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MILLISMA's Recent Blog Entries
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Thursday, March 01, 2012
A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, 'How long before I
can get a haircut?
The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, 'About 2
hours.' The guy left.
A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked,
'How long before I can get a haircut?'
The barber looked around at the shop and said, 'About 3 hours.'
The guy left.
A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, 'How
long before I can get a haircut?
The barber looked around the shop and said, 'About an hour and a half.
The guy left.
.The barber turned to his friend and said, 'Hey Bob, do me a favor,
follow him and see where he goes.
He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut but he never comes back.'
A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
The barber asked, 'So, where does he go when he leaves?'
Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, 'Your house!' 
 Mary Anne
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Every day more money
is printed for Monopoly than the U.S.
Treasury.
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Men can read smaller
print than women can; women can hear better.
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Coca-Cola was
originally green.
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It is impossible to lick
your elbow.
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The State with the
highest percentage of people who walk to work:
Alaska
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The percentage of
Africa that is wilderness: 28%
(now get this...)
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The percentage of
North America that is wilderness: 38%
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The cost of raising
a medium-size dog to the age of eleven:
$ 16,400
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The average number
of people airborne over the U.S. in any given
hour:
61,000
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Intelligent people
have more zinc and copper in their hair..
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The first novel ever
written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer.
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--------- -
The San Francisco
Cable cars are the only mobile National
Monuments.
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Each king in a deck
of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander,
the Great
Diamonds - Julius
Caesar
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111,111,111 x
111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987, 654,321
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If a statue in the park of a person on a horse
has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.
If the horse has one front leg in the air,
the person died because of wounds received in battle.
If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died
of natural causes
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Only two people
signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4,
John Hancock
and Charles Thomson.
Most of the rest signed on August 2,
but
the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
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Q. Half of all
Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace
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Q. Most boat owners
name their boats. What is the most popular boat name
requested?
A.
Obsession
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Q.. If you were to
spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you
would find the letter 'A'?
A. One thousand
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Q. What do
bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser
printers have in common?
A. All were invented
by women.
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Q. What is the only
food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
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Q. Which day are
there more collect calls than any other day of the
year?
A. Father's Day
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---
In Shakespeare's
time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes.
When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened,
making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the
phrase...'Goodnight , sleep tight'
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It was the accepted
practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that
for a month
after the
wedding,
the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with
all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because
their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the
honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
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In English pubs, ale
is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England , when
customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind
your pints and quarts, and settle down.'
It's where we get
the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'
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Many years ago in
England ,
pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle
of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill ,
they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle'
is the phrase inspired by this practice.
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At least 75% of
people who read this will try to lick their
elbow!
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YOU
KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2012 when...
1. You accidentally
enter your PIN on the microwave.
2. You haven't
played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list
of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of
three.
4. You e-mail and text the
person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for
not staying in touch with friends and family is that they
don't have e-mail or text addresses.
6. You pull up in
your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is
home to help you carry in the groceries...
7. Every commercial
on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen
8. Leaving the house
without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first
20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic
and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in
the morning and go on line before getting your
coffee.
11. You start
tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
12 You're reading
this and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you
know exactly to whom you are going to forward this
message.
14. You are too busy
to notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually
scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this
list
~~~~~~~~~~~AND
FINALLY~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
NOW U R LAUGHING at
yourself.
You know you want to! Go lick your
elbow.
--
"I love this country, it's the government I'm afraid of"
So, how many of you tried to lick your elbow?????? 
Mary Anne
Monday, February 27, 2012
CAN YOU IMAGINE THE NUN SITTING AT HER DESK GRADING THESE PAPERS, ALL THE WHILE TRYING TO KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE AND MAINTAIN HER COMPOSURE!
PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC
ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST.
KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING 25 STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.
THE TEST ANSWERS FROM THE KIDS:
1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.
4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.
6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.
7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD,WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.
8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.
10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLEOF GERITOL.
12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.
15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.
16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.
17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.
18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.
20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.
24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY, WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.
--
"Good friends are like stars...You don't always see them, but you know they are always there."
Just love these!!!!
Mary Anne
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
interesting!!!
