Tuesday, November 01, 2011
I would like to be writing a glowing post-con report about how much fun I had at World Fantasy (and I did), but for some reason today I am feeling like simply crying incessantly or crawling back into bed. This is not the start of November I was looking for. It can go about its business and move along.
My house also looks like it was ransacked by ADD pirates: they made a mess, but forgot to actually take anything. I am intellectually aware that this is not improving my mood, but cannot muster the energy to get off the couch and do anything about it.
What I am is a crabby 4-year-old. I'm bored by what I'm doing, but don't want to do anything else, either. The only difference is that I'm old enough to know that flinging myself to the floor in a tantrum would only result in additional joint pain and bruises later.
Fingers crossed that tomorrow I will be better. Messages of encouragement and love gladly accepted.
Friday, October 28, 2011
6am flight, with no time to eat, no time at airport, essentially 8 hours of travel time, on top of a night's sleep, without food.
I was a little cranky. And succumbed to Eggs Benedict. After breakfast met up with people, then while they went to an activity I went to the gym here.
It was not the most stellar experience. Trying to find entrance to spa fell over hidden wall and bashed knee. Found out that working out costs $5 per session. Discovered there is no locker room so had to change in a restroom. All in front of a cute, petite 20-something who succeeded in never actually sneering but still made me feel idiotic. Cried in the restroom and thought about giving up.
Worked out anyway.
It definitely made me feel stronger and more positive for the rest of the day. Resisted all junk food and had a salad for dinner.
The drinks at the party put me up to my calorie limit, but I felt okay about that becaused I'd rationed for it.
Got up this morning and didn't let vacation mentality derail me. Went and had my workout. It was a crap workout, as some are, but I did it anyway. Eating a healthy snack now before heading out again.
When I felt tempted, I thought of Spark. It really helped
Sunday, October 23, 2011
I refuse to diet. Diets are about deprivation, and continual hunger, and wanting wanting CRAVING cheating guilt. That's no way to live, and with over 100 pounds to lose, I can't think if my life as on hold while I lose weight.
My vow is simple: never put anything into my mouth that isn't delicious. This can be a little tricky, if you don't like fresh fruit and vegetables, and if your palate is trained to love junk food. But if you like eating a variety of foods, and if you like experimentation and can be flexible, it is so much more satisfying.
That means a lot of thinking about what I'm going to eat, and a lot of monitoring myself for satiety. My biggest problem is that what feels like "enough" is really way too much and I have trouble knowing that I'm sated. So I'm trying to take the approach of eating what the books say is a proper portion, but promising myself if I'm still actually hungry later I can have more. That seems to be quieting the frantic panic in my head that says I'm going to be cheated out of something.
I'm not always perfect, but it does help.
Friday, October 21, 2011
The day off was good for me. I worked out hard this morning and felt very good about it.
I'm still playing with the schedule of my workouts, trying to find the optimal approach. But I feel pretty good about it today.
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