Friday, March 08, 2013
Wow. It is Friday. A few days ago I was thinking that Friday couldn't come soon enough for my comfort (and, shockingly, it had very little to do with needing a break from work) and how miserable I was about this week's LTGL theme, this bloody blogging.
But along the way this experience has morphed into something else. It has reminded me of why I came to SparkPeople to begin with.
I came here - not for information, advice or any of the more common reasons - but for the camaraderie and the fun, and to have someone to share this journey with. Visiting tons of blogs during these past seven days has given me so many glimpses into people's hearts and minds. It has shown me how immensely supportive this community is, and how much strength there is to gain from such support.
In short; it has been ! I am so happy to have found a group of people who see the best in each other, who are not afraid to be silly, serious, disappointed, sad, tired, happy, teasing, confused and a myriad of other things, in front of each other.
I think this is the most amazing thing I am taking away from this week of blogging.
Thank you for that.
Thursday, March 07, 2013
This blogging thing is hard. I hate (hate, hate, hate) feeling vulnerable, and spread open for others to judge. Yet, I can't make myself write anything that isn't honest and (on some level) meaningful.
Which makes me procrastinate doing this, then obsess over it, fret once it's done and hover over the delete or edit button. Stressful.
I think the theme for today was advice. Yes? I am not great at asking for it, or asking for help. That means admitting I don't know something - which totally clashes with my type A, perfectionist personality.
Nope. Instead I do research. And then I research some more. But I don't ask for help. Well, not for myself, anyway. For others, no problem... LOL!
I acquired an eating disorder at the tender age of 16. I became obsessed with exercise. I researched the heck out of diets, fitness, weight-loss, everything.
It took me about 10 years to get better. But I don't think I have forgotten one single thing I learned. So, no, I don't need to ask for help or advice on how to lose weight, or how to exercise, or how to become/stay motivated.
What I need is to keep my demons dormant and my body injury-free. It's a process. And it's on me.
And now, where is that delete button? Hmm?
Wednesday, March 06, 2013
In case some of my SparkFriends think I'm going through a crisis of sorts, what with the sudden increase in blogging - let me assure you everything is fine. This is part of a weekly assignment where we are blogging on the theme of habits .
Or the lack of them. Or the forming of them.
I picked rewarding myself as the habit I intended to work on.
There's just one problem with this. I am the most self-critical human being in existence. I am merciless. I indulge in the worst kind of introspection, like a glutton for self-flagellation.
How can I ever practice the habit of rewarding myself when there is never anything worth rewading in my own eyes?
Others can heap praise over me for this or that, compliment me, reward me - but until I find myself worthy of it, it all means very little.
Perception is a funny thing. Perhaps that would have been a better habit to choose to work on.
Tuesday, March 05, 2013
Seems so easy. Should be so easy. Just pick one and then do it. Right?
Some days it feels like the commitment needs to be renewed on a minute-to-minute basis.
Who knew it could take so much energy? That it could be so very difficult to do something so very simple?
Today has been one of those days. You know; THOSE days. I did okay food-wise at work. I got my walk in, I tried to keep my positive outlook.
But I was also feeling stressed and overworked, Couldn't make myself go to the gym, not when I had a desk full of overdue cases. Couldn't make myself leave work at quittin' time either. Which makes it the 9th day in a row that I work late (yes, my family is so happy about that).
I had a plan in place. Exercise, stick to my calorie range and I had also picked a brand new habit: to reward myself for my accomplishments. But what about when I don't feel like I've accomplished anything more than just surviving the day? What's the reward for that?
I came home so tired I felt like I might fall asleep between one step and the next. Literally. Still, the kids expect attention - a smile, hugs, praise, and "look at my drawing, mamma!" And I love them, so I bend over backwards to give it to them.
And then I hit the chocolate. And blew off my PT training. And had a glass of wine.
Some days are just hard.
Habits don't form easily. Sometimes you need to take it a minute at a time. And sometimes you just give up on this day and vow to do better the next.
Sunday, March 03, 2013
This is for my A Team gals, who have been asking for pics...
So, as you may remember from my ranting, I stepped on the scale a few days ago and was feeling pretty low.
Retail therapy helps, we all know this, right? As luck would have it, I caught the tail-end of the winter sales and instead of one pair of shoes, I came home with these:
4 pairs of good quality shoes for only $300! The brown shoes are warm winter shoes and will have to wait until next winter to get some use (although we still have snow and cold temps so I guess I could wear them now), but the others will get loved on asap!
Also notice that they all have sturdy, sensible heels so as not to aggravate the state of my back. I have been wearing flats for the past 11 months, and I can't wait to have higher heels again!
Turns out I had a decent weigh-in on Saturday, so now they are also my reward !
I am SO pleased with my shopping trip.
Edited to say: Rewarding/consoling myself with something other than food/sweets/good wine doesn't come easily for me, so this is my new habit I am working on!
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