Thursday, October 16, 2014
I did my first guided meditation tonight. It was nice, but I don't think it worked.
OK, so I wasn't expecting it to solve all my problems and remove all my stress for the rest of my days. I didn't expect it to change my life, or even my attitude.
What did I expect, you ask? I expected to feel totally relaxed. I did feel relaxed, but not as much as I expected. The main reason? My big bloated tummy! I overate (again). In evaluating why I have been continuing to eat long after I am no longer hungry, eating myself into discomfort and near-misery, it occurred to me that maybe I was reacting poorly to stress. I thought, "I will try meditation for stress relief." I typed that into YouTube and found this video. www.youtube.com/watch?v=o94tvFUttco
The narrator talked about breathing and relaxing. Breathing deeply was difficult because my belly is so distended from all the things I poured into it over the course of the evening. Relaxing was hard because my belly was uncomfortable. I hope that next time I am tempted to eat beyond necessity just for the sake of eating even though there is nothing I really want, I will think of how I felt during my meditation. I hope that I will consider meditating *before* eating too much, possibly becoming *instead of" eating too much.
So maybe it wasn't a meditation fail after all.
Monday, September 29, 2014
I am fortunate enough to have a wellness coach in my life. I am currently checking in with her about once a week. Having recently begun my seven-year plan, I am focused on one of the most difficult aspects of it: carbohydrate consumption. I have been focusing this month on reducing my intake of sweet treats to a minimum. Much of the month, I have had to set goals to go an entire week or more without any sweets just to help myself detoxify and get control over the cravings. Today starts a new week and my cravings seem mostly to have passed. It seems unreasonable to expect myself to go without any sweets for the rest of my life, but two treats per week seems feasible. Therefore, my goal for this week is to limit my sweet treats to two this week (Monday through Sunday).
Next month, I will continue my focus on sweet treats and add to it limiting sweet drinks. Sweet drinks do not seem to be the problem for me that sweet foods are, but I have greatly increased my amount of coffee over the past couple years. My coffee has more creamer and sugar in it than coffee, so it is time to either learn to drink it less sweet, or skip it altogether.
November, my plan is to focus on increasing fruits and in December, vegetables. It is clear to me that carbs will be a huge hurdle for me to overcome and four months will definitely not be enough to develop lifelong carbohydrate balance. I will have to use my bonus term later, I'm sure, to work through this again. It is a good thing I have allowed lots of space in my plan for easy terms where I can continue working on progress made in previous terms.
Saturday, September 20, 2014
I binged last night. Not my worst binge, but a binge nonetheless. I ate too much from the fast food restaurant and followed it with three Klondike ice cream "candy bars." As that was not enough, I decided to have a wine cooler too.
Yet this morning, I feel amazingly guiltless about it. Today is a new day. I feel fresh and ready to treat myself well again.
In looking back to see why I binged, I think I was so busy thinking about what I couldn't have and what I was trying to avoid that I was forcing myself into a lack mentality. Finally, my self-control and will power gave out. I was tired of denying myself without remembering why.
Today, I am focused on making the most of my life. I am happy for the opportunity to start again, to work on things (like homework) that will move me in the direction I want to go, to have relax-and-recharge time at home, and to just focus on giving my body what it needs. Why should I feel guilty about what is in the past? I have never felt so free after a binge. It is a wonderful feeling, I must admit. I truly do feel free to focus on treating myself to whatever I need to take care of me and to allow my body to develop the strength and energy I need to keep moving forward.
It's a beautiful day! I feel alive! No one is going to stop me now!
Sunday, September 14, 2014
I really struggled today, desperately wanting to binge on sweets. Instead, I made a list of reasons why I want to reduce my consumption of sweets, and why I want to healthier and maybe smaller. I told myself (multiple times), "Today, I will live binge-free." I ate breakfast, which probably helped because I think I was hungry, and took some chromium to help with the cravings. In the spirit of doing whatever it takes to be successful, I reminded myself I had already made through half of the days and I could make it through the other half too. My sweets week begins tomorrow, so I can allow myself tomorrow to decide what items are worth taking up one of my allowable treats. For now, I am just focused on today. I did allow myself a half cup of cappuccino; I was lagging around because I am addicted to caffeine too. Between the little bit of coffee and some tea, I was able to wake up enough to accomplish something. All of these things have made me successful up to this point. The day will be over in just five and a half hours, and surely I will be in bed before then. I can definitely make it that long without eating a donut or an ice cream treat!
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