Saturday, August 25, 2012
A couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.
“Look!” she said. “I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me.”
For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.
Services will be at Downing Funeral Home on Monday the 12th, due to the condition of the body; this will be a closed casket service.
Please send your donations to; 'Think Before You Say Things to Your wife Foundation' Dallas, Texas.
Friday, August 24, 2012
Went for my 30 minute walk this morning before it gets too hot. Then went for my manicure and pedicure appointment. I enjoyed my time whenever I am at the nail salon.
Took daughter for her Tae Kwon Do class at Peak Sports Club and I went 30 minutes on the treadmill. Ordered Chinese for dinner tonight.
I guess I feel very tired today partly due to the heat. My thyroid hormones also contribute to my being fatigue all the time.
Thursday, August 23, 2012
A blond girl comes back from school one evening. She runs to her mum and says: "Mummy today at school we learnt how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10! That's good, innit?"
"Yes darling, very good."
"Is that because I'm blond?"
"Yes darling, it's because you're blond."
Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: "Mummy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K! That's good, innit?"
"Yes darling, very good."
"Is that because I'm blond, mummy?"
"Yes darling it's because you're blond."
Next Day, she returns from school and cries: "Mummy, today we went swimming, and well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!" She proceeds to flash her impressive 36 D tits at her mum. "Is that because I'm blond, mummy?"
"No darling, it's because you're 25."
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Today is the first day of school for my daughter. Drop her off to school. Went for my 30 minute walk. Doctor's office called to schedule further test on my heart due to recent medical condition. My appointment is on August 29, 2012 in the morning.
Took my daughter for her Tae Kwon Do class at Peak Sports Center. I went on the treadmill for 30 minutes. My daughter is so happy, she came running to the gym section where I was on the treadmill. She said with excitement, "Mom, I passed my test last Friday and I have yellow belt now."
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
A cabbie picks up a Nun.
She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.
He replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Okay, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"
"OK," the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."
The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."
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