MISBJEAN   7,132
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Day 15.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Well I have gotten through the second week without alcohol. But haven't eaten very healthy. And that isn't helping my overall well being. The fatigueness is so intense, I've never felt so dragged down. Weakness in my whole body, could sleep 24 hours straight if I didn't make myself get up, pain in my joints and back. Whatever it may be, life doesn't stop because I don't feel good. It goes on without mercy. I need to get into the specialist still, have blood drawn, see if it is what they think it is...
Anyway, I like not drinking, but the other day I had my first 'considering' moment, where I was like "Hey, see, you can do it, so why not have a drink tonight and go another two weeks without?" But that isn't how it goes, and I know it.
On top of all this, I have taken it up on to change my whole career goals. Sounds drastic but I'm happy with it, and think in the long run it will better myself and help my stress levels in a different way.
I need to start tracking my calories more, so I can hold myself accountable of what intake I'm doing. If I stayed between 1200 and 1400 calories daily, I'd lose probably ten pounds. Throwing more exercise into that mix, probably get to my goal weight in a couple months. We shall see.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPARKLISE 3/27/2013 2:33PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CIRANDELLA 3/27/2013 12:44PM

    Good for you, for sticking with sobriety! I quit drinking about three years ago now, and it gets so easy after a while that you may well find you never have any desire to partake. But right now, you're going through what is traditionally the most challenging time for many who quit, and it would be great to stay mindful of the difficulties and really nurture yourself. Until the cause of the fatigue you're also having is found, you could probably use some extra sleep. Believe me...a well-placed nap is a habit you can get to really relish (raising my hand here :)

Changing one's career goals is also another huge source of stress, but it could well be that you'll love the results of your decision and really be grateful, down the road, that you made it! So try to see that as a real potential "positive" - it most likely is.

Tracking is tremendously important. If you track carefully, the weight will be sure to go! Barring some sort of very rare metabolic problem, it's inevitable. The two elements to bear in mind are consistency and accuracy in your tracking and, of course, to make it a daily practice. You do that, and you will not only meet your weight-loss goals, but you're going to feel so proud and happy, too! It really does happen...

I hope you feel better soon. emoticon

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Day 7.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Today is day 7 of my sobriety. I feel alright, despite working two noc shifts at the hopsital this weekend and getting little sleep today cause I had to wake up and finish my homework. But alcohol is not my excuse for anything right now. I feel strong with not drinking today. Although my health over all is feeling weak, my strength for not drinking is powerful. Like I've said before, my mind is the devils playground when I'm not keeping busy. So maybe working alot has been my shield against temptation. My husband and I are going to try and go to a AA meeting this week that I found, it is apart of the young people's of aa that I use to go to in Reno a few years back. Hopefully we can find sober friends there around our age, which will help support us in this journey. Today I'm tired and frail, yet I'm still strong.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CIRANDELLA 3/18/2013 5:45PM

    That's wonderful news! There are so many calories in alcohol - even the lower-calorie beers and lighter wines - plus, they really used to amp up my appetite so much emoticon. I hope you'll find just the support you're looking for at the meeting, too.

Seven days is a nice stretch of time - congratulations!! emoticon

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SPECIFICITY 3/18/2013 5:25PM

    I'm very proud of you for taking these steps. Just keep with it. My husband is going to do a "detox" with me (mine is for sugar, his is for beer) so I'm hoping it helps him, while I don't know that I'd call him alcoholic, he does have a habit. He uses it as an easy solution to things like "can't sleep" or some sort of ache or pain or "stressful day relief". Hopefully the time to detox he will pick up other coping mechanisms.

Good job and remember how strong you feel now for those days where it feels distant.

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Our struggles, mistakes, flaws... are what's defines us.

Friday, March 15, 2013

Hi all, I finally feel like I'm on the path of getting partially back on track in life. This last month has been a little rocky. Recently had issues at one of my jobs, so left and started this week at another, except different hours so I'm adjusting, then I'm also picking up more hours at the hospital to make up for being off for a week. Haven't been eating so well, due to stress, pain, blah feeling... and how much I was drinking again. But today is Day 5! And I am 'recovering' a little better than last time I tried to conquer sobriety. That time was really difficult, the withdrawal was very strange. Had to be careful that time. This time, I feel good today, for that part of myself. I'm in pain in some of my joints, and hurt in my spine still. And am extrememly fatigued as always, but I am looking forward in getting the phone call from the specialist this next week.
I know working as much as I do isn't probably good for me... but we need money, and I must keep myself busy. I enjoy working, even though stressful, my mind is the devils playground, and it works against me sometimes. I look at this way, my struggles, mistakes, flaws; are adding up to what is going to make me shine someday. I'm battling alcoholism, eating disorder, health problems, weightloss, depression... that is alot to take on and live everyday, and I don't ask for pity, or attention for it. I just have to keep thinking, believe it or not, someone else out there does have worse than I do. And I'm lucky to have the ability to admit and announce my issues that I strive to make right someday.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BROWNSKIN252 3/15/2013 3:23PM

    One day at a time
One day at a time
One day at a time

I say this to myself everyday.....hope this helps you too!

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MEEMAH2013 3/15/2013 1:34PM

    Whoo hoo! That is great that you are seeing the positive side! I am a firm believer in using the community teams for support and guidance. Maybe you can find a few to match your needs. I also want you to contact me via spark mail or my spark page for help and support too! I will be praying for you! We can do this together! Never feel you are alone!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

God bless!

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S-N-I-P 3/15/2013 12:55PM

    5 days, Wow that is great!!! You ARE a tuff cookie indeed.
You can be proud of yourself tonight..
You are in my prayers.
Keep up the good work..

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News is news... whether it's good or bad.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

So, after today it will be 4 days being sober. Woopie. ha. It hasn't been easy. And for a few reasons.
Stress gets the best of me. So, when I'm not drinking, I replace it with this munchie attack. I don't know which is worse.... But, I've done better eating the last few days. No more 4th meal cause my drunken butt is craving something to crunch on at 11pm.

On top of all this, I went to the doctor yesterday to try and get to the bottom of feeling so crappy all the time, regardless of what I do; healthy eating, exercise, etc. I'm always fatigued, I always hurt, etc. He said he is suspecting I have a specific autoimmune disease, so I'm being referred to a specialist. Which may sound like horrible news to everyone, especially if I do have this so called disease, but to me, it's a relief in a way. I've lived 7 years with these random new symptoms showing up on and in my body, I'd like to finally put an answer to it.

Anyway, new job starts today, I'll probably be working my bun off at my second job this weekend. Here we go!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TBOURLON 3/14/2013 4:05PM

    Best of luck to you! emoticon

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RODGRODMEDFLOD 3/14/2013 12:24PM

    Better to know what it is, even if it is bad news.

Good luck with the new job!


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Real Talk: drinking, health, vent sesh

Friday, March 08, 2013

let it all out, hold self accountable. realisticly showing oneself.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STR458 3/9/2013 11:20AM

    it is what it is- thanks for being yourself emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/9/2013 1:55:45 PM

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S-N-I-P 3/9/2013 4:32AM

    My heart goes out for you... Find friends that can support you in your goals. There is still alot of good people out there. Hang in there girl, one step at a time..

Comment edited on: 3/9/2013 4:33:28 AM

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