Tuesday, July 15, 2008
I don't have a lot to say recently. Nothing bad going on here. All's well.
One of the really awesome things about living on program (eating right), is that I figured out yesterday I really prefer my own food here at home. Going out to eat just isn't appealing to me anymore. Cool huh? (Now that's with the exception of good Sushi).
When I was at the hospital yesterday for tests I couldn't wait to get home to eat my own food. Of course, I took a peach with me to munch on when the tests were done. The old me, made a small whisper in my ear about going to Zaxby's for chicken, but it was a faint whisper, because it wasn't appealing anymore. ~Poof Be Gone~
Then hitting the door here at home, figured I'd be ravenous and wasn't. The peach killed my hunger and I wasn't even thinking of food. Realizing how focused on food my old habits were, was a real eye-opener.
After that morning, I sat a good bit of the day working at the computer with things needing to get out by the end of the month. Normally, I'd sit here and much on little things thinking about FOOD a good bit of the time. That didn't happen either.
Later on that night reviewing the last 5 months and the process of changing thought process over food, was also really amazing. I feel good when I am managing my food intake. What was a real pain and chore has become "me". It means that doing this helps me maintain my good feeling. It's putting energy into what FEELS GOOD for myself. I know it takes a while to create new habits and even longer for behavior to take hold and change you from the inside out. I think I'm finally there.
I put on a shirt yesterday I'd not put on in a long time. It didn't ever fit right because of the girth of my mid-section. I grabbed it and threw it on over a tank-top and jeans. Uh... it was huge! It hung on me like I was wearing my Dad's work shirt! ...
OK, that was when it hit me that the inches must be really falling off. No, I didn't measure. I still don't. I just go by my clothes. Sometimes the "numbers" do a head trip on me so I don't put any data in for my brain to fixate on. The scales the same way. I don't weigh but every week, and sometimes I have my husband hide them so I don't grab them out of temptation. They come out on Sunday night and I weigh Monday morning. Sometimes I even wait till Tuesday.
Well, that's about it for now. I do want to leave you with a thought though. If you were trying to save a drowning person, how hard would you try to save them?... Now, consider that drowning person is me? How hard would you try to save me?... Now consider that person is you. We choose to drown or to live the life here we are meant to have.
Sending you peace,
Monday, July 14, 2008
Thinking over my day I realized what an odd person I must seem like to 90% of the free world. ... Yes, I'll tell you why.
Today was test n' tune day for me. Hospital tests- whoopie~ Anyhow, after going through all the rigmarole folks go through to get into pre-admittance (which is a good thing by the way- The pre-admission, not the wait). So, it was an early day with no coffee, no food, and no fun. Blah... Then finally registered with the hospital for them to draw blood and look at the interior portions of my frame with Xrays, I go onto the waiting room and sit. When they finally call my name I go in for my apmt, for a bone density scan.
Painless enough. I had to strip down and get on one of those "see more gowns". Then of course crawl on a table and let the machine do it's trick. In the middle of undressing, it hits me how dirty my feet look from here. Evidently walking around in sandals for most of the morning I didn't notice how dusty they had gotten.
Then the giggles hit me while getting naked in the dressing room with curtain drawn. Mostly because it was ironic to have to lay there on that table knowing my feet looked like that. The technician will think I'm a poor soul who doesn't know how to bathe! -- And then I laughed louder to myself. Soon I heard in the waiting room erupt in giggles of other ladies..."Gezz.. she's laughing! What's so funny?"... It was then I sort of came to my senses and realized I'd been laughing out loud and that pretty much most of the waiting room (4 ladies) knew my feet were dirty too... LOL What can you do but laugh at this?
OK, done here, now down the hallway to the next hall- XRay. By that time I'm hungry to the max and not over happy without my AM coffee. So I sit in the XRay waiting room for my turn. Still dirty feet still more people going to notice and not a dang thing I can do about it but suffer... and laughing again by now, folks just think I've lost my mind!
Well, this was my day... Remembering it will not be a problem.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
To get past bumps in the road, it helps to have a few Quotes that remind you how to navigate...
After missing several accidents on the roadway this gem came to mind. I kept it close to me.
"Best Defense Not Be There"
-Karate Kid (Thank you Mr Miyagi)
When I feel bad about myself because my eyes are on another..
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent"
For my kids when other children would pester them to do things they knew was wrong or would put them in situations they didn't want to be in....
I'd always remind them, look, if you can't take the heat and say "NO for yourself"... Then blame Me because I have big shoulders.
Tell them you can't because, "My Mom said I can't go"
Or.... "Because Mom won't let me have the keys"
Or... "I can't go. I'm grounded"
When life has had me in the grips of drama... these quotes came to me through praying (loudly and griping out-loud)... Amazing when God does speak, he doesn't mince words...
"Live Today, Hope for Tomorrow, Plan for Eternity"
Wisdom is the precious fruit of trying
I will use all things at my disposal to make you who you need to be
And for fun... I have always appreciated this quote
"Anyone who thinks child birth doesn't hurt, grab your bottom lip and stretch it over your head!"
I have a whole list in my noggin.. I'll add more later.
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
What goals do we have as people? I had to ask myself that question.
What is a goal? I mean really... What is a goal? Is it that dress you want to finally fit back into? That look you want to have? Is it the way you feel? Your health? Perhaps it has nothing to do with weight loss at all? Those that I came up with, were broken into three categories. Physical, Mental, and Spiritual. What I found out was that I need to be more aware of my "goals". Goals which you aren't even aware of will find a way to be met... somehow.
Did you know, failure is can also be a goal? Yes... yes it can. Some call it the "Self-Fulfilling prophecy" What you believe in you become.
One of the lines heard often in life is, "If they would take care of themselves they wouldn't have time to meddle in other people's business"... Ever hear that? Sitting and pondering that line brought me to the conclusion that it's mostly a reflection of how you feel about yourself. Usually we pick apart the attributes we recognize in other people we see in ourselves or dislike about ourselves.
I didn't like that very much because in the past I've been very critical and degrading to people more than I'd like to admit. Life really isn't about being "right" its about love, acceptance and caring. Giving life is so much more healing to people than offering them your valued "opinion" on their life.
Setting Goals for myself is what I will focus on... One of my goals is to criticize less, love more, and welcome life as is.
I've heard life here called "The insane asylum of the universe" because you have to be nuts to agree to come here, be a flesh and blood person and live this situation comedy. After many years of consideration and thought, I say, I agree.... Life here can be difficult and I will agree with myself that I will love people, no matter what and no matter who they are. Making it even more difficult with my criticism will not improve anyone and I will refrain from making negative comments on their life situation. It is them who has to live with the results and consequences.
Supporting you while you travel here (grin),
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Ever have an impulse to cram Donuts down someones throat?
Oh, I did today.
My ever so thin husband carries in a box of the little chocolate covered goodies first thing this morning. For a moment I pondered grabbing the box and stuffing them up his nose, then it hit me they won't fit without significant body damage... OK, I want him to suffer a little so that's alright. ~~miff~~ UGH! People...
Anyway, then I snuggled down into my fluffy couch and watched the morning news and pouted a little, then it hit me... I really didn't care to have any of them in the first place. I could easily pass them by without feeling deprived. AND if I wanted them I could have one! But... the trade off is not what I want. It's all about Cost- ya see. I'd come to the place where what I want for myself is far more tempting than donuts. Besides I know my Grandson will be here in approximately 10 minutes and eat them instantly. They'll be gone.
But, I think I hit a milestone today, and got a bit of sick pleasure knowing they could sit there all day and get hard and unappealing and turn to little chocolate covered bricks and I wouldn't eat one.
Yep, that's a milestone. A few months ago, I'd likely have eaten three of the little boogers and then felt like crud in the moment after that last bite, knowing it would do nothing to improve my life or the width of my ample rump. I'd just insured the propagation of more fat cells...
So, it's all about Cost.. Personal Cost. It's not even about suffering, it's about investing in what I truly want. Does it mean I will have to tell the "old me" "NO NO NO" some? Oh, yeah it sure does; BUT doesn't an Olympic trainer do that? Wouldn't I do that were I training for a marathon? Yep! So, now I see myself as a person training for a huge marathon Olympic type event. Somone training for the long haul who will make some sacrifices food wise, who will not put in her face things which defeat the efforts propagated during the previous days of training.
Now it's about ----- Investing In Me!
So, going back to the Blog Title-
The World Keeps Spinning while you are getting healthy...
The same people in your life will do the same things they always did without change. Not only do they not participate in "you" they also won't change "themselves for you". Should they really be expected too? Well, no not really. If they do because they want to change that's their business, but nothing we do for ourselves should ever really melt over into a group effort in the family unless they want to participate in change. Ya see, they might be proud of you for trying and even your success but, it's not the thing they are investing in. The world just stays on the same course and the people in it doing the same things they are always doing... It's you that is changing. Finally it hit me...
I can't change them but I can change "ME" so that what they do doesn't bother me any more.
Sending you Successful wishes and Goonie Hugs,
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