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DUCKS IN HEAVEN !!!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012









DUCKS IN HEAVEN !!!
Three women die together in an accident
And go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says,
'We only have one rule here in heaven:
Don't step on the ducks!'

So they enter heaven, and sure enough,
There are ducks all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck,
And although they try their best to avoid them,
The first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says,
'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to
Spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'
The next day,
The second woman steps accidentally on a duck
And along comes St. Peter,
Who doesn't miss a thing.
With him is another extremely ugly man.
He chains them together
With the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and,
Not wanting to be chained
For all eternity to an ugly man, is very,
VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months
Without stepping on any ducks,
But
One day St.Peter comes up to her
With the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on
.... Very tall, long eyelashes, muscular.







St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says,
'I wonder what I did to deserve being
Chained to you for all of eternity?'

The guy says,
'I don't know about you,
But I stepped on a
Duck.






emoticon


emoticonMary Anne


emoticonHappy Valentines Day spark friends emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPARKLISE 2/18/2012 1:16PM

    Didn't see this one coming! emoticon emoticon

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MCGS62 2/16/2012 4:22PM

    some how you fell off my subscription list again

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MCGS62 2/16/2012 4:21PM

    OUH!!!!

LOL!!!

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LJCANNON 2/16/2012 1:16PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticonMe
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticonRolling
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticonOn
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticonThe
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticonFloor!!

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ANNCHER 2/16/2012 12:40PM

    Like it! Wow what a sexy man! Hugs! emoticon

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WILSON425 2/15/2012 8:22AM

    She was very wise! emoticon

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MOMMA_BEAR_69 2/14/2012 11:01PM

    So funny. I loved it!!!

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KAYDE53 2/14/2012 9:51PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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IDLETYME 2/14/2012 8:49PM

    That was s SUPER one! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JATHUENER 2/14/2012 6:21PM

    no matter how many times i read that i must laugh thanks

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CATLADY52 2/14/2012 6:08PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SHASSYSUE2 2/14/2012 1:38PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RAINBOWFALLS 2/14/2012 1:35PM

    emoticon

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IAMAGEMLOVER 2/14/2012 12:08PM

    emoticon

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JULIEEG81 2/14/2012 11:51AM

    emoticon Loved This! emoticon

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PHEBESS 2/14/2012 11:24AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GOOZLEBEAR 2/14/2012 11:15AM

    That is so funny!!!

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY to you too Mary Anne!!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BUTEAFULL 2/14/2012 10:57AM

    woot woot lucky gal emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 2/14/2012 10:23AM

  KIMPY225 said it best: Quack!

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LINDAKAY228 2/14/2012 10:15AM

    emoticon Yep, that's probably going to be my story someday LOL. I'll be the one someone is chained to because they stepped on a duck haha

Comment edited on: 2/14/2012 10:16:33 AM

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KATHRYNLP 2/14/2012 9:47AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GSWINNIE 2/14/2012 9:45AM

    emoticon

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SENATOR9 2/14/2012 9:43AM

    Great one on this day emoticon

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EVER-HOPEFUL 2/14/2012 9:39AM

    emoticon

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CHESAKAT41 2/14/2012 9:35AM

    Well you got me! Didn't expect the ending - great blog.

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HOAGIE22 2/14/2012 9:21AM

  emoticon

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MIMIDOT 2/14/2012 9:19AM

    Thanks for sharing. It made me smile.

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KIMPY225 2/14/2012 9:16AM

    quack! emoticon

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Amazing Home Remedies!!!!

Monday, February 13, 2012




THESE REALLY WORK!!


I checked this out on Snopes and it's for real!
AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:



1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.



2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.



3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER



4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.



5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.



6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.



7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.




emoticonMary Anne


Spark friends are the best!!! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPARKLISE 2/18/2012 1:15PM

    I laughed so hard I was crying! emoticon

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Q8PRINCESS 2/14/2012 11:46PM

    emoticon

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BUTEAFULL 2/13/2012 11:06PM

    emoticon

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JAMER123 2/13/2012 11:05PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
That's laughing from my DH as well as me. I could hardly get through reading them out loud!! Thanks for a good laugh today!!

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GOOZLEBEAR 2/13/2012 10:51PM

    You are so right, Spark friends are the best. Thanks for the chuckle!

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MY4KITTIES 2/13/2012 9:34PM

    I absolutely love it! Duct tape and WD40 are amazing products. It's even better now that duct tape comes in colors so you can color coordinate!!

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PHEBESS 2/13/2012 7:01PM

    Very helpful, LOL!

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ILOVEROSES 2/13/2012 6:29PM

    Love it! emoticon emoticon

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KAYDE53 2/13/2012 6:27PM

    emoticon emoticon

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SANDLADY48 2/13/2012 6:08PM

    They all make sense and I'm good with the Snopes reference!

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LINDAKAY228 2/13/2012 1:43PM

    Love it! Duct tape and wd 40 are definitely my best friends!

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ANNCHER 2/13/2012 10:59AM

    How funny! Thank you for sharing Big Hugs going your way! emoticon

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SHARJOPAUL 2/13/2012 10:58AM

    lol

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PAWSINAZ 2/13/2012 10:52AM

    emoticon emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 2/13/2012 10:47AM

  emoticon

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DEELYNNE1 2/13/2012 9:58AM

    TOO funny! Especially like #6 - I could not live without WD40 and duct tape.

emoticon

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SENATOR9 2/13/2012 9:54AM

    Grumpy would kill me if I did #2 but I like #4 the clock on her side emoticon

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GRACENFAITH 2/13/2012 9:53AM

    LOL :)

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WELLNESSME09 2/13/2012 9:46AM

    Oh My Goodness, thanks for the laugh! emoticon

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CCASKEY37 2/13/2012 9:42AM

    Good to start the day laughing.
emoticon

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WHAT KIDS THINK-----

Sunday, February 12, 2012





Jesus' Dad's Name

A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus' mother's
name?"

One child answered, "Mary."

The teacher then asked, "Who knows what Jesus' father's name was?"

A little kid said, "Verge."

Confused, the teacher asked, "Where did you get that?"

The kid said, "Well, you know they are always talking about Verge n'
Mary.


***********
KIDS IN CHURCH

3-year-old, Reese:

"Our Father, Who does art in
heaven, Harold is His name.
Amen."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little boy was overheard praying:

"Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A. Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments.

They were ready to discuss the last one.

The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was.

Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted,

"Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.

His father asked him three times what was wrong.

Finally, the boy replied,
"That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a
Christian home, and I wanted to stay with you guys."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord's
Prayer for several evenings at bedtime,
she would repeat after me the lines from the prayer.

Finally, she decided to go solo.

I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated
each word right up to the end of the prayer:
"Lead us not into temptation," she prayed,
"but deliver us some E-mail.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One particular four-year-old prayed,
"And forgive us our trash baskets
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Sunday school teacher asked her children, as they were on the way to
church service,
"And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"

One bright little girl replied,
"Because people are
sleeping."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting
together in church.

Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud.

Finally, his big sister had had enough.
"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."

"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.

Angie pointed to the back of the church and said,
"See those two men standing by the door?
They're hushers."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5 and Ryan 3.

The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.

Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'"

Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A father was at the beach with his children
when the four-year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore
where a seagull lay dead in the sand.

"Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.

"He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied.

The boy thought a moment and then said,
"Did God throw him back down?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to
their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the
blessing?"

"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.

"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.

The daughter bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I
invite all these people to dinner?"

***************


emoticonLove the way kids think!!!!!


Happy Sunday!


emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KEEPITUP05 2/13/2012 8:22PM

    Love this! :) Thanks for sharing!

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1CRAZYDOG 2/13/2012 9:14AM

  Kids! They put it all in perspective!

So very sorry to hear your Mom was hospitalized. Definitely prayers.

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Q8PRINCESS 2/13/2012 1:17AM

    emoticon

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JAMER123 2/13/2012 12:19AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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AZHURE_SUNSOAR 2/12/2012 10:59PM

    Awesome! lots of LOLing :D

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KOMAL53 2/12/2012 10:34PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
GREAT Start to my morning!!!

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OPALMOON 2/12/2012 10:29PM

    emoticon emoticon

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NORASPAT 2/12/2012 8:54PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SHASSYSUE2 2/12/2012 8:53PM

    So Cute!!!!

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KAYDE53 2/12/2012 7:24PM

    emoticon

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PHEBESS 2/12/2012 4:32PM

    Gotta love kids!!!!

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GOOZLEBEAR 2/12/2012 3:55PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PEGGYO 2/12/2012 3:30PM

    emoticon

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PUDLECRAZY 2/12/2012 3:29PM

    emoticon

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BUTEAFULL 2/12/2012 12:51PM

    emoticon

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KITT52 2/12/2012 12:42PM

    emoticon kids do say the funniest things.

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RAINSTORM17 2/12/2012 11:43AM

    I needed a good laugh;thanks! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SENATOR9 2/12/2012 10:26AM

    Some new one and aome classics emoticon

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GSWINNIE 2/12/2012 9:31AM

    Have a Blessed Sunday!

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Blonde Strikes Again!!!!

Saturday, February 11, 2012

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She


jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on


the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says, "Hi, my


name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."



The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.


When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again.


She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again,


the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the


blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing


some of your load!"


Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down


the street.


At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of


breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, and knocks on the


truck door.


The trucker lowers the window. Again she says, "Hi, my name is


Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"


When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the


next light.


When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs


back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it,


he says, "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in PENNSYLVANIA and I'm


driving the SALT TRUCK."


emoticon

I apologize to all my blonde friends....the falling snow made me do it!!!!


emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CCASKEY37 2/13/2012 9:22AM

    emoticon

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BUTEAFULL 2/12/2012 12:51PM

    emoticon

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IDLETYME 2/12/2012 9:06AM

    That's cute - emoticon emoticon

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OPALMOON 2/12/2012 5:43AM

    emoticon

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MOMMA_BEAR_69 2/12/2012 2:39AM

    Oh, Mary Anne, you really had me ROTFLMBO with this one!!! AWESOME as we are just receiving our first actual snowfall of the year...possible 3-4 inches and 9 degrees. For our neck of Pennsylvania, this winter has been very different...saw my first alt truck of this winter this afternoon.
Keep 'em coming!!!
(((HUGS)))

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HUTCHISDM 2/12/2012 2:10AM

    HEHEHE - sounds like some people i know, and I live in PA!!

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Q8PRINCESS 2/11/2012 11:28PM

    emoticon

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PHEBESS 2/11/2012 10:25PM

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THROOPER62 2/11/2012 4:17PM

    emoticon

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TRUCKERWIFE2 2/11/2012 4:17PM

    emoticon

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PEGGYO 2/11/2012 3:49PM

    emoticon

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NORASPAT 2/11/2012 12:49PM

    OH MY, that really had me thinking

Way to go Mary Anne Pat in Maine. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LORIAPO 2/11/2012 11:13AM

    emoticon

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GSWINNIE 2/11/2012 11:03AM

    OMG too cute

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SENATOR9 2/11/2012 10:56AM

    emoticonAnother good one emoticon

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KATHRYNLP 2/11/2012 9:08AM

    Lets all tell FAT JOKES... they're funnier. emoticon

Comment edited on: 2/11/2012 9:19:03 AM

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PATERNITY SUIT!!!!!

Friday, February 10, 2012










MICHELIN MAN DENIES PATERNITY SUIT....CLAIMS CHILD IS NOT HIS



emoticon


emoticon


emoticon


emoticon


emoticon


emoticon


emoticon


emoticon








I can't stop emoticon!!!!!!



emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KATHRYNLP 2/11/2012 8:39AM

    Hahahahaaaa!! Cute kid... and yup.. it's his! emoticon

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HEALTHYNEWPAIGE 2/10/2012 11:51PM

    emoticon He might just have to cough up some child support...

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MOMMA_BEAR_69 2/10/2012 11:43PM

    Resemblance is very strong...DNA will prove it!!! emoticon emoticon

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KAYDE53 2/10/2012 10:01PM

    Sure looks like his! emoticon

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PURPLESPEDCOW 2/10/2012 7:57PM

    awesome

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NORASPAT 2/10/2012 5:27PM

    What a sweetie, he reminds me of a Sharpee Dog-All wrinkles Thanks Pat inMaine. emoticon emoticon

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PEGGYO 2/10/2012 3:37PM

    emoticon

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IDLETYME 2/10/2012 3:16PM

    He can't deny that little one! emoticon

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GOOZLEBEAR 2/10/2012 2:55PM

    Oh is that baby going to have problems later in life!!!! emoticon emoticon

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CCASKEY37 2/10/2012 1:35PM

    I say get them on the Maury Povich show.

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CATLADY52 2/10/2012 1:12PM

    I don't know... emoticon

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SWTHNY- 2/10/2012 12:11PM

    hehe

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CONNIER64 2/10/2012 11:56AM

    Where do you get this?They are all sooo cute and I totally enjoy them. emoticon

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GERIKRAGH 2/10/2012 11:47AM

    I think it WAS his! LOL

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BLESSED2BEME 2/10/2012 11:39AM

    What a cutie patootie!

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BUTEAFULL 2/10/2012 11:31AM

    emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 2/10/2012 11:27AM

  emoticon

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PHEBESS 2/10/2012 11:05AM

    LOL!!!!!!

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GSWINNIE 2/10/2012 10:32AM

    I've seen this before but it's still cute.

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SENATOR9 2/10/2012 10:28AM

    Great smile to end the week emoticon

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JOEYSGIRL71 2/10/2012 10:28AM

    emoticon

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TRUCKERWIFE2 2/10/2012 10:15AM

    Love it!

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LATTELEE 2/10/2012 10:08AM

  Love it!

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KRISTEN_SAYS 2/10/2012 10:07AM

    oh gosh that's so cute!

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