Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Yesterday got a nice surprise after work: the berry plants I ordered were delivered! So I ditched my work clothes and got motivated.
We now have fifty (50) strawberry plants, three blueberries, three raspberries, and three blackberries getting soaked in by today's rain.
It might take until next year for us to get a good crop, but when we do we'll be rich in berries!
I'm hoping to get the rest of the garden established this weekend: tomatoes, eggplant, beans, squash, peppers and herbs. I'm getting hungry just thinking about it all.
It's funny, once I decided I wasn't going to binge any more and that I was going to turn things around, I'm not feeling the impulse to binge any more. It could be that the lack of impulse facilitated the change rather than the other way around, but I'm not going to question it too deeply.
Monday, April 22, 2013
After Friday's chaos, we turned off the tv and got back to normal. Spent Saturday moving 5 yards (about 6 tons) of soil from the driveway where the landscaping company dropped it off to the backyard for our new raised vegetable beds.
Then went out to a concert and dinner in Watertown. It still seemed quiet and subdued the day after. I had salad for dinner.
Sunday we went hiking, an 8-mile hike at Mt Wachussett. It was gorgeous and clear, cool and no bugs. Terrific hiking weather. It felt good to work out the kinks from all the garden work on Saturday. I was very conscious of my legs - both glad I was back to normal after last year's car accident and grateful to have both my legs and not be wondering if I'd ever walk again like the survivors of the marathon blasts.
And of course, after a very active weekend making good food choices? The scale? Up 2 pounds from Friday. Welcome to Monday.
Friday, April 19, 2013
Things are absolutely insane here in the Boston area. Whole cities are on lockdown, neighborhoods are being evacuated, no public transportation, no taxi service, all within a few miles of my house. My work's closed, and our city is asking us to stay home and off the streets.
The suspect they're looking for is a kid, 19 years old and heartbreakingly normal looking. Yet he's clearly very dangerous, armed with guns and explosives.
I want to turn off the tv and get away from it, but I also want to know the moment he's captured or dead and we're safe.
The stress is intense, and of course it's making me want to eat. Not gonna fall into that trap. In a few minutes I'm going to hop on my bike trainer and watch Dr. Who to give myself a break from all this.
Yesterday worked out ok, with the gum substitute for my missing apple snacks. Went to a vigil with my running club at Town Hall. Kept me busy until I was too tired to eat.
Keep us in your thoughts and prayers, please.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Don't they know all that stress is bad for our health? Sorry to be joking about it, but I'm feeling maxed out worrying about friends and family this week.
I'm grateful my biggest crisis today is that I forgot to bring my snacks to work with me today. I usually pack two apples - one to eat mid-morning and one to eat mid-afternoon. I'm always hungry and eager for my snacks.
I'm worried if I go over to the cafe across the street to buy a couple of apples I'll come out with a bagel or a muffin too.
I think my best strategy is to have a piece of gum at my usual snack times. That will give my mouth something to chew on and (hopefully) distract me from lack of apples.
I'll report back how it turns out.
I learned a coworker's son is in the hospital from shrapnel injuries from Monday's explosions at the marathon.
Otherwise, today is a good day. I feel like I'm making progress. I'm wearing a springlike outfit and that's cheering me up.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Looking back on the last 4 months and what I did wrong to gain 20 pounds, I'm realizing what some of my mistakes were, and what things I can be proud of.
1. Not weighing in. I knew the news was bad and I didn't want to see it. Perhaps if I did, I would have stopped gaining sooner. Denial is not a good or helpful thing. Knowing the facts is good, even when it's bad news.
2. Purposefully not limiting what I consume. I said, maybe I can just eat and not worry about calories. Maybe I can just eat until I'm full. Maybe I can listen to what my body wants. Bull! I can feed my body lots of veggies and it still cries out for candy. My body wants what it wants, and it's not always what's healthiest for me. I have to plan, think, and say "no" to impulses.
3. Binging. I knew it was not healthy. I'd still go back for more. I'd take way more than I needed, then go back for a second helping. It wasn't about hunger. It was about satisfying something (I haven't figured out exactly what yet) that can never be satisfied with empty carbs. So I kept going for more, more, more. It's addiction talking.
4. I started avoiding tailored clothes and wore more stretchy things, thinking they were more forgiving. Ha! That should have been a turn-around signal right there. When tailored clothes start being too restrictive, it's time to make some changes in diet not changes in wardrobe.
5. I started being sneaky: buying candy at the store and hiding the wrappers so my husband wouldn't know. Ordering Chinese food on the evening before trash day so the package will go out the next day without him seeing it. When I started letting him see what I was eating, I was ready to make changes.
Things I did right:
1. I kept exercising. I walked home from work, rode the bike on the trainer, went hiking on weekends. I never slacked off exercise.
2. I stopped at 20 pounds. I intercepted it before I spiraled into hating my body and gaining more. I may be pudgy and not fitting my clothes right, but I haven't gone up a size.
3. Though I binged on unhealthy stuff like candy, my regular meals were healthy and well-planned. I really was full at the end of meals, I just kept eating (and need to examine the emotional/psychological causes for this).
I've already taken steps on the first two problems. I've weighed in two days in a row, and I've established firm limits on what I eat. I'll need to address binging as the urges arise, looking at what I'm feeling and thinking to make myself binge. I think I need to address the shame/sneakiness the same way - why do I revel in being "bad" and sneaking?
As to clothes, I am focused on making sure I can wear my summer wardrobe, and not just the stretchy stuff!
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