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Collapsing from relief

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

We got the word on Rebecca's MRI today. There is no sign of her tumor returning. This means that she can proceed to chemotherapy. It's not a light at the end of the tunnel yet, but it means there is at least a tunnel.

The relief I feel is almost painful, it's so intense. I don't even know how to deal with the ache of adrenaline still coursing through my body. The relief is almost as painful as grief. It's weird and hard to deal with. I'm hoping a night of sleep will make it easier to live with.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HILLSLUG98239 11/28/2013 10:39PM

    Thank goodness!

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TATTER3 11/27/2013 12:47PM

    What a blessing!!!

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SIMPLELIFE4REAL 11/27/2013 2:57AM

    I'm really happy for Rebecca and for you! I think sometimes we are so busy gearing up for the worst that good news can take us by surprise. It's a wonderful Thanksgiving gift.
Kay

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SIMPLELIFE4REAL 11/27/2013 2:57AM

    I'm really happy for Rebecca and for you! I think sometimes we are so busy gearing up for the worst that good news can take us by surprise. It's a wonderful Thanksgiving gift.
Kay

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LUCKYDOGFARM 11/27/2013 12:28AM

    How wonderful! you all will really have something to be thankful for on thanksgiving!
Thank You Jesus for your miraculous ways!

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NATPLUMMER 11/26/2013 11:23PM

    emoticon

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.DUSTY. 11/26/2013 10:38PM

    That is so incredibly FANTASTIC!
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BJUMPINGFORJOY 11/26/2013 9:47PM

    That is very good news. Get some rest and thank God for his touch in your life.

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ALIHIKES 11/26/2013 8:36PM

    So glad for your good news! emoticon

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JUNEAU2010 11/26/2013 8:12PM

    emoticon emoticon (and prayers!)

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Not aimed at anyone here, just a rant

Monday, November 25, 2013

I don't know exactly what it is about today, but my FB page is flooded with slacktivism pictures asking that I "support cancer victims" by linking to some photo for today. As someone who cancer is affecting deeply at this moment, someone whose heart has been broken by cancer in the past, someone who is waiting to hear *tomorrow* news that is either hopeful or devastating, I do not look upon those candles and doves and challenges for me to put that stupid picture on my page as support. I see it as an insult, a smug slap in the face to those who are suffering.

Linking to someone's random picture lets people check their internal "I supported people with cancer" box off, and then lets them wander away to funny cat pictures, thinking they've done something good. Well, you haven't. You know what supports people with cancer and their families? Money, donated for research. A meal, brought to someone who's undergoing chemo and too weak to cook. Your time, cleaning someone's house or doing their laundry or running their errands or taking them to the doctor or their kids to activities they would otherwise have to miss.

Supporting people with cancer, or with heart disease, or mental illness, or disabilities or any of the other myriad things people struggle with takes a commitment deeper than linking to some photo on Facebook, and frankly it's insulting and upsetting when you do.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIVE_AMAZINGLY 11/29/2013 1:06AM

    People don't handle someone else's illness well, so they like to basically avoid the issues totally, but convince themselves they aren't really avoiding it, by doing little stuff like that.

I am sure that most people that are doing this 'support cancer victims' thing, will never even realize what they are doing, or not doing.

I know it's upsetting - cause I have experienced something similar to it.


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EBRAINK 11/28/2013 7:21PM

    Absolutely agree.
I am just enough of a jerk when I see slackivists posts that I reply with "Hey! What a great cause, and thanks for 'raising awareness'! Here's what I do, to have a more concrete, tangible benefit {example}. But there are lots of ways to actually support, now that 'awareness has been raised' {list things people can do, from clicking a donate button to actually getting off butts and doing some work}. It's great to 'be aware' - but it's better to pitch in and help!"

Yeah, I'm a jerk, kinda. I hate to take a holier than whomever stance, but I really can't stand the idea that clicking "like" is enough to provide food for the hungry, warm beds for the homeless, or any form of kindness to people in need of it.

Grrr.

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NATPLUMMER 11/26/2013 11:43AM

    emoticon

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SIMPLYABUNDANT 11/26/2013 9:05AM

    I don't do FB, but I get the chain emails. I'm with you 100%. This is my own personal rant, but the whole social media thing encourages superficiality, and clicking on photos to "support" those touched by cancer is about as superficial as it gets. Thanks for offering some good ideas about how to offer Real Life support.

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A Caregiver


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BTRX71 11/26/2013 1:10AM

    emoticon Putting on your own page that you support a cause like cancer is fine if you really do. People post for themselves or family. Pushing the candles, ribbons, chain mails and links, etc and thinking THAT is the support is not enough.

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GRAMMAP1 11/25/2013 11:50PM

    Thank you for expressing this view. I haven't had cancer, but have shared with many cancer patients and understand your view. My Friend Ginnie is going through round 3 in 18 yrs. Will pray for you. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TOWHEE 11/25/2013 11:30PM

    emoticon

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TATTER3 11/25/2013 11:18PM

    I haven't seen any of these posts. Sorry that you've been victimized. Appreciate the insight...keep Sparkin'!!

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RAINA413 11/25/2013 11:09PM

    Thank you so much for posting this. I couldn't agree more and I am so glad that you are calling out all those people who just link photos to their Facebook page and then go on with their day.

I wish only good health for those who are struggling and hope that your loved ones are able to pull through and have a good holiday season.

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DOGLADY13 11/25/2013 10:58PM

    Well said. I just returned from visiting my father-in-law who has kidney cancer. He's doing really well right now and it was good to visit, but the doctor visits just exhaust him. It seems he has appointment every other day. It seems that he and my mother-in-law only have time for medical stuff.

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MISHMOM 11/25/2013 9:09PM

    I agree that action with our feet is more meaningful than the clicking of a mouse. emoticon

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CHUBBY_MOM 11/25/2013 6:49PM

    I agree with you so much, sometimes just a simple phone call to say "I'm thinking of you, is there anything I can do?" and meaning it, is a great thing!

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BARBARASDIET 11/25/2013 6:40PM

    Agreed, although maybe with a little less passion.....

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.DUSTY. 11/25/2013 6:02PM

    I agree!

It happens so much now that I think people start to get desensitized to it.

It happens with a lot of causes too. And it's really sad.

emoticon

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SIMPLELIFE4REAL 11/25/2013 5:23PM

    I would all calling them too just to say you are thinking of them.

Hugs,
Kay

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Cancer sucker-punches you

Saturday, November 23, 2013

I think I'm doing okay with everything, and then the strangest things set me off. As I was searching for the largest possible turkey I could find, a woman cordially asked for how many people I was cooking Thanksgiving dinner. I almost couldn't make it out of the store with my groceries.

The answer is, if Rebecca's MRI goes well on Tuesday, I am cooking for 5. If the MRI goes badly, her parents will be in no shape to cook, so I will be cooking for 10. And that's one of the things that really made it all hit me again. A silly little thing, but with so much significance in those two numbers.

I finished my shopping with shaking hands, and had to sit in the car for 5 minutes before I could get myself together enough for the 3 mile trip home. I am so very scared for her.

DH and I are going with her parents to learn the results of the test on Tuesday. I have a lot of work to get done between now and then, and thankfully most of it is pretty routine and mindless. Because I can't think of anything else.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AUDISP 11/24/2013 11:26AM

    I agree with the others, one day at at time. My family has had its share of cancer including a niece and nephew in their 20's. A positive attitude and tons of prayers are so necessary. Will be thinking of you all.

Mary

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JANETRIS 11/24/2013 10:10AM

    One day at a time.... emoticon

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SIMPLELIFE4REAL 11/23/2013 4:55PM

    I will be praying for a good outcome for Rebecca. Hugs....

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AURORADAWN5 11/23/2013 2:21PM

    Hope all the news is good on Tuesday. May you have a very special something to be thankful for come Thursday.

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NATPLUMMER 11/23/2013 2:18PM

    emoticon

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LUCKYDOGFARM 11/23/2013 1:47PM

    Your frustration is totally understandable! I will be praying for you all!
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Puppy genes!

Monday, November 18, 2013

We have the report on Shasta's breed. Just to remind you, this is what Shasta looks like. She's also tiny--15 pounds, and the tops of her ears just come to my knees:



And her lineage of her four grandparents?
1. Miniature pinscher--which I had guessed
2. Shiba Inu--which I can see now in her face, and
3. Beagle--which WTF???!!! I see NO beagle in this dog
4. Mixed breed, including toy/miniature poodle, Spanish water dog, Welsh Springer spaniel and a just touch of chihuahua

All leading to the question of WHY IS THIS DOG JET BLACK? Only the Spanish water dog is a black dog. The rest are mixed colors. Also, all these breeds are much larger--like, twice her weight at least--except the chihuahua.

Genetics are weird.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JANETRIS 11/21/2013 9:12PM

    Looks full of energy! A nice looking pupster! emoticon

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LUCKYDOGFARM 11/21/2013 1:04AM

    What a little cutie pie!

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BJUMPINGFORJOY 11/18/2013 10:08PM

    Very cute dog and yes I agree.


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LKWQUILTER 11/18/2013 9:40PM

    Shasta is cute as can be. We have a rescue puppy and have no idea what his genes are. Have debated about finding out but finally decided we loved him for himself. LOL

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TATTER3 11/18/2013 9:07PM

    Too fun!!!

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HILLSLUG98239 11/18/2013 7:33PM

    I could never say no to those eyes!

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NATPLUMMER 11/18/2013 12:26PM

    Interesting.
She is soooooooo cute!!

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BOB5148 11/18/2013 11:29AM

  emoticon

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4DOGNIGHT 11/18/2013 11:22AM

    Its fun to know though! Black is a mixture of all colors so maybe that is why. Carol

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Last post about cleaning...probably

Saturday, November 16, 2013

I ran errands yesterday while the cleaning crew was here, because I didn't want to watch the progress. I wanted the before-and-after effect. I wanted the Cleaning Fairies to have come.

I was delighted with the results. It is all so very wonderfully clean now.

I was so delighted, in fact, that after a short time my attention was completely drawn to the messes that I had just resigned myself to accept: that pile of paperwork that has no place to go; those bits of detritus that you could put away i you just had one more drawer....

The truth is, the equation for the number of drawers a household needs is always n+1, "n" being the number of drawers that the household has. Every time you manage to come up with one more drawer, somehow you fill that and need just one more still.

The solution to the problem was not finding more drawers, nor resigning myself to the messes. The solution was to reorganize a couple of drawers and get rid of some stuff we simply didn't need. And I did. To the tune of two large bags of recycling.

I still have one large stack of paperwork that requires me to actually *do* something with it, rather than the stuff that could simply be tossed. But it's corralled into one spot, and I will whittle my way through it in the coming days.

And there's the entire family room still do deal with, though the plan of putting away at least one thing every time I'm down there is actually making a small dent in the disaster.

I feel like I'm getting my life back on track.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JANETRIS 11/16/2013 7:54PM

    I hope to get to that point soon too! Good for you! emoticon

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TATTER3 11/16/2013 6:49PM

    This is one of my goals....working on it daily!

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LUCKYDOGFARM 11/16/2013 5:30PM

    Jealous! That'd be me! emoticon

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SIMPLELIFE4REAL 11/16/2013 5:29PM

    emoticon

Before I got cancer, I had a goal of cleaning one shelf or drawer somewhere in the house each day. I've put that goal on hold while I go through treatment, but plan to get back to it once I'm up to speed. Even now, I will occassionally "do" one shelf or drawer. It really works wonders....a little bit at a time!

I'm glad you enjoyed the cleaning fairies!

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NATPLUMMER 11/16/2013 5:27PM

    Nice!!

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EBRAINK 11/16/2013 2:23PM

    WOW! That is inspiring. I think I may need to clean a drawer. (A small one, at least.)
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SATCHMO99 11/16/2013 1:11PM

    Well done on your perseverance, you WILL see the change, and that will inspire you to continue with the clean up/throw out/recycle.

I seem to be making lots of trips to the charity shop as I try to declutter before moving. I've got two months to go.

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HILLSLUG98239 11/16/2013 12:15PM

    I hope you're giving yourself a treat when you're done with this.

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