Thursday, January 02, 2014
This holiday season brought me some eye-opening news. Over the last four months I have had a bad cold twice, which is unusual. Both times I became sick after my husband came home with something and I failed to take proper preventive precautions.
As I hate being sick, I opted both times to see a doctor within a week or so of getting sick. The first time I went to a CNP on campus and was told I had high blood pressure during intake. This was the first time I have ever read high.
This time around, I went to a local Urgent Care (a few days ago now) and also tested with a high blood pressure. The nurse even took it twice because she was unsure she had the correct readings.
I want to note that it has been over four years since I have stepped on scale and read the daunting numbers on the screen. When I go to the doctor, I always insist they keep it hidden from me. In the past, when I have lost weight, I have become so obsessed with that number that it ultimately perpetuated an eating disorder. So, in an effort to avoid this anxiety, I just stopped weighing myself.
This time at the Doctor's was no different. I insisted the nurse hide the number from me, and I could just get my antibiotics and go on my merry "weigh". However, while she was taking my BP the second time around, I saw the post it note with the number. I immediately teared up and reached for my phone to text my mother for some comfort. It was lower than I thought, but higher than I have ever been.
Despite the emotion I was feeling at this moment, it all became secondary when I over heard the conversation between the nurse and doctor outside my waiting room before she was to come in.
She saw my chart, saw my BP numbers, and then saw my age. The nurse had told her exactly what I said: That I'd never read high except the last two times. I heard the Doc say, "So now she officially has high blood pressure." Then I heard her say, "Did she see her age?"
It was devastating. The doctor came in to the room and I told her I overheard the conversation. We had a candid talk and she told me I have hypertension and that I am too young to have this.
I was besides myself for several days. I wanted to blog about this immediately, but I couldn't. Today I woke up finally feeling better from my cold, but I have been eating better from the second I received that diagnosis.
I logged on to Spark People as soon as I got home. I am going out to buy a scale today and will lose the weight I need to so that I can live past my 50s, past my 60s even (hopefully).
I am finally in the position I never wanted to be in, but I put myself here.
Fortunately, I feel very optimistic that I can take myself out of this situation as well and that maybe this was the wake up call I needed.
In the past, I have been derailed from my efforts by family tragedies. I won't let that happen this time as it has all had dire effects on my health. I am the only one in my way and I want to live a longer life than what is currently expected for me.
Friday, August 23, 2013
Two weeks ago my older brother (JJ) disappeared after a physical encounter with my younger brother. (Tim).
JJ has bipolar disorder and has been refusing to take medication. It has been stressful on my parents and my family because, as a result of his illness, he has lost his job, had several encounters with law enforcement, and now gone missing. He has tried to take his life on several occasions. Needless to say, we are all scared and devastated. My mother was thinking the absolute worse, and I sometimes so was I while sometimes I knew he would be okay.
He is okay. He turned up at a relative's house about a week after he went missing. This relative lives nearly 2,000 miles away.
During this time I couldn't eat much, and when I did it wasn't very good stuff. I just let myself go again, but I am ready to get back on track!
Fortunately, I have made some pretty good friends through this site and knowing they would be wondering where I had been, inspired me to come back and check in sooner as opposed to later.
I hope everyone is doing well. I am glad to be back. I am glad my brother is safe (names changed to protect.)
Sunday, August 04, 2013
It's the first day of Week 3 and I'm pumped! I feel like I'm really on a roll and have made several small changes to my diet, and keep doing so.
I made some delicious whole wheat banana bread over the weekend. Yum! So healthy, too.
I bought new workout clothes and new workout shoes so I feel more comfortable at the gym.
I have also started making fruit smoothies every morning! I previously blogged about my challenges eating breakfast, but I love making smoothies so that helps me. I found a recipe on the site that is just perfect. It calls for a tablespoon of oats and I also add flax seed and it keeps me full for quite awhile.
I have literally purchased every single kind of fruit imaginable: mangos, peaches, pears, blueberries, raspberries, fresh pineapple, strawberries, bananas, etc. so I have so much fun deciding which combination I want to make.
Yesterday I made a strawberry banana one, and today I made a pineapple, raspberry, and banana one . . .so freaking yummy!!
So, I'm doing pretty well with things and have been really proud of myself about the fact that my husband, who is not changing his habits (in the past, I have asked him to join me on diets and he will do it, but this time I decided that he needs to be ready to make that change on his own), brings home all kinds of bad food and I am not tempted at all!! I know that my fridge is full of all kinds of healthy goodness that is just waiting to get in my belly and make me healthier all around.
I also feel more social lately and had a really nice weekend spending time with family. Last night, for my step-mom's birthday, we made a huge sushi buffet. I limited myself and I know I didn't go over my calories.
I just feel great and hope everyone else does too!!
Friday, August 02, 2013
The Japanese have this saying that basically means, "You can do it! Good Luck! Work hard! Don't give up!" all in one. I love that saying and often say it to myself to keep motivated.
I first joined SP back in 2007 when I was living just outside of Tokyo and teaching at the largest language school in Japan. I was so determined and motivated to lose weight, and I did lose close to 70 pounds.
In retrospect it seems like it was so easy back then. The lifestyle there is so much different than here. The portions are smaller. The food is fresher. The food is healthier. The walking is endless. It was so wonderful to live there and have the experiences that I did.
I knew that when I came back home to the U.S. I wanted to be fit. I knew I would be seeing my husband (then just a friend with romantic interest who communicated with me everyday). I wanted him to find me irresistible, and he did.
Five years later and we are married. Five years later and I've done exactly what I told myself the day I boarded the plane to come home that I would not do: I let myself go. It is my pattern when it comes to relationships; I get so comfortable that I just don't care anymore.
As the years have gone by I have slowly forgotten most of the Japanese I learned while overseas for two years. But now that I am back on SP, and back on track with a healthy lifestyle, these words and phrases have started coming back to me.
One of those phrases is Gambatte (the phonetic spelling - it sounds like Gam Batt Ey). And now I say that word to myself often again.
When I don't want to go to the gym, but know I should, I hear the word in my head and it pushes me out the door. When I'm at the gym and I don't want to push myself, I hear the word and it makes me push harder. When I visualize the way I will look at my Mom's 60th birthday party, I hear the word in my mind . . .over and over again.
It's an important reminder of what I am capable of and the strength that I have. I went to Japan without knowing a single sole in 2006, and I left with many friends, a ton of teaching experience, and many wonderful prospects at my fingertips.
Just because I have gained my weight back, does not mean that all of that is gone.
Get An Email Alert Each Time MISS*J Posts