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Schnauzer!!!

Monday, June 06, 2011



My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell Andrea that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.



Andrea went to the store and bought some "Nair" hair remover. At the register, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this underyour arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."



Andrea said, "I'm not using it under my arms."The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't use body lotion for a couple of days."



Andrea replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."



The pharmacist says, "Well, stay off your bicycle for about a week." emoticon





No, that is not one of my kitties feet!


emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DKAYWARN 6/11/2011 3:21PM

  OH my goodness! I am cracking up here, reading all your funny blogs! You are too funny! Thanks for brightening up my day. emoticon

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DKELLEY35 6/7/2011 6:33PM

    That was too funny.

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GRATEFULADY 6/7/2011 12:49AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CJSARGENT1 6/7/2011 12:37AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PEGGYO 6/6/2011 2:57PM

    LOL

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RAINBOWFALLS 6/6/2011 2:21PM

    emoticon

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1MANKNEY 6/6/2011 1:23PM

    emoticon
Loved the faces on the feet!

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PHEBESS 6/6/2011 11:33AM

    emoticon

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CRAZYDOGLADYBO 6/6/2011 10:17AM

    emoticon

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MRE1956 6/6/2011 9:39AM

    emoticon

That title sure got my attention - I like schnauzers (though I don't have one myself).....

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SENATOR9 6/6/2011 9:19AM

    emoticon

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BLESSED2BEME 6/6/2011 8:48AM

    As usual, you start my day off just right:)

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KATHRYNLP 6/6/2011 8:42AM

    emoticon emoticon

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TRYINGTOLOSE64 6/6/2011 8:40AM

    emoticon

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MARVEEME 6/6/2011 8:32AM

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A Glass of Wine!!!!

Sunday, June 05, 2011



To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine..
And those who don't and are always seen with a bottle of water in their hand.

As Ben Franklin said:
In wine there is wisdom,
In beer there is freedom,
In water there is bacteria.

In a number of carefully controlled trials,
Scientists have demonstrated that if we drink
1 litre of water each day,
At the end of the year we would have absorbed
More than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli, (E. Coli) - bacteria
Found in feces.
In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of poop.

However,
We do NOT run that risk when drinking wine & beer
(or tequila, rum, whiskey or other liquor)
Because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember:
Water = Poop,
Wine = Health
Therefore, it's better to drink wine and talk stupid,
Than to drink water and be full of $hit..

Besides, drinking wine makes you lean..........lean against doors, walls, friends.......

There is no need to thank me for this valuable information:
I'm doing it as a public service



emoticonSo, guess I'll have that glass of wine tonight emoticon


emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEDDYTEDDY 6/6/2011 6:34AM

    emoticon

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GRATEFULADY 6/5/2011 10:21PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticonI am going to pour me a glass right now........of wine that is!!! Thanks for the info. emoticon emoticon

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SSDOWNS 6/5/2011 9:55PM

    I knew there was a reason I liked my wine.


thanks for letting me know why!

Love it.



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PEGGYO 6/5/2011 8:38PM

    Cheers!!

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CRAZYDOGLADYBO 6/5/2011 2:01PM

    Wine!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NEWMAC2011 6/5/2011 12:29PM

    Tequila for me!

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SENATOR9 6/5/2011 11:56AM

    emoticon cheer

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1CRAZYDOG 6/5/2011 10:58AM

    I just KNEW there had to be something very right about a glass of wine!!!

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ILOVEROSES 6/5/2011 10:57AM

    Good idea & I'll join you. emoticon

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LEW0213 6/5/2011 10:04AM

    I KNEW there was a reason that I don't like to drink water. emoticon

Linda

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BUTEAFULL 6/5/2011 9:57AM

    oh my emoticon

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CATLADY52 6/5/2011 9:56AM

    emoticon Thank you for the information emoticon

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KATHRYNLP 6/5/2011 9:30AM

    Drink, Enjoy.. Don't Drive! emoticon

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YAZMAMA 6/5/2011 9:10AM

    I just dumped about 1/4 cup into the spaghetti sauce simmering in the crock. MMMMMMMMMMMMM!

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PHEBESS 6/5/2011 9:08AM

    I'll drink to that!
emoticon

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THROOPER62 6/5/2011 8:43AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Women!!!!

Saturday, June 04, 2011








While the C-5 was turning over its engines, a female crewman gave the G.I.s on board the usual
information regarding seat belts, emergency exits, etc.

Finally, she said, 'Now sit back and enjoy your trip while your captain, Judith Campbell, and crew
take you safely to Afghanistan '

An old Master Sergeant sitting in the eighth row thought to himself,
'Did I hear her right? Is the captain a woman? '

When the attendant came by he said 'Did I understand you right? Is the captain a woman?'
'Yes,'! said the attendant, 'In fact, this entire crew is female.'






'My God,' he said, 'I wish I had two double scotch and sodas. I don't know what to think
with only women up there in the cockpit.'

That's another thing, Sergeant,' said the crew member,
We No Longer Call It The Cockpit'
It's The Box Office.'

Quote of the day: 'Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of s--t.'



Women are Angels.
And when someone breaks our wings,
we simply continue to fly....on a broomstick.
We are flexible like that.








emoticon


emoticonMary Anne

Have fantastic weekend!!!!!!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAYDE53 6/5/2011 9:24PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DKELLEY35 6/5/2011 9:38AM

    That is so awesome Mary Ann.

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1COUNTRY_GAL 6/5/2011 4:32AM

    emoticonLove this blog! The power of Woman,we can do it,well!Thank you for sharing this! emoticonDiana

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WUAKOS 6/4/2011 11:04PM

  emoticon emoticon

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GOOZLEBEAR 6/4/2011 10:45PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RAINBOWFALLS 6/4/2011 7:58PM

    emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 6/4/2011 10:04AM

    Thanks for sharing this! It's all TRUE! emoticon

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KARENZIO 6/4/2011 9:58AM

    emoticon emoticon

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HOLDINGMYOWN 6/4/2011 9:50AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticonJust love MEN bashing!
emoticonSenator! ~LOL~
BUT us women Do love you guys and could not do without you! emoticon

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LEW0213 6/4/2011 9:36AM

    Just loved the Quote of the Day. Thanks, Mary Anne.

Linda

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SENATOR9 6/4/2011 8:59AM

    emoticonYea I know

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MARVEEME 6/4/2011 8:47AM

    emoticon
U 2

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NINALATINA9 6/4/2011 8:39AM

    Yes, we can do it!

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RAINSTORM17 6/4/2011 8:35AM

    We are truly amazing creatures! Thank you Lord.

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Maxine!!!

Friday, June 03, 2011



As You Slide Down the Banister of Life in 2011- Remember...





My mind works like lightning, One brilliant Flash and it's gone.


The only time the world beats a path to Your door is if you're in the bathroom.



It used to be only death and taxes...
Now, of course, there's
shipping and handling, too.


A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.


My next house will have no kitchen - just Vending machines and a large trash can.





Definition of a teenager?
God's punishment...for enjoying sex.

As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way!!


Be who you are and say what you feel... because those that matter... don't mind...and those that mind...don't matter!



emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BUTEAFULL 6/3/2011 11:25PM

    emoticon

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MARVEEME 6/3/2011 9:11PM

    Classics!
emoticon

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DKELLEY35 6/3/2011 6:31PM

    You just gotta love Maxine.

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PEGGYO 6/3/2011 3:34PM

    Great ones.

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CATLADY52 6/3/2011 2:10PM

    Maxine's maxims are always good. They put a smile in your heart. emoticon emoticon

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KAYDE53 6/3/2011 2:02PM

    Love it!! emoticon

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HOLDINGMYOWN 6/3/2011 1:10PM

    emoticon emoticon
Just LOVE the husband taking out the trash one~~ SO SO true! emoticon

But my favourite one is the last one!! We all should get to the point that what others think of us does not matter because those that love us~~ love us as we are!

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BLESSED2BEME 6/3/2011 11:31AM

    I needed this today! Thank you:)

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SPARKLISE 6/3/2011 10:26AM

    Love the one about teenagers! emoticon

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SENATOR9 6/3/2011 10:03AM

    Got to love Maxine emoticon emoticon

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1TRULYBLESSED 6/3/2011 9:33AM

    emoticonThanks for today's laugh!!

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LEW0213 6/3/2011 9:30AM

    I just love Maxine!! She always seems to say outloud what I'm thinking. Thanks.

Linda

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Smile and the world smiles with you!!!!

Thursday, June 02, 2011




Catholic Dog

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead... Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?'

Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church.... But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'

Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?'

Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?

--------------

Donation

Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'

'It is!'

'This is the IRS. Can you help us?'

'I can!'
'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'

'I do!'

'Is he a member of your congregation?'

'He is!'

'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'

'He will.'

----------------


Confession

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:

Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitch-hiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'

Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'

Man: 'What sins?'

Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'

Man: 'I'm Jewish.'

Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'

Man: 'I'm 92 years old ....... I'm telling everybody!'


------------

Brothel Trip

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is.

'I'm 90 years old,' he says.

'90!' replies the woman. 'Don't you realize you've had it?'

'Oh, sorry,' says the old man. 'How much do I owe you?'



----------


Pest Control

A woman was having a passionate affair with an Irish inspector from a pest-control company.. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.

'Quick,' said the woman to the lover, 'into the closet!' and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.

The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet..

'Who are you?' he asked him..

'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,' said the exterminator.

'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked..

'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' the man replied.

'And where are your clothes?' asked the husband..

The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those little bastards!'..

----------


Marriage Humor

Wife: 'What are you doing?'

Husband: Nothing.

Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'

Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'

-------------------------------

Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'

Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'

Wife: 'Yes or no.'

----------------------------------------
----------------

A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'

'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'

----------------------------------------
--------------------

A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!'





Let us pray.....................
Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk !





emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HOLDINGMYOWN 6/2/2011 10:04PM

    heheheheheehheehe
Great chuckles again Mary Ann~~Thanks!

Reading your Blog Title reminded me of my High School yearbook~~ i was a giggler all my life! Still am! ~lol

Along side my Year Book Picture my quote was:

" Laugh and the world laughs with you~~
" Cry?~ Heather laughs anyway!"
emoticon

Comment edited on: 6/2/2011 10:05:10 PM

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BUTEAFULL 6/2/2011 5:04PM

    emoticon

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PHEBESS 6/2/2011 1:31PM

    emoticon

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SPARKLISE 6/2/2011 12:01PM

    Funny!!! emoticon

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DKELLEY35 6/2/2011 10:51AM

    Loved it Mary Ann, Thanks.

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BLESSED2BEME 6/2/2011 8:47AM

    Very funny! Got my laughter in already this morning. I especially love the one about the moths.

Trish


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LEW0213 6/2/2011 8:38AM

    I just love your blogs. Really starts my day off with a smile.

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SENATOR9 6/2/2011 8:36AM

    Those were great Thanks emoticon

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