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How to be a Gracious B----!!!!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011




Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her
excitement - not even her parent's nasty divorce.

Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new, young
wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother!

Jennifer asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused.
"Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing
it," she replied




Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, ''Never mind sweetheart. I'll
get another dress. After all, it's your special day.''

A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another gorgeous dress for
her mother.

When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, ''Aren't you going to
return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could
wear it."


Her mother just smiled and replied, ''Of course I do, dear.....I'm wearing it
to the rehearsal dinner the night BEFORE the wedding.''


(NOW I ASK YOU - IS THERE A WOMAN OUT THERE, ANYWHERE, WHO WOULDN'T ENJOY THIS STORY?)


Women are like phones: They like to be held, talked to, and touched often.
But push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected!



Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance

In the rain.


emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COOKNKEL 5/18/2011 10:46AM

    Good lesson! emoticon

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DEBBIEDAY 5/18/2011 9:02AM

    emoticon LOVE it!

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LINDAJ0621 5/17/2011 5:09PM

    Oh, I loved this one so much!!! Perfect solution and sounds very much like something I would do emoticon emoticon

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PEGGYO 5/17/2011 3:03PM

    I especially liked the one about dancing in the rain.

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KAYDE53 5/17/2011 1:24PM

    good one! emoticon

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29MOMOF4 5/17/2011 12:46PM

    emoticon

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NEW-CAZ 5/17/2011 12:37PM

    OH I love her thinking emoticon emoticon

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KOPSBABY 5/17/2011 12:28PM

    I'd love to see the face of the other woman when mom walked in with that dress on. LOL

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SPARKLISE 5/17/2011 12:22PM

    This was precious. emoticon

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PHEBESS 5/17/2011 11:58AM

    emoticon

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SENATOR9 5/17/2011 11:46AM

    And we still don't understands you ladies? emoticon

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DKELLEY35 5/17/2011 11:33AM

    This was awesome, and says a lot about the true nature of woman. We are truly ingenious.

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THETURTLEBEAR 5/17/2011 9:20AM

    FUNNY!!!!!

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KATHRYNLP 5/17/2011 9:02AM

    Perfect answer to a tricky situation.. Loved it! emoticon emoticon

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RACERXGIRL 5/17/2011 8:47AM

    Ha! That's awesome....

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46SHADOW 5/17/2011 8:44AM

    Love the idea of dancing in the rain.

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BBQ Rules!

Monday, May 16, 2011




We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:
Routine...

(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - drink in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:

(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.


More routine...


(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another drink while he flips the meat.
Important again:

(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
More routine...

(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauce and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
And most important of all:

(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed her 'night off,' and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.






emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HISARTIST 5/18/2011 2:22PM

    And don't forget that the woman reminds the man to turn off the gas...Otherwise, the next weekend, when the man wants a repeat performance, the woman has to go to the local station and pick up a refill tank.

LOL...great one!

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COOKNKEL 5/18/2011 10:49AM

    Oh my word, I didn't realize I wrote down our "house rules"! emoticon

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LINDAJ0621 5/17/2011 5:13PM

    So many of us agree with this one, so thank goodness we are all up to date with BBQ etiquette!!! Another good one!
emoticon

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PRINCHESSA 5/17/2011 8:31AM

    emoticon

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CUDDLEY51 5/16/2011 10:21PM

    LMAO Couldn't have said it better myself!

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LEW0213 5/16/2011 9:47PM

    Ain't that just the truth! emoticon

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1MANKNEY 5/16/2011 2:14PM

    Behind every successful man is a very tired woman!
Somewhere in there should be the fact that the woman is reminding the "hard working cook" to turn the meat and to take it off the grill. Oh, I see it. It is hidden in there under #7 &8 when the woman comes out of the house to comment on the meat and then again to get the meat. It reminds him to turn it or to take it off the grill. Got it!
emoticon

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DKELLEY35 5/16/2011 1:07PM

    Boy, did you ever hit the nail on the head that time.

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GRATEFULADY 5/16/2011 12:54PM

    So true!!!! So true!!! ROTFL!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GETDONE 5/16/2011 12:17PM

    emoticon

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NEW-CAZ 5/16/2011 12:05PM

    Perfect balance of tasks I reckon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PHEBESS 5/16/2011 12:00PM

    Why does that sound so familiar, LOL?

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BLESSED2BEME 5/16/2011 11:45AM

    You must have observed BBQing at my house...lol!

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SENATOR9 5/16/2011 11:00AM

    And your point would be?We did the hard part cooking emoticon emoticon

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KATHRYNLP 5/16/2011 10:37AM

    That sums it up Perfectly... emoticon emoticon

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THETURTLEBEAR 5/16/2011 10:05AM

    LOL - Never thought of it like that!

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A Sneeze!!!!

Sunday, May 15, 2011




A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane.

The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading.

A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more. Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering.

A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman, 'I couldn't help but notice' he said, 'that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?'

'I am sorry if I disturbed you ,' she replied. 'I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm.'

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was very curious, 'I happen to be a doctor and I have never heard of that condition before' he said. 'Are you taking anything for it?'

The woman nodded, 'Black Pepper. emoticon



emoticon

emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LEW0213 5/16/2011 9:31AM

    Love it. lol

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PEGGYO 5/16/2011 9:03AM

    funny

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ILOVEROSES 5/16/2011 7:42AM

    emoticon

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THETURTLEBEAR 5/15/2011 9:42PM

    OMG - too funny!

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RAINBOWFALLS 5/15/2011 7:05PM

    You come up with some of the best!

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CATLADY52 5/15/2011 2:30PM

    Definitely a good one.. emoticon emoticon

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DKELLEY35 5/15/2011 2:09PM

    Smart woman.

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NEW-CAZ 5/15/2011 1:36PM

    pass the pepper...pass THE PEPPER emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BUGSMIMI 5/15/2011 1:34PM

  HAHAHA!!!! That was funny. lol.

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PHEBESS 5/15/2011 12:50PM

    ROFL!!!!!

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PRINCHESSA 5/15/2011 12:16PM

    emoticon

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SENATOR9 5/15/2011 10:43AM

    emoticon emoticon

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SHADESOFME 5/15/2011 9:36AM

    emoticon

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KATHRYNLP 5/15/2011 9:21AM

    Giggles... emoticon emoticon

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The Amazing Human Body!

Saturday, May 14, 2011



It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.


One human hair can support 6.6 pounds.


The average man's penis is two times the length of his thumb.


Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.


A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.


There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.


Women blink twice as often as men.


The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.


Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.


If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.



Women

will be finished reading this by now.





Men


are still busy checking their thumbs.




emoticon


emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JANET552 5/15/2011 7:10AM

    I didn't expect that last line. LOL!!

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NORASPAT 5/14/2011 9:47PM

    Much better than yesterday.
Great education on those thumbs Pat in Maine. emoticon

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GOOZLEBEAR 5/14/2011 8:17PM

    Oh yes!!!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticonGood one Mary Ann!

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MOTLEM 5/14/2011 8:10PM

    emoticonLiked the checking of the thumbs.

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PHEBESS 5/14/2011 1:57PM

    LOL!

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THETURTLEBEAR 5/14/2011 1:55PM

    Crack me up!

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PRINCHESSA 5/14/2011 12:00PM

    emoticon

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PEGGYO 5/14/2011 11:51AM

    too funny

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SENATOR9 5/14/2011 11:21AM

    emoticonYou're right

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RAINBOWFALLS 5/14/2011 10:09AM

    you always provide a nice bit of humor

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TTLEELEE 5/14/2011 9:44AM

    Good one! emoticon

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LEW0213 5/14/2011 8:53AM

    hehehehe! Very funny.

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KATHRYNLP 5/14/2011 8:51AM

    Hahahahaaa... I was thinking that's what the men would be doing, too! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NTSOHLTHNT 5/14/2011 8:20AM

    emoticon emoticon

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NEW-CAZ 5/14/2011 8:18AM

    emoticon emoticon

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Employee of the Month !!!!

Friday, May 13, 2011




We have a Winner!

emoticon

emoticon

emoticon

emoticon





This is the level of dedication we expect from all staff!

There is a reason laptop spelled backwards is potpal!!!!



Happy Friday everyone!

emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BUGSMIMI 5/15/2011 6:28PM

  lol! Love it!

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JANET552 5/14/2011 10:59AM

    I sure didn't see that one coming. Thanks for the LOL!

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GINIEMIE 5/14/2011 6:51AM

    Unexpectedly funny, but eweee. That is taking dedication to an unexpected level, a bit too low!
emoticon
emoticon

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GOOZLEBEAR 5/13/2011 9:26PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NORASPAT 5/13/2011 8:32PM

    Sorry to say just plain nasty, just think of what is on that floor and now on the lap tops bottom. It will need wiping next! Not Nice! emoticon

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DKELLEY35 5/13/2011 8:18PM

    I'm not so sure about that kind of dedication.

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PRINCHESSA 5/13/2011 5:08PM

    Hmmmm... that's takin' SparkPeople a bit far... ;) I don't wanna read that b'log! ;)

Thanks for the chuckle!

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GEMINIAN1 5/13/2011 1:30PM

    That's funny; but, at the same time I was like, eeewwww, nasty.
Public bathroom floor ... emoticon
Happy Friday to you too!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LILOATS 5/13/2011 11:32AM

    That was great. Thanks for sharing. LOL

TONI emoticon

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PHEBESS 5/13/2011 10:33AM

    emoticon

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THETURTLEBEAR 5/13/2011 10:00AM

    OMG - argh!

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NANCYRUBIO 5/13/2011 9:46AM

    That was great-totally unexpected- emoticon

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SENATOR9 5/13/2011 9:22AM

    Obsess how sad

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KATHRYNLP 5/13/2011 8:58AM

    Sadly... Computers have finally de-humanized us.. emoticon

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NEW-CAZ 5/13/2011 8:43AM

    definition of a work-aholic emoticon

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MUMMYUK2 5/13/2011 8:33AM

    emoticon Thanks for sharing I needed a laugh this morning emoticon

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