Tuesday, March 29, 2011
A good thought for the day!
A young lady confidently walked around the room while leading and
explaining stress management to an audience; with a raised glass of
water, and everyone knew she was going to ask the ultimate question,
'half empty or half full?'..... She fooled them all... "How heavy is
this glass of water?" she inquired with a smile.
Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.
She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how
long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I
hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it
for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case it's the same
weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She
continued, "and that's the way it is with stress.If we carry our burdens
all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy,
we won't be able to carry on."
"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and
rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on
with the burden - holding stress longer and better each time practiced.
So, as early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down.
Don't carry them through the evening and into the night... pick them up
tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a
moment. Relax, pick them up later after you've rested. Life is short.
Enjoy it and the now 'supposed' stress that you've conquered!"
1 * Accept the fact that some days you're the pigeon, and some days
you're the statue!
2 * Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat
3 * Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the
middle of it.
4 * Drive carefully... It's not only cars that can be recalled by their
5 * If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague
6 * If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was
probably worth it..
7 * It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
warning to others.
8 * Never buy a car you can't push.
9 * Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you
won't have a leg to stand on.
10 * Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
11 * Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.
12 * The second mouse gets the cheese.
13 * When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
14 * Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.
15 * You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the
world to one person.
16 * Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.
17 * We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty
and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors,
but they all have to live in the same box.
18 * A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
19 * Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you
20 * It was I, your friend!
*Save the earth..... It's the only planet with chocolate
URGENT WARNING FOR TOMORROW!!!!
ALIENS ARE COMING TO EARTH TOMORROW.
THEIR MISSION IS TO ABDUCT ALL GOOD LOOKING & SEXY "OLD" PEOPLE.
I'M JUST BLOGGING TO SAY GOODBYE.
I've got to go pack.
Monday, March 28, 2011
There are female jokes and there are unisex jokes. Here is a joke I consider a true female joke.
I offer it to you in the hopes that women will love it and men will pass it along to a woman who will love it!
A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when Steven, a tall, exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. This seasoned yet playful heartthrob noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As any man
would.) Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00...on one condition..." Flabbergasted but intrigued, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just
three words." The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply and passionately into his eyes, barely concealing her anticipation and excitement, and slowly and meaningfully said…."Clean my house."
(YOU GO, GIRL!)
Have an awesome, healthy day!
Sunday, March 27, 2011
GOD grant me the Senility to forget
the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune
to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight
to tell the difference.
Now that I am older,
here's what I have discovered:
I started out with nothing.....
I still have most of it.
My wild oats have turned to
prunes and All Bran.
I finally got my head together,
now my body is falling apart.
Funny I don't remember
being absent minded....
All reports are in:
Life is now officially unfair.
If all is not lost, where is it?
It is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser.
Some days you're the dog,
some days you're the hydrant.
I wish the buck stopped here
I could use a few....
Kids in the back seat cause accidents;
accidents in the back seats cause kids.
It's hard to make a comeback when you have
haven't been anywhere.
Only time the world beats a path to your door is if
you're in the bathroom.
If God wanted me to touch
my toes, he would have put them on my knees.
When you're holding all the cards, why does
everyone else decide to play chess?
It's not hard to meet expenses
Friday, March 25, 2011
An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of. He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head; he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.
An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out..
The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks.
Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'
The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3. He's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?'
This hit home since I remember when my kids were little my folks asking what I wanted to Christmas. My response........"a good night's sleep!!!!!"
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