MILLISMA   203,849
SparkPoints
100,000 or more SparkPoints
 
 
MILLISMA's Recent Blog Entries

The Wedding Test!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011




I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...it was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was 22, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. She asked me to meet her upstairs in her bedroom for one last fling. I was stunned watching her walk up the stairs. I made a beeline straight to the front door and headed straight to my car! Low and behold all my fiancee's family were standing outside clapping, proud that I had passed their test...






The moral of the story....





Always keep your condoms in the car





emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANIMALMAGIC 5/28/2011 12:47PM

  Great one - didn't see that coming! emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MIMISCHENK 5/24/2011 9:38PM

    Funny,

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANNSKA 5/20/2011 8:10AM

    Good one! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JIBBIE49 5/20/2011 1:10AM

    emoticonI figured that ws the punch line. MEN. Look at the stories now about ARNOLD. Another Republican.

Report Inappropriate Comment
DAKOTANMISTY 5/19/2011 12:35PM

    I saw your blog on a friend's feed---- emoticon Thanks for the chuckle

Report Inappropriate Comment
DEFIANTVEGAN 5/19/2011 12:12PM

    Oh Boy. LOL emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
YICHE12 5/19/2011 1:41AM

    Ha Ha Ha. That was cute. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CHATTIEGIRL 5/18/2011 10:16PM

    Hi MILLISMA;

Love it that was cute. Keep us laughing dear and keep a healthy life style forever. God bless you always. Learn from Spark people every day.

Joyce

Report Inappropriate Comment
DKELLEY35 5/18/2011 8:22PM

    You've done it again, this was too funny. (LMAO)

Report Inappropriate Comment
LEW0213 5/18/2011 7:55PM

    Great one. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
WUAKOS 5/18/2011 7:40PM

  very funny!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MOMMA48 5/18/2011 7:01PM

    emoticonCute one! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CATLADY52 5/18/2011 6:52PM

    That is a new twist. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CHRYS13 5/18/2011 6:26PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
WHERE2BEGIN 5/18/2011 6:23PM

    emoticon Good One!

Report Inappropriate Comment
TRAVELNISTA 5/18/2011 6:21PM

    didn't see that one coming. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CMFARRELL36 5/18/2011 5:37PM

    Nice one!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LISAWILLBEFIT 5/18/2011 5:31PM

    lol that is priceless

Report Inappropriate Comment
WATERWEEZE 5/18/2011 4:11PM

    LMAO!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
PEGGYO 5/18/2011 3:52PM

    Funny

Report Inappropriate Comment
HISARTIST 5/18/2011 2:17PM

    LOL! Typical...still too funny!!! emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
LAURAWILLBEFIT 5/18/2011 2:09PM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
LKWQUILTER 5/18/2011 12:38PM

    LOL!

Report Inappropriate Comment
PHEBESS 5/18/2011 12:33PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PATRICIAANN46 5/18/2011 12:02PM

  Very Cute...........and Very Lucky.........on his part at least.....

Report Inappropriate Comment
MEADSBAY 5/18/2011 12:02PM

    aaahahhahahahahahahaaha!!!
You GOT me!
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
THETURTLEBEAR 5/18/2011 11:57AM

    The punch line snuck up on me - too funny!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CHRISTA904 5/18/2011 11:34AM

    ( : Way funny! Great day brightener..!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ILOVEROSES 5/18/2011 11:29AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DEE107 5/18/2011 11:28AM

    lol

Report Inappropriate Comment
AKELAZ 5/18/2011 10:52AM

    YAY! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Thank you for posting - and to NEW-CAZ for directing me to it

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
LIBBYFITZ 5/18/2011 10:49AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
COOKNKEL 5/18/2011 10:45AM

    Love Laughter... emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANIHAKA 5/18/2011 10:42AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
KIMFISH76 5/18/2011 10:40AM

    LOL Nice.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JOYINKY 5/18/2011 10:08AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
LUCKIEST24 5/18/2011 10:02AM

    Thanks for the laugh!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
RAINBOWANGEL99 5/18/2011 9:35AM

    emoticon Thankyou for making me laugh with this moral tale! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DEVORA4 5/18/2011 9:27AM

  emoticonfunny

Report Inappropriate Comment
ELSEEBEE 5/18/2011 9:27AM

    Thanks for a side-splitting, laugh-out-loud start to my day!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SENATOR9 5/18/2011 9:24AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
KATHRYNLP 5/18/2011 9:13AM

    Once a Cad.. always a Cad... emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
UNSTOPPABLE_ 5/18/2011 9:11AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SLENDERELLA61 5/18/2011 9:07AM

    Wow! That was a surprise ending for sure!! Thanks.

Report Inappropriate Comment
THAIBEAUKITTY 5/18/2011 9:02AM

    Good one!

Report Inappropriate Comment
DEBBIEDAY 5/18/2011 9:01AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
HOPE2BE 5/18/2011 8:20AM

    Love it. The Moral or Morals to the Story are. ..... Hope

Report Inappropriate Comment


How to be a Gracious B----!!!!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011




Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her
excitement - not even her parent's nasty divorce.

Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new, young
wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother!

Jennifer asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused.
"Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing
it," she replied




Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, ''Never mind sweetheart. I'll
get another dress. After all, it's your special day.''

A few days later, they went shopping, and did find another gorgeous dress for
her mother.

When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, ''Aren't you going to
return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could
wear it."


Her mother just smiled and replied, ''Of course I do, dear.....I'm wearing it
to the rehearsal dinner the night BEFORE the wedding.''


(NOW I ASK YOU - IS THERE A WOMAN OUT THERE, ANYWHERE, WHO WOULDN'T ENJOY THIS STORY?)


Women are like phones: They like to be held, talked to, and touched often.
But push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected!



Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It's about learning to dance

In the rain.


emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COOKNKEL 5/18/2011 10:46AM

    Good lesson! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DEBBIEDAY 5/18/2011 9:02AM

    emoticon LOVE it!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LINDAJ0621 5/17/2011 5:09PM

    Oh, I loved this one so much!!! Perfect solution and sounds very much like something I would do emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PEGGYO 5/17/2011 3:03PM

    I especially liked the one about dancing in the rain.

Report Inappropriate Comment
KAYDE53 5/17/2011 1:24PM

    good one! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
29MOMOF4 5/17/2011 12:46PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
NEW-CAZ 5/17/2011 12:37PM

    OH I love her thinking emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
KOPSBABY 5/17/2011 12:28PM

    I'd love to see the face of the other woman when mom walked in with that dress on. LOL

Report Inappropriate Comment
SPARKLISE 5/17/2011 12:22PM

    This was precious. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PHEBESS 5/17/2011 11:58AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SENATOR9 5/17/2011 11:46AM

    And we still don't understands you ladies? emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DKELLEY35 5/17/2011 11:33AM

    This was awesome, and says a lot about the true nature of woman. We are truly ingenious.

Report Inappropriate Comment
THETURTLEBEAR 5/17/2011 9:20AM

    FUNNY!!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KATHRYNLP 5/17/2011 9:02AM

    Perfect answer to a tricky situation.. Loved it! emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
RACERXGIRL 5/17/2011 8:47AM

    Ha! That's awesome....

Report Inappropriate Comment
46SHADOW 5/17/2011 8:44AM

    Love the idea of dancing in the rain.

Report Inappropriate Comment


BBQ Rules!

Monday, May 16, 2011




We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity. When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:
Routine...

(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - drink in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:

(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.


More routine...


(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another drink while he flips the meat.
Important again:

(8) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
More routine...

(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauce and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
And most important of all:

(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed her 'night off,' and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.






emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HISARTIST 5/18/2011 2:22PM

    And don't forget that the woman reminds the man to turn off the gas...Otherwise, the next weekend, when the man wants a repeat performance, the woman has to go to the local station and pick up a refill tank.

LOL...great one!

Report Inappropriate Comment
COOKNKEL 5/18/2011 10:49AM

    Oh my word, I didn't realize I wrote down our "house rules"! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
LINDAJ0621 5/17/2011 5:13PM

    So many of us agree with this one, so thank goodness we are all up to date with BBQ etiquette!!! Another good one!
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PRINCHESSA 5/17/2011 8:31AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CUDDLEY51 5/16/2011 10:21PM

    LMAO Couldn't have said it better myself!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LEW0213 5/16/2011 9:47PM

    Ain't that just the truth! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
1MANKNEY 5/16/2011 2:14PM

    Behind every successful man is a very tired woman!
Somewhere in there should be the fact that the woman is reminding the "hard working cook" to turn the meat and to take it off the grill. Oh, I see it. It is hidden in there under #7 &8 when the woman comes out of the house to comment on the meat and then again to get the meat. It reminds him to turn it or to take it off the grill. Got it!
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DKELLEY35 5/16/2011 1:07PM

    Boy, did you ever hit the nail on the head that time.

Report Inappropriate Comment
GRATEFULADY 5/16/2011 12:54PM

    So true!!!! So true!!! ROTFL!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GETDONE 5/16/2011 12:17PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
NEW-CAZ 5/16/2011 12:05PM

    Perfect balance of tasks I reckon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PHEBESS 5/16/2011 12:00PM

    Why does that sound so familiar, LOL?

Report Inappropriate Comment
BLESSED2BEME 5/16/2011 11:45AM

    You must have observed BBQing at my house...lol!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SENATOR9 5/16/2011 11:00AM

    And your point would be?We did the hard part cooking emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
KATHRYNLP 5/16/2011 10:37AM

    That sums it up Perfectly... emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
THETURTLEBEAR 5/16/2011 10:05AM

    LOL - Never thought of it like that!

Report Inappropriate Comment


A Sneeze!!!!

Sunday, May 15, 2011




A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane.

The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading.

A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more. Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering.

A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman, 'I couldn't help but notice' he said, 'that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?'

'I am sorry if I disturbed you ,' she replied. 'I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm.'

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was very curious, 'I happen to be a doctor and I have never heard of that condition before' he said. 'Are you taking anything for it?'

The woman nodded, 'Black Pepper. emoticon



emoticon

emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LEW0213 5/16/2011 9:31AM

    Love it. lol

Report Inappropriate Comment
PEGGYO 5/16/2011 9:03AM

    funny

Report Inappropriate Comment
ILOVEROSES 5/16/2011 7:42AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
THETURTLEBEAR 5/15/2011 9:42PM

    OMG - too funny!

Report Inappropriate Comment
RAINBOWFALLS 5/15/2011 7:05PM

    You come up with some of the best!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CATLADY52 5/15/2011 2:30PM

    Definitely a good one.. emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DKELLEY35 5/15/2011 2:09PM

    Smart woman.

Report Inappropriate Comment
NEW-CAZ 5/15/2011 1:36PM

    pass the pepper...pass THE PEPPER emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BUGSMIMI 5/15/2011 1:34PM

  HAHAHA!!!! That was funny. lol.

Report Inappropriate Comment
PHEBESS 5/15/2011 12:50PM

    ROFL!!!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
PRINCHESSA 5/15/2011 12:16PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SENATOR9 5/15/2011 10:43AM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SHADESOFME 5/15/2011 9:36AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
KATHRYNLP 5/15/2011 9:21AM

    Giggles... emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


The Amazing Human Body!

Saturday, May 14, 2011



It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.


One human hair can support 6.6 pounds.


The average man's penis is two times the length of his thumb.


Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.


A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.


There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.


Women blink twice as often as men.


The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.


Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.


If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.



Women

will be finished reading this by now.





Men


are still busy checking their thumbs.




emoticon


emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JANET552 5/15/2011 7:10AM

    I didn't expect that last line. LOL!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
NORASPAT 5/14/2011 9:47PM

    Much better than yesterday.
Great education on those thumbs Pat in Maine. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOOZLEBEAR 5/14/2011 8:17PM

    Oh yes!!!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticonGood one Mary Ann!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MOTLEM 5/14/2011 8:10PM

    emoticonLiked the checking of the thumbs.

Report Inappropriate Comment
PHEBESS 5/14/2011 1:57PM

    LOL!

Report Inappropriate Comment
THETURTLEBEAR 5/14/2011 1:55PM

    Crack me up!

Report Inappropriate Comment
PRINCHESSA 5/14/2011 12:00PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
PEGGYO 5/14/2011 11:51AM

    too funny

Report Inappropriate Comment
SENATOR9 5/14/2011 11:21AM

    emoticonYou're right

Report Inappropriate Comment
RAINBOWFALLS 5/14/2011 10:09AM

    you always provide a nice bit of humor

Report Inappropriate Comment
TTLEELEE 5/14/2011 9:44AM

    Good one! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
LEW0213 5/14/2011 8:53AM

    hehehehe! Very funny.

Report Inappropriate Comment
KATHRYNLP 5/14/2011 8:51AM

    Hahahahaaa... I was thinking that's what the men would be doing, too! emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
NTSOHLTHNT 5/14/2011 8:20AM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
NEW-CAZ 5/14/2011 8:18AM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


First Page  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 Last Page