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Reflections

Friday, March 08, 2013

Wow. It is Friday. A few days ago I was thinking that Friday couldn't come soon enough for my comfort (and, shockingly, it had very little to do with needing a break from work) and how miserable I was about this week's LTGL theme, this bloody blogging.

But along the way this experience has morphed into something else. It has reminded me of why I came to SparkPeople to begin with.

I came here - not for information, advice or any of the more common reasons - but for the camaraderie and the fun, and to have someone to share this journey with. Visiting tons of blogs during these past seven days has given me so many glimpses into people's hearts and minds. It has shown me how immensely supportive this community is, and how much strength there is to gain from such support.

In short; it has been emoticon ! I am so happy to have found a group of people who see the best in each other, who are not afraid to be silly, serious, disappointed, sad, tired, happy, teasing, confused and a myriad of other things, in front of each other.

I think this is the most amazing thing I am taking away from this week of blogging.

Thank you for that.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TWNOMWE 3/11/2013 2:11PM

    It is an amazing site and thanks for saying it. emoticon emoticon blog

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DDOORN 3/10/2013 8:38PM

    The camaraderie of our SparkFamily is just AWESOME and unlike anything out there on the 'net! It's so helpful to know that we can count on the support and constructive criticism of others here at SparkPeople.

Catching up with y0ur blogs and very impressed with your shares!

Spark On! :-)

Don

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SIMPLELIFE4REAL 3/9/2013 4:38AM

    I've enjoyed reading your blogs this week. I'm glad you found why you joined SP in the first place.

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NUOVAELLE 3/9/2013 3:39AM

    I hope this means that you'll keep on blogging now that the blog-themed week is over!
I enjoyed reading your blogs, too!
Have a great, relaxing weekend, Minna!
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MICKEYH 3/8/2013 9:03PM

    Yes!! I am completely agree on this !! We have really emoticon A+ team!!
I enjoyed all of team's blog. That's including yours too!! Thank you for so being honest and care for all of us A's. and thanks for your support. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BELIEVING-N-ME 3/8/2013 8:02PM

    Glad that you stuck it out and made it through.

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KELSPRETTYGIRL 3/8/2013 7:18PM

    I hope you're inspired to keep blogging... because I enjoy reading them!

Thanks for all you do, Minna!

I love our team!!!!

emoticon A's!!!!

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SLIMLEAF 3/8/2013 5:51PM

    I'm glad you've found some benefit and encouragement in this week's LTGL challenge. Well done for sticking with it!

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PILLYWIGGIN 3/8/2013 4:50PM

    It has been a great week - much better than I thought it would be. I too have enjoyed getting to know everyone better, although I still haven't enjoyed the blogging bits. We are all stronger because of it I'm sure!
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MUSOLF6 3/8/2013 4:43PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MOSTMOM1 3/8/2013 4:39PM

    This challenge is what started me blogging/vlogging in the first place and it's been a huge part of my journey. I so appreciate the support and encouragement I get from being part of this team. It's so much more fun, doing this together.

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KRISTINSGOALS 3/8/2013 4:26PM

    I'm totally with you, Minna. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading our team's thoughts this week. It has made me feel like I knew them better and that we're really fighting the fight together. Very cool stuff.

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QSULLIVAN 3/8/2013 4:03PM

    Me, too! I'm so happy to have found Sparkpeople! This was a hard challenge. I'm just not a natural blogger. I'm glad I'm not the only one. All I have to say is, we made it through!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LIVERIGHTNOW 3/8/2013 3:59PM

    Glad you have found comfort!!!!!

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MARTY728 3/8/2013 3:25PM

    emoticon

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Honesty and delete buttons

Thursday, March 07, 2013

This blogging thing is hard. I hate (hate, hate, hate) feeling vulnerable, and spread open for others to judge. Yet, I can't make myself write anything that isn't honest and (on some level) meaningful.

Which makes me procrastinate doing this, then obsess over it, fret once it's done and hover over the delete or edit button. Stressful.

I think the theme for today was advice. Yes? I am not great at asking for it, or asking for help. That means admitting I don't know something - which totally clashes with my type A, perfectionist personality.

Nope. Instead I do research. And then I research some more. But I don't ask for help. Well, not for myself, anyway. For others, no problem... LOL!

I acquired an eating disorder at the tender age of 16. I became obsessed with exercise. I researched the heck out of diets, fitness, weight-loss, everything.

It took me about 10 years to get better. But I don't think I have forgotten one single thing I learned. So, no, I don't need to ask for help or advice on how to lose weight, or how to exercise, or how to become/stay motivated.

What I need is to keep my demons dormant and my body injury-free. It's a process. And it's on me.

And now, where is that delete button? Hmm?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUNNER12COM 3/11/2013 3:55PM

    You can delete the words but not the message. And some of us know you well enough to appreciate that you even make an effort to share what is going on inside that mind of yours.

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BILL60 3/8/2013 7:08AM

    Hang tough!!

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NUOVAELLE 3/8/2013 3:33AM

    Keep your fingers away from the delete button because it's so good to see you blogging again! Of course you don't need any advice on nutrition and exercise subjects but how about a little support or a virtual pat on the back? Judgement is out of the question, that's not what we're here for!
You are one of my first SP friends, Minna and I've always liked your honesty and your way of writing.
So, no delete buttons, ok?

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CASKUL 3/8/2013 12:34AM

    Sometimes it is really freeing to reach out and open ourselves up and allow others in. Each blog is one more step to open up to others.

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MICKEYH 3/7/2013 11:47PM

    For me, it's hard to live with striving to be perfection. I prefer make progress then perfection. You can easily guess my blood type. Right? yes,..it is "B." Lol. (*^^*)
Today I asked help in my blog about serving size. And I've got bunch of great helps. I am so appreciate all of the helps. It takes some courage to ask, but glad I did. Thanks for sharing your honesty .

emoticon emoticon

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GEMLADYONE 3/7/2013 10:14PM

    Minna, what you write always rings true with me. I love your honesty. Thank you for sharing! emoticon

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PREDFAN 3/7/2013 9:16PM

    Minna I think your Awesome and honesty is the best policy! It is hard to put yourself out there but I think your doing a great job! No judgement here! I read an article one time that really stuck in my brain. When we walk into a room we think that people are looking at us or judging us when in truth most people pay no attention , it is you that does the judging of yourself. I have the attitude that I don't care what people think of me, but what I think of myself is what really matters! Stay true to you, you are amazing!

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MUSOLF6 3/7/2013 7:47PM

    emoticon for sharing emoticon

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SLIMLEAF 3/7/2013 5:54PM

    Minna, you are my friend and I LIKE you! I'm really not going to judge you!

Besides, I think you're doing a GREAT job! You may struggle, but then we all do that to one degree or another - most of us struggle A LOT, which is why we need SparkPeople. But despite your struggles, you keep going, you make progress and you make us smile - how successful is that?!

Keep up the good work.
Lindsay

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KRISTINSGOALS 3/7/2013 5:53PM

    I love your honesty, Minna!

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VAPIDWENCH 3/7/2013 5:52PM

    Don't delete it! It was a good post, and blogging, well it's a process too. One that may have values you don't know about yet. Writing things down and getting them off my chest has certainly help put things in perspective for me.

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KELSPRETTYGIRL 3/7/2013 5:52PM

    I enjoy reading your blogs, Minna!
Keep writing them.
I totally get what you're saying.
Nothing wrong with HONESTY!

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Perceptions

Wednesday, March 06, 2013

In case some of my SparkFriends think I'm going through a crisis of sorts, what with the sudden increase in blogging - let me assure you everything is fine. This is part of a weekly assignment where we are blogging on the theme of habits .

Or the lack of them. Or the forming of them.

I picked rewarding myself as the habit I intended to work on.

There's just one problem with this. I am the most self-critical human being in existence. I am merciless. I indulge in the worst kind of introspection, like a glutton for self-flagellation.

How can I ever practice the habit of rewarding myself when there is never anything worth rewading in my own eyes?

Others can heap praise over me for this or that, compliment me, reward me - but until I find myself worthy of it, it all means very little.

Perception is a funny thing. Perhaps that would have been a better habit to choose to work on.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NUOVAELLE 3/8/2013 3:26AM

    How about fighting an old bad habit? Perfectionism, for example, which causes all the lack of self-praise and the continuous, harsh self-criticism? I can join you in that one, if you want!
Sometimes I look at my children's drawings of mom. Through their eyes, I'm the most perfect human being on earth! I suggest you do it, too. And hurry up, before they reach their teens and they get to hate us ten times a day!!
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I hope I made you smile!
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MICKEYH 3/7/2013 12:16AM

    Yes, please, work on your perception. I believe on self love. Hopefully very soon you will able to see yourself worthy of everything that you do your yourself and family.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LTURSS 3/6/2013 9:46PM

    I'm right there with you! No matter what improvement we make, it's so easy to see what we still need to improve upon rather than how far we've come. Take some time to look at the differences you see in yourself so far & maybe write down some things that are great about yourself each day!
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CAROLJ35 3/6/2013 9:30PM

    You're not alone! I think many of us are self-critical.
We should join you in looking for the good in us rather finding fault with what we do and say.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KRISTINSGOALS 3/6/2013 8:24PM

    I am right there with you, Minna. Tough stuff...

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LYNNWILK2 3/6/2013 7:03PM

    that right there should be the focus of your first habit... changing your perception of yourself. You can do it through your blogs. Start by practicing positive affirmations, say them over and over again, until you start to feel the "crack" in merciless self-criticism ... Carry a small pile of note cards with these affirmations on them. You can find a lot of them on Sparks.
Just a suggestion or redirection... you would be able to work on two things at once and improve your total outlook on your life.

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CAROLINAKIWI 3/6/2013 4:45PM

    Take a few minutes and write down everything you did good today. It doesn't have to be anything big - even if you just smiled at someone. Now, take a look at that list and realize that those are things worth rewarding because you took the time to do them. You are really a great person whether you realize it or not.

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KELSPRETTYGIRL 3/6/2013 4:41PM

    emoticon It's hard being a perfectionist. emoticon

emoticon here's some new shoes.... emoticon

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Thoughts on habits, rewards and obstacles.

Tuesday, March 05, 2013

Habits.

Seems so easy. Should be so easy. Just pick one and then do it. Right?

Wrong.

Some days it feels like the commitment needs to be renewed on a minute-to-minute basis.

Who knew it could take so much energy? That it could be so very difficult to do something so very simple?

Today has been one of those days. You know; THOSE days. I did okay food-wise at work. I got my walk in, I tried to keep my positive outlook.

But I was also feeling stressed and overworked, Couldn't make myself go to the gym, not when I had a desk full of overdue cases. Couldn't make myself leave work at quittin' time either. Which makes it the 9th day in a row that I work late (yes, my family is so happy about that).

I had a plan in place. Exercise, stick to my calorie range and I had also picked a brand new habit: to reward myself for my accomplishments. But what about when I don't feel like I've accomplished anything more than just surviving the day? What's the reward for that?

I came home so tired I felt like I might fall asleep between one step and the next. Literally. Still, the kids expect attention - a smile, hugs, praise, and "look at my drawing, mamma!" And I love them, so I bend over backwards to give it to them.

And then I hit the chocolate. And blew off my PT training. And had a glass of wine.

Some days are just hard.

Habits don't form easily. Sometimes you need to take it a minute at a time. And sometimes you just give up on this day and vow to do better the next.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NUOVAELLE 3/8/2013 3:20AM

    You didn't just survive the day. You came home after an exhausting day and gave your children the attention and love they needed even though you were sooo tired. And maybe that's a reward in itself but a mom's dedication should always be rewarded. Not with chocolate, of course!
Try to find the good version of yourself in the details of your daily life. There's always something good to boost your self-esteem and help you move forward.
emoticon emoticon

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MARTY728 3/6/2013 12:30PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BILL60 3/6/2013 7:55AM

    Life is tough. One has to be tougher.

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MICKEYH 3/6/2013 1:43AM

    Hanging in there, sometime it is hard to keep up the habit but as long as you have right attitude you will make it. Remember, don't rush, just little by little will make a lot in the end.

emoticon emoticon

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NINETOZE 3/5/2013 11:12PM

    Totally been there! I'm one to take work home with me when I have too much to get done in a day/week. My work isn't bad right now but our company is struggling. They laid off another employee today. We are about half the size we were a year ago. I'm thankful to have a job and will trade days of working extra for days of unemployment.
I agree with the others. You are successful in other areas so you do have reason for your rewards. We are not perfect all the time. Just have to forgive and keep strong and get back in there.

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GEMLADYONE 3/5/2013 9:49PM

    Amen Sister! You're not alone in having those days...and it's ok to miss the target once in a while. You'll wake feeling rested, and with a new start, can just decide to do better tomorrow. Hey, the reward is for progress, not perfection, right? emoticon

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CAROLJ35 3/5/2013 9:35PM

    Sorry about your lousy day. Your job sounds like so many others where the load is just too much. Overworked and underpaid!!!
But remember your family is of utmost importance - those kids grow up soooo fast!!! Love 'em lots!!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LJR4HEALTH 3/5/2013 8:37PM

    I agree changing habits is not an easy task it is something we have to work on constantly but emoticon

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REEBADABEEBOOS 3/5/2013 8:24PM

    Your accomplishments included being a good employee, a good momma, and a good team leader. Tomorrow is a new day. A bad day of eating won't kill you - just make tomorrow better!

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ELLFIN3 3/5/2013 8:19PM

    Sorry! It is hard to have that much work! One of the Girls at My office works late and then She take stuff home! I hope Your work load eases soon!!! You will find that one habit You can do and not beat Yourself up when You do not get to do it!! Hang in there together We can do it!!!!! ((HUGS)))

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MUSTANG0421 3/5/2013 8:14PM

    I always think that everyone else has it easier than I do. I am sorry you had a rough day but I am happy that you shared. It helps to know that we are really all on the same journey. emoticon

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MORETA63 3/5/2013 6:52PM

    Oh Minna. Life can get in the way of so many things. I like your attitude of "just give up on this day and vow to do better the next." Just remember to take care of yourself.

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SLIMLEAF 3/5/2013 5:18PM

    Sorry to hear you had another tough day, Minna.

It sounds like you did well just to get through it and still be attentive to your children - that's a big achievement!

As you say, tomorrow is a chance to try again.
God bless - and sleep well!

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PREDFAN 3/5/2013 4:51PM

    Nothing about this is easy. Some days really push our boundaries. You just do the best you can with what you have and acknowledge what you could do better and move it on to the next day!
Stay strong and focused and it will all come around!

Enjoy your glass of wine, sounds like you need it!
HUGS!!!

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MUSOLF6 3/5/2013 4:39PM

    emoticon

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Retail Therapy (with photo)

Sunday, March 03, 2013

This is for my emoticon A Team gals, who have been asking for pics... emoticon

So, as you may remember from my ranting, I stepped on the scale a few days ago and was feeling pretty low.

Retail therapy helps, we all know this, right? As luck would have it, I caught the tail-end of the winter sales and instead of one pair of shoes, I came home with these:



4 pairs of good quality shoes for only $300! The brown shoes are warm winter shoes and will have to wait until next winter to get some use (although we still have snow and cold temps so I guess I could wear them now), but the others will get loved on asap! emoticon

Also notice that they all have sturdy, sensible heels so as not to aggravate the state of my back. I have been wearing flats for the past 11 months, and I can't wait to have higher heels again!

Turns out I had a decent weigh-in on Saturday, so now they are also my reward ! emoticon

I am SO pleased with my shopping trip.

Edited to say: Rewarding/consoling myself with something other than food/sweets/good wine doesn't come easily for me, so this is my new habit I am working on!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NUOVAELLE 3/8/2013 3:13AM

    I love them all! And that's a great new habit you're trying to establish!
Way to go, Minna!
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MICKEYH 3/3/2013 10:15PM

    emoticon emoticon love your shoes !! Thanks for sharing.

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YELLOWDAHLIA 3/3/2013 5:00PM

    Oh my gosh! I love all of them!!!

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BELIEVING-N-ME 3/3/2013 4:44PM

    Good deal! Way to go on rewarding yourself. Love the boots!

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LIVERIGHTNOW 3/3/2013 4:37PM

    Ahem, a chocolate bar would be a lot cheaper. Wait, who said that?
Love you, Minna

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SLIMLEAF 3/3/2013 4:12PM

    What a great new habit to work on, Minna - I like it!
(The boots are pretty good too!)

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PREDFAN 3/3/2013 3:43PM

    Great job and really cute shoes! I so love shoes! Like the heel levels on them too!
Keep up the great work and rewards and you will have a closet full of great stuff soon!

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MHNGJR 3/3/2013 3:21PM

    emoticon Shopping "Reward" trip. Keep looking for those ways to reward/console without calories. emoticon

The brown ones are my favorite emoticon

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MOMMY445 3/3/2013 1:55PM

    that is a great deal! what a great reward! have a wonderful day!

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MILADY_LCF 3/3/2013 1:13PM

    Good Deal and good plan! I like that you found something awesome that you can reward yourself with that isn't food!

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GEMLADYONE 3/3/2013 12:52PM

    I love it. What a great way to reward yourself for a emoticon !

I know you'll enjoy them...and what a deal!

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REEBADABEEBOOS 3/3/2013 12:24PM

    Cute shoes and YAY to you for rewarding and consoling without food. I have some new boots myself and they give me such confidence. Boots are awesome. :)

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KRISTINSGOALS 3/3/2013 12:11PM

    Love it, Minna!!! Super cute boots!!

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BABYTUXXY 3/3/2013 11:18AM

    Nice boots!

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THUNDERCAT 3/3/2013 11:10AM

    Good deal. Nice boots/shoes and wonderful weigh-in success. Great reward. Grand slam.


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