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A Good Female Joke!

Monday, March 28, 2011

There are female jokes and there are unisex jokes. Here is a joke I consider a true female joke.



I offer it to you in the hopes that women will love it and men will pass it along to a woman who will love it!



A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when Steven, a tall, exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. This seasoned yet playful heartthrob noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As any man
would.) Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00...on one condition..." Flabbergasted but intrigued, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just
three words." The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply and passionately into his eyes, barely concealing her anticipation and excitement, and slowly and meaningfully said…."Clean my house."


(YOU GO, GIRL!)



emoticonMary Anne

Have an awesome, healthy day! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PAIGESMAMA 4/1/2011 7:16PM

    Love it!

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WUAKOS 3/30/2011 8:21PM

  That was awesome.... were can I find him hahaha.

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WIGIME 3/29/2011 7:38AM

    You got that one right.

emoticon

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NEW-CAZ 3/29/2011 1:46AM

    ROFL

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SENATOR9 3/29/2011 12:04AM

    Awesome emoticon

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FEISTY1949 3/28/2011 9:01PM

    I'll see her $20 and raise it $10! LOL

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MEOWSNEWPAGE 3/28/2011 8:31PM

    emoticon does that include windows?

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RAINTHIEF 3/28/2011 7:37PM

    emoticon emoticon

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DKELLEY35 3/28/2011 7:10PM

    That was too funny.

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SHAPELY 3/28/2011 1:42PM

    Loved it.

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PHEBESS 3/28/2011 12:23PM

    ROFL!!!!!!

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29MOMOF4 3/28/2011 12:16PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MELA1953 3/28/2011 11:39AM

    SHE SOUNDS LIKE ME!!!!

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KOMAL53 3/28/2011 11:37AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Way to go Girl!!! emoticon emoticon

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CATLADY52 3/28/2011 10:51AM

    Very good! emoticon

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NEWMAC2011 3/28/2011 9:53AM

    Love it!

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THETURTLEBEAR 3/28/2011 9:52AM

    Oh yeah - I like THOSE three words!!
emoticon

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VANESSAWY 3/28/2011 9:30AM

    emoticon

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MYBULLDOGS 3/28/2011 9:21AM

    emoticon emoticon

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MEANCARLEEN 3/28/2011 8:50AM

    emoticon

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Senility Prayer Plus!!!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

GOD grant me the Senility to forget
the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune
to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight
to tell the difference.

Now that I am older,
here's what I have discovered:

I started out with nothing.....
I still have most of it.

My wild oats have turned to
prunes and All Bran.

I finally got my head together,
now my body is falling apart.

Funny I don't remember
being absent minded....

All reports are in:

Life is now officially unfair.

If all is not lost, where is it?

It is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser.

Some days you're the dog,
some days you're the hydrant.

I wish the buck stopped here
I could use a few....

Kids in the back seat cause accidents;
accidents in the back seats cause kids.

It's hard to make a comeback when you have
haven't been anywhere.

Only time the world beats a path to your door is if
you're in the bathroom.

If God wanted me to touch
my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

When you're holding all the cards, why does
everyone else decide to play chess?

It's not hard to meet expenses
they're everywhere.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MELA1953 3/28/2011 11:35AM

    GOOD ONE!!!!LOL!!

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ILOVEROSES 3/28/2011 9:05AM

    Thanks for sharing and the puppy is soooo cute.

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KAYDE53 3/27/2011 10:57PM

    I loved this, it's great! emoticon emoticon

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THETURTLEBEAR 3/27/2011 8:34PM

    That was hysterical and the dog pic was the finishing touch! emoticon

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DKELLEY35 3/27/2011 7:38PM

    Awwww! what a cute puppy. You know as I get older, more and more of that gets true.

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TOTHEFUTURE1 3/27/2011 5:01PM

    Cute puppy and cute, accurate and funny blog

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GRATEFULADY 3/27/2011 4:27PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticonLaughter is always good for the soul. Thanks for sharing!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MEOWSNEWPAGE 3/27/2011 4:06PM

    emoticon more of that applies than I care to admit

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GOOZLEBEAR 3/27/2011 3:59PM

    That is so funny and sooooo true!!!! Love the puppy picture!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SHAPELY 3/27/2011 3:30PM

    How true this is, LOL Rosalyn

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4EVER21B 3/27/2011 2:43PM

    emoticon I second that! Thanks for a great smile.

Jackie

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DANCINCAJUN1 3/27/2011 2:27PM

    LOVE IT

emoticon

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EARTHMOTHR 3/27/2011 2:25PM

    Good stuff! emoticon

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GEMINIAN1 3/27/2011 2:25PM

    aaawwweee
Too cute ... thank you for sharing.

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Lady's Yearly Exam

Saturday, March 26, 2011

I went to the doctor for my yearly physical.
The nurse started with certain basics.

"How much do you weigh?" she asked.
"135," I said.
The nurse put me on the scale.

It turns out my weight is 180.

The nurse asked, "Your height?"
"5 foot 4," I said.
The nurse checked and saw that I only measure 5'2".

She then took my blood pressure and told me that it is very high.

"Of course it's high!" I screamed, "When I came in here I
was tall and slender! Now I'm short and fat!"

She put me on Prozac.

What a witch!!!



Have a great weekend! Remember to smile.....it's contagious! emoticon

emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAINTHIEF 3/27/2011 8:31AM

    emoticon

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PEGGYO 3/26/2011 8:48PM

    LOL

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TEDDYTEDDY 3/26/2011 8:44PM

    Great one!!!

I love Maxine...Maxine is my new nickname at work as I wear a visor and sunglasses most of the time. emoticon

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DKELLEY35 3/26/2011 8:00PM

    Oh Mary Anne, You just make my day. That was so funny. Thanks.

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SONGOFLONGAGO 3/26/2011 6:03PM

    You've been reading my driver's license, haven't you?
You are simply delightful, my dear!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SHAPELY 3/26/2011 3:18PM

    This is soooo funny, And I think we are all a little guilty of a little of that. Hugs Rosalyn

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THETURTLEBEAR 3/26/2011 2:06PM

    Scarily close to reality, LOL!

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PHEBESS 3/26/2011 1:09PM

    LOL!!!

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BUTEAFULL 3/26/2011 11:29AM

    emoticon

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MCGS62 3/26/2011 11:06AM

    emoticon

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GOOZLEBEAR 3/26/2011 10:36AM

    Thank you dear friend for the Saturday chuckle for me!!!!! Loved it! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JAKEANDNELLIE 3/26/2011 10:09AM

    Thanks for my laugh of the day!
Sheila

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KOEHNA 3/26/2011 9:23AM

    OMG I loved this it is so funny. I thought you were serious for a min and thought your were nuts...LOL emoticon emoticon

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RAINBOWFALLS 3/26/2011 9:22AM

    I love it! emoticon

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BLESSED2BEME 3/26/2011 9:18AM

    I missed your "laughter" blogs while you were gone! Thanks for starting my day off with a smile:)


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Tired-looking Dog!!!

Friday, March 25, 2011

An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of. He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head; he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.



An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out..

The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks.

Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3. He's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?'

-----------

This hit home since I remember when my kids were little my folks asking what I wanted to Christmas. My response........"a good night's sleep!!!!!"


emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KOMAL53 3/26/2011 1:11AM

    Cute and Touching---Beautiful Blog!!Who can forget those sleepless nights!!!Thank God ---they're in the past!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DKELLEY35 3/25/2011 7:45PM

    That is so sweet, hey maybe you should start a new business, Mary Anne's Dog Napping Hall. For those days when you just need a nap. (lol)

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GOOZLEBEAR 3/25/2011 5:15PM

    Of course I love this story since that pup looks just like my Honeybear!!!!! That is so sweet! I also remember needing sleep when my kids and grandchildren were little!!! I think we can all identify with the story!!!

Glad to have you back!!!! emoticon

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KAYDE53 3/25/2011 4:27PM

    That's a sweet story, put a smile on my face for the day!! Have a great weekend & catch up on your rest too!! emoticon

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SHAPELY 3/25/2011 1:33PM

    This is so cute.
I still have a smile on my face. Rosalyn

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RATHIMANI 3/25/2011 11:39AM

    awwh! what a cute story...that looks just like my boy Stud *my bog is a bit bigger tho* :)...thanks for the emoticon on my face

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KOMAL53 3/25/2011 11:17AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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THETURTLEBEAR 3/25/2011 10:35AM

    emoticon

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GEMINIAN1 3/25/2011 10:10AM

    What a great story.
Thanks for sharing this with us.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MCGS62 3/25/2011 10:05AM

    I can always count on you to cheer me up!

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1CRAZYDOG 3/25/2011 9:43AM

  That is the most adoreable picture!!! Made my day. THANKS!

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JESSREX1 3/25/2011 9:24AM

    So precious! Hopefully you can make a new 2-legged friend in addition to your 4-legged one! emoticon

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ELLEN0407 3/25/2011 9:23AM

  that is the cutest story i've ever read on spark. and what a cute dog!!! you are a very nice lady. have you see the guilty dog video on bing. his name is denver. he was on gma i think yesterday. also his video is on yahoo. such a cute dog and makes me smile and laugh even just thinking about him.

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9 months later!!!

Friday, March 18, 2011


Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.'

'Don't worry,' Jack said.. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend...

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"

"Yes, I do." Said Bob..

"Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"

"Well, um, yes!," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out,'I have to admit that I did."

"And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?"

Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything."

(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?... You know you smiled...now keep that smile for the rest of the day!)

---------
Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

Baby diapers and politicians should be changed often and usually for the same reasons.


emoticon

emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

29MOMOF4 3/22/2011 11:34AM

    emoticon

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2CATS2LOVE1 3/20/2011 10:35PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LIZARDG7 3/19/2011 6:38AM

    This is great! You made my day! Thanks, Liz emoticon emoticon

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MCGS62 3/18/2011 10:05PM

    you got me on that one . I'm definitely going to repeat it to someone! emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/18/2011 10:05:39 PM

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KAYDE53 3/18/2011 4:10PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GEMINIAN1 3/18/2011 3:45PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GOOZLEBEAR 3/18/2011 3:17PM

    You did get me on that one!!! Cute! I will do my best to hang on to that smile!!!!!

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BUGSMIMI 3/18/2011 3:12PM

  Lol! You got me! : )

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BILLTMAN 3/18/2011 2:32PM

    Ok, you had me going there and then pulled the rug out from under me at the last minute. Good job! Funny!

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SHAPELY 3/18/2011 1:45PM

    Mary Anne you certainly had me thinking the No No Naught thing.
You know I have a 1 track mind, and I know everyone else thought the same thing.
Hugs Rosalyn

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OUBACHE 3/18/2011 12:05PM

    Good ending!

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PHEBESS 3/18/2011 11:47AM

    LOL!!!!!

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THETURTLEBEAR 3/18/2011 10:13AM

    You are right - the title did point me in "another" direction. HA HA on me! (and Bob!)
emoticon

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BLESSED2BEME 3/18/2011 9:56AM

    Oh my!

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EARTHMOTHR 3/18/2011 9:26AM

    HAH! emoticon

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ANKLLOYD 3/18/2011 9:01AM

    Such a cute story - I thought "oh my" at first but was smiling at the end. Happy Friday!

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