Saturday, February 11, 2012
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She
jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on
the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says, "Hi, my
name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.
When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again.
She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again,
the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the
blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing
some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down
At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of
breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, and knocks on the
The trucker lowers the window. Again she says, "Hi, my name is
Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the
When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs
back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it,
he says, "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in PENNSYLVANIA and I'm
driving the SALT TRUCK."
I apologize to all my blonde friends....the falling snow made me do it!!!!
Thursday, February 09, 2012
Daddy , how was I
A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'
The father answers,
'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.
Then I Set up a date via e-mail with your Mom
and we met at a cyber-cafe..
We Sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other.
There your mother Agreed to a download from my hard drive.
As soon as I was ready to upload,
We discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall,
and since it was too Late to hit the delete button,
nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that
Down...You'll love this .....
Wednesday, February 08, 2012
GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER:
1. Sag, you're It.
2. Hide and go pee.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Musical recliners.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE:
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.
OLD IS WHEN:
1.Going! bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
2.You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
3.Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today.
4.Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.
5.An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!
A Friend Is Like A Good Bra.. Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart!
Tuesday, February 07, 2012
1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was
dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child
innocently. You did WHAT?! ?"The teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You
know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went' Pssst!' and it
2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later.
"Da-ad." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No, You
had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..." "WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??" I told you NO! If you ask
again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes later" Daaaa-aaaad..."
"WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy
thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and
keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan,
come in or stay out!'"
4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking
her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with
a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The
mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said.
"I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by
his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."
5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the
children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One
little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat
down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is
it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's
clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron.
6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old
came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower.
She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember
Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, but
what's growing in your butt?"
7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two
plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a
bitch is nine." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What
are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework,
Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother
asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the
next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied,
"Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you
teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After
the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two
plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken
Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken
Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ". And so Chicken Little went
up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The
teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer
said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said 'Holy
$hit! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next
9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr.
Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must
say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and
said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I
was, but mother says I'm not."
10. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the
boys?" Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're
too rough." The little girl thought about it for a few moments and
asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
Gotta love em!!!!
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