Monday, January 21, 2013
I've been meaning to post a little blog for you all but haven't gotten to it. I know I haven't been around much since I moved last may but it's about time I give a little update!
I met the love of my life last June and though it's been a short, fast-paced relationship- we're expecting! We know people are judging us because we've only been together 6 months now but when you know, you know! We weren't planning on a baby, it just happened. And I happen to believe things happen for a reason.
In September I lost my Grandmother. She had been struggling with bladder cancer though that's not what took her from us. She had a brain aneurism in July, at the age of 68, and was in the hospital, mostly unresponsive until she left us on September 29th. I've lost people in my life before, but I was younger and more resilient. My sister and I were close to her and it was a horrendous loss for us and our entire family, really. So we were flown out to CA (we live in VT) and had to sort her belongings and host a memorial. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do and it still brings tears to my eyes to even think about. I tell her frequently that I love her and miss her.
The end of October came and I was a day late for my period. Slightly unusual but not so much. My boyfriend wasn't worried. The next day by 3:00 I thought it very strange and he said he would pick up a test after work...needless to say- POSITIVE! I couldn't believe it! I have PCOS and was under the impression it would be very difficult for me to conceive someday and for it to have been an accident...I just didn't get it. I proceeded to take THREE more tests that week end and finally gave in to the truth- I must be having a baby. So we told our families. My parents are ecstatic. I wish I had their reactions on film hahaha. It was just the great thing our family needed. I only wish my grandmother could be here to meet her first great-grandchild.
It's bittersweet to lose a grandmother and gain a child. Most people think it's a girl though we won't be finding out until little turtle is here :)
I'm so very excited and more than thrilled to be starting a family. My boyfriend and I signed a lease together and are moving the first week end of February. Wow. If you'd asked me a year ago where I thought I'd be in a year, I'd say nowhere. Sitting on my couch watching TV and slightly loathing my low-pay job. Not engaged to be engaged to the love of my life with a baby on the way.
So they tell me I should only gain about 10 lbs. I'm almost 16 weeks and still haven't really gained more than a pound or two. I do fear that my weight is taking away from the pregnancy experience. Taking away in the sense that i do NOT want pictures of my belly and i fear I won't actually ever look pregnant, just a little more fat. I fear that being 280 lbs now will make a 7 month pregnant me look like a 290 lb me. I bought some maternity clothes but wondered if my big frame even needs them, kind of like my baby will be absorbed in my fat so what's the point in buying all new clothes?
If anyone out there who was a size 18 or up and pregnant has a picture to share I would greatly appreciate it. I'd like a better idea of what to expect for the future. It saddens me to think people won't walk by me in the store and think "aw look at that cute pregnant lady," rather, "ew, why is that fatty letting her belly hang so much?"
Aside from the trivial, shallow feelings I have about my own vanity, I'm still thrilled to be a mother and only hope that next time I have a baby I'm much smaller to begin with.
I'M GONNA BE A MOMMY!
Sunday, June 24, 2012
HEY! since i posted that video blog tour of my apartment i have NOT lived up to my word that i would be on spark more. it's not that i don't have the time...because really, i'm bored with summer already. anyway. so what's been going on with everyone?! not much going on here. i think i'm going to revamp my page and get going again, not that my hiatus was HUGE. still holding around 268- now to continue downward! i hope to be at 250 (the goal posted on my page) by the end of summer, but unless i start actually moving around that won't happen.
summer vacation is taking its toll on me. i'm SO BORED. and its SO HOT and i HATE IT. im just miserable when its humid and nasty out, i really am. and being in my own apartment this summer rather than my parents house, i dont have an air conditioner. my dad said i could have the one that was in my room for my room here, but frankly im not sure i would be able to afford that electric bill when it came. so being hot and miserable makes for very little exercise. though, i did go swimming the other day and play some just dance in the evening- and i sweated A LOT! ugh. humidity.
so not living with the parents...i only cook for myself now. and im finding it to be a challenge to make food for just me. and my roommate is a vegetarian. i am not a vegetarian by any means, though i haven't eaten much meat as of lately. i bought some chicken last time i went shopping and i made a couple of meals of that, but otherwise i haven't really had any meat in my diet. i guess i didn't even think of that until just this moment as i was typing it. i should probably work on that. what am i eating, you ask? i dont think im being very UNhealthy. i buy a lot of fruits, not many veggies...and not much junk food either :)
i struggle with being home alone every day because i want my mouth to be busy chewing yummy food while i sit on the couch watching gossip girl marathons courtesy of netflix. considering, though, i don't think i've done such a horrid job because im not buying the junk to eat, and when i want to eat something i dont have much of a choice beyond fruits and crackers or something. just today, what i've eaten:
2 slices of wheat toast with light "i cant believe its not butter"
1 mini clif bar (100 cal)
a pretty big salad! made with lettuce from my roommates dads garden, some spinach, some chopped walnuts, a few croutons, mozzarella, and i dont know if you guys know about Maries yogurt dressing...but i had the parmesan caesar dressing today. salad- YUM!
crunchy clif peanut butter granola bar
smoothie! made of a banana, probably 6 strawberries, about a half a peach worth of peach slices, a couple handfuls of spinach, and some almond milk. also, i had a hunk of homemade bread that i made today (with homemade blueberry jam) that ended up being a 20 oz smoothie though! still finishing it up...yikes! and theres a mini blue bunny ice cream cone waiting for me in the freezer. not so horrid, right?
now to keep my mouth occupied for the rest of the night...haha. unfortunately, i haven't even left my apartment today so the most movement from me all day was when i did my laundry, made my bed, and made my bread. in my defense, making my bed is a chore since it's against the wall. i hate doing that.
on a side-note, i've been learning to play the banjo. turns out summer isn't a complete loss! and i do have a few things planned coming up in the near future. going to upstate NY to visit my aunt, uncle and cousins for a week end. the week end after that, heading to long island with my parents to visit my sister in long island. unfortunately, she's not in a very good place and we can't make decisions for her, and she's not making the best choices for herself. really, she calls my mom all upset and crying and wanting to move home...but then she stays because this guy is "going to change." let me tell you about this guy. he is a 45 year old man, 46 in august. (bear in mind my own father just turned 46 in august.) my sister is 22. he was just released from prison in march. he recently took her car, having no license, and their puppy, flipped the car into a ditch- totaled it, and lost the puppy. fortunately, someone found her. and oh boy, he's fine. by the way he has some MAJOR health issues and my sister is practically a nurse to him. i just cant stand it anymore. these choices shes making...they got a dog together, now theyre buying a car together, and yet shes sick of the dude herself. i just can't wrap my head around it. is that what you wanted for yourself at the age of 22?! she's a pet manager at petsmart, which, good for her, i know she makes more than i do by having that job, but her passion is tattooing- i hate to see that shes just given up on it. ugh.
ANYWAY. off the negative nancy train.
if you don't know who jaymay is, you should look her up. i've been listening to her music all day on spotify and i'm loving every bit of it. she has a beautiful voice.
now i'm very off topic. i'm going to go and maybe read. oh, that's another thing i've been doing a lot of since school go out. i'm halfway through the third "fifty shades of grey" book. yeah, they're not written very well but for some reason i can't stop reading them. don't judge :p
and thats what i do.
watch gossip girl
play the banjo
glad i bought that really awesome $30 blender at costco. its awesome!
also here are a couple of pics i've been meaning to share...
anyway, enough useless chit chat... off to revamp the page and read. have a good night!
Sunday, June 03, 2012
a quick tour of my new place (i know-i've been saying i would do this for a while)
we love love LOVE it here! :D
now, because this is spark and all, I feel it necessary to tell you all that i stepped on the scale not once, not twice, but THREE times this morning because it said 268.8! i've been stuck around 272 for I dont even know how long! i was absolutely thrilled to see that number and at the same time a little unsure of where it came from because i wasn't on my best behavior this week, i even ate at mcdonalds one day :/ but, it was only one day, and i suppose i wasn't too horrid for the others. wooo!
so enjoy the little video and feel free to leave comments and ask questions or whatever it is you feel like doing- or not doing. i love this place!
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Once upon a time (about 2 months ago) i made some goals for myself that were just a little bit too big. i missed the first one, and the next, and slipped further and further behind the weight for each goal. that was a bad system. on April 7th, i made some new goals. they're on page and they are as follows:
April 21: 273
May 7th: 269
May 19: 265
June 2: 263
June 16: 260
because of these more reasonable goals, i set myself up for some success! i left a little bit of room for fluctuation so if i were to miss one goal, the next would not then be impossible by default. and it's more of a timeline than saying i want to weigh 260lbs by the middle of june. so as of today-
April 21: 273
i weighed in at 272.8!!! now i have until may 7th to say adios to these 270s!
slowly starting to feel like this is something i CAN do!
Friday, April 20, 2012
what did i eat today?
breakfast (10:00am) 1 cup of coffee.
snack (11:30) 1 cup of coffee.
lunch (2:30) blueberry muffin and 1 small iced coffee.
dinner (6:30 or 7) 4 chicken strips and some fries. 1 bud light.
ummm...can i count my coffee as water? i haven't even had any! oh no. not the most nutritious day, for sure. but not the worst day ever.
i need to learn how to be healthy when i'm busy, too! (i was out and about today)
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