Thursday, September 20, 2012
Recently, a large corporation hired several cannibals to increase their diversity.
"You are all part of our team now," said the Human Resources rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any employees."
The cannibals promised they would not.
Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard and I'm satisfied with your work. We have noticed a marked increase in the whole company's performance. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"
The cannibals all shook their heads, "No."
After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?" A hand rose hesitantly. "You fool!" the leader continued. "For four weeks we've been eating nothing but managers and no one noticed anything. But NOOOooo, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something around here."
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
In one episode of 'Cheers', Cliff is seated at the bar describing the 'Buffalo Theory' to his buddy Norm. I don't think I've ever heard the concept explained any better than this.
"Well you see, Norm, it's like this...A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive drinking of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Way down in dat old swamp known as Louisiana, Bubba's old lady had been pregnant for some time, and now the time had come.
So, he brought her to the doctor, and the doctor began to deliver the baby. She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Bubba and said, "Hey, Bubba! You just had you a son!" Ain’t dat grand!!
Bubba had gotten pretty excited by this. Just then the doctor spoke up and said, "Hold on! We ain't finished yet!"
The doctor then delivered a little girl. He said, "Hey, Bubba! You got you a daughter!"
She a pretty lil’ ting, too.... Bubba got kind of puzzled by this, and then the doctor said, "Hold on, we still ain't got done yet!"
The doctor then delivered another boy and said, "Bubba, you just had yourself another boy!
When Bubba and his wife went home with their three children, he sat down with his wife and said, "Mama, you remember dat night what we ran out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere 3-in-1 Oil?”
She said, "Yeah, I do."
Bubba said, "Man, it's a damn good ting we didn't use no WD-40!
Monday, September 17, 2012
One day, Jimmy Joe was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin on his face.
"Bubba, where'd you get that truck?!?" Jimmy Joe asked.
"Bobby Sue gave it to me" Bubba replied.
"She gave it to you?" shrieked Jimmy Joe. "I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?"
"Well, Jimmy Joe, let me tell you what happened. We were driving out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowhere. Bobby Sue pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said, 'Bubba, take whatever you want'.
So I took the truck!"
"Bubba, you're a smart man! Them clothes woulda never fit you no how!"
Friday, September 14, 2012
Today is not a usual day for me. Hubby gone for a one day business trip to Chicago and will be back late. He and some colleagues are going to the International Machine Tool Show 2012.
Took my daughter to school. Came home have breakfast.
4 oz Activia Low Fat Vanilla Yogurt
1 extra small banana
1 cup of Soy Milk
1 cup of Kashi Strawberry Fields
Listen to Joseph Prince sermon. Reply some emails. Went for my 30 minute late morning walk. Time for lunch.
284 grams Kahiki Chicken Fried Rice (frozen entree)
Watched two episodes HK TVB drama. In the midst of watching, Betty (my neighbor) brought some home grown tomatoes over. Chat for a little bit with her. Pretty soon it was time to pick up my daughter from school. She is glad she has no homework today.
My daughter is very excited about attending her first sleepover today. I, on the other hand, was experiencing Parent Separation Anxiety! I helped her packed a bag. She was all ready to go at 4:00pm. The invitation card says 5:30pm. I had to tell her to be patient as it is not time yet to go. Watched another episode with my daughter by my side.
After dropping her off, I decided to go to Peak Sports Club. Did 30 minutes on treadmill. On the way home, I found another Vietnamese Restaurant I have not tried. I had Grilled Salmon Vermicelli. It was delicious. Next time I get it, I will take a picture. For those of you who are not familiar with Vietnamese food. Vermicelli is an angel-hair noodle (rice noodles) served with your choice of grilled pork, beef, chicken, shrimp, fish or tofu on a bed of shredded lettuce, fresh herbs, bean sprouts, cucumber, topped with crushed roasted peanuts and served with their classic Vietnamese Vinegar Sauce.
While waiting for my hubby's return, watched another episode.
High today is 74°F and sunny. It is a beautiful day!
That was my day. How was yours?
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