MISSJACQUE   16,581
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Needing to vent alittle

Saturday, January 16, 2010

This week has been rough overall. I need to learn to stop holding things in. I feel so much better when "things" are out in the open. Sadly it takes a blow up to get them out.
This week it was the hubby and his back that put me over the edge. He went to work everyday but then would come home and complain how it hurt and can you do this or that cause I can't move from the couch. Which I did without hesitation all the while letting the frustration/anger build inside till I exploded. We got into a good argument which helped to clear the air. I was more upset with the fact that if his back was that bad, why be at work. He hurt it at work originally so we can re-open the workman's comp case to ensure he gets his pay. He has to learn that he needs to take time for him when he's hurting and not just try to push through it. That and he needs to exercise and strengthen those muscles to stave off being on disability in the next 8 years.

My courses are getting hard. Right now I have to learn medical terminology and then learn in detail muscles, cells, nerves, ect. - all the details of the human body. I know I can learn it, I've just been feeling over my head lately and second guessing myself and my decision to do this.

Earlier this week a friend of my oldest's, her brother killed his x-girfriend and himself. Today is the funeral. It's been hard to watch my son deal with this. Since coming home he's been floundering about his life and what to do. I do know this has been a wake up call for him. He said had seen this boy sinking into that typical breakup hurt/down but thought it was just the normal, not the deep depression it actually was that he had hid from his family and friends. Our son has admitted that he has been feeling depressed with having to come home and live off of us when he is suppose to be on his own and doing well. He's come to realize after speaking to other friends, it just doesn't happen like that. Many are in the same boat he is, back home and struggling with it. We've decided to give him this time to deal with his emotions of what has happened before we start to push for him to make some decisions about his current path in life.

On a happier note, I did have a weight loss this week! I'm down 2 lbs and it feels so great to see that scale move. I have renewed motivation and am back to putting 100% into my exercise program and especially into my food choices that were getting a little sloppy.

Time to drop him off for the funeral. Later.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MORGANSMOM52 1/17/2010 8:54AM

    My heart goes out to you and to your son. My daughters, have gone through similar. Lost a friend to suicide, and had to move back in with mom and dad (even thought it meant moving to Fl. from NH to do it, both at the same time I might add!) One brought a 1 1/2 year old with her. Both are doing pretty well, though still struggling, they are out on their own. Keep the lines of communication open with your son. Try to get him to talk about it.

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TXLIZWOLF 1/16/2010 1:13PM

    I know just how your son feels about having to depend on you. My son was laid off in early December and we have helped him out since then. While he was starting to sink into a "woe is me" depression, I told him that he should hold his head up high, be happy that he has support and does not have to worry as much as many other people. It is all about the perspective.

Losing a friend like your son just did hurts, but we have to keep going, even if it seems hard.

Congratulations on the good news. A 2 pound weight loss is definitely something to smile about, especially when we are stressing :)



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HEATHER7060 1/16/2010 11:28AM

    I will be praying for your son and your family. I totally understand where you are coming from, it is so hard to keep up with school work and diet and exercise. I'm in medical vocabulary this semester and anatomy and phisiology II. Good luck with your classes and congratulations on your weight loss!

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NEW_TO_ME 1/16/2010 10:37AM

    emoticon

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NEWME-2010 1/16/2010 9:49AM

    I'm not sure how old your son is but I will keep him in my prayers. Loosing friends is hard, loosing friends in such a tragic and shocking manner must be that much harder. My husband's best friend died a couple of years ago and my husband is still suffering with it almost daily. You're doing the right thing by giving him time to heal and find some comfort by being home. Hope your husband feels better soon too, there is nothing more frustrating than that situation as My husband puts me into the same one all the time... He gives everything he has a work but his knees are too bad to do anything at home. emoticon emoticon

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DETERMINEDANGI 1/16/2010 9:40AM

    emoticon

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LOOZINITNOW 1/16/2010 9:39AM

    My prayers are with you! Congratulations on the weight loss! That is totally awesome! At least you didn't eat your way through those emotions. You are dealing with them in other ways, which is a great thing in itself! emoticon

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SEAWILLOW 1/16/2010 9:34AM

    Better to share it than wear it! emoticon

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Things...

Thursday, January 14, 2010

My muscles are almost back to feeling good. I have been sore for the last two days since the strength training. Probably due to the fact that the muscles that were sore are used daily too so it took a bit longer for them to recover. But I feel SOOOOOO good!!
Tuesday I tried to do the treadmill during the BL but I only got 10 minutes in and had to stop as it hurt way to much and I didn't want to risk a real injury. I couldn't even stretch after the muscles were that tight. I can't imagine how the BL contestants feel after one of those workouts. I know they have massage and all that but still the pain would be excruciating.
Yesterday I did 55 minutes on the treadmill. Felt great when I was done, sweating, sore, muscles were tender still but I knew they weren't bad enough to stop me from exercise. I was able to stretch before and after I worked out. My arm band for my Iphone worked great. Just need to figure out the headphones part as the cord doesn't have a spot for the extra. That and I need new headphones. I lent mine to DD and she blew them. I had wanted to go to the gym and do some strength training (glutton for punishment or what?! LOL), but I had a job interview which went well. It's a temporary position for 5 weeks. Which is just fine by me. The extra cash would be nice. So we'll see if I get it.

Tuesday was my weight in day for the BL team, but I was retaining alot of fluid. According to the scale I gained 3 lbs and my scale tells you water and body fat and stuff, and it said I was retaining ALOT of fluid - probably due to those screaming muscles. So I waited to do it yesterday morning when I got up. Drumm rolllll..................... I was down to 239.6!!! YES! The scale finally moved!!!! Hopefully it stays down. I'll do my regular weigh in tomorrow and see how I'm doing.

I've noticed I can't rest my hands on my hips comfortably anymore. At one point my entire hand could rest on the fat on my hips. Yesterday I went to do it and my hands wanted to slide down instead.
emoticon

Today is mostly for the hubby day. He has to get his hair cut, get his health card renewed and hydro is coming to change out our meter. We have dreaded this meter change as it's to a "smart" meter. Ya, smart for hydro, not for our checkbook. This will cost us more every month seeing as I'm home doing laundry and such during "peak" hours. And they wonder why people want to go solar/wind...
I was hoping to get to the Zumba class this afternoon, but the timing doesn't look like it will work out. I'm taking my gym bag with me just incase. Hubby said he will ride along with one of the other guys from work if need be while I go. Just have to get back from the city in time. Either way I will exercise at home today.

So tomorrow is weigh in day! I'm excited, nervous, scared to see what the scale will say. Till tomorrow!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DETERMINEDANGI 1/15/2010 10:22AM

    I love that you can't rest your hands comfortably on your hips anymore!! Keep up the great work. My ex husband noticed last month that he would not be able to rest his beer can on my booty shelf anymore. ( I don't think he meant it as a compliment, but I took it as one anyway LOL)

Keep up the great work!!

Keep soaring!!

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SHELBYBEAR 1/14/2010 1:36PM

    Ohhhh...I am so there with you on the sore muscles. Guess that's a good thing. I am amazed at how well you are doing! Keep it up!

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OHGRRFITNESS 1/14/2010 12:56PM

    i spend my life sore! Damned weight bench. I love it though. I guess I am a masochist. Lol

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NEW_TO_ME 1/14/2010 10:01AM

    emoticon

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STOPTHECRAVING 1/14/2010 8:09AM

    As far as the scale--I say go with the best result over the past 3 weigh-ins.

I hate when technology goes against out favor. Hopefully it won't be as bad as expected!

Congratulations on the weight loss and on the body changes!!! It does feel good, doesn't it?

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Pain Is My Friend, Pain Is My Friend

Monday, January 11, 2010

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

I pay for this???!!! I really pay for this????? What the heck am I doing paying for this???? That is all that was going through my head during my strength training workout today with the trainer. She pushed me, I pushed through it. I'll admit I laughed/whined that I doubted I could do what was being asked, but I did it. And Wednesday I will go in and do it all over again, this time on my own. Did I just say that??? I'm going to willingly go back and put myself through the pain on my own. As she said while laughing, pain is my friend and I better get use to her cause she's going to be around for awhile. I also managed so far today to do 20 minutes of Turbo Jam this morning and then another 20 minutes on the treadmill at the gym to "warm up". Her warm up is more like a workout on it's own! I was sweating like crazy when I got off the treadmill. All said and done, it was worth it after wards! I may be sore, found muscles I didn't know existed, but I feel great on the inside. I feel refreshed and after the last few days I am positive and ready to take on the challenge - at least for today. I still want to do 20-30 minutes on the BL game, if I can get my legs to co-operate.

Course my trainer's biggest issue was I'm not eating enough. I had a plan but if fell through as I had to go to a funeral this morning. My sister's MIL passed away from cancer on Friday. So I ate a good breakfast (yaahh!), and avoided the food after the service. So my trainer gave me a reprieve for today.
I am struggling with breakfast still. I've started eating a toasted western in the mornings (toast, egg, onion, bell pepper, mushroom, cheese). I chop up the veggies and have them in a container so that I don't always have to do that part of it which makes it quicker. I think that is what the real problem is, I don't want to take the time to make the food. But I've got to try and change that mind set.

Time to start dinner, trying the Ginger Beef recipe that SP mailed out this morning!


My Iphone armband is finally in! It feels comfortable. Course it came in after I got home from the gym. Will give it a good try on Wednesday.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOOZINITNOW 1/11/2010 5:51PM

    Feel the burn!!! It will pay off in the long run! You are doing fantastic! Let us know how the recipe goes!

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_____TAMMY_____ 1/11/2010 5:17PM

    I think you are doing emoticon! All that pain in the end will be your gain, to a healthier and happier you! You go girl!

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NANCYRUBIO 1/11/2010 5:12PM

    Hope we hear from you on Wednesday so we know you made it through that day also. Remember, no pain, no gain.

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Frustration Sets In

Sunday, January 10, 2010

I have been so frustrated lately. Not only with the hubby being this pain driven pain in my butt, but with myself. My first month in, 10 lbs melted away though I couldn't see where except maybe my butt which at my size, I can't afford to lose right now..lol. When oldest son came home, I stopped pretty much all exercise, there were sporadic 30 minutes of treadmill work (C25K) here and there but that was about it. Over the holidays I was able to pretty much maintain the weight even with not controlling what pasted my lips as much as I should have. And I even lost some inches during this time. Since the kids went back to school I've gotten my exercise almost back on track. I have been on track since Thursday for sure, I'd say Monday after being with the trainer or Tuesday after the 2 hrs on the treadmill during the BL, but I was so sore on Wednesday I could barely move so I had to take the day off. I've Turbo Jammed every day, I've done the stretches after that my trainer has given me. I've moved more this last week than I did over the holidays that's for sure.
Friday evening everything started to crumble around me mentally. I was already stressed from life issues. I had gone over in my foods, not a lot but it was over for the last part of the week. I just seemed to be hungry and gave into eating. Thankfully there is nothing "bad" in this house so the choices were good, but I ate ALOT. I knew that over all I had not put in the work I needed to, to see that scale move down. I was moody and just wanted to be left alone, course hubby thought he needed to "fix" whatever was bothering me. He doesn't understand he can't fix this, only I can. And when he tries he ticks me off even more. I knew I had let myself down this week and I let it eat at me. Surprisingly, the scale did go down. Not alot... 241.8 to 241.2. I'll take it. But my measurements didn't really change. I lost 1/4" off my waist and hips but my thigh and upper arm measurements went up. Hubby said it was probably cause I used a different tape measure than my usual one (which has disappeared). The kids said they will help tear this house apart today to find it and I will re-measure. Though I don't expect to see a difference.
So, I headed to the bath for a long soak last night and do some reflecting on the week and how I was feeling. I played my workout music while I soaked. I started to think about that first month and how I was able to do so well. Yes, I know it's the first month in and most people have a great start. But I was looking at more of what was different between then and now?? What did I eat then compared to now?? My calorie range hasn't changed, so what was different in the food area?? I already knew what was lacking in the exercise area.
Here's what I came up with:

* I'm not eating salads anymore, I need to get back into eating salads

* My sodium content is too high, I need to make a conscious effort to keep it low

* I need to make sure I eat breakfast and lunch, I snack to much during the day otherwise

*Water, well I'm up from zero water a day to 5. Need to keep trying to get that up

*I haven't always weighed my food, I need to do that all the time
**** I bought a new food scale. The scale I have been using is a digital scale, extremely accurate (it's for measuring freon, the stuff in air conditioners) but it's a little big for the counter so it is a pain to drag out all the time. So now I will have a small unit on the counter so I can use it all the time. Not bad price either, it was on sale at Canadian Tire for $9.99, reg. $29.99.



On the advise of my trainer I also went out and bought a heart rate monitor watch. It does calorie check and has a stop watch to it. And I'm showing my "girlie" side which I rarely do...it's PINK!



It came with a band that is pink and black which I like better. But I keep switching it back and forth.

Today it is suppose to be -2C , which works out to about 28F. That's warm for us this time of year! The sun is suppose to be out so I plan on taking advantage of this nice weather with a walk later today. Though looking at our outside thermometer it's already -2 at 8:30am so we could get warmer today.

Off to get breakfast. Enjoy the day!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SLIMSEXY09 1/10/2010 10:47AM

    Keep going you can do it!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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_____TAMMY_____ 1/10/2010 10:06AM

    I am sure you have just hit a plateau, You have done great and it sounds like you really know what changes you need to make. Just make those few little changes but dont give up and try not to be so stressed because that alone will keep you from losing weight.

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LORIBBB 1/10/2010 9:45AM

    Hang in there! If you think you're trying to do too much at once and that's contributing to the frustration then I'd say concentrate on fewer things. But you're doing well! And you're seeing results. You're not perfect but none of us is. YOU CAN DO THIS!

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FITKAT2010 1/10/2010 9:13AM

    Are you using the Nutrition Tracker here on Spark? It's not only a godsend it is also a real eye-opener.

I am an emotional eater also. I went from junk food to healthy and nutritious and thought that was all I needed to do too. Ha! Nope!! Healthy food can be overeaten also. This is another reason I use the Nutrition tracker.

My activity level is high and so is my calorie allotment, and the Nutrition tracker is my best friend and worse enemy.



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LOOZINITNOW 1/10/2010 8:46AM

    Patience, patience, patience! I know how you feel! I am on week two of a plateau and it is extremely frustrating! I've analyzed everything I do and eat and I see no problems. Our bodies just have to take the time to do what they gotta do. One day we will wake up with a huge loss and be thankful we waited it out! emoticon

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Day 2 at the Gym and other stuff...

Friday, January 08, 2010

I wound up not doing much of a workout on Wednesday. I got 10 minutes into yoga and had to stop. My legs/hip and butt were just to sore from my 2 hours on the treadmill the night before. so I took the time to clean up the house and get some stuff done here that I'd been putting off.

Yesterday I was still tender, bought some new muscle rub stuff for the hubby which I decided to try and it worked great. I was loose enough to go to the gym for a 1/2 hour with my trainer where she went through the strength training section of my gym workout plan. She's pretty much left the cardio alone as I'm doing it at home and she thinks I have a good handle on. I walked out confident that I can now use the equipment. She made it easy for me with the equipment - she helped me set up for my workout, figure out what weight to use, etc. The plan is to go in 3 times a week to do strength training. As well I'm signed up for her yoga/pilates class Monday morning. I go back on Monday afternoon for my first "training" session. Hopefully I will have my armband for my phone by Wednesday when I go to the gym to start using the equipment.

My son has his room back, and he's all set up in there now so I have my rec room back!! It's Turbo Jam today, celebrate getting my routine back in the mornings! Which I need desperately right now. Things are very stressed here. A couple years ago hubby hurt is lower back at work. He's been told repeatedly he needs to exercise and strengthen those muscles to help heal/prevent it. Of course he hasn't. And right now, his back is screaming and he's using the rub and over the counter pain meds to deal with it rather than take time off work. But they only can do so much and it makes him almost unbearable to live with. This time I'm doing better with staying non-confrontational. I'm focused on me - on my exercise routine, my house routine and study routine. I'm making sure I'm eating right and keeping away from foods that I know affect my mood badly so that I don't have that urge to argue with him when he starts. And going to the gym yesterday gave me the positive motivation from another human face to face I needed to move me through the rest of the week. It's so hard to stay up and motivated with as much negativity that is in this house right now. But I will push through and be successful!

Off to get some house work done so I can exercise!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_____TAMMY_____ 1/8/2010 6:27PM

    Sounds to me like you have a great rountine all planned out!!! I wish I could do all that walking and strength training!! emoticon!!! I agree with everyone else , This year is gonna be awesome for you!!!Have a great weekend! emoticon

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NESTINGDOLL 1/8/2010 10:51AM

    INCREDIBLE!!! Good for you! Stick to your guns!! Pretty soon, you'll think of the gym as "your time." I call my gym bag, "Calgon." You're right--negativity is poison and contagious. But, so is having a good attitude and getting healthy. Your grouchy hubby may turn over a new leaf when he gets jealous of your success. Keep your chin up. You're on the right path.

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SHELBYBEAR 1/8/2010 9:39AM

    Totally with you! I caught myself mindlessly eating out of the fridge the other day because I was stressed and upset w/hubby. But a good workout really helped relieve some of that stress. You are really going to do it this year!

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LOOZINITNOW 1/8/2010 8:37AM

    You have such a positive attitude and are very focused on your goals right now! That is so great! You are definitely going to have great success this year! emoticon

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