Friday, December 13, 2013
! Happy Friday the 13th! I was looking at some past entries, and decided I like my weekly "take stock of the good, the bad, and the plan". So I'm going to start it up again. Here's this week's installment:
logged food since I committed to do so
continue to explore site and evaluate how I think I can incorporate it back into my life
bought a few new clothes at my current size rather than waiting for me to be the 'ideal' size (fighting the urge to spend that money on cleaning service... most of my clothes that fit are falling apart, it's pretty embarrassing at work sometimes, so it was definitely a 'need')
honest with myself and others what is going on with me... it didn't really make me feel 'better', but it is helping me focus on going in the right direction. Plus all the support from spark and in real life has been overwhelming (I'm blaming the hormones! AGAIN!)
between my mother and I, we had a homemade dinner every night this week. I'm going to say the cheer is having a plan (that way if I forget to throw something in the crock pot before I leave or I'm running late mom can easily find the recipe and start it for me. She is amazing!)
survived another week at work and at home!
not getting back here sooner! :)
not wearing fitbit (where is it anyway?!)
stairs... where are they again?
still no workout plan
fitbit: find, charge, wear
where's my scale?
start taking the stairs again
think about activity: make a plan
keep logging food!
explore groups again (look at the crochet and shutterbug groups to find activities I can begin to carve out 'me' time...if that's even possible!!!) :D
Part of the reason I needed some new clothes is we have a holiday party to go to tonight. It's that time of year! I'm hoping for fun, no anxiety or stress...is that too much to ask for? To add to my hopes and dreams (srsly, the little things are a big deal to me right now!), mom just text'd me and told me she's packing the diaper bag and was wondering if I needed anything else in there for tonight. Oh, did I mention we have to take the kids? If the hosts could have JUST the kids and not us I'm betting they would prefer it! :D I'm going to cry for joy just thinking about how awesome mom is!!! (again, hormones) Happy Friday!!!
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
I have been struggling since the babies have been born. I've been moody, we've been going through a lot of changes as a family (new house, new daycare, closer to grandparents which is a blessing and a curse...). I started seeing a therapist, I've been overeating for comfort, which, is not really something I do. heh, I'm used to overeating because I lack self-control (I like something too much, or I drank too much alcohol so I'm not paying attention to what goes in). I'm not used to overeating, and upon looking back, seeing it's because I'm trying to fill a void, or cope, or feel good (of course, then later I feel uncomfortable, and mostly bad, which isn't helping my emotional well-being). Seeing a therapist isn't something "I do" either, but I need help, so throwing the parts of my identity out the window that are hindering me is probably going to be the only way I can change for the better. I also decided, with the help of the therapist, that perhaps medication for postpartum depression might help me not have the severe mood swings, the outbursts of crying, the anxiety. When I went to my OB-GYN she asked me a ton of questions, and said "You don't seem depressed." I chuckled, "Exactly, which is why it's taken me so long to seek help! I kept thinking things would get better, but they're not. I'm fine now, but something will set me off tonight, or tomorrow and I'll be upset and sad for DAYS over something as stupid as my husband bringing dinner home and not bringing me the correct thing to drink (hint: there is NO correct drink)...when we have water and stuff to drink in the fridge. I will be ridiculously angry with him over something so trivial! And I'll hold on to that down feeling FOR DAYS. That is not normal for me." So she put me on Wellbutrin, since I'm also overeating. She said it should help suppress my appetite (she was worried if she put me on a different anti-depressant I would become even more discouraged if I gained more weight which she said can be a side-effect of many of the anti-depressants). We'll see. I never, ever thought I would be in this situation, but I'm a full time working-outside-the-home mom with a husband who works long hours, trying to take care of all my children and make sure that my mother (who watches the twins during the day) doesn't feel taken advantage of. My brain says "What's the big deal?! There are women who deal with more just fine!", but *I'm* not dealing with it very well, I spend a lot of time angry and/or upset at my husband for no reason (he is a huge help and definitely a present parent). I like to focus on the positive, so from here on out I'm going to focus on writing posts about the good things, the small gains I make, the goals I meet. But I did want to get it out there of what's going on with me now. I'm going to work on coping strategies with my therapist while I'm on Wellbutrin so that when it's time I can get off of it and be back to being myself without its help. I started tracking food today. I still need to find my fitbit and wear it. My desk was up for a week, and it's back down again. I still need to put it up and then mostly keep it up. It's SOUP weather!!! But I haven't made any lately...so I need to do that :) Happy Wednesday!!!
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
There are many decisions to be made, like what to do about my spark page now that so many things have changed, how am I going to integrate this tool back into my life... I'm not sure that how I used it before is going to work now so perhaps I'll take a tip from some of my ol' friends here and take things one day and one week at a time. Work on ONE thing, and then if/when that works, focus on the next thing. Babies are almost 7 months old now. I moved houses when they were just 3-4 months old. Just this week I've stopped pumping at work, I'm standing up at work again, and making plans to bring my lunch again. My goals are to get/stay healthy, incorporate more activity into my day, although I do get a lot of that with the rolling/almost crawling baby and the 4 year old. I also want to try and get this belly down as much as I can, the pregnancies have taken their toll, along with eating enough to produce breastmilk and not caring about my weight to do it, 7 months on and I look like I might be pregnant again! :) So many reasons to return to focusing on health... I've noticed a lot seems to have changed in a year, whereas when I left it seems Spark didn't allow fitBit to share data so I was using fitnessPal to do that, NOW it seems there are digital devices that will work with the site. I haven't looked too much into it, and I'm not going to ditch my old fitbit in favor of something new, but there seems to be a lot to explore. I think that will be good to do in getting back into the site. I'm on the fence about logging... but... if I'm committing to trying things out a week (maybe month?) at a time, I should probably do that too just to be thorough. Ok, Happy to be back, looking forward to catching up on sparkpages, those who are still around :D
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Last week (all week) I had kidney stones. The last time (only other time) I had one was after I lost 50-60 lbs (9 years ago, yikes!) and it was so big I had to have the sonic blasting surgery. It was cool, but I lived with the pain for 3 weeks while my doctor misdiagnosed me with a bladder infection (even though I was asking for an ultrasound to rule out a kidney stone!!!). This time, it was either a lot of little stones or one big one that broke up so I could pass it/them. The pain lasted a week, but now I feel fine, so I'm hoping it's behind me. Then I got the call today that I failed my gestational diabetes screen, so I have to go back tomorrow for the 3 hour test where I fast beforehand and get to have blood drawn every hour. yay! I'm nervous and hoping that the one tomorrow comes back that I'm fine. I've done a lot of reading up on gestational diabetes since I knew that I was at a higher risk with it being a twin pregnancy, but I never really thought it would happen to me because I didn't have it with my first. *sigh* I'm going to need spark more than ever after the twins are born because if I do have it, I will have a 60% increase in risk of getting type 2 diabetes later in life. Gotta keep exercising and eating right (and standing at work, can't WAIT until I can do that again)! I'm pretty scared about the results of tomorrow, but at least this isn't anything that the professionals I'm working with haven't already seen! :D Just a little over 2 months to go! Except for all that stuff above, I'm doing fine...
Have a great day!!
Thursday, January 03, 2013
I read this article www.cnn.com/2013/01/03/opinion/wann-
fat-and-fit-study and it got me thinking.
My journey here is on a bit of a hiatus, but I'm still highly committed to being healthy, it's really my one driving force for being here in the first place. I'm not going to win any beauty pageants, I'm never going to be the size 12 that I was in high school (I was more like a size 8/10, but I was into grunge and baggy, BAGGY clothing... and I thought I was fat then!). Healthy to me is keeping my blood pressure normal, being able to run around with my kiddo, FEELING healthy because I've made wholesome food choices. All of these things contribute to my well being, and I've figured out that my body does better when I'm below 190lbs. My blood pressure is consistently good, my joints are happier, and I feel better in general. Around 185 to 190 I'm a size 16/18, and still in the obese range. The last time I lost a bunch of weight it was with Weight Watchers around 7-8 years ago. I never could get down to my goal weight. My body was happy 5lbs from it. And I guess this article has me thinking if it's necessary, or wise, to pick a goal number out of a hat and stick to it no matter what. After my twins are born I'll be back to trying to lose weight full-force. But, I have to wonder what my real goal should be. Yes, I want to be healthy, that's a given, but I also know that part of that is going to be wanting to lose weight. (potentially A LOT). Before I got pregnant my goal weight was 145. I think that's where I was before (with Weight Watchers) when I needed to get to 140 for my goal weight, but couldn't. Next time, it might be wise to just do my best, eat right, exercise, and see where I go rather than pick a number (that might be unattainable for my body).
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