anything... believing
The word, "works"..as in "works patience"..means, to perform, accomplish, achieve
Patience means; steadfastness, constancy
So... what James 1:3 is communicating to my brain is this:
Know this: the proving..the real test of your believing and conviction will accomplish and help you to achieve steadfastness...endurance, perseverance.
I begin to "make it my own" by typing it out or writing it out and putting it in front of my face or somewhere that I'll see it. When I see it.. I say it...I repeat it. (Eventually, I've memorized it and it's in me...ready to use when I need it.) Or..I simply write it on a little piece of paper and stick it in my pocket. Oh, you'll forget about it...and it might take days...but it's worth it.
Now that's MY part...not so hard, is it? Nope.
I try to remember it and think about it...some people call it "pondering"..others call is "meditating"...whatever you want to call it... I do it.
I'm reminded that I've read somewhere that God doesn't tempt anyone...but test? Yeah...there are tests in life. I start to view my problem as a test. Hmmm... will I pass the test? Do I really want to? Yeah, I do. Yes..the testing and proving of whether or not I'm committed in my heart to do this thing will be determined by the way I persevere. Will I keep going? Will I give up? The hard work I'm willing to go through will tell the tale... and not just the hard work..but staying with it...even when I want to give up...which is alot....lol.
I guess I have some work to do....no cramming for this one....it's not a pop quiz, either. I pray about it... Lord, whatever you're trying to teach me...I really wanna' learn. Please help me to pass the test because deep down, I know that it's really not about me...but about who will be helped with what you've taught me.
God's part is supernatural and He does His perfect work in your spirit until it REALLY means something to your "heart". He's the one who does the "transforming"...not us. His love is an active, giving love and it never fails.
This is where my "true help" comes from....God.
I do get enlightened when I read books, etc,..and my mother being a nurse and later, a therapist...well, I've grown up being able to see things from many different view points.
I believe that all good things come from God. If you can glean good from those books or studies...then...I think that's great. It's been my experience, though...that the truest help and healing comes from living and doing the word of God...it's lasting and everlasting.
Sorry for the long post and bible study info. I just wanted to post it in case someone would like a new way to help them to look at things,...to solve life's problems. I'd like to make it a little easier for anyone I meet along the path called life.
Wisdom is knowledge applied. Where you get your knowledge from will help you to grow in wisdom and then...with that wisdom...you can help others.
So, expect good things! Life can be full of dreary days or of the excitement, joy and hope of new and better things...a new and exciting life that's yours to enjoy living!
Me? I just like the excitement of digging up buried treasure..that's my adventure... and sharing that treasure with others!
Gotta go now... I've got a test to pass..lol
Thursday, March 18, 2010
..what do you see?
1Corinthians 11:28 But let a man examine himself, and so let him eat of that bread, and drink of that cup.
What do we see when we look in the mirror?
Is it a true representation of who we are? ...of what we're thinking? feeling? doing?
Do we see the image we want to see...or the one we'd like to see?
Do we see the truth or do we make up our own truth?
I'm not talking just physically...what about emotionally?..spiritually?
When we look in the mirror do we only see our past...or do we see our future?
If you look at your reflection in the water and someone throws a rock into that water...the ripples and waves caused by that disturbance will cause your reflection to become distorted. A terrible, chaotic, raging storm can cause such turbulence that the reflection is barely recognizable anymore...
Sometimes we've been looking at a fantasy image and it takes something outside of ourselves to wake us up...shake us up..get us to see reality.
What if you asked someone what they see when they look at you?
Could you handle their response....could you handle their answer? Would you agree? Disagree? Get angry...tell them they don't know what they're talking about?
Are you afraid to do that? Why?
I have prayed this prayer before:
Psa 139:23-24 Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:
And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
Why are the overeating issues always connected to the emotional? Because anything intimate IS emotional. Anything you give a part of yourself to, IS emotional and therefore...attached. Can I shake it loose? I have to...I must... I will!
I want to see the truth looking back at me.....it's going to take work....hard work. Am I willing to do it? Yes, I am. The real work is in getting past.... me.
I want to start over...start new...start fresh. Is it really that important to continue to dig into my brain...my heart...to examine every single past motivation, failure...eating issues/non eating issues?
I guess for me..the answer to that is: If it helps you to move forward...If it helps you to understand the "whys and wherefores"... If I really need those things to move forward...to get ahead...to accomplish my goals...then, yes..by all means... go back in time. Go back into the time machine. Relive it. Dig up that which has been buried and make it live again. NO!!!! That's stupid...isn't it? I can't change any of it. It's done, over...and the bottom line is that nothing I think, say or do will ever change any of it.
There's a part of me that likes to waste time. What an excuse.
There's a part of me that knows the truth and hates wasting time. There's a part of me that knows and accepts; You can't change the past. You can't rewrite history.
We all know ourselves well enough to know what our problems are...just who are we trying to fool?
You must begin again. You must begin anew.
So..let's say I throw out all the stuff.....all the good, the bad..the ugly. Throw it out.
Well, then...wouldn't I lose myself? Aren't all those things the very things that make me, me?
Now I'm confused.... So, what do I do when I'm confused...and how do I simply forget everything that contributed to making me the person I am today? That doesn't make sense.
The bible says that we are to be new creatures/creations in Christ. What does that mean?
How do I become new? What do I do?
Just act like it..?
I guess I'm inclined right now to feel like the apostle Paul felt when he said; Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ. (Phil 3:8 NLT)
I have been a Christian all my life but for some reason, at this particular time in my life..the Lord has been showing me that "less of me" means "more of Him". I know that doesn't go along with the world's view of how things should be...but I do understand it.
Where is this blog going? haha...Who knows. It's just my ramblings....my thinking out loud.
I'm believing that more will be revealed to me as I go.
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