Friday, February 01, 2013
January was a month of true change. My tendon tear and the need for the cortisone shot, made me take a hard look at my life and if this was the path I wanted to go down for the rest of my life. The short answer: No. And though I love my job if I don't do something about my arm and the rest of my body, I'm not going to be able to do this till I retire. I need to be in shape. So I pulled out those hard questions and made myself answer them.
Why am I overweight?: I've used food to deal with my emotions rather than feel and deal. I don't (didn't) feel worthy of love from anyone or myself. Because of both of these I allowed life to just happen and pretend that this is the life I wanted and I was happy with it.
Why do you want to lose weight?: Because I'm not happy and this isn't the life I want. I want better for myself and my family. I want to love myself again.
Why haven't you been successful to date?: I was afraid and didn't feel I was allowed to be happy. Afraid of the changes, afraid to deal with the emotions I've let sit buried under 100+ lbs of weight. Afraid to fail, afraid to feel.
Not anymore. I opened up that can of worms that has held me back, dealt with the feelings (hurt, guilt, fear) and forgave myself. It wasn't easy dredging up those memories and dealing with them but it has been worth every tear. I'm starting to like myself (love will come with time and work), I remind myself everyday I'm not that same person I was 20 yrs ago, or even 1 yr ago. I'm working on a new me. The new me is driven to embrace life to not waste another day or year, to be fit and healthy.
That was step one.
Step two: change my food. This wasn't hard as I had been trying to eat better, just had to find the inner strength to drop all junk foods, drink lots of water, strive to eliminate all refined/processed foods, eat more veggies/fruits and limit my animal products - source out TRUE free-range, grass fed, organic sources. Been doing well with it.
Step three: exercise. Just get up and do it. I didn't realize how much I like my exercise program till I was told I can't do it. Key right now is to not push my arm, but push my lower half - it's not injured. And any exercise is good exercise for the whole body.
Progress for January: Started Jan 11 at 239 lbs. Feb. 1st: 229.7 lbs = 9 lb loss (roughly). Which averages out to 3 lbs a week for this month since coming back. Though I didn't log it, I did my measurements in the beginning and though I'm bigger than I was last time I posted them (which I didn't deal with well) I have lost an inch on my waist and hips. Not to shabby for getting my butt off the couch and filling my body with fuel it can use.
Going into February not only feeling great but also looking forward to it. I'm on track to be 225 by my birthday at the end of the month, and working towards the goal of being able to get back to my Kettle bell workout.
This is the background on my laptop:
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Even with everything that went on this week I still lost weight AND I stayed away from the junk. Since being back on Spark (Jan. 11) I'm down 7 lbs!
I haven't had chips or other junk foods in just over 2 weeks, no pop in 2 weeks (the last one I had I didn't even like the taste of) AND I don't feel deprived nor do I crave the junk. It honestly rarely crosses my mind. Only once as I hadn't eaten most of the day and I was hungry but I pushed through it and had a quick healthy snack (baby carrots and a handful of cherry tomatoes) when I finally got home while I made dinner. It also helped me to not over eat at dinner.
The girls at work noticed a difference. They told me I look trimmer, happier (even though I'm so stressed out right now) and I had more energy (got my job done quicker even with being careful of my elbow). I can truly say I missed not only my residents but the girls I work with, some of which leave on Monday for 2 weeks in Costa Rica - lucky girls!
I've cut out a lot of the sugar and salt from our meals. I have limited my animal products, and I've cut out all processed/refined foods. I even surprised the hubby by making my own pizza dough last night for dinner (with the help of a breadmaker) - and no one could tell I subbed the white flour for chickpea flour. The kids made a pizza for them and their dad (he got caught on a call and was late getting home), and then we made a veggie pizza for all of us to share. With the kids being teenagers and spending most of their time right now studying for exams this was a great way to spend time with them.
We have a staff only fitness room at work. It's a room at the end of a hall in the basement, I knew where it was but I've never looked at it. I got told last night that it rarely gets used. So I decided to go take a look at it. I was surprised by what all was there: treadmill, stepper, elliptical, recumbent bike, mini tramp, gazelle, and some of the more gimmicky type equipment too but they may be fun to try as well as a dvd/tv for doing videos. All for $5 a month. When I go in on Monday I'm going to sign up for February. Time to add new music to my phone and get to working out on the bike.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
The last few days have been very stressful and came to a head yesterday. And today will probably be full of the same. But I am proud of how I have dealt with it over all. I didn't head for the pop, chips or junk - didn't even cross my mind nor crave for it, instead I came to Spark and read some motivation blogs, an article or two, till I calmed down. Then with a clearer head I then started to look at/process and tackle some of that stress. I did grab food & drink - baby carrots and refilled my bottle of water. What I'm not happy with is I know I didn't eat enough yesterday (though everything was good) and I didn't track it.
I did get in an hour of playing tennis with my son on the Wii and then another hour with both my son and daughter playing Dance 2 on the Wii (I lost points for not being able to do all the arm movements) It was a great way to de-stress, we had so much fun and laughter and it was a good reminder of what's important. These stresses are only temporary and once I'm back to my full work duties/hours most of these stresses will be gone.
I also realized a couple of things. I haven't felt quite right for the last few days. I haven't been eating my salads and I added Ezechiel bread in. My weight loss has slowed, I feel sluggish and I'm not sleeping well. So starting today I have reminders on the fridge about eating the salads and I've decided to leave out the bread and stick with the wild rice, quinoa and occasional brown rice that I've been doing.
I go back to work tonight and I am looking forward to seeing the residents. I have decided that yes I like my job, love my residents but I don't want to work day shifts, it's just to much. That may change once my elbow heals more/completely but for now. Though I have to close the studio (I just can't financially do it right now and do shows/markets which I have to do to draw people to the studio - catch 22), I will reorganize my workroom and work from home. Not what I want but it's for the best and when I was honest with myself, the studio is a big part of my stress.
I know I just have to take things one day at a time and eventually I will have walked through all this and life will be okay.
Monday, January 21, 2013
The day started great other than being the really cold out. I got ready to go out, went out to start the car, it didn't really want to start but it did, so I came back into the house while it warmed up. I went back out a half hour later to every light on the dash lit up and the radio and back window defogger not working. Shut it off to reset the computer (should mention my car is a Civic Hybrid), it wouldn't start. Okay after the last couple of days where it's been cold and high winds, the battery probably crapped out. So called the hubby to tell him I wasn't going anywhere. I was upset. I had to go the studio today tidy up and move some things as the real estate was showing the building this afternoon - my landlady has had it for sale for over 6 yrs. I called the hubby who informed me that our nephew was home from work today and call him to go to the store (he lives in the town and has a spare key).
With that done it was like...now what do I do. All my plans for the day were centered around being away from the house. So I grabbed paper, pen and my water bottle and re-wrote my To-Do List for today. It was a short list as we had cleaned the house over the weekend. So I had laundry, treadmill and vacuuming. Decided after I was done (except treadmill that's tonight during Biggest Loser) to turn on my laptop and watch Netflix. Of course, no new movies I was interested in watching but wait what's that..a documentary - Hungry For Change. It actually is a pretty informative and thought provoking piece. It talks about food and why/how our body needs/uses it. Didn't agree with all their suggestions but I do have a few notes from it. It was also a great motivational tool. To have a voice put into words what I've been feeling since I made the change in my food choices. I highly recommend it.
Now to find another documentary to watch after Biggest Loser.
Have a great evening everyone!
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