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April Fool

Sunday, September 02, 2012

Defense Attorney: What is your age?

Little old Woman: I am 86 years old.

Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you?

Little old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney: Did you know him?

Little old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?

Little old Woman: He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?

Little old Woman: No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little old Woman: He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?

Little old Woman: No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little old Woman: Why, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just laid down and said to him..."Take me ...young man...Take me!"

Defense Attorney: Did he take you?

Little old Woman: Hell, no. He just yelled, "April Fool!" ...And that's when I shot the little bastard!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

Q8PRINCESS 9/3/2012 11:39PM

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PATRICIAANN46 9/3/2012 11:14PM

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SUNSHINE65 9/2/2012 11:59PM

    Oh, that is rich!

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KARIDIAN1 9/2/2012 9:42PM

    Funny!

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CHANGING-TURTLE 9/2/2012 9:38PM

    HA HA HEH HEE thanks for the laugh

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Highlight of the day is...

Sunday, September 02, 2012

It is normal for us to be running errands and to do groceries shopping on Saturdays. Went to the post office first to mail payments. Next stop is Woodman's and we arrived home to unload groceries before the rain comes. Lunch was Rainbow Sushi Roll from Woodman's with Miso Soup for me. Made noodles and egg for my daughter. Hubby had Nachos.

As we head out to continue our groceries shopping, my daughter found a dove at our backyard. My hubby said it could have been hurt by one of the cats in our neighborhood. The right wing was damaged. My daughter urged hubby to save the bird and she was in tears (extremely emotionally.) So, hubby took the dove in our house and place it in a box.

We had to go finish our groceries shopping at Golden Market (Asian store) and Sam's Club and back home to unload groceries again.

Head out to Petco to purchase a bird cage and food. Then to Target pharmacy to get some gauge and tape. By this time, it was way late. We had to stop by the Vietnamese Restaurant to get some dinner to go.

Set up the cage for the dove. Tried to immobilise the hurt wing with gauge. It struggled twice and it came right off. The third time, it stayed on but the dove did not move in the cage. Hubby said better free her and see what she does. She is now moving around the cage and much calmer now. We gave her food and water. Daughter thinks dove is female named her Charlie. Daughter said Charlie can be male or female.

It has been a very long day and I am so tired now. Still have to get kitchen clean up and get a shower. Hope everyone is having a fabulous weekend!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PATRICIAANN46 9/3/2012 11:12PM

  Your daughter reminds me of myself. I am always taking care of injured animals. Maybe I should have been a Veterinarian instead of a teacher?!?!? emoticon

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Q8PRINCESS 9/2/2012 1:10AM

    SO nice of your daughter to try to save the dove.

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LATTELEE 9/2/2012 12:46AM

  Busy!

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An Old Farmer's Advice

Friday, August 31, 2012

* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight, and bull-strong.

* Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a distance.

* Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.

* Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.

* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

* You cannot unsay a cruel word.

* Every path has a few puddles.

* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

* The best sermons are lived, not preached.

* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna
happen anyway.

* Don't judge folks by their relatives.

* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and
think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.

* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

* The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with,
watches you from the mirror every mornin'.

* Always drink upstream from the herd.

* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes
from bad judgment.

* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it
back in.

* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin'
somebody else's dog around.

* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave
the rest to God.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PAMNANGEL 9/4/2012 1:13AM

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FATHINSN 9/1/2012 9:19AM

    Wow! Even though I did chuckle at some but there are some good advises in the list :D

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Q8PRINCESS 9/1/2012 12:38AM

    Very cool

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PATRICIAANN46 8/31/2012 10:44PM

  Great Advice!!! emoticon

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Acts 2:38

Thursday, August 30, 2012

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services when an intruder startled her. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, “Stop! Acts 2:38! Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.”

The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you."

"Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an ax and two 38's!"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

Q8PRINCESS 8/31/2012 1:18AM

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PATRICIAANN46 8/30/2012 10:33PM

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Stress Echocardiogram Test

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

My doctor recommended that I go for my heart test this morning due to my recent trip to the ER. I had the following symptoms on August 5, 2012: severe chest pains, cannot breathe properly, pulse rate was real fast, blood pressure real high, hands were numb and sweaty and I was trembling.

They took ultra sound of my heart before and after they put me on a treadmill. Start me slow on the treadmill and increase the speed and inclination until I said I am getting too tired. The nurse asked me a few times if I have any discomfort in my chest. I said, "No, discomfort." Result is I did pretty good and the doctor at this facility said that my heart condition is good.

I knew there is nothing to worry about before I go there. My doctor and hubby just want to make sure that there is nothing wrong with my heart. What I had is an anxiety attack due to my peri-menopause condition. Anxiety attack looks just like a heart attack which is scary. Problem is not only my estrogen and progesterone is not balance, my thyroid hormones are off too. This causes stress or anxiety attacks to occur. I have been doing pretty good in my nutrition, soy extracts and vitamin D, exercise, sleep and meditation but sometimes it is beyond my control. I have good and bad days which is why I have not been working since April 6, 2011.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

Q8PRINCESS 8/29/2012 10:50PM

    Good news that your heart seems okay. Hormones - don't you just love being a girl?

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FATHINSN 8/29/2012 10:31PM

    Good news of no heart problem, phew!

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PATRICIAANN46 8/29/2012 10:09PM

  I am so glad to read that your heart is in good condition but am sorry to hear that you still suffer from anxiety attacks. A good friend of mine also has anxiety attacks and I know how scary they can be.
I wish you the best.
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Patti

Comment edited on: 8/29/2012 10:12:13 PM

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NANCYPAT1 8/29/2012 9:47PM

    About 20 years ago, I spent 3 days in a cardiac-care unit on a heart monitor due to an anxiety attack. I know that my heart is in good condition BUT there are still times it does feel like a heart attack. I am sorry you are dealing with this issue. It is really a challenge to get it under control.

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