Sunday, March 16, 2014
This is the 19 Day Baha'i Fast and it's almost over. We fast from sunrise to sunset for 19 days and when it's over, it is our New Year (Naw Ruz). It's the spring equinox and that somehow seems to fit better to me than having it in the middle of the winter. Even as a kid, that made no sense.
I've been doing this for over forty years. Every year is different, and this one has been because I had a sinus infection at the beginning and couldn't fast until Day 5. But that's okay because it's essentially a spiritual fast. The physical serves as a reminder. When you aren't physically fasting, you work harder to remember the purpose of these days is to reflect on your life, think about ways you want to do better, look for opportunities to be of service. It makes you slow down and consider what is important in your life.
It snowed today, but it's sunny and squirrels are playing chase on our fence, chipmunks are running around in the courtyard and I spotted a bright red cardinal. Everything is right in my world, whether it seems that way or not.
Four more days…
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
All was going well until I turned over in bed one morning. The room began to spin. I closed my eyes and waited. It took a long time for the dizzy feeling to go away, but it went. All that day I felt a little off, but okay. I still did the treadmill, drove to work, went to meetings, worked on a grant, etc. etc. etc. It seemed fine, almost. Then I flew to Washington DC for a week-long Arts Conference. I rode the elevator several times a day, and on the second to last day, participated in a mass "Hokey Pokey" (I did mention this was an Arts Conference).
After that, I felt tilted. By evening I couldn't walk straight, had to hug the walls of my room to get to the bathroom.All night I felt like I was on a ship and imagined my body was crashing. I could be dead by morning. I was glad I talked with my husband a few hours ago, and had told him I loved him. I didn't mention the dizziness because to talk about it made it more real. Yeah, that's how my mind works even when I still have it.
The next morning I could manage to pack, and get to the airport. I told my travel companions what was going on with me in case I fainted, but I managed and made it home. By then I had googled dizziness and self diagnosed this as vertigo, but went to the doctor. My niece was dizzy one year and thought it was anemia. She waited until she had health insurance to go to the doctor. She died two years ago from brain cancer and I had begged the powers that be to let me have it instead of her. I wondered if the request had gotten lost and they just found it. Not sure how you rescind a prayer request, other than look to the heavens and yell "CANCEL" But I can't look up without falling down.
Fortunately, my self-diagnosis was correct. It is vertigo and there are exercises that are helping. After I did them today I could look side to side and stand on one leg. I just can't look down.
Driving my car today.
That's my plan...ignoring the African proverb:
"Man makes plans, and the gods laugh."
Tuesday, February 04, 2014
My morning exercise is beginning to feel like a habit...
If I skip a day, it doesn't feel right.
A sense of having forgotten something annoys me all day
But the second day off that feeling fades...
Three days...it vanishes.
And I kick my running shoes under the bed.
that's happened before.
Knowledge is power.
I made myself remember that today when I wanted to stay under covers, cuddled next to my sweetie-man.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
I joined the YMCA today because for the month of January there is no joiner fee. I was a member a few years ago and then quit and bought a treadmill. I use it, but it's boring. And I miss swimming.
We had an above ground pool until a tree fell on it. Our insurance would replace it, but the pool had its drawbacks. It was costly and hard to maintain, I worried about the grand kids going in without an adult even though they have been warned about the dangers...they are good kids, but they are kids and they love adventure. And they think they are invincible.
The insurance company's offer was a replacement, or $10,000 cash.
We took the cash and bought new furniture, remodeled a bathroom, and financed a Thanksgiving trip for the whole family to visit my mother-in-law. She's been depressed after her husband died. The visit made her happy and I'm glad we went when she could still remember who we are.
This week my mother-in-law was diagnosed with Alzeimers. There were signs, but we hoped it was grief. We thought she would get better with time.
I don't regret not having the pool, but I need to swim to feel right. A friend says it's because my sun and moon signs are water signs. I don't know about that, but in the water I feel peaceful, and graceful, and strong. In the water, thoughts are clear, and easier to hear.
That was important when I was a twelve year old girl trying to understand the world. Fifty years later, that hasn't changed.
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