Thursday, December 30, 2010
I've known this about myself for a very, very, very long time -- proved it over and over again -- for me, cardio is the key --it always has been. I can eat as healthy as possible, and see little or no progress. As soon as I start a cardio program -- anything -- from something a minimal as walking -- I see instant progress, and by instant, I mean superflash fast.
The latest experiment with this.... after my re-committal to getting healthy last week, I ate within limits, drank my water, but did no cardio. Minimal progress. Sunday, I did some cardio -- saw the impact the next day (yes, I weigh myself every day -- I'll come back to this later). No cardio on Monday or Tuesday, stayed within limits, drank my water -- no progress... Cardio on Wednesday night -- scale shows a huge drop this morning -- and no, it's not just water -- I can FEEL the difference in my body and in the way my clothes fit.
I've seen this over and over again -- I KNOW what I need to do -- CARDIO -- I have to commit myself to doing cardio every single day, even if it's just 10 minutes -- in order to see progress. I KNOW this.
Back to the point of weighing myself every day. Some people will balk at this -- say that it's not a good practice. Everybody has their own way of coping -- for me, weighing myself every morning (only once a day), allows me to see that the effort that I'm making is giving me results. It also shows me the effects of eating those 'extras'. As soon as I stop weighing myself first thing in the morning, I gain weight. This time around, it was a gain of close to 15 pounds. I can't do this to myself any more.
So, today I re-commit myself to cardio. Every day. No more excuses.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Spent the day being lazy. Sat on the couch and watched Hoarders most of the afternoon, and napped off and on. I feel well rested.
Back to work tomorrow. Lunch is already made, dinner will be quick to prepare, ready to face the day head on. Going to try to get in some walking at lunch time, if I can get away from my desk -- we're short staffed this week, so it may not be an option. Instead, I'll just use the stairs to get to meetings.
Going to get to bed early -- hopefully I'll fall asleep right away.
Life is good.
Monday, December 27, 2010
My backyard, yesterday afternoon.
Yesterday was a good day. I ate within the food intake limits and I got in some cardio. It was a good start. I only drank half my water, but that's better than no water at all.
Today is starting off on a good foot too. Had a healthy breakfast, am already half way through my water, and I plan on doing some cardio this evening. I'm digging out an old Susan Powter video (yes, I still have a VCR). If I recall correctly, the video is a good workout, especially for someone like me, who is back at the "beginner" level.
I'm off work today and tomorrow (statutory holidays). Not sure what I'll do to fill the time -- this evening I plan on going for a walk and taking some photos of the lights on the Parliament buildings, they're really pretty. Then I'll take a stroll and take more photos along the way.
Life is good.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
I'm back at it again -- professing my desire to start again. How many times is this now? I've lost track. I'm sure if I go back and read my blogs from October 2009, I will see at least five or six times that I've said that I was ready to get back on track. I can tell you that each and every time I did this, I really did mean to get back on track, and I did get back on track. I saw progress, and then I found some excuse to stop again.
With each new start, it became easier to get off track, too.
I have become an expert on doing the yo-yo thing with my weight. I know all the tricks that help me avoid the truth. My clothes are getting tighter, so I conveniently reach for the ones that have a little bit of stretch in them so that I don't have to admit that I've put on some weight. I have been avoiding all the mirrors in my house -- it's easier not to see the extra weight that has manifested itself as a spare tire between my breasts and my belly. I shoved the scale out of the way -- so that it wouldn't remind me that I haven't weighed myself in a while -- it's easier to lie to myself about how much weight I've gained if I don't have an exact number.
So why am I re-committing myself to this?
I noticed that in the last few weeks, I have been gasping for air after the smallest amount of excursion -- like walking to the bus stop from my house -- by the time I get up the hill, I am out of breath. I've been walking up that hill for months and months, and out of nowhere, (with the addition of the 15 or so extra pounds that I'm carrying with me again), I am gasping. GASPING. I haven't done that in a long, long time. I don't like it.
I went dancing on Wednesday night. There's a cowboy that I've danced the two-step with many, many times. On Wednesday night, I thought my heart was going to explode in my chest after dancing one song with him. I couldn't believe it. This man, who is in his early 60's and has recently (five weeks ago) had major surgery to correct a hernia, has fully recovered, was flinging me around the dance floor, and I was GASPING for air. This is not a good thing.
What a wake up call.
It wasn't the tight clothes or the spare tire that finally woke me up.
There's a humility that comes with starting over again too (which contributed to my procrastination to start again). I considered signing up for a new account on the site, and abandoning this one, it would be easier to pretend I'm someone new. But then I would just be lying to myself and to everyone else. In order to start over, I have had to swallow my pride and admit that I've been making excuse after excuse for myself.
So, once again, here I am. I will say it again, with conviction, that I am ready to do this. I've reset my goals, reset my weight ticker, and edited my Spark Page.
So what's the plan?
I want to lose 50 lbs in the coming year. By Christmas next year, my goal weight is 218.
How I reach that goal will be determined on a day-to-day basis.
No more excuses. No more lying to myself.
Friday, December 03, 2010
I am really happy that it's Friday! I get to sleep in tomorrow! LOL.
This past week, all I have wanted to do is stay curled up in my bed and sleep for hours on end. I didn't. I woke up, got ready and headed out the door to work every day. Bleh.
I think I'm on the verge of some kind of depression. The darkness in the morning when I wake up, and at night when I leave the office, are not helping. The fact that the lights in the area right next to my office space are all turned off because a co-worker has some issue with light and her eyesight is also a contributing factor. On top of that, the sun doesn't shine into the window behind me after a certain hour in the morning (right now, it's gone by 9:30), and the area directly in front of my cubicle (in my all-day line of vision) is dark and dreary because the lights are turned off. My life seems to be filled with darkness. (Oh boy... that sounds like a cry for help!)
I can fully understand the need accommodate this co-worker. Unfortunately, in order to help her, the rest of us are subjected to work conditions that don't accommodate our needs.
I wasn't located in this office when the neighbouring co-workers to the dark zone were asked if the lights being turned off was going to be an issue for them... however, with the recent shift in staff (my arrival, and my supervisor's relocation to the cubicle directly in the dark zone), it's come to "light" that it really is an issue for people after all. By 4:00 our area is so dark that you can't read without the light under the cubicle overhead cabinet being turned on. Of course, by 4:00 the co-worker with the light issues leaves for the day, so it's not an issue for her. Everyone else has to sit in the dark to get their work done. This last week, I haven't left the office before 6:00, which means I'm sitting in the dark for at least two more hours.
I'm sure the darkness has a direct impact on my life. I'm submerged in dreariness, so I feel dreary and turn to food to make myself feel comfortable. I know this about myself. Unfortunately, I have not been able to find a mechanism that will help me deal with this emotional eating. I ask myself if maybe the darkness is just another excuse for me to keep sabotaging myself. Maybe it is. But if I look at my progress these last couple of months, I can see a pattern emerge. As the days have been getting shorter, and the darkness has been setting in, my eating patterns have gone haywire. I am hungry ALL the time -- even after eating full meals, I will go looking for something else to stuff into myself. There is definitely a connection there.
I am going to ask them to purchase a happy light for my office. If they decline, then I guess I'll have to go get a doctor's certificate that states that the lights being off are a medical issue, and then they'll have to accommodate my needs.
I'll start by taking a photo of the work area today. Might as well arm myself for the battle.
I'm done my whining for now.
Life is good (even in the darkness!).
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