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Mercury in Retrograde

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Tuesday I believe Mercury went into retrograde. Our family found out that my husband's position at the garden that was to start next week is most likely excised. Then we got a call that my job working on a renovation of a public building here on the electrician crew that has been delayed from February 1st is actually pretty much cancelled. Regulations on salary and other red tape pretty much prevent any type of casual apprenticeships so the 6 of us are just SOL. So we went from thinking we would be bringing home 600 or so from my hubs and 1200 or so from me to just the 120 a month he gets now as a stipend from a grant for a project he is working on. We are both very active in our community, sitting on boards of non profits and involved with unions and community groups working for change. We are a busy family but it kinda sucks to have had our hopes up about not being so broke and then lose that chance. Anyways, we are truly grateful for our health. That same day, Tues, a good friend of ours ended up in the hospital with severe pneumonia. She has been living in a yurt this winter since her house burned down last summer just weeks after her insurance company cancelled her policy due to improperly aligned gutters. Ugh, sometimes life seems so unfair. But I am going to try and get a team of people together here to have workdays and start helping her rebuild bit by bit once the frost is gone. We also found out our other good friend and colleague was in a terrible car accident and has injuries to her legs so severe she will have to relearn to walk. So in perspective, we are grateful for our health and family. Sometimes i get overwhelmed with stress knowing how unlikely it is we will ever escape poverty. I feel so guilty when my children can't do things their classmates do. I feel angry at the system when I see so many good hard-working people who are failing economically. But i know we are a good, loving family and things like this remind me to find my gratitude amidst it all. We work with alot of wonderful people in our many volunteer endeavors and I am grateful for them too. And I am very grateful for my husband who never judges me when i turn to chocolate and cheese in times of stress, who tells me i am beautiful when i feel anything but and who, unlike me, never loses hope while fighting this system of injustice.


Back to Routine

Sunday, February 17, 2013

So I finally recovered from the flu and those shooting head pains that lingered for almost a week. I was eating less than 1000 calories everyday for about a week b/c I also had this weird lump in my throat, like when you are holding back tears, but it lasted about 10 days and made eating painful. Anyways, started feeling better a week ago, last sunday, which was also the day we baked treats to send a Valentine's package to my grandma (i started doing this about 5 years ago when my grandpa passed). I ate alot of sweets! Then that night I was invited to a group kind of therapy session for women recovering from abuse. I have never had any therapy or counseling in over 5 years now and it was alot to take in. To admit that my past still affects me today. To be honest about how I allow it to affect my husband and my sons. So I just continued eating sweets last week to dull the pain of this emotional work I have just taken on. I am going back tonight and feel excited but nervous. I recommitted to eating healthy today. Got back on track with my protein shake for breakfast and soup for lunch. I have not had much exercise in 2 weeks so that is on my agenda, though today i am quite sore from dancing at a friend's bday party last night. I also quit smoking this new year's and i figured last week eating sweets was the less of 2 evils. Sometimes life goes on, and you need something to comfort you and I am ok with that. But I am going to redouble my efforts now to treat my body well and find non edible ways to comfort my heart.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PICKIE98 2/17/2013 4:09PM

    You do have a lot of issues going on.. the sweets are my thing too.. I rationalize them.. your blog has opened my eyes.. we have been sick for two weeks too..

it kind of sounds like you super-swollen glands to make your throat feel like that.. get well, be nice to yourself sweetie!

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PURPLESPEDCOW 2/17/2013 4:08PM

    emoticon on quitting. I quit almost 4 years ago and it was the best thing I ever did. Good job on dealing with stress, even if it were with food, it is better than cigerettes. Each day is a new start. Take it day by day, minute by minute if you have to.

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A Little Better

Wednesday, February 06, 2013

So today I did not take Aleve and the shooting head pains have still lessened, now coming only every 15-20 minutes and usually not as intense either. So that's good, I am functioning much better, hoping to get back exercising tomorrow. But I am still trying to get back to eating more. I attempted my 1st 'whole meal' since Friday and vomited. Anyways, sorry if that's graphic, I am just wondering what is up with my body.


Why's it hurt???

Tuesday, February 05, 2013

So I got a depo shot at the health dept Friday since my husband and i cannot afford to take chances right now. I found out the hard way that 'flu-like' symptoms are a fairly common side effect. I was in bed all weekend with chills, fever, aches, and that feeling where your clothes touching your skin hurts really bad. I took alot of store brand NY-quil and basically slept through it. Then yesterday (Monday) I woke up without the flu-type feelings but with this wicked pain in my right temple/ behind my ear. It would come and go like a contraction and hurt so bad that I would cringe and cry out in pain. They came every 1-2 minutes. Sometimes just a flash sometimes lasting up to a minute. I took 2 Tylenol which is all we had but it did not help at all. Now I am no stranger to pain, I had both my sons natural with no pain meds and over 24 labors, and I can handle pain fairly well. But this had me crying and desperate. My friend brought over some Aleve yesterday around 1:30 and I took one then and one an hour later. It seemed to not be helping and I was debating going to the hospital but without insurance and knowing how they treat poor people with headaches (like we just want drugs) I waited it out. By 5:30 the pains were only coming every 5-10 minutes and they hurt enough to make my face cringe reflexively but I can stifle the sound usually now. I took Ny-quil to get sleep last night and took an Aleve upon waking. I am still having these pains, still taking Aleve and just wondering if anyone else has experienced any pain like this or has any suggestions?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANEWME1313 2/5/2013 9:38PM

  I've taken the depo shot on and off now for almost 20 years. For me, I have no negative side effects and the added bonus of not having a period for a year after having a shot (which I love!). I know other people have different experiences and some are negative (my sis in law has a non-stop period while on it). I've NEVER experienced flu like symptoms or pains like you are describing. With your symptoms, if it was me, I'd call my health care provider right away and let them know what's going on and see what they want to do or if you do feel it's an emergency, go to the ER (if you can't wait to call your doctor).

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    That sounds more than a headache. I would seek some help if it is continuing.

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CASTIRONLADY 2/5/2013 8:24PM

    So sorry for the symptoms. I don't take the shot because of the side effects. I would call the doctor as your symptoms seem extreme.

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Enjoying what I can't control

Friday, February 01, 2013

So right now we are hard up financially. We both have jobs we just got but they start in the next couple weeks and then it will take 2 more to be paid. Also my husband is still not on our foodstamps even though he lost his job so we don't quite get enough to feed us all, especially not healthy stuff. So lately, while we wait for more stamps to hit the card on the 9th, we have just been eating wherever we can for free. Today that meant taking my husband's aunt who is waiting for a new hip out to the bank and the store. She in turn was going to buy the kids lunch. She wanted McDonald's soooo it is what it is. I just had fish bites but still. She also got us a few things in the store: mac n cheese, white bread, veggie hotdogs, chocolate for the kids and beer as a thank you for me and my husband. SOOOO I am just gonna thank the universe for her generosity, eat til I am full today and get back on track tomorrow. The upside is my aunt is gonna buy me new walking shoes and more protein powder! I have had to stop walking because my only shoes are a pair of off-brand pretend crocs from wal greens that i have been wearing for almost 4 years now. Walking too much in them makes my arches cramp up because my toes curl trying to grip the shoe so it will quit falling off. I am so so excited about this. Not just because I can get back to my work of healing my body but also because it means someone believes in me enough to invest in my health. It gives me hope :)


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