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December, and it's been a year

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

It's been a year since this post, www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_jo
so I thought I would reflect on my year... And say that I am ready to get back to taking care of myself. For reals this time, it's taken me a year of therapy (and I'm not done yet), almost a year on anti-depressants and then finding out that it's probably actually a Vitamin D deficiency, but I'm back to feeling mostly like my normal, authentic self. I recently did some clothes shopping, I'm doing my hair, sometimes I even *gasp* put on makeup! I don't hate myself or want to sleep all the time. I don't yell at my husband all the time for not reading my mind. I'm able to look at my boys and REALLY enjoy our time together. Of course, the twins are finally at a really fun age -19 months- where they can communicate (in a way that only our family unit can understand) and my oldest is so sweet and wanting to help and play with them (finally!).

My days aren't perfect, but I am enjoying them more often than not, and I'm able to roll with it in a way that I haven't been since before the twins were born. I think the Vitamin D was the final piece of getting my hormones back into balance. I may have written this before, but my mom's greatest advice to me has been, "No life changing decisions for 2 years after childbirth." Meaning, no matter how much you think you want to leave your husband, wait until your body sorts that hormone s#it out. She is so wise. :) I'm in a much better place today than I was a year ago.

I've signed up for a wellness program at work that starts at the beginning of the new year. They'll be using endomondo to track our workouts (the rule of the group is no sedentary workouts, so no treadmills or ellipticals, I gotta get outta the house/office and MOVE). :D I'm pretty excited about it and hopeful that it will also help with a more positive outlook. This is me today:

I've been better about wearing the spark tracker. I will say that I kinda wish I had gotten a fitbit, because I felt like it was more accurate, and I could wear it on my bra. The spark tracker says you can wear it there, but it is NOT accurate for me, and I don't wear shoes with laces, so I'll usually wear it on my hip, but even that I don't feel is particularly accurate, so I'm really interested to see how it will compare to when I am using the endomondo app. The food front is ever changing for me. I don't get to eat much at meals since the boys will eat most of their food and mine, and I'm constantly up getting things for everyone. I think my problem right now is snacking, and when I do get to eat or snack it's on high calorie deliciousness that probably wouldn't be such a problem if I exercised more regularly.

We've started up, once again, dance parties and the active sports games on the consoles which everyone loves, I'm going to try and get it to be routine for after dinner since it's too dark and cold to go for a walk outside as a family. Now that the twins are a little older they love to join in and dance or jump with us. It is SO FUN. :)

I'm looking forward to my brothers huge family staying with us between Christmas and New Years. I'm so thankful for his big family, and our relationship as adults, that he and his wife WANT to spend time in our house and that our kids are close in age. I wish we lived closer, but it makes the time we do get to spend together that much more meaningful and important.

I'm hoping to write another update, but in case I don't before the new year (I have accepted that I am freakin' busy, and it is OK), Happy Holidays! emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SAPHRAEL 12/18/2014 2:25PM

    Nice to see you again! Best wishes for a grand new year!

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JOYINKY 12/16/2014 11:55AM

    What a wonderful upbeat blog! You look great and have a beautiful family! I'm so glad you and your family are looking forward to truly HAPPY HOLIDAYS! emoticon

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BRAINBENTT 12/16/2014 11:42AM

    sounds like you are doing great and are on the road to a wonderful Holiday Season and 2015.

You deserve all the best life has to offer !!

Beautiful family !


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August: One Week Down

Friday, August 08, 2014

I'm still feeling like myself! AND I'm over the cold! My aunt is in town, so I'm going to have my family over tonight for dinner.
I've noticed I'm only getting in half of many things that I want to be doing. Half of my steps, half of my water... So my goal over the next week is to focus on getting my number of steps per day up. I think next week I can start back to my old routine of parking at the bottom of the parking garage and walking up 6 flights to my office. I'm going to lift my desk up this afternoon so I can start standing at work again. *got to start wearing proper shoes to work again!* As for water, I can switch to water after coffee, and only do my diet root beer once a week while at work. That would be a huge improvement! I made sure my exercise clothes were cleaned yesterday, so they are ready. I used to wear them as pjs so I could wake up ready to go. I think I'm ready to start that again!!!
Next week I'll start my Cheers and Jeers back up. I'm going to focus my thoughts and deeds, and come up with a plan for the 5k in November, and for my routine in general.
This weekend will be a marathon of family and back to school shopping (first I've done, pretty much ever. My mom always bought the kits and we did thrift store shopping for clothes year round). I may do 10 mintues of shopping and decide to do the rest online, but I figure as the plan stands now, it will be a lot of walking around stores, so it won't be all bad!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JOYINKY 8/8/2014 10:20PM

    You are doing great! Having a plan makes all the difference! The start of school is such a busy time! Enjoy your family this weekend. Hugs.

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AUNTRENEE 8/8/2014 11:01AM

    You can do it!!!!!! Believe in yourself.

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August 2014

Tuesday, August 05, 2014

I know we're only 5 days into August, but I just wanted to say that for the first time in a long time I'm feeling positive. I woke up on the 2nd feeling...good...like, happy! And every day since has been pretty alright. Which is a LOT better than I have been feeling. This is even being physically sick with a cold, so my body feels terrible, but my mood has been great. Which is such a relief because I was starting to worry that I was never going to be back to feeling like my normal positive self again. So. I know there could be days ahead that are not so great. I've been noticing that when I'm around ovulation time I just wake up feeling b!tchy, and I cannot shake it. I try. BUT, I have a team of health peeps and even though my OBGYN says that they have nothing to do with each other, I've noticed it the last 3 months in a row. I forget about it, think everything is going to be fine, and then BAM, wake up feeling rage-y and at the end of the day I check the calendar, and it's ovulation time. woohoo! SO, next time my acupuncturist and I have a plan, I'm checking with the docs on the herbs I'd like to take to make sure it's not going to interact with anything (they usually give me a blank stare, blink, and say that it will probably be fine and they're thinking, 'considering that I might as well be taking fairy dust', but whatever!). :D We'll see if it helps me on those days not to want to punch someone in the face... wouldn't that be nice?!
OK, I made a necklace!

I've cleaned up my office (aka junk) room! I found my supplies and made a necklace on Saturday after spending the day cleaning. Forgot how much I could lose myself in creative endeavors...
I've decided to train for a 5k that happens on my birthday, Nov. 15! I don't like running, BUT I do like being outside, and walking, and doing things for a good cause, so I think I can do this. I feel confident enough in my ability to be able to follow through right now that I'm excited about this.
Step 1: getting my running shoes on.
August is a crazy month, my oldest starts Kindergarten! Big projects coming to a close at work. Lots to do. Here's to August being a great month!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JOYINKY 8/5/2014 10:56PM

    You've got this! You can MAKE it a great month! Keep on checking that calendar! It helps to know when those days hit that they will pass! Too much of my life was ruled by hormone cycles; no help from the doctors. I'm so glad to be where I am today and have that behind me. Hang in there and keep those creative juices flowing. emoticon

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BEEJAY49 8/5/2014 4:59PM

    I know you can get that mood in check. :) I'm sure glad I'm on the other side of all that stuff. :) You have some wonderful goals and I know you can do them. I love that necklace, it's so pretty! :) Hang in there, you're doing so good! Love you! HUGS!

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AUNTRENEE 8/5/2014 10:36AM

    Hate when I feel moody when its gets to be that time. It happens to all of us women. So you're not alone.

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JAZZII4 8/5/2014 9:53AM

    Sounds like you're going to be busy! I think it is great, that your so aware of what your body needs. Good luck, with everything!

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positive thoughts

Friday, June 20, 2014

I'm feeling especially down today, so I thought I'd try to list a few things that I am grateful for.

* my kids. They are difficult to raise but they do bring soooo much joy to my days that lately are filled with blah.
* an amazing and supportive spouse
* my parents. I'm lucky enough to get along with them and have them close by. They help me out with the kids, and around the house... SOOO much love for them.
* I feel extremely fortunate to have been able to replace the fitbit when I let it have the freedom to swim in the washing machine, and then rollercoster in the dryer.
* the pool I can walk to at the end of our street! I'll probably take the kids there this weekend!
* grateful that this site has been here over the years whenever I need to come back to it. I've been around here for a lot longer than my "start date" for my current username says. Love SP and all the users who make up this awesome community!
* hoola hoops!
* It's Friday. WOOT!

I already feel a little better :D Have a happy weekend!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AUNTRENEE 6/20/2014 9:51PM

    Love what you listed. Mine are my pets and my beautiful 2 year old grandniece Katelynn. I may not see Katelynn too often (once or twice a year) but she's my inspiration in getting healthy. I saw her last month and again next month. I spoil her to death when we see her with gifts like toys and clothes.

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JOYINKY 6/20/2014 8:01PM

    Gratitude lists always work for me! Good job! Have a wonderful weekend!

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BEEJAY49 6/20/2014 4:40PM

    That is a lot to lift your spirits! I'm glad you're feeling a little better! Take a swim for me this weekend! :) HUGS!

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uh oh...it's June!

Monday, June 16, 2014

At the beginning of the year, I started seeing a therapist to help me with what I thought was post-postpartum depression. I'm now on Wellbutrin (that I'm still not convinced is doing anything for me). Being tired of me not showing any improvement really since I started coming in, my therapist encouraged me to get blood-work done. Even though I've had kidney stones and blood work done since I've started with her, she wanted me to tell my doc EXACTLY what my symptoms are (I'm so freakin' tired ALL THE TIME and I get down, or depressed if you will, because of it). Turns out I have a pretty bad Vitamin D insufficiency. I'm now under the care of an endocrinologist as well as all my other peeps (started seeing an acupuncturist too) to figure out why my level is so low. I'm on CRAZY high doses of it. And as a side note, I wanted to just start taking supplements, that is a big NO-NO. Unless you're under the care of a doctor who is regularly monitoring your levels, it's a bad idea as it is toxic (it's fat soluble unlike many other vitamins, so you DON'T pee the excess out). I'm sure everyone else in the world already knows this, but because I had not ever had to worry about Vitamin D before, I never gave it a thought or looked into it. I also would like to say that discussing everything with my acupuncturist makes things WAY easier to understand, because she knows exactly what the doctor is doing, and why, and she can explain everything to me in terms I understand... even though I do ask my doctor questions and think I "get it" when I'm in the office. I would also like an assistant to help me organize all my bills and paperwork to submit to the insurance company, because holy moly things are starting to add up! :D I would also like this assistant to also watch my kiddos on occasion. Is that too much to ask?!
I went to the beach a couple weeks ago and have no pictures of it because the seaweed was so high. I only went near it once. UGH! We went and found indoor places to walk around, because outside was STINKY!!!
Also, I broke my fitbit. It took a ride in the washing machine and dryer. Because I have a two story home now, I don't worry as much about how many stories I've climbed each day, so this feature of the fitbit wasn't important to me. I also only used the sleep tracking for a week when I first got it, and discover that I sleep great... or I did at the time! So I've opted to replace my fitbit with the sparkpeople tracker, they claim it will withstand an accidental washing! WOOT! I'm sure I'll find out... :D
I'm hoping that the getting my Vitamin D levels to where they need to be will mean I will feel like exercising (at all). I haven't been able to put my standing desk to the standing position since I've been back from maternity leave, I have tried, but I just have no energy for it. That is about to change (in, like, a month from now!).
We took the pic below on March 30th. My boys... getting one or two bluebonnet pictures was a disaster, but this one is my favorite. At that moment I was dealing with having had to wake up the oldest from a nap, one of the twins did NOT like sitting in nature, and the other was having an allergy problem. awesome:

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JOYINKY 6/16/2014 12:43PM

    I hope you are feeling better soon! Seems you have a lot going on when just keeping up with those 3 darling boys would be more than enough for anyone! Of course you want to be able to enjoy being with them. I hope you can get it sorted out and have your energy back soon. Hugs.

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AUNTRENEE 6/16/2014 10:04AM

    Hope that you get to feeling better. Beautiful picture of the little ones.

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