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The Haircut!!!

Friday, November 18, 2011




One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he
asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money
from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was
pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop
the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses
waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his
bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm
doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left
the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there
was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his
bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm
doing community service this week.' The Congressman was very happy
and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up,
there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between
the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.
REMEMBER POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS SHOULD BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON!!!!


emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

Q8PRINCESS 6/29/2012 1:31AM

    emoticon

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KAYDE53 11/18/2011 10:24PM

    good one!! emoticon

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BUTEAFULL 11/18/2011 8:51PM

    emoticon

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GOOZLEBEAR 11/18/2011 7:30PM

    Oh, so very true!!!!! emoticon

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CATLADY52 11/18/2011 5:51PM

    The truth hurts, sometimes. emoticon

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MOMMA_BEAR_69 11/18/2011 4:46PM

    emoticon

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IDLETYME 11/18/2011 11:11AM

    So True!!!!!

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PHEBESS 11/18/2011 10:11AM

    Too true!!!!

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SENATOR9 11/18/2011 9:54AM

    emoticon

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ASMPP1 11/18/2011 9:52AM

    emoticon

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LISADHARPER1 11/18/2011 9:17AM

    LOVE LOVE LOVE! Thanks for a little giggle this morning!

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Woman vs. Man

Thursday, November 17, 2011




If you haven't read these before, have a good chuckle. If you have, you can chuckle again!


WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wearies box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.



Keep reading-they get better!!!



WOMEN'S REVENGE

'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'




UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.



CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles..
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him..
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own . so does she..
(I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)



WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position..
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'



WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day.
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'



CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!




WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says .'HEBREWS'



The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up..'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.



God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece




emoticonit's contagious!!!


emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PHEBESS 11/18/2011 7:49AM

    My favorite is the wake up note, LOL!!!!!

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PEGGYO 11/17/2011 10:31PM

    funny

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ILOVEROSES 11/17/2011 6:54PM

    emoticon

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CATLADY52 11/17/2011 4:35PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MAGICKCAT 11/17/2011 4:14PM

    That was hysterical....I had to share that with some of my girlfriends! Thanks for the giggles!

emoticon

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KAYDE53 11/17/2011 3:33PM

    emoticon emoticon

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THETURTLEBEAR 11/17/2011 2:52PM

    emoticon

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SHARJOPAUL 11/17/2011 2:29PM

    LOL

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THROOPER62 11/17/2011 2:24PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GINIEMIE 11/17/2011 2:14PM

    needed the chuckle thanks
emoticon emoticon

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ASMPP1 11/17/2011 2:01PM

    emoticon

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CONNIER64 11/17/2011 12:56PM

    Shared with DH but, he didn't laugh much. emoticon emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 11/17/2011 11:00AM

    Women ALWAYS win . . . once men learn that, they'll have an earier time of it! LOLOLOLOL

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TINY67 11/17/2011 9:34AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LEW0213 11/17/2011 9:00AM

    I laughed at every one of these. Great stuff. Thanks for the morning laughters.

Linda

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JUSTLYLE 11/17/2011 8:43AM

    emoticon emoticon

Skeeter

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SENATOR9 11/17/2011 8:27AM

    Some great ones thanks emoticon

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KATHRYNLP 11/17/2011 8:18AM

    Hahahaaa!! That was fun.. new and oldies! emoticon emoticon

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GOOZLEBEAR 11/17/2011 8:09AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticonfor my morning chuckle!!!

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Natural Born Citizen!!!!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011




This just might make your day a little brighter!! You, who worry about

democrats versus republicans -- relax, here is our real problem.


In a Purdue University classroom, they were discussing the qualifications to be

President of the United States . It was pretty simple. The candidate must be a

natural born citizen of at least 35 years of age. However, one girl in the class

immediately started in on how unfair was the requirement to be a natural born

citizen. In short, her opinion was that this requirement prevented many

capable individuals from becoming president. The class was taking it in and

letting her rant, and not many jaws hit the floor when she wrapped up her

argument by stating, "What makes a natural born citizen any more qualified to

lead this country than one born by C-section?"


Yep, these are the same kinds of 18-year-olds that are now voting in our

elections! THEY BREED AND WALK AMONG US... LORD ---WE NEED MORE

HELP THAN WE THOUGHT WE DID!



emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PHEBESS 11/18/2011 7:50AM

    SCARY!!!!!!

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BAKER1009 11/17/2011 4:49PM

    LOL!! Great one!

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EVATTEL 11/17/2011 2:28PM

  Please permit me to make a comment regarding natural born citizen. The meaning of natural is important and is misunderstood. Shakespeare wrote in Henry the V.." all thy children kind and natural".

What does he mean Kind and Natural?

When you discover this...the meaning of a natural born citizen will be clear.



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GINIEMIE 11/17/2011 2:17PM

    You got to love em. I work with them daily, and yes they come up with ideas like that!
Thanks for the laugh!
emoticon emoticon

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BUTEAFULL 11/17/2011 2:26AM

    emoticon

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PASTORMIKE7 11/16/2011 9:27PM

    Thanks for sharing this!!

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ASMPP1 11/16/2011 9:24PM

    emoticon

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KAYDE53 11/16/2011 9:18PM

    emoticon emoticon

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CATLADY52 11/16/2011 5:05PM

    I think we may be in trouble. emoticon emoticon

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NORASPAT 11/16/2011 3:55PM

    LOL yes it is really very scary.

I am hoping it's not true but I feel sure it most likely is. Pat in Maine.
Thanks Mary Ann emoticon emoticon emoticon

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INFLATED 11/16/2011 2:08PM

    LOL. You and PUDLECRAZY made me laugh, thank you both, lol!



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PUDLECRAZY 11/16/2011 12:56PM

    LOL!

I had a student in high school come up to me after school one day.

He said, "Ms. Powell, I'm worried about my girlfriend."

"What is the problem?"

"She's taking birth control pills."

"And what makes you worried?"

"I'm afraid she'll get addicted."

"To birth control pills?'

"Yes, the health teacher said once you start taking them, you can't stop."

Yup, a real conversation. Teens are very literal.

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1MANKNEY 11/16/2011 12:10PM

    Got to love the Darwin Awards! At least that seems to eliminate many of the winners from breeding.
Yes, I have met some of these people and they vote! We need to bring back prayer everywhere because we surely need it! emoticon

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CONNIER64 11/16/2011 11:05AM

    Scary! emoticon

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SENATOR9 11/16/2011 10:06AM

    That leaves my two kids out .Canadians and C section Double whammy

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IDLETYME 11/16/2011 10:01AM

    Funnnny! Thanks for sharing!

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1CRAZYDOG 11/16/2011 9:27AM

    emoticon

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MCGS62 11/16/2011 9:26AM

    LOL !! I know these kids !!!

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KATHRYNLP 11/16/2011 9:19AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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OUBACHE 11/16/2011 8:41AM

    Please, please, I hope this is a joke and not really true!

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LRK4CHRIST 11/16/2011 8:35AM

    Wow! Thx for sharing! Good info! May u have good success!

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The YaYa Sisters Diet!!!

Tuesday, November 15, 2011




Breakfast:

1 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
1 cup skim milk


Lunch:

1 small portion lean, steamed chicken
1 cup spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Hershey's kiss


Afternoon Tea:

1 The rest of the Hershey Kisses in the bag
1 tub of Hagen-Daaz ice cream with chocolate chips


Dinner:

4 glasses of wine (red or white)
2 loaves garlic bread
1 family size supreme pizza
3 Snickers Bars


Late Night Snack:

1 whole Sarah Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)



Remember: Stressed spelled backward is desserts.


If you delete this message, you will gain 10 pounds immediately.


That's why I had to pass this on, I didn't want to risk it.


Handle every stressful situation like a dog.

Pee on it and walk away emoticon


emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PHEBESS 11/16/2011 7:05AM

    Hey, chocolate is a basic food group and you should eat some every day!!!!!

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GOOZLEBEAR 11/15/2011 9:57PM

    If only that was true!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PEGGYO 11/15/2011 9:55PM

    funny

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ASMPP1 11/15/2011 9:40PM

    emoticon

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ILOVEROSES 11/15/2011 6:08PM

    emoticon

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NORASPAT 11/15/2011 4:13PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Pat in Maine. emoticon

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INFLATED 11/15/2011 3:25PM

    LOL!

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SHARJOPAUL 11/15/2011 1:31PM

    LOL


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KAYDE53 11/15/2011 1:02PM

    emoticon emoticon

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1MANKNEY 11/15/2011 12:12PM

    I'll be there for tea! emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 11/15/2011 11:38AM

    That doggie has the right idea!



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SENATOR9 11/15/2011 10:30AM

    emoticon

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CAROLJEAN64 11/15/2011 9:55AM

    Love this and love the advice about stress from the dog. I will remember that.

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ANNCHER 11/15/2011 9:50AM

    I didn't realize that stressed spell backwards equals desserts. Have a great day!

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KATHRYNLP 11/15/2011 9:49AM

    Ummm... in my dreams... emoticon

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TINY67 11/15/2011 9:37AM

    emoticon

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THETURTLEBEAR 11/15/2011 9:23AM

    I'm getting a tummy ache just thinking about it!

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What they said.......

Monday, November 14, 2011




Dear Scissors,

I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me, either.

Sincerely,
Sarah Palin



Dear Noah,

We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.

Sincerely,
Unicorns



Dear Twilight fans,

Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that.

Sincerely,
Logic



Dear Icebergs,

Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.

Sincerely,
The Titanic



Dear America,

You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.

Sincerely,
Canada



Dear Yahoo,

I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...

Sincerely,
Google



Dear 2010,

So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? What happened?!

Sincerely,
1985



Dear girls who have been dumped,

There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.

Sincerely,
BP



Dear Saturn,

I liked it, so I put a ring on it.

Sincerely,
God



Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn, Please lknvfdmv.xvn.

Sincerely,
Stevie Wonder



Dear Batman,

What was your power again?

Sincerely,
Superman



Dear Ugly People,

You're welcome.

Sincerely,
Alcohol



Dear World,

Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars end there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Sincerely,
The Mayans




Dear iPhone,

Please stop spell checking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.

Sincerely,
Every iPhone User



Dear Trash,

At least you get picked up...

Sincerely,
The Girls of Jersey Shore



Dear Man,

It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?

Sincerely,
Elephant






emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PHEBESS 11/16/2011 7:06AM

    Hahahahaha!

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FLOWERDALEJEWEL 11/15/2011 5:07AM

   
Yep, if you can't pick up peanuts with it, it's of no use at all!!! Bwuhahahahaha

Comment edited on: 11/15/2011 5:10:05 AM

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KAYDE53 11/14/2011 9:33PM

    emoticon emoticon

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ASMPP1 11/14/2011 8:32PM

    emoticon

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PUDLECRAZY 11/14/2011 8:30PM

    emoticon

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BUTEAFULL 11/14/2011 4:41PM

    emoticon

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CATLADY52 11/14/2011 4:22PM

    Thank heavens that I finished lunch before I read these. emoticon

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MAGICKCAT 11/14/2011 2:01PM

    Oh I got a GOOD giggle out of that one... Laughter is the BEST medicine! Those are priceless... emoticon

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NORASPAT 11/14/2011 1:07PM

    Thanks for the chuckle today

HUGS Pat in Maine.

HOPE YOU ARE DOING BETTER AFTER YOUR RAKING MARATHON!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Did 4 miles today emoticon

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INFLATED 11/14/2011 12:47PM

    Laughing as I try to eat my lunch.

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THROOPER62 11/14/2011 11:17AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PEGGYO 11/14/2011 10:32AM

    ok

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LEW0213 11/14/2011 10:27AM

    Great stuff. I love your blogs!!

Linda

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1CRAZYDOG 11/14/2011 9:59AM

    My laugh for the day!!

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SENATOR9 11/14/2011 9:27AM

    emoticon emoticon

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KATHRYNLP 11/14/2011 9:22AM

    Hahahahaaaaaa!!!! Good Ones.. thanks for the chuckles.. again! emoticon

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