MIMULUSBUG   25,551
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Feeling like a Fat Failure

Thursday, August 05, 2010

Went to a funeral yesterday, for an 88 y/o friend and came home a bit melancholy. I can't help but tear up at a funeral -it's just the way I am. Funerals always make me think about how short our life is...

which got me wondering why I haven't done more or done better w/my life. Started getting bummed about a variety of things, including not staying more focused on improving my health/life.

Yep, I've got a bit of the blues weighing me down, & I'm feeling like a fat failure today.

YUCK! I hate it when the black dog shows it's sad face; so I'm running to the vegie garden to pull some weeds and think about something else for a few hours.



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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JAY75REY 8/20/2010 4:02PM

    Just read your blog. I hope you are feeling a little better now. Funerals are hard but tears are good. They help you release some of the grief and pain.
One day at a time...life, health. Each day begins a new chance to do good for yourself and others!
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MIMULUSBUG 8/12/2010 5:57PM

    Thanks for all the encouragement!
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FITKAT2010 8/6/2010 6:41AM

    Don't turn yourself away from the motivation of grief. This is what kills us, truly. Get in touch with all that stuff you are hiding yourself from. Then empower yourself to change and stay on program.

You wonder why you haven't done better in your life for yourself? This is partly why.

Grief is always for the living. I am sorry for your loss. Your true loss isn't your friend's passing.

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LEANN95822 8/5/2010 7:50PM

    I am so sorry for your loss, funerals are so hard. You did so good, though, by blogging your feelings and redirecting your energies. YAY for you emoticon. You could have used your blue mood as an excuse to eat a bunch of junk and then you would have been worse off.

When I was going through the process of having bariatric surgery, the psychologist I saw told me something that has really stuck with me and I think it fits here too. She said give yourself credit for all the things you do right and space to correct the things you do wrong.

Give yourself credit for handling the blue mood in a very productive and positive way. Great job!! emoticon

~ LeAnn

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MISS_VIV 8/5/2010 7:47PM

    Mims, thinking of you and knowing the downer that funerals can be. Remember your friend when he/she was happy and robust. Remember yourself when you are yanking those weeds how great you are going to feel when you harvest those veggies.
Another page in your journal, your history continues. And be sure to look at the bright side.

Don't forget to hit the pool and wash off all the sadness. emoticon

Comment edited on: 8/5/2010 7:54:25 PM

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SHASTA11 8/5/2010 2:30PM

    I'm sorry for your loss.

You are trying to change your health and that's good, so don't be so bummed.

Have a treat, healthy, do your weeding and tomorrow you'll feel better.

Hugs, Joan

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ONMYWAY135 8/5/2010 2:18PM

    I think we are all in that dark place every once in a while. You did the right thing by doing an activity, instead of feeding into the thoughts you were having. Way to be strong!!! emoticon

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WARMINGTOZERO 8/5/2010 2:12PM

    Sorry you are feeling so down. This is my first comment on Spark people, but when I saw your post, I just wanted to say I'm sorry about the loss you had to deal with. Hopefully, things will look up soon. Your garden is beautiful!

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DOUGZ69 8/5/2010 2:11PM

    Hey hey hey hey! Now just quit it. Who are you as a person? Are you loved? Do you love? Do you like the emotional person you are? Be thankful that weight is something can be changed...the rest sometimes is much more difficult! Even if you lose all the weight you want to will it change who you are? No! It's just a component of the package and I expect that most of the package is just fine thank you. Now, pick up the chin, eat some nutritional meals, get a little exercise, and get happy! Enjoy the ride!

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First time in the pool this year...

Thursday, July 29, 2010

I'm reluctant to share the fact that we have an in ground pool in the back yard but hardly ever use. I kept thinking I was going to get into it during those 100-degree days when we were working so hard, but ended up being so exhausted by the end of the day it was all I could do to get in the shower, wash and go to bed.

Today however was different. I headed out to my vegie garden near the house to hoe weeds. Yep. The garden was over run w/bind weed and other yucky invaders. After 2 hours of hoeing & digging, I was sweating like a pig; so much sweat I thought 'boy it would be so nice to jump in a pool', then I told my self (yes I talk to mayself frequently) "Silly, you have a pool! just get home and jump in!!" Since I had old pair of shorts and t-shirt on (and no bra), when I got home that's exactly what I did. And I swam laps for about a half an hour!

I had to laugh at myself. On the other hot sweaty days I didn't want to peel off my sweaty clothes/bra and then struggle to put my fat, sticky booty in a swimsuit; and would just for-go jumping in the pool for jumping in the shower. So after today when I go out to the garden/work I'm going to dress with the pool in mind.

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AJDOVER1 8/2/2010 5:48PM

    I love that you talk to yourself, but the next time you call yourself "Silly" you should give yourself a good scolding.

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FRANCLYN 7/30/2010 9:35AM

    It's amazing how we tend to avail ourselves of a resource less when it's always available. My daughter's friends were shocked to find my mother and I each have lived in CA most of our lives and never seen the State Fair or Yosemite. Hmmm...

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JAY75REY 7/29/2010 6:22PM

    Great idea! I had a pool built last year in my backyard; always have wanted one. It's not heated so I can only use it in summer.On my "non-impact" exercise days, I try to get out there and do "water jogging" or treading for at least 30 minutes. I just love it. It is so refreshing.

Keep it up, it's also great exercise!
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Leave me alone... sweetie

Thursday, July 22, 2010

I was really getting ready for a "me" day today, and then at 5:30am my hubby advised me that he was staying home today, when he had originally indicated that he was going to be out of town today and tomorrow.

ANYWAY. This kind of messed up my plans to have a total "ME" day. I was really wanting to focus on several things that had come up this week that have to do with me (like updating my goals and trying to coming up with a personal "action plan").

Needless to say, today became more of a 'hubby' day. He made me coffee w/bailey's and we sat and chatted about anything and everything. We puttered around the house and yard together, etc. I really enjoyed the day, but am now feeling guilty because I didn't do what I had planned on doing, which made me think about the Cathy Trone cartoon below:


I feel like I should have told him to 'leave me alone' for a bit, but I didn't. But am ok with that, since 'tomorrow is another day'. But now there's a lot hanging on tomorrow....

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NOWELLE76 7/26/2010 2:37AM

    that's why they say "one day at a time"... we never know what tomorrow will bring. I think that's awesome that you and your husband had anything to say at all! I have this terrible fear that if I get married someday, that after about 2 years that me and my husband will have nothign to say and get tired of each other :) ... nonetheless... I hope you have a ME day soon... if not that, then many ME minutes... that's what I do.

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JAY75REY 7/23/2010 1:22PM

    Even in a loving couple, there is still a "me" and "you". I'm glad you still are taking care of "me".
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FITKAT2010 7/23/2010 5:48AM

    This too happens, LOL. How often does it happen? Perhaps even if you desire strongly to focus on you he feels this and then reacts to it???? I do know that this can happen.

I would lovingly sit him down and let him know that you need a ME ONLY day to focus on YOU. Let him know that doing this helps you to be more attentive to the relationship. And, it is the truth.



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GETDONE 7/23/2010 1:37AM

    What a sweet day you 2 had---To talk of everthing and anything must be something some of us just dream of--
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AML05030 7/22/2010 11:01PM

    Hubby means well, I am sure.

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BBGYRL4 7/22/2010 10:57PM

    I'm not married but I can understand how annoying it can be to have already planned out your day and it doesn't happen the way you wanted. Things like that happened to me when I lived at my Dad's, I'd stay home with the plans of relaxing or whatever and that wouldn't happen because a sibling stayed home too. Of course you don't want to be mean and say get away from me, I had plans that didn't involve you but at the same time that's exactly what you want to say. Tomorrow is another day and I hope that you're able to accomplish all that you want to do.

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FLB.MMA 7/22/2010 10:50PM

  you go girl!!!!

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doing terrible on Spark Trivia BUT glad I did!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Well I got 5 wrong on Spark Trevia today, so am feeling pretty dumb. BUT, am so glad I did the trivia thing today because it helped me get rid of some bad/incorrect nutrition and exercise information I've been carrying in my head for a long time!

I also got my mom & dad off for their road trip to Virginia, so am looking forward to catching up on some 'Sabrina' time. All the things associated w/getting them prepared for the trip kept me busy (they are driving my Durango & hauling my trailer) so I had to make sure they were both ship-shape and ready for a long haul. Then of course there was the packing and loading. It was all good, and I was happy to help BUT am soooo looking forward to some ME time, LOL!!!

While Sparking today, I tried to catch up w/some of my peeps via the friend feed. DANG a lot of my peeps are doing fantastic!!! One of them, REALKIEKEY, crossed 10,000 fitness minutes so I wanted to visit her Spark Page & see what she's been up to. Her blog "WHAT I HAVE LEARNED DURING MY JOURNEY SO FAR" was great. So if you have time be sure and check it out:

/www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_journ
al_individual.asp?blog_id=3100081

Her words have inspired me to also just give up soda-pop all together. Let's keep on Sparking each other!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GETDONE 7/21/2010 10:20PM

    I find that when I spend time on all the spark point thing I do better on my eating and exercise that day.


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SLOLOSER 7/21/2010 6:15AM

    Yay for learning!

... and some of their questions I care nothing about. (Mostly the which has more calories Brand x this or Brand y that?)

However, I agree, the Trivia questions are great!

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_RANDY_ 7/20/2010 8:17PM

    some days I get 100% correct -- sometimes it takes me several tries to get all the questions answered. But I'm like you -- it really does help me learn

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ELEVYN3 7/20/2010 5:23PM

  I find I am doing worse on the Trivia game than I thought I would.
I agree though that I am learning a lot from my mistakes so it is worth playing.

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Why is it so hard to take care of your self first??

Monday, July 19, 2010

KAT-RBLWTHACAUS left me the following message on yesterday's blog:

Sounds like you put yourself last hon. What I've learned over the years is that unless we put ourselves first and foremost there isn't much I have to give to others.

This statement hit a chord for me, so am currently pondering why it is so hard to take care of myself first? If this is a problem you've dealt with I'd love to hear how you have overcome taking care of your self last.

Thanks.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ELEVYN3 7/20/2010 5:27PM

  Women may be hardwired to take care of others but I believe we are also programmed by our parents to take care of everyone else first -- at least I was. Growing up I always came last for everything and it has taken me a long time to learn that I deserve to take care of myself. We can't stand by and patiently wait for out turn -- the extra time and extra money are never there.

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AJDOVER1 7/20/2010 3:24PM

    When I look at the blog you wrote yesterday, I don't know if I would have eliminated any one of those tasks. I guess it's easy to say "we must take care of ourselves first," but I don't know how to incorporate it into my life.

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FRANCLYN 7/20/2010 12:39PM

    For years I've been telling coworkers (teachers and school administrators) and students, "You can't give 100% of you if you don't HAVE 100% of you." I'm STILL trying to live by that advice. Getting closer but not there yet.

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FITKAT2010 7/20/2010 5:40AM

    I could give you the answer, but it's best for you to find out on your own.

Here's how to if you are game: Make a listing of what you do in order to care of you on a daily basis. Now, do it!

This is what my Anchor of Action plan is. It is amazing how I feel now versus how I ran my life before. I truly smile at other people more. I am more gentle in my communication to others; I have more energy to give to others when it is within my path for the day; I am more understanding with others; I am more loving to others; I am more happy and accomodating to others...just because I am putting myself first!

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LIVINHEALTHY9 7/19/2010 9:34PM

    Although I hate to say it, I do believe women are just wired to take care of others even if it means neglecting ourselves.
I know I was, and still am this way, to some degree.
When I first started SP, I made up my mind I WAS going to put me first for a change. I had to to allow myself time to exercise, etc so that I could improve my health.

And it's true. We must learn to take care of ourselves so we can better take care of others.

Stay strong!

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