Friday, August 28, 2009
Well, this really has nothing to do with weight loss unless you are focusing on stress levels. My external hard drive took a plunge off the desk and now refuses to work. I have lost everything, I had all my important information on that hard drive as well as all my photographs and stuff, just so much and it is all gone. I should be sleeping right now but I am so upset that I can't sleep, fortunately I have not turned to food, course we are at the end of the month and we really don't have much for food around here right now anyway which is good for now. I am so frustrated, all my pictures, all my school work, all my personal information, I bought the external hard drive so that I would have a back up of all my stuff in case something happened to my computer, I never thought that I could lose the hard drive and so I didn't back that up, I have very little on my computer, nothing that is really important anyway, it is all gone. Sigh, well I guess I will be more careful next time, right, maybe have two external hard drives? lol, ya right! can't afford food, how would I be able to afford to even replace this hard drive? Well, I can see that my ranting is not getting any better, but I guess I do feel better yelling at my computer and hard drive and ranting on here, I never intended to use this site for this but I guess that is part of life, poor me, what to do?
Well enough of that, it is what it is, all I can do is try to some how recover what ever it is that I have lost. I won't be able to get back 3 years of photography, nor will I be able to get back 6 years of pictures of my daughter as she is growing up. Can I throw the hard drive through the window now? Can I beat it up with a bat, will have to find one first. Can I boil it in oil and make it give up all its secrets? Ha Ha, I know, I will put it on the train tracks and watch while the train runs it over, that will teach it to die on me, what a bother, what a pain, what a waist, maybe I will dissect it to see what makes it tick, I like taking things apart, and what will it hurt, it just makes a funny clicking noise for a few minutes and then is silent, it can't even make a loud ratteling, groaning, high pitched wine, just a little clicking noise and then nothing. NOTHING! grrrrrrrr
OK, enough already, I need to think about sleep, and maybe tomorrow I can think of something more creative to do with this insolent little hard drive.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Well, I have had a victory though it came at a cost. I have been sick with the flu or something for the past two weeks and an ear ache as well as a persistent cough remain. I am sleeping better now though which is a good thing, and in all this I haven't felt like eating much, lost 14 lbs, the loss is nice but I don't think I want to repeat the process, it was miserable. Anyway, on with life.
start school Monday which is a good thing, too much time on my hands, it will be nice to get back to a regular schedule. I am planning on taking the bus to school most of the year, it would cost me about $15 a week to drive and because I am a university student the bus is free, so I will take free any day. It means more walking to catch the bus and go to class but that is OK, I can use the exercise.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Well, here I am sitting up late, not feeling so well, been sick for the past 4 days but getting better.
I want to say, I am glad that I am a part of Spark People, there are a lot of good people here, people that are kind and understanding, people that care about how your day is going and how well you are doing. I belong to another weight loss sight where they do their blogging and saw today a woman who was so down about her life and how it is difficult for her right now because of her ailing mother. She is her mothers care giver which is a very difficult job when you are trying to work and take care of kids and care for your ailing parent 24/7. I use to be a care giver, and I worked for people who took care of their spouse or parent, and I saw how taxing it is/was for them, how much they have to put on hold and give up just to care for their loved one, and in the end, when death finely took that loved one, the sigh of relief they felt, though they felt guilty for that feeling, it is a difficult situation. I was saddened at how this poor woman was totally ignored, passed over as though she were invisible when she was so in need of support. I don't think that that would have happened here, there has only been once that I posted where there was no response, besides that, be it good or bad, I had the encouraging words and support I needed.
Thank you Spark friends, thank you for being there when I have needed you. I really appreciate the support you have offered and given to me and so many others here, I am not even sure I am going to go back to that other site because they are not supportive as they say they are, only if you lose a pound do they cheer for you, or if you are excited about something they cheer for you, but when you are down, they ignore you. It makes me so sad for those who need support in other times than just for that .6 lb that you might lose.
Thank you so much for being true friends
Thursday, August 06, 2009
Well, after a good cry I went for a walk, the longest walk I have done in a long time. I walked from 2:30 to 4:30 in the park, and it was wonderful. As I walked I hummed "When Johnny comes marching home again" and that helped me to keep a steady pace and also helped me to ignore my back. I listened to the birds sing, saw some other little creatures, saw the bog and the forest as I walked. My feet hurt now, but besides that I feel fine and I am not so down. I did have a bit of a fall though. I was close to the end of the trail and twisted my ankle, I am sure for anyone who saw me it was comical seeing this 300 lb woman rolling on the ground. When I went down it was like slow motion, it was quit funny and I am OK so all is well. I enjoyed this walk much better then walking on the street of the city I live in, I am more a nature person, I jsut have to make sure I get out there and do it more often.
Thanks to those who showed concern and compassion for my misery I was feeling earlier today, I do feel better now.
Hope everyone is able to stay OP and have a great day
Thursday, August 06, 2009
Well, it is not so good a day today, I am bipolar and my meds aren't working again. It has been two years of good days but I can see that that is coming to an end. They consider me to be a difficult case because I have to take several different meds to keep me stable but I have been crying the past couple days. I hate to come on here and be so down but don't know what else to do. I am up another 3 lbs which doesn't help, but that is not the reason for the depression, it is just me.
I blog on another site but they seem to ignore me when I am down, they are all so up beat and happy and I feel like I am just dragging them down when I blog. I think that I am going to go for a long walk after this and see if that will help with my mood, I just can't stop crying right now and feel so low, what to do. I guess that is why I have joined the depression group though, so that others who have been there know how I feel. What a pain, I was doing so good too, Oh well, such is life, I will make it through this, it is only a little set back. I saw the Dr Monday and they had increased one of my meds because I had been feeling a little blue, and we talked about dropping one med and replacing it with another, and maybe that is what will have to happen. I don't have another appointment until the middle of next month, but I know that they will see me earlier if I really need it so I will hold out for another week if I can to see if the increase helps, and if not I will be calling for another appointment.
Sorry to be such a drag, thanks for reading my blog and I hope that I don't bring anyone else down with this.
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