Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Like many here at SP I have a tendency to try and do it all for everyone to the point where I put myself off to the end or forget about me all together. I always rack it up by saying there's just not enough hours in the day. And hubby sometimes will bring up "What did you do today?" And I have no answer except housework and it's generalized housework. How can that be??? I'm mostly a SAHM, I have most days 8 hours alone to get my stuff done. But where does the day go? I couldn't tell you. And it really brings me down when I sit back and ask myself what did I do today or this morning, why didn't I exercise. I start to feel like I've done nothing which equals out to a mental round of your useless, crappy wife/mother, etc. I'm sure you all know what I'm getting at.
So for the last couple of weeks I've been working very hard to make a conscious effort to put me first or at least in the top 3 of my list. And I do mean list - a To Do list. Ya, I know what your all thinking, they don't really work. I've tried it in the past to but I never gave it my 100% try. Just like eating write, exercise, this is something I have to push myself to do. It's slowly becoming ingrained to fill and cross out. I write it up the night before, adding to it in the morning if need be. Usually there isn't a lot on it, some days 3 or 4, others 8 to 10. I don't bother to list dishes or other housework unless it's something that I know I will struggle to get done that day, laundry is my downfall so it's on the list most days. I also reminded myself that I have to pick up the kids tonight as son has a soccer game after school - I'd never forget it but it helps me to see what I've accomplished during the day and that takes up some of my time. I suggest things for dinner the next day, I even suggest a workout to myself the night before in case I have a problem with motivation in the morning. This morning the suggestion was a brisk walk on the treadmill before my strength training while I watched the last 1/2 hour of Biggest Loser that I taped last night.
I also am trying to include my water intake. Water is one of my biggest downfalls, I don't drink enough most days. So I've added that I need to drink 3 glasses in the morning, 3 in the afternoon and then 2 with/just after dinner. The goal is that it will start to become second nature for me to do that and I won't have to write it down. So far today, that's on track.
As for doing for everyone, that's stopping. I have lists for the kids, things hubby needs to finish around here (love those hubby to do lists), and I'm no longer on call for volunteering.
Bottom line, I'm using the To Do list as a way to show myself that I did accomplish things today rather than a list of things I have to do. It's a small way to make a positive in my day. It's a great feeling to look at that list and the stuff that has been scratched off.
Yesterday was a nice day. Hubby was off work and we spent the day just enjoying each others company, something we don't do often...normally we are ready to kill each other by the time the kids get home. We've gotten into a slump over the last probably 14 yrs. It's hard to break the old habits. We use to go mountain biking and hiking - spending as much time together doing something/anything we could - now he would rather watch t.v. while I just try to avoid him and the t.v. Over the last few weeks we've been visiting auto wreckers for parts for my "new" Blazer. This is something we use to do alot of when we dated/lived together as we helped fix up friends/family's vehicles. It's been an eye opener for the two of us of how far we've neglected our relationship. It's all part of the journey - we let ourselves go and at the same time fell into the trap of letting us go at the same time. But not anymore. We're in agreement that we need to fix it and get back to where we were 14 yrs ago.
Time to go and make some soap!