Thursday, September 06, 2012
Whatever blows up yer skirt...
The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear.
"Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband demanded. "Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any."
The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's £50. Go and buy yourself some underwear."
Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she is wearing no undies.
"Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?"
She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me."
He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's £20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"
Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it.
"Sweet mudder of Jesus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?"
She too explains, You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any."
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the love 'o Jasus, 'n the sake of decency, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit."
Tuesday, September 04, 2012
Last Saturday, September 1, 2012, my daughter found a dove in our backyard. The dove’s right wing was damaged probably by one of the cats in our neighborhood. Charlie (daughter named dove) is doing fine now. She has been eating and drinking. The following day hubby hung the bird cage from the ceiling. She feels more at ease now that she can look down at us. We have been talking to her. Not only we are observing her, she has been watching us too.
We wanted to get Charlie a companion. The House of Birds owner advised us that it would be better off by itself. One reason being we do not know the sex of the bird. The other reason is it will bond with the other bird and not us.
When my hubby was a kid, the same thing happened to him. He found a pigeon in the neighborhood and asked his Dad to help the poor pigeon with a damaged wing. His Dad had immobilized the wing and pigeon got well and was able to fly again. They let the pigeon out of its cage to free it. The pigeon (hubby named it Timmy) flew up to a wire, sat there for awhile then went back into its cage again. Timmy stayed with hubby’s family in California. When hubby’s family moved back to Illinois, Timmy moved with them. Later on, hubby found out that Timmy is a female because she laid an egg! Timmy passed after more than 10 years with the family.
My daughter loves animals. She said when she grows up she wants to rescue and take care of the less fortunate animals. Maybe she will become a Vet someday. My daughter is happy that Charlie is safe now from the outside world. Hubby tells her, “Your dream came true! You have always wanted a pet.” She said, “Yes, but I wish Charlie did not have a damaged wing.”
Monday, September 03, 2012
A country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday and head to the hills to do some bear hunting. As he rounded the corner on a perilous twist in the trail, he and a bear collided, sending him and his rifle tumbling down the mountainside. Before he knew it, his rifle went one way and he went the other, landing on a rock and breaking both legs.
That was the good news. The bad news was that the ferocious bear was charging at him from a distance, and he couldn’t move. “Oh, Lord,” the preacher prayed, “I’m so sorry for skipping services today to come out here and hunt. Please forgive me and grant me just one wish: Please make a Christian out of that bear that’s coming at me. Please, Lord!”
That very instant the bear skidded to a halt, fell to his knees, clasped its paws together and began to pray aloud right at the preacher’s feet, “Dear God, bless this food I am about to receive…”
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