Friday, September 28, 2012
I fell off my bike yesterday.
Actually, I sort of tipped over on my bike. Rather like Artie Johnson and his tricycle back in the Laugh-In days. I had to come to a stop when a car stopped in front of me, and I was trying to gear down with the last bit of speed I had available, and then my weight was on the wrong foot and I started tipping that way and there was no way for me to get my foot off the pedal to stop myself.
I banged my elbow pretty hard, and as it was the thing hurting the most it wasn't until later that I realized I'd also smacked my knee and scraped and bruised the inside of my thigh. I was mildly shaken up, but able to get back on my bike and have a good ride. Today I am a bit stiff and sore in my back and neck, in addition to being bruised and scraped, but it's really not that bad.
And in a way, it was strangely liberating. No one likes to take a fall on a bike, but I have been experiencing a phobia of it that was out of proportion. I was absolutely certain that a fall on my bike would equate badly breaking myself in such a way that I would not recover quickly. I certainly am not looking forward to any kind of repeat performance, but I am gratified to learn that I'm at least a little sturdier than I feared.
Tonight is a 40+ mile ride. I am going to be a little creaky when I first get on that bike, but I am going to enjoy it.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Today is my first SparkVersary. In some ways it seems like a long time coming, in others I can hardly believe a year has passed.
A year ago I was teetering on the brink of 300 pounds and horrified with myself. I suffered a lot of back pain, and though I could still walk a mile, I often paid for it severely the rest of the day.
Moreover, I wasn't walking that mile. I wasn't doing much of anything except stuffing my face and feeling sorry for myself.
Last month, I biked 81 miles in one day. I regularly bike commute 20 miles a day. Walking the three miles roundtrip into our downtown is something I do without even thinking about it. My next goal is to participate in triathlons.
I've lost 73 pounds, and I've done it on my own terms. I don't deprive myself of anything, I just make sound decisions about what I'm going to eat. When I make stroganoff or paprikash, I use full-fat sour cream--but I don't "taste" my way through one serving, sit down and eat another serving for dinner, and then "nibble" another serving's worth of leftovers throughout the evening.
It wasn't quality food that was making me gain weight. It was the simple quantity of it that I was shoveling into my mouth.
It used to be that when I was stressed I would eat a tub of frosting. Now I take a bath and read a book.
And if I really have a craving for frosting? Well, I can have it. But I can have it without guilt, because I account for it in my daily calorie count. And because I've given myself permission to have it, it doesn't get all wrapped up in guilt and self-recrimination. Which means I can have--and enjoy--a spoonful without telling myself I'm a failure and eating the whole tub despite the fact that it's making me sick and miserable.
My relationship with food is healthier. And I am healthier.
I still have a way to go. But even if I never lost another pound, I love living like I'm living now. And I love the support I get here on Spark People.
Monday, September 17, 2012
It appears that I didn't do permanent damage to myself, and the ankle is quite walkable. Still tender at certain angles, and a little swollen, but it bears my weight fine and I'm not really limping anymore.
I will be very cautious when I walk down that street from now on, let me tell you!
Saturday, September 15, 2012
Argh! Taking a walk with DD this evening, I didn't notice that the sidewalk was cut away and managed to step on the edge of a well-disguised hole just perfectly to flip my ankle and fall to the ground. We were about 3/4 of a mile from home, and had to limp the rest of the way back.
I'm applying RICE (Rest Ice Compression Elevation), but it's just *so* frustrating to be hurt. I have another 350 miles of riding to get in this year. But even more, I have always had a tendency to fall, and I've been so proud of myself that I've been healthy and not had an accident throughout the whole summer. Having my hubby tell me that I needed to stop hurting myself just cut me to the heart. I know he means it in a loving way, but I really needed to be reminded of how well I've been doing, not how I am a klutz. I want to be graceful, and aware of my body. Not clumsy and given to falling. It's been over a year since I took a tumble, and there have been a number of times when I've found myself noticing a possible fall and avoiding it. I've been pleased with myself, and now I feel like all that confidence has been stolen away. I want to cry.
Fingers crossed that it's minor....
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Sunday I was sitting in my car on the shoulder of I-70, sobbing as my sister told me that Mom had been intubated, was unconscious, and I was probably never going to talk to my mother again.
Yesterday evening, Mom called me to say hi. She is out of ICU, and doing great. The morning nurse asked her how she'd lived through Sunday night. Mom said the power of faith and of family and friends. Thank you all for your prayers.
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