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Dance like nobody's watching

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Spark inspirations has this video available:
www.sparkpeople.com/resource/dailysp
ark-videos-detail.asp?video=142


It's adorable. But what really struck me is the number of people standing around *not* dancing. People who are looking on longingly, clearly wishing they had the nerve to join in.

How sad.

I remember one time when we were on a cruise ship, watching the Beatles tribute show. The performers said they were going to play a selection of the early, fast songs and invited the audience to get up and dance. Our family jumped up, from Gramma to the kindergartner, and danced, but no one else did. Yet I could see yearning in the faces of some of the other people. So I started making eye contact and inviting them onto the dance floor. Some of them joined us. Others just sat there, looking a bit sad but also very self-conscious.

I've done it myself. Two weekends ago I was getting a tour of an NPR radio station and we were invited to sit down in the booth, give our name, the car we drive, and the song we most like to drive to. I could have sat down and said that I love listening to Rockapella's Zombie Jamboree while driving my Saturn Vue, but I demurred. Why? I think my voice sounds weird. How silly of me to have passed by the opportunity to do something fun because of self-consciousness. That chance won't come again, just like the people on the cruise can't revisit that dance opportunity. Nor can the people who were on that subway platform where a little girl in a pink coat gave them all an opportunity to dance.

Life is too short to sit by the sidelines, worrying that someone will judge you for your actions. Grab on and enjoy.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HILLSLUG98239 12/16/2014 11:28AM

    So true. We're all going to have regrets at the end of our lives; which would I rather regret: not having done enough, or doing too much? Taking a risk, or being too timid? Bringing a smile or a laugh to the lips of another person even if it meant looking silly, or sitting stonily and not making waves?

Life is meant to be lived, not endured. We need to find joy wherever we can.

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GINGKO711 12/16/2014 10:54AM

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NATPLUMMER 12/16/2014 10:31AM

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Goodbye

Tuesday, November 04, 2014

Mom died just before midnight last night. Talked with all my siblings, cried a lot, got a really bad headache from the crying, and then finally fell asleep.

Mom did not want a funeral. But last night I gave her about 12 of them, including one at sea and one in space. I also spent weeks in the hospital with a friend, adopted a baby, redecorated my house completely--including moving it to a seaside location--was witness to a large drug bust (the first time I took my adopted baby out for a walk, which distressed me since my gods I'd just taken on all this responsibility), and helped some kids from out of town locate the nursing home where their grandma was admitted.

Considering that I only slept about three hours, my brain had a very busy night. That was some wild dreaming. The only bad part was that when I woke up the part about Mom being dead was still real.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

APPLESBANANAS 11/6/2014 8:27PM

    I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts.

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LIFECHANGZ 11/5/2014 10:23PM

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TEEPHOTO 11/4/2014 9:25PM

    I am sorry for your loss. I will be praying for the comfort and healing for you and your family. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DTHOR6 11/4/2014 7:41PM

    I am so very sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

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NATPLUMMER 11/4/2014 2:19PM

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HILLSLUG98239 11/4/2014 1:36PM

    You have borne so much pain in the recent past. I am sorry. I hope for peace for you, that the warmth of good memories will help carry you through the darkness.

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GARDENCHRIS 11/4/2014 12:41PM

    I am SO sorry for your loss! Get some rest and remember the happy times you had with her. (hugs)

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CHICAM 11/4/2014 12:27PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. Your mom must be so proud of you. You have and are achieving so many good things. She is shinning from happiness over you. Think of all the good times you had together and all she taught you for being the good person that you are today.

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It's just one gutpunch after another

Monday, November 03, 2014

I spent last week in Montana getting my mother settled into hospice. Today they called to inform me that they expect her to die in the next 36-48 hours.

2014 is completely fired.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NATPLUMMER 11/4/2014 10:53AM

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DOGLADY13 11/4/2014 6:24AM

    1993 was like that for me.

I'm so very sorry you have so much sadness and pain in your life right now.

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-BERN- 11/3/2014 3:54PM

    Sorry to hear about your mom and how close she is to leaving. Hope all comes together so you can spend the last hours with her. Bern

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PICKIE98 11/3/2014 3:43PM

    i understand,,my mom has been in hospice since August, renal failure.. the people are wonderful, if that is any comfort.. my mom has 6-9 months left,,she is 88.
restart your day, hour or afternoon if you need to do it.. Praying for you all...

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DTHOR6 11/3/2014 2:44PM

    Oh bless your heart. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs,


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PROPMAN1 11/3/2014 1:33PM

  I will say a prayer for you and your mom. emoticon

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4ANEWME2DAY 11/3/2014 1:18PM

    OMG!! emoticon Prayers are being said. emoticon

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Rebecca, and one appeal for donations

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

A year ago, Team Becca participated in the CureSearch Walk. We were a sea of purple, led by a lively and laughing 5-year-old who ran wild on the grass, chasing other children, teasing her uncles, getting tossed in the air and squealing in delight. We were a worried but hopeful group of family and friends, laughing and chatting and enjoying a sunny day. We had raised a record $11,000+ for CureSearch, and no one could have guessed that our giggling 5-year-old was a cancer patient.

The other families who were there probably thought, "Look at them; they're innocent children, playing at cancer. They have no idea what's coming."

And we didn't. Because, despite a completely successful tumor removal, aggressive proton radiation therapy, and chemo, 10 months later we buried Rebecca, who died on her sixth birthday. Her anaplastic astrocytoma reemerged in multiple sites in her brain, inoperable this time, and she did not respond to the experimental drug trial. On the first Sunday of June, her family held her birthday party a week early. She had her face painted and rode in the rocket car shouting, "faster, faster!"

The following Saturday, surrounded by loved ones, Rebecca died. If love had been enough to keep her alive, Rebecca would be thriving now. As it was, we all watched this spunky, spitfire of a child, who was never really ill, and agonized in frustration that we were powerless in the face of this cancer.

It was like watching her stand on a train track with the train rushing toward her, with nothing we could do to stop or even slow it.

For Rebecca, we can but mourn now. The grief remains overwhelming. But in her memory, we can do our best to save other families from suffering such a terrible loss.

Raising money for CureSearch this year has been agonizing. Every time I write about it, I am pretty much wrecked for the rest of the day. But it's worth it, because thanks to you amazing people Team Becca has raised over $8,700 so far. We only have 3 more days to go before the walk, and I think it would be a fitting tribute to raise $10,000 in her memory.

Thank you, all you amazing people who have contributed so far. To see my donations page jump to almost $3,500 is humbling. Your generosity overwhelms me.
www.curesearchwalk.org/neohio/gini_j
udd

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HILLSLUG98239 10/15/2014 8:04PM

    There will always be a hole in your heart. I am sad for you.

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NATPLUMMER 9/24/2014 12:12PM

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Getting back on track

Monday, August 25, 2014

This summer has been a real challenge between grief and back injury. I lost my inertia, and for the last few weeks just haven't managed to do anything. So I decided that this week was going to be me getting back on track.

I got up this morning a bit later than I'd intended--but at least I'd slept well! I'd wanted to be out the door to the pool by 9, but it was actually a little after 10. For a moment I thought about letting it go, but instead I jumped up, yanked on my suit, threw a pair of gym shorts and a tank over it, grabbed my pool bag and headed out.

Things I remembered:
1. Goggles
2. Swim cap
3. Heartrate monitor

Things I forgot:
1. Flip flops
2. Underwear for when I changed
3. A TOWEL

When I realized this, I thought briefly of running home. But then I realized that if I did, I'd probably never get out of the house again. So I went ahead and swam, then just came home "commando." It was a good swim, and I feel like I started the week right!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DOTTIEJANE1 8/29/2014 12:05PM

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DOTTIEJANE1 8/29/2014 12:04PM

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SOPHIEDO13 8/26/2014 12:16AM

    Your post was very cute ..... Keep up the good work !!

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KANSASROSE67 8/25/2014 2:59PM

    You did the right thing.

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MARILYNROBERT 8/25/2014 1:52PM

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HILLSLUG98239 8/25/2014 12:34PM

    I'm glad you went for the swim. It's so easy to give up when conditions are perfect - I've been doing that a lot recently.

Let's hear it for a good way to start the week!

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DEMIGUISE 8/25/2014 12:31PM

    Good for you! It's too easy to come up with excuses and putting off working out, whatever the form. Kudos to you for sticking to it and starting off your week on the right foot!

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NATPLUMMER 8/25/2014 12:26PM

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