Monday, December 14, 2009
Things have been going better since my last entry. I had a good weekend. Saturday hubby and I went Christmas shopping. Still not done but close. Having a hard time figuring out what to get the oldest. Course if he'd make up his mind of whether or not he's moving home it would really help..lol. Sunday we spent playing crazy eights and dominoes - just enjoying the day.
The school is having a fundraiser this week and last week they put out a letter asking parents who could make cookies and how many. We didn't get a great response. So, being on school council we have been asked to step up and make what we can. Out comes my sugar cookie recipe and right now I have it chilling in the fridge so I can roll/bake/decorate...it's going to be a tough few days to get through. I'm figuring about 3-4 possibly 5 dozen cookies going out my door (if not into the family's stomachs...LOL). I may make some low cal (17 cal and 1g fat) chocolate crunchies to help curb the temptations. They really helped this weekend as my sweet tooth started to flare (TOM is close). One or two is all I need to get rid of it and then the kids eat the rest.
I also did my weigh-in on Friday. I'm up 2 lbs. No surprise with the stress I was going through, not tracking my food and not putting my all into my exercise. I'm not beating myself up, I've learned from it and know how to avoid some of it and how to push myself through it too.
But I'm learning to forgive myself over what got me to this weight and I know that the only way to lose the weight and be healthy and happy again I need to deal with the past. They say you can't go back, but you can't drag it through the present and future either. You need to forgive, maybe not always forget but at least learn, accept and move on. I've held on to these issues/emotions for way to long, allowing them to dictate how I felt about me, my marriage, and I know I subconsciously let them hold me back. But no more. I'm not the same person who made those mistakes of the past, some of those "mistakes" were out of my control , others I just need to forgive myself for and move on. It's a new day, a new me and I need to find some new dreams for the rest of my life. While I have this time at home before rejoining the workforce, I will put all my effort into truly making sure it is a home not just some place we live in by doing that I know I will get back to the marriage I had before we took that step to saying I do, take that correspondence course to update my resume and refresh my mind, that I exercise everyday - even when I don't "feel like it". It's time for a new attitude and to take the world head on. I will not hide behind my weight, using it as an excuse to why I don't go out, didn't get the job, all the other hundred and one excuses I'm sure we all give. It's a new day...
Thursday, December 10, 2009
I was going to do my blog entry later tonight but seeing as we just had the power flicker I better do it now while we still have hydro to this outlet. We have a generator and plugs wired throughout the house for the main things - bedroom computer/phone (VOIP), fridge/stove, water heater, and my husband's must have tv/satellite. :o)
The last few days have been tough. It's truly weather related. I hate winter. I know, I live in Ontario, Canada I should be use to it. Well I am use to it but I still don't have to like it. lol I really hate our winter storms which is how the snow is coming in these first few days of winter. And of course like what happens most years, hubby is working afternoons - off at 10pm. It seems every time he has to work this shift in the winter we have extremely nasty weather. He goes to work worrying about us, and we worry about if he will make it home or even attempt to make it home. The rain, then everything freezing and snowing, and now the really high winds. For the most part we are shelter from the weather, except the wind, as we live in a valley and 2 blocks from the water. So we know if it's bad here it's really bad "up top" and to just stay home. The wind on the other hand is a different story. We moved here because it was quiet and we fell in love with the forested feel. But as cottages/houses are being built it's having a hugh effect on the way these over 80' tall trees handle the winds. Last winter was bad for the empty lot behind us. Thankfully most damage was in the middle of the lot so it didn't affect us much. Last night we heard and felt a massive crack and crash that shook the house. A very large maple came down, and on it's way down it took out a not much smaller maple. They were at the back of the property and fell into the empty lot.
I have been good at keeping up on my exercise. Today I still have to do my W2D3 of the C25K program. I feel like I'm struggling a little on this one so I think I will do it again next week. I just think it may put to much stress on my shins/calves that are already yelling and screaming by the end of it. Yesterday I did my Turbo Jam, sweated my butt off as I upped my intensity for most of it. I must say, I don't have to use my inhaler during my exercise anymore. I use it in the warm up when I feel my airways tightening, and then I'm fine. I'm hoping to one day not to have to use it anymore and be border-line asthmatic again - which only means I need to carry an inhaler but don't require daily meds. When I was at that point, my inhaler would expire before I got to use it.
My food tracking has been off course again. I've been busy with other stuff and forget to log my foods. I keep track in my head so I know how I'm doing roughly for my calorie intake - had a couple of days where I was just over my max. But I'm making better food choices, fighting to avoid the no-no areas of the grocery store (the pop aisle was calling today but I fought it). I really need to put more of an effort into logging everything.
I've been meaning to get new pictures of my hair cut but just keep letting it slip my mind. I'll try to remember tonight to have one of the kids do it for me.
Monday, December 07, 2009
I've been having a hard time writing my blog lately. Actually for me at this time of year it's normal. Christmas is hard for me since the passing of both my parents, my dad 10 yrs ago, my mom has been gone 6. I get depressed and pretty much check out on my friends preferring to "sit at home" and be unhappy alone. Christmas just isn't the same without them and it doesn't help my sister checks out and doesn't celebrate Christmas anymore. I won't hear from her till the new year. Honestly if it wasn't for the kids, I wouldn't decorate, I'd probably be one of those people that go somewhere warm to enjoy the weather and forget what time of year it is. :o) Hubby's side of the family is still struggling with the death of his sister and his mother being seriously ill with cancer. Hubby thought we both needed a fresh start of sorts. So Friday night we got a new tree, letting the kids help pick it out, giving away the tree my mom bought us 12 yrs ago. It's smaller (6') and is one with the lights already on it. Also got some new decorations to replace some of the really old ones and we all helped decorate it. We want to make sure the kids always have a good memory of Christmas and so far they do. My mood usually lifts Christmas Eve, it's just the days before it.
Saturday I wasn't feeling well. I wasn't really sick, I just didn't feel right. I was tired, and just felt off. I wound up sleeping most of the afternoon away. I woke up Sunday feeling much better and did my W2D1 run. Sunday night my son and hubby also did the run. Not sure why the hubby is, but my son wants to run with me in the spring. That and I'm sure he doesn't want to be shown up by his mom. LOL I came close to going over on the food though. Hubby made his exceptional shepherd's pie and I did eat a bit much of it. Plus I had it for breakfast today...lol.
I've pretty much kept exercise to a minimum today. I spent most of the day cleaning the house and trying out new "cookie" recipes. I have to make a few dozen cookies for an up coming school fundraiser. So I'm trying for some low cal treats and cookies. I didn't sample much of them. The one I did try had 17 calories per "cookie". I've been right on track with my eating today which I am happy with.
Tomorrow the goal is to do W2D2. If I can I want to try and get in a turbo jam workout too. It's hard though as hubby is working nights so when he's home in the day, I don't get much accomplished on my list, his list is a different story. Thankfully he's not an early morning person so he's still in bed when I go to exercise after the kids leave for school.
Friday, December 04, 2009
Monthly weigh in....started at 250 lbs, down to 240! It feels sooo good. I proved to myself I can do it when I set my mind to it. So I got my hair cut to celebrate. So now instead of hair past my shoulders, my hair is a nice bob just above my shoulders. Just enough left to ponytail when I workout. And I don't look so stressed/aged now. It's amazing what changing your hair length can do for your looks and your mind. :o)
Yesterday, I was in town way to long and didn't have time to do the exercises I wanted to, but I did stop to rent a movie and found Jillian Micheal's Ultimatum 2010 on the Wii rental shelf so I grabbed it. Jillian kicked my butt! One thing I don't like about it is there is no beginner type settings that I could find, it's a one way for all type game so some of the exercises I just physically cannot do right now. I still want to buy it and work my way up to being able to complete the whole workout.
Off to do W1D3 of the C25K program...
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