Saturday, September 10, 2011
TWO NUNS WERE SHOPPING AT A 7-11 STORE. AS THEY PASSED BY THE BEER COOLER, ONE NUN SAID TO THE OTHER,
" WOULDN'T A NICE COOL BEER OR TWO TASTE WONDERFUL ON A HOT SUMMER EVENING?"
THE SECOND NUN ANSWERED,
"INDEED IT WOULD, SISTER, BUT I WOULD NOT FEEL COMFORTABLE BUYING BEER, SINCE I AM CERTAIN IT WOULD CAUSE A SCENE AT THE CHECKOUT STAND."
"I CAN HANDLE THAT WITHOUT A PROBLEM" THE OTHER NUN REPLIED, AND SHE PICKED UP A SIX-PACK AND HEADED FOR THE CHECK-OUT. THE CASHIER HAD A SURPRISED LOOK ON HIS FACE WHEN THE TWO NUNS ARRIVED WITH A SIX-PACK OF BEER.
"WE USE BEER FOR WASHING OUR HAIR" THE NUN SAID, "BACK AT OUR NUNNERY, WE CALL IT CATHOLIC SHAMPOO."
WITHOUT BLINKING AN EYE, THE CASHIER REACHED UNDER THE COUNTER, PULLED OUT A PACKAGE OF PRETZEL STICKS, AND PLACED THEM IN THE BAG WITH THE BEER. HE THEN LOOKED THE NUN STRAIGHT IN THE EYE, SMILED, AND SAID:
"THE CURLERS ARE ON THE HOUSE."
Friday, September 09, 2011
Ed and Nancy met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her.
When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.
Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Nancy to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Nancy was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last.
On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Nancy to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said,
"I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now!"
Nancy took a deep breath and responded, "Ed, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker."
Ed said, "I bet it's because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."
Thursday, September 08, 2011
In honor of Arnold Schwarzenegger, a new commandment has been created. Be sure to write
this one in underneath the other ten:
"Thou Shalt Not Share Thy Rod With Thy Staff."
Have a great day!!!
Wednesday, September 07, 2011
A fifteen year old Amish boy and his father were in a mall. They were amazed by
everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, 'What is this, Father?'
The father responded, 'Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it
is.'While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheel
chair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady
rolled between them into a small room.The walls closed and the boy and his father watched
the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.They continued to watch until it
reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.Finally the
walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blond stepped out.The father, not taking
his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son.....
'Go get your Mother.'
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
A dog lover, whose poodle was a bitch and 'in heat', agreed to look
after and house her neighbors' male poodle while they were away on vacation.
She had a large house, and believed that she could keep them apart,
but as she was drifting off to sleep she heard awful howling and moaning
She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious
pain and unable to disengage as so frequently happens when they mate.
Unable to separate them and perplexed as to what to do next, although
it was late, she called the vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.
Having explained the problem to him, the vet said, "Hang up the phone
and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the
noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and be able to
"Do you think that will work?" she asked.
"It just worked for me" the vet replied.
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