Sunday, May 25, 2008
About 10 years ago I lost 96 lbs. Making friends with that new person in the mirror wasn’t easy. I didn’t recognize her at all. Heck, I’d not been a size 5 since third grade. People knew me by that round smiling face. People who used to know me would pass me by, simply because they didn’t know the new face in the mirror. Honestly, some of them, I’m happy didn’t recognize me.
My whole life changed in a year… I went from fat to thin, and unemployed to working for a weight loss company as spokesperson and leader. It was all going so fast, I think my head was in a spin. Then Dad died. I see this as a benchmark for my life in weight loss process; mainly because his opinion of my body and my size was such a driving force for me. He was the face smiling when I announced I’d lost another few pounds. Then he’d say, “Yeah you are look’n good there girl. Another 5 lbs and you’ll be there”… It hit me too late that in his eyes, I’d never,
I was manic dieting, already down to 126 and thinking I still had 5 lbs to loose. My doctor wasn’t excited about my new size. He said, I’d lost too much and I needed to be careful. Dad saying, “Another 5 lbs and you’ll be there”, playing in my ears. I was a confused lady. Could I make NO ONE HAPPY?
One day during rehearsals (singing group), our leader looked at me, stopped what he was doing, left the piano, walked over to me and took me by the shoulders and said, “Look I don’t know what you THINK you are doing but STOP! You are too thin!”. Not that I gave a rip what he thought in the first place, but he did make me look at myself with new eyes. I realized I was still trying to please Dad by loosing weight.
Dad died that year and I released the need to please him. Then the weight began to pile back on slowly. But a part of me felt free.
This time around, loosing weight is for me, no one else. I wish I’d not taken so many years to get to this thought process. However, I am here.