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3 Norwegians

Monday, July 04, 2011




Three Norwegians go down to Mexico to celebrate college graduation. They

get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in

the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night

before.

The first one, Sven, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if he

has any last words. He says, "I yust graduated from St. Olaf College in

Northfield, Minnesota and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene

on the behalf of the innocent."


They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the

floor on their knees; beg for Sven's forgiveness, and release him.

The second, Lars, is strapped in and gives his last words, "I gust graduated

from da Concordia College in Moorhead, Minnesota and I believe in the power

of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.." They throw the

switch and, again, nothing happens. Again, they all immediately fall to

their knees; beg for his forgiveness, and release him.


The last one, Ole, is strapped in and he says, "Vell, den, I'm from Nort'

Dakota State in Fargo and I yust graduated vit a degree in Electrical

Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, ya ain't gonna electrocute nobody

if you don't plug this ting in."

emoticon


emoticonMary Anne

emoticon emoticonHappy 4th of July!!!!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAYDE53 7/5/2011 3:43PM

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    emoticon emoticon

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FLOWERDALEJEWEL 7/5/2011 4:54AM

   


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STILLWATERS811 7/4/2011 8:22PM

  Oh my stars! Just TOO funny!!!

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ERTSMOM 7/4/2011 7:35PM

    emoticon

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CRAZYDOGLADYBO 7/4/2011 6:43PM

    emoticon

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PEGGYO 7/4/2011 6:13PM

    lol

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DKELLEY35 7/4/2011 2:29PM

    Whoops, I think he's a little too helpful. LOL

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CATLADY52 7/4/2011 2:22PM

    That is a hoot.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PHEBESS 7/4/2011 2:05PM

    Oy!!!!

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KOMAL53 7/4/2011 11:19AM

    Oh My God!!!That was really hilarious!!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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THETURTLEBEAR 7/4/2011 10:50AM

    emoticon

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LEW0213 7/4/2011 10:26AM

    emoticon emoticon

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SPARKLISE 7/4/2011 10:23AM

    emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 7/4/2011 10:20AM

    emoticon emoticon

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GEMINIAN1 7/4/2011 9:35AM

    Love it ... :-)
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ASMPP1 7/4/2011 9:31AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BUTEAFULL 7/4/2011 9:30AM

    emoticon

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SENATOR9 7/4/2011 9:07AM

    emoticon emoticonHappy 4th Mary Anne

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PRINCHESSA 7/4/2011 9:00AM

    emoticon

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KATHRYNLP 7/4/2011 8:49AM

    OHHH... some people are just too darn smart for their own good.. emoticon

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SMIDGON 7/4/2011 8:47AM

    Very funny as usual! Keep up the good work. We all need laughter. emoticon

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Dinner!!!!

Sunday, July 03, 2011




A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead
sitting at the next table.

He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to
talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket
toward the man.

He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back!
"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in
place.

"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the
theater followed by drinks.

They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares
his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to
her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.
They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The
guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!

"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to
every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies.........








Wait for it. .












It's coming. .










The suspense is killing you, isn't it?







She says:


"You just happened to catch my eye."


(Oh shut up, and just forward it!)

emoticon


emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ERTSMOM 7/4/2011 6:43PM

    emoticon

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AGASSIFAN 7/4/2011 10:15AM

    Hi MM!!!!!

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ILOVEROSES 7/4/2011 9:34AM

    emoticon emoticonDidn't see that one coming!

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FLOWERDALEJEWEL 7/4/2011 5:07AM

   

Didn't catch that one coming emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NEWMAC2011 7/4/2011 12:01AM

    I did see this one coming (or I had my eye on it?)

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CATLADY52 7/3/2011 9:51PM

    That is funny!! emoticon

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PEGGYO 7/3/2011 9:13PM

    Cute

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DKELLEY35 7/3/2011 7:16PM

    LMAO!

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BUTEAFULL 7/3/2011 5:14PM

    emoticon

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STILLWATERS811 7/3/2011 4:33PM

  Oh my,how funny! And I didn't see it coming!!!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

emoticon

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GEMINIAN1 7/3/2011 4:00PM

    emoticon

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SENATOR9 7/3/2011 11:25AM

    emoticonlove it

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PRINCHESSA 7/3/2011 11:21AM

    emoticon

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KATHRYNLP 7/3/2011 9:18AM

    Hahahahaaa!! emoticon

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THETURTLEBEAR 7/3/2011 8:50AM

    emoticon

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JATHUENER 7/3/2011 8:26AM

    oh how funny thanks for sharing

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ASMPP1 7/3/2011 8:14AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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IMEMINE1 7/3/2011 8:13AM

    That's so funny. I loved it.

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PHEBESS 7/3/2011 8:12AM

    Okay, this is crazy!

Comment edited on: 7/3/2011 8:13:02 AM

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PHEBESS 7/3/2011 8:12AM

    Sorry, technical difficulties!

Comment edited on: 7/3/2011 8:13:34 AM

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PHEBESS 7/3/2011 8:07AM

    ::::::giggling:::::

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Lunch with the girls through the ages!!!!

Saturday, July 02, 2011





A group of 15-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet for dinner.
Finally, they agreed to meet at the Dairy Queen next to the Ocean View restaurant
because they had only $6.00 among them and Jimmy Johnson, the cute boy in Social
Studies, lived on that street.


10 years later, the group of 25-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet
for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because
the beer was cheap, the restaurant offered free snacks, the band was good,
there was no cover and there were lots of cute guys.


10 years later, the group of 35-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet
for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because
the cosmos were good, it was right near the gym and, if they went late enough,
there wouldn't be too many whiny little kids.


10 years later, the group of 45-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet
for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because
the martinis were big and the waiters had tight pants and nice buns.


10 years later, the group of 55-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet
for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because
the prices were reasonable, the wine list was good, the restaurant had windows
that opened (in case of a hot flashes), and fish is good for cholesterol.


10 years later, the group of 65-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet
for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because
the lighting was good and the restaurant had an early bird special.


10 years later, the group of 75-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet
for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because
the food was not too spicy and the restaurant was handicapped-accessible.


10 years later, the group of 85-year-old girlfriends discussed where to meet
for dinner. Finally, they agreed to meet at the Ocean View restaurant because
they had never been there before. emoticon


emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

IMEMINE1 7/3/2011 8:35AM

    haha.Good one.

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FLOWERDALEJEWEL 7/3/2011 4:41AM

   

I think I'll skip 85 emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KAYDE53 7/2/2011 11:41PM

    Something to look forward to! emoticon

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STILLWATERS811 7/2/2011 10:59PM

  Ha! So cute. Thank you.

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CRAZYDOGLADYBO 7/2/2011 6:51PM

    emoticon Thanks!

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BUTEAFULL 7/2/2011 5:27PM

    emoticon

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PHEBESS 7/2/2011 3:08PM

    LOL!

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GOOZLEBEAR 7/2/2011 3:04PM

    That is very funny!!! thanks for the chuckle!!!!!

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RAINBOWFALLS 7/2/2011 2:47PM

    I thought they would end back up at the Dairy Queen! emoticon

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GEMINIAN1 7/2/2011 1:34PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DKELLEY35 7/2/2011 1:28PM

    Oh the changes the years bring. LOL

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THETURTLEBEAR 7/2/2011 10:30AM

    Ha ha - loved the punch line!

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KATHRYNLP 7/2/2011 9:55AM

    Sounds like a great place to go to.. emoticon emoticon

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LEW0213 7/2/2011 9:49AM

    hehehehehe. Very cute. emoticon

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SENATOR9 7/2/2011 9:37AM

    emoticon emoticon

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JATHUENER 7/2/2011 9:34AM

    very cute thanks

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AGASSIFAN 7/2/2011 9:31AM

    I enjoyed this one!!!!

emoticon

Have a safe 4th of July weekend!!!!

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BUGSMIMI 7/2/2011 9:19AM

  LOL! Thanks! : )

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ZUGASAURUS 7/2/2011 9:17AM

    Haha, I was wondering where that was going!

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Witticisms of Ignorance!!!!

Friday, July 01, 2011



-It 's not whether you win or lose,
but how you place the blame.


-You are not drunk
if you can lie on the floor
without holding on.


-We have enough youth..
How about a fountain of "smart"?


-The original point and click interface
was a Smith & Wesson.


-A fool and his money
can throw one heck of a party.


-when blondes have more fun do they know it?


-Five days a week my body is a temple.
The other two it's an amusement park.


-LEARN FROM YOUR PARENTS' MISTAKES
USE BIRTH CONTROL


- Money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch.


- Don't Drink and Drive
You might hit a bump and spill something.


- If at first you don't succeed
skydiving is not for you..


-Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.


-Time's fun when you're having flies.
......Kermit the Frog


-We are born naked, wet and hungry.
Then things get worse.


- Red meat is not bad for you
Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.


-One good thing about Alzheimer's is
you get to meet new people every day.


-Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge
to produce reproductive organs.


ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS NO
MATCH FOR NATURAL STUPIDITY.

-You know why a banana is like a politician?
When he first comes in he is green, then he turns yellow and then he's rotten..




Happy Friday! Have a great weekend everyone.!

emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NEWME0519 7/7/2011 2:53PM

    My favorite:
We have enough youth..
How about a fountain of "smart"?
emoticon

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IMEMINE1 7/3/2011 8:37AM

    These are good.

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PURPLESPEDCOW 7/2/2011 7:09AM

    emoticon

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FLOWERDALEJEWEL 7/2/2011 3:29AM

   


emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CATS_MEOW_0911 7/2/2011 2:42AM

    emoticon

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KAYDE53 7/1/2011 9:57PM

    emoticonfor my Friday laugh fix! emoticon

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ASMPP1 7/1/2011 8:46PM

    emoticon

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GOOZLEBEAR 7/1/2011 8:46PM

    Thanks for my Friday laughs!!!! emoticon

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CRAZYDOGLADYBO 7/1/2011 4:05PM

    Thanks for the laughs!

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MARGARITTM 7/1/2011 2:10PM

    Thanks for the smile! emoticon

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RAINBOWFALLS 7/1/2011 1:57PM

    emoticon so true!

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DKELLEY35 7/1/2011 1:33PM

    Happy 4th of July Mary Anne. Don't party too hard.

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PEGGYO 7/1/2011 1:16PM

    Have a good weekend too!!

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AGASSIFAN 7/1/2011 1:08PM

    emoticon emoticon

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THETURTLEBEAR 7/1/2011 10:50AM

    Great Friday reading!

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LEW0213 7/1/2011 9:19AM

    These were great. Loved the one about red meat. I'll have to use that one on my boys. emoticon

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SENATOR9 7/1/2011 9:06AM

    Your words of wisdom amaze me more and more everyday emoticon

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FITNESSWORKS48 7/1/2011 8:32AM

    These are great! I'm going to have to share some of these on Facebook. Thanks for the laugh.

Tee

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GEMINIAN1 7/1/2011 8:30AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BILLTMAN 7/1/2011 8:30AM

    Those are all great! Thanks for sharing

Bill

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COOLAUNTBBW 7/1/2011 8:21AM

    Love it! Some of them I'd heard before, but others were new to me. I'm always on the lookout for some witty words, sarcastic or not. emoticon

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Reincarnation

Thursday, June 30, 2011




A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death.

Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact:

"Marion ... Marion "

"Is that you, Bob?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"That's wonderful! What's it like?"

"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.

Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon.

After supper, it's back to golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again"

"Oh, Bob you are in Heaven?"






"No ...........I'm a rabbit in Arizona" emoticon



Have a healthy, happy day!

emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

2BLEAN_N_FIT_AZ 7/14/2011 6:35PM

    You're right I did get a laugh out loud with that one! Glad you pointed it out to me!

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JATHUENER 7/2/2011 9:36AM

    LOL never would have thought about that ending for sure

Comment edited on: 7/2/2011 9:36:28 AM

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FLOWERDALEJEWEL 7/1/2011 7:00AM

   


emoticon emoticon emoticon

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WIGIME 7/1/2011 5:29AM

    lol

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PEGGYO 6/30/2011 10:59PM

    lol

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SENATOR9 6/30/2011 10:30PM

    emoticonThat was funny emoticonfor the laugh
That is a keeper emoticon

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CATLADY52 6/30/2011 10:11PM

    Funny, especially since I used to raise rabbits. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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STILLWATERS811 6/30/2011 8:10PM

  Many laughs, as usual. Thank you.

emoticon

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LEW0213 6/30/2011 7:59PM

    Funny, Funny.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DKELLEY35 6/30/2011 6:58PM

    Ahhh! So that's what we have to look forward to. LOL

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KAYDE53 6/30/2011 2:48PM

    emoticon

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ASMPP1 6/30/2011 11:35AM

    emoticon

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THETURTLEBEAR 6/30/2011 10:30AM

    Excellent!

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ERTSMOM 6/30/2011 10:28AM

    emoticon

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METALLICAT1 6/30/2011 9:35AM

  That it totally funny! emoticon

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SHARJOPAUL 6/30/2011 9:26AM

    lol Great

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KATHRYNLP 6/30/2011 8:52AM

    Too funny.... emoticon

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SPARKLISE 6/30/2011 8:50AM

    emoticon

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BUGSMIMI 6/30/2011 8:44AM

  What a riot! LOL!

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