Wednesday, November 16, 2011
This just might make your day a little brighter!! You, who worry about
democrats versus republicans -- relax, here is our real problem.
In a Purdue University classroom, they were discussing the qualifications to be
President of the United States . It was pretty simple. The candidate must be a
natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age. However, one girl in the class
immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural born
citizen. In short, her opinion was that this requirement prevented many
capable individuals from becoming president. The class was taking it in and
letting her rant, and not many jaws hit the floor when she wrapped up her
argument by stating, "What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to
lead this country than one born by C-section?"
Yep, these are the same kinds of 18-year-olds that are now voting in our
elections! THEY BREED AND WALK AMONG US... LORD ---WE NEED MORE
HELP THAN WE THOUGHT WE DID!
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
1 slice whole wheat toast
1 cup skim milk
1 small portion lean, steamed chicken
1 cup spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Hershey's kiss
1 The rest of the Hershey Kisses in the bag
1 tub of Hagen-Daaz ice cream with chocolate chips
4 glasses of wine (red or white)
2 loaves garlic bread
1 family size supreme pizza
3 Snickers Bars
Late Night Snack:
1 whole Sarah Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)
Remember: Stressed spelled backward is desserts.
If you delete this message, you will gain 10 pounds immediately.
That's why I had to pass this on, I didn't want to risk it.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog.
Pee on it and walk away
Monday, November 14, 2011
I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me, either.
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? What happened?!
Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn, Please lknvfdmv.xvn.
What was your power again?
Dear Ugly People,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars end there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Please stop spell checking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.
Every iPhone User
At least you get picked up...
The Girls of Jersey Shore
It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Sunday, November 13, 2011
It's not whether you win or lose,
but how you place the blame.
You are not drunk
if you can lie on the floor
without holding on.
We have enough "youth". How about a fountain of "smart"?
The original point and click interface
was a Smith & Wesson.
A Fool and his money
can throw one heck of a party.
When blondes have more fun,do they know it?
Five days a week my body is a temple.
The other two it's an amusement park.
LEARN FROM YOUR PARENTS' MISTAKES
USE BIRTH CONTROL.
Money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch.
Don't Drink and Drive
You might hit a bump and spill something.
If at first you don't succeed
skydiving is not for you.
Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
We are born naked, wet and hungry.
Then things get worse.
Red meat is not bad for you
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers
give the rest a bad name.
Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge
to produce reproductive organs.
ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS NO
MATCH FOR NATURAL STUPIDITY.
The latest survey shows that
three out of four people make
up 75% of the population.
"You know why a banana is like a politician?"
"He comes in and first he is green, then he turns yellow
and then he's rotten."
"I think Congressmen should wear uniforms,
you know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could
identify their corporate sponsors."
The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected
is that they would 'hate' to have to make a living
under the laws they've passed.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
A couple went for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and ordered the 'Chicken
The waiter brought the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.
Just as the wife was about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rose slightly and she
briefly saw two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slammed back
'Good grief, did you see that?' she asked her husband. He hadn't, so she asked
him to look in the pot. He reached for it and again the lid rises, and he saw two
little eyes looking around before it slammed back down.
Rather perturbed, he called the waiter over, explained what was happening,
and demanded an explanation.
'Please sir,' said the waiter, 'what you order?'
The husband replied, 'Chicken Surprise.'
(You're going to love this...................
You're going to hate yourself for loving this..............! )
'Ah! So sorry,' said the waiter, 'I bring you Peeking Duck!'
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