MISSCLEO11   9,479
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normal - ?

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Today my BMI is 24.9. Which means I am no longer overweight. I have lost 123.8 pounds.

And I am really struggling. Not with the food really, except that I don't want to eat. I don't want to follow my food plan. I have had to eat soft foods since some major dental surgery a month ago (a congenital issue that it was time to correct). It hasn't been too hard to do; everything just needs to go in the blender. But eating is a nuisance.

I'm struggling with my mood. I've had 3 episodes of major depression in my life; and because the risk of relapse with that many episodes is over 95% I've been on antidepressants since the last episode. But I guess I've gotten depressed again anyway. I haven't wanted to admit it: you know, if you're feeling badly you should just change the way you feel. Or throw yourself into helping others. Or eat right and exercise. The last 3, check. The first, can't seem to change it.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NORAB52GOOD 10/25/2011 9:42AM

    "If you are feeling badly, you should just change the way you feel"

JEEZ! If it were only that easy!!! emoticon Unfortunately it is not. Sometimes the only way out is through. Feel your feelings. Talk to your doctor if you mood is really low. As Dawn said you might need a med increase.

You have had a life altering weight loss. It may take you a while to process all the feelings that have been unveiled and stirred up.

Hang it there. You are NOT alone.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DAWNWATERWOMAN 10/18/2011 6:57AM

    Depression is one of those things that just seems to have a mind of it's own. Fresh air helps me. Get plenty of rest. You're doing GREAT on so many levels. Just keep doing the next right thing, discuss it with your doctor or therapist in case your meds need to be tweeked... and know that you are a special lady! No matter what you feel, the feelings are not bad... they just FEEL bad. Love you, Dawn emoticon emoticon

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Another milestone :)

Thursday, August 04, 2011

My BMI is 26, one point away from a healthy BMI. It's still hard to believe that I had that much to lose. I've lost 116 pounds; that's way more than both our kids weigh put together! And I can barely lift our 5 yr old. 12 pounds and I am in a healthy range :)

Funny though, since I'm a numbers geek these things interest me; I like to see how things calculate out. But I honestly don't care that much about the weight. I'm just so relieved to be saner. Not to be compelled to eat constantly; not to be trapped in that obsession.

This program may seem excessive because I work pretty hard to get appropriate foods and portions: I don't eat spontaneously, I don't eat out, I bring my own food for most occasions so I can make sure I don't accidentally ingest something addictive, I weigh and measure almost everything. This is "normal eating"-- I eat healthy, appropriate portions. I'm not bound to the food or to an unhealthy body; this gives me so much freedom.

I can't even begin to describe how grateful I am to the creator for giving me a way out. I can even honestly say I'm grateful for the experiences that brought me to this point; if I hadn't gotten up to 308 pounds I might not have had the willingness that brought me to this point. I am also well aware that if I'm not vigilant, if I don't put my recovery first, I may never make it back again. And I would likely be one of the people who dies in the misery of this disease: of diabetes, heart disease or the like. Or I could weigh 900+ pounds.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DAWNWATERWOMAN 8/4/2011 2:22PM

    I'm so happy for you. I am thinking that I need to get more serious about how I weigh & measure. It sounds like a program that I used to do called HOW. Anyway... just know how proud I am of you. Keep up the good work. Love, Dawn emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DAISYBELL6 8/4/2011 10:11AM

    I really needed this blog today. I have gotten a little blase, a little sloppy. To maintain my lifestyle I need to be vigilent.

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shape and size and grim reminders

Tuesday, July 05, 2011

Yesterday we had just finished a family ride on the bike trail when a lady came rushing back up, yelling that someone was hurt on the trail. Without even thinking about it, I RAN up the trail. This poor man, riding alone, had fallen off his bike and was lying on the trail with a bleeding head wound. Turns out he had a serious head injury requiring neurosurgery. If he had been wearing a helmet things would probably have been different.

It was a stark reminder to all of us of the importance of safety precautions. And to me of how important fitness is to handling emergencies like this. I stayed in a crouch position to keep his neck still for the several minutes until the ambulance arrived. At 308 pounds I wouldn't have been able to RUN up the trail OR attend to him nearly as well. Heck I probably wouldn't have been on the trail at all.

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I've lost very little weight over the summer; it's coming off really slowly now. I've been feeling pretty hungry at times and I think I may not be eating enough; so we added a little protein (1 oz) to each meal. I feel really good and I really don't care that much. I'm anxious to be at a healthy weight but I'd much rather be healthy and sane.

I have been on this plan 361 days. About ten years ago on this plan, I lasted just over a year and relapsed. God willing that won't happen this time. This has been an entirely different experience. I am just so grateful to have been given a solution to the hell of food addiction.

This morning I put on a pair of size 14 shorts that I couldn't fit around my hips at the beginning of summer; they fit just right! The clothes that fit well a couple months ago are getting too big. So even though the weight hasn't changed much, things are rearranging.


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CELIA1975 7/5/2011 9:24AM

    It's amazing that you were able to come to this guy's aid. It just proves that when we are healthier, we can impact others in a positive way. You were able to be a blessing to someone. That's awesome! Keep up the good work! One day at a time!

Celia

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DAWNWATERWOMAN 7/5/2011 8:34AM

    I am so proud of you for being able to RUN to someone's aid like you did. Congratulations on the body shifting & being able to wear your size 14's in style! WooHoo on biking with your family. You are amazing & I am so inspired by you! Love, Dawn emoticon emoticon

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2 things I like

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”


I won an exercise DVD on the sparkwheel today! I'm so excited :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DAWNWATERWOMAN 6/14/2011 6:02PM

    emoticon Congratulations on the dvd. Let us know how it is. Love, Dawn emoticon emoticon

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Under 200!

Sunday, June 12, 2011

well, 199.4 but that's still under 200 :)

I am just so happy to be free of that insanity!!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DAWNWATERWOMAN 6/12/2011 6:36PM

    Under 200!!!! That is AWESOME!!!! I am so proud of you! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RUBETUE 6/12/2011 5:42PM

    You go girl! YAY Miss Cleo! emoticon

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