Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Well I have gotten through the second week without alcohol. But haven't eaten very healthy. And that isn't helping my overall well being. The fatigueness is so intense, I've never felt so dragged down. Weakness in my whole body, could sleep 24 hours straight if I didn't make myself get up, pain in my joints and back. Whatever it may be, life doesn't stop because I don't feel good. It goes on without mercy. I need to get into the specialist still, have blood drawn, see if it is what they think it is...
Anyway, I like not drinking, but the other day I had my first 'considering' moment, where I was like "Hey, see, you can do it, so why not have a drink tonight and go another two weeks without?" But that isn't how it goes, and I know it.
On top of all this, I have taken it up on to change my whole career goals. Sounds drastic but I'm happy with it, and think in the long run it will better myself and help my stress levels in a different way.
I need to start tracking my calories more, so I can hold myself accountable of what intake I'm doing. If I stayed between 1200 and 1400 calories daily, I'd lose probably ten pounds. Throwing more exercise into that mix, probably get to my goal weight in a couple months. We shall see.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Today is day 7 of my sobriety. I feel alright, despite working two noc shifts at the hopsital this weekend and getting little sleep today cause I had to wake up and finish my homework. But alcohol is not my excuse for anything right now. I feel strong with not drinking today. Although my health over all is feeling weak, my strength for not drinking is powerful. Like I've said before, my mind is the devils playground when I'm not keeping busy. So maybe working alot has been my shield against temptation. My husband and I are going to try and go to a AA meeting this week that I found, it is apart of the young people's of aa that I use to go to in Reno a few years back. Hopefully we can find sober friends there around our age, which will help support us in this journey. Today I'm tired and frail, yet I'm still strong.
Friday, March 15, 2013
Hi all, I finally feel like I'm on the path of getting partially back on track in life. This last month has been a little rocky. Recently had issues at one of my jobs, so left and started this week at another, except different hours so I'm adjusting, then I'm also picking up more hours at the hospital to make up for being off for a week. Haven't been eating so well, due to stress, pain, blah feeling... and how much I was drinking again. But today is Day 5! And I am 'recovering' a little better than last time I tried to conquer sobriety. That time was really difficult, the withdrawal was very strange. Had to be careful that time. This time, I feel good today, for that part of myself. I'm in pain in some of my joints, and hurt in my spine still. And am extrememly fatigued as always, but I am looking forward in getting the phone call from the specialist this next week.
I know working as much as I do isn't probably good for me... but we need money, and I must keep myself busy. I enjoy working, even though stressful, my mind is the devils playground, and it works against me sometimes. I look at this way, my struggles, mistakes, flaws; are adding up to what is going to make me shine someday. I'm battling alcoholism, eating disorder, health problems, weightloss, depression... that is alot to take on and live everyday, and I don't ask for pity, or attention for it. I just have to keep thinking, believe it or not, someone else out there does have worse than I do. And I'm lucky to have the ability to admit and announce my issues that I strive to make right someday.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
So, after today it will be 4 days being sober. Woopie. ha. It hasn't been easy. And for a few reasons.
Stress gets the best of me. So, when I'm not drinking, I replace it with this munchie attack. I don't know which is worse.... But, I've done better eating the last few days. No more 4th meal cause my drunken butt is craving something to crunch on at 11pm.
On top of all this, I went to the doctor yesterday to try and get to the bottom of feeling so crappy all the time, regardless of what I do; healthy eating, exercise, etc. I'm always fatigued, I always hurt, etc. He said he is suspecting I have a specific autoimmune disease, so I'm being referred to a specialist. Which may sound like horrible news to everyone, especially if I do have this so called disease, but to me, it's a relief in a way. I've lived 7 years with these random new symptoms showing up on and in my body, I'd like to finally put an answer to it.
Anyway, new job starts today, I'll probably be working my bun off at my second job this weekend. Here we go!
Friday, March 08, 2013
let it all out, hold self accountable. realisticly showing oneself.
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