MILLISMA   221,825
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MILLISMA's Recent Blog Entries

It is good to be a woman

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3. Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears.
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

I don't want to brag or make anyone jealous or anything,
but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school. emoticon


emoticon emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PAIGESMAMA 4/1/2011 7:18PM

    These are funny

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WUAKOS 3/31/2011 6:37PM

  Me too!!!
emoticon

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WIGIME 3/31/2011 7:18AM

    emoticon

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SHARONBAILEY913 3/31/2011 12:19AM

    emoticon emoticon

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GOOZLEBEAR 3/30/2011 9:37PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MEOWSNEWPAGE 3/30/2011 8:26PM

    In self defense

#6 we do to amuse you

#7 want to bet

#8 it is ok with us if you did

#10 so do I just nothing matches because I'm color blind and my shoes don't stay tied


#13 I still remember the girl that pierced mine --I don't remember her piercing it because meow is scared of needles but she drank me under the table

#11 secretly isn't that why we are all dieting?
emoticon
the rest of it I agree with emoticon

Comment edited on: 3/30/2011 8:28:52 PM

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RAINBOWFALLS 3/30/2011 7:54PM

    emoticon

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DKELLEY35 3/30/2011 7:30PM

    That was all so true, loved the earring part.

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MIRAGE727 3/30/2011 4:40PM

    So can I! LOL. Thanks for sharing!

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NEW-CAZ 3/30/2011 4:02PM

    emoticon emoticon

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PEGGYO 3/30/2011 2:58PM

    Very funny

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KIMQUILTS55 3/30/2011 2:03PM

    very amusing....I especially laughed about the earings...I may use that one on some work friends. emoticon

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CUDDLEY51 3/30/2011 1:49PM

    Funny and very clever, great way to start the day!

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PAWKETS 3/30/2011 1:21PM

    Cute

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SHAPELY 3/30/2011 1:14PM

    Great one again and funny, and love #9 the best. Hugs Rosalyn

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OVERBURDEND 3/30/2011 12:15PM

    Thanks so much for this. Very funny!

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29MOMOF4 3/30/2011 11:03AM

    emoticon

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RAGIONERE 3/30/2011 10:07AM

  Very amusing! Thanks!

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THETURTLEBEAR 3/30/2011 10:05AM

    Thank goodness we have those earrings!
emoticon

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DEEDEE1102 3/30/2011 9:48AM

    Thanks for the laugh!

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A Glass of Water!!!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011


A good thought for the day!

A young lady confidently walked around the room while leading and
explaining stress management to an audience; with a raised glass of
water, and everyone knew she was going to ask the ultimate question,
'half empty or half full?'..... She fooled them all... "How heavy is
this glass of water?" she inquired with a smile.

Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how
long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I
hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it
for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case it's the same
weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She
continued, "and that's the way it is with stress.If we carry our burdens
all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy,
we won't be able to carry on."

"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and
rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on
with the burden - holding stress longer and better each time practiced.
So, as early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down.
Don't carry them through the evening and into the night... pick them up
tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a
moment. Relax, pick them up later after you've rested. Life is short.
Enjoy it and the now 'supposed' stress that you've conquered!"

1 * Accept the fact that some days you're the pigeon, and some days
you're the statue!

2 * Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat
them.

3 * Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the
middle of it.

4 * Drive carefully... It's not only cars that can be recalled by their
Maker..

5 * If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague

6 * If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was
probably worth it..

7 * It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
warning to others.

8 * Never buy a car you can't push.

9 * Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you
won't have a leg to stand on.

10 * Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

11 * Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

12 * The second mouse gets the cheese.

13 * When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

14 * Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

15 * You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the
world to one person.

16 * Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.

17 * We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty
and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors,
but they all have to live in the same box.

18 * A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

19 * Have an awesome day and know that someone has thought about you
today.

20 * It was I, your friend!

*Save the earth..... It's the only planet with chocolate

----------------------------------------

URGENT WARNING FOR TOMORROW!!!!

ALIENS ARE COMING TO EARTH TOMORROW.

THEIR MISSION IS TO ABDUCT ALL GOOD LOOKING & SEXY "OLD" PEOPLE.

I'M JUST BLOGGING TO SAY GOODBYE.

I've got to go pack.




emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEDDYTEDDY 3/31/2011 6:54AM

    With my birthday coming up soon (#65)...I especially enjoyed the one about birthdays....

Thanks for a great blog...you are the best blogger...ever!!! emoticon

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MEOWSNEWPAGE 3/30/2011 12:11AM

    You know my oldest daughter is my step daughter and half sister to my daughter . That means her new BF just got himself an empty trap!
refer to #12
emoticon
Glad you are my friend!!!!

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KAYDE53 3/29/2011 9:15PM

    Love it!! Great blog! emoticon

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GOOZLEBEAR 3/29/2011 8:41PM

    Great blog Mary Ann, so true in many places!!! Of course, I got a chuckle too!!!!

Hugs,
Sandi

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DKELLEY35 3/29/2011 8:35PM

    Outstanding, you made me think and laugh all in one blog. I love it.

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RAINBOWFALLS 3/29/2011 7:48PM

    emoticon

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SHAPELY 3/29/2011 1:23PM

    As usual Mary Anne another good one .
You sure come up with some good ones for us. Rosalyn

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GOLFCHICK2-0 3/29/2011 12:34PM

    I love it!! I have never understood people who lie about their age. I have lived and learned and each year I get older, I enjoy life more!!
Thanks for sharing!!!

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PHEBESS 3/29/2011 12:28PM

    I LOVE #17!!!!!!

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KOMAL53 3/29/2011 12:09PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
Just Superb!!!One learns something new everyday!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GEMINIAN1 3/29/2011 11:28AM

    emoticon

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CHEF4RENT 3/29/2011 11:04AM

    AAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That is great, I needed a good laugh today (helps clear the sinuses)

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THETURTLEBEAR 3/29/2011 9:49AM

    Loved this one!! Thanks!!!!
emoticon

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LOVEBYRD 3/29/2011 9:20AM

    Wonderful!

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ANOTHERMOMOF2 3/29/2011 8:31AM

    I love it! Thank you. I have to to print it off for others in my family to see.

Have a wonderful day!

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NEW-CAZ 3/29/2011 8:27AM

    Wise words emoticon

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A Good Female Joke!

Monday, March 28, 2011

There are female jokes and there are unisex jokes. Here is a joke I consider a true female joke.



I offer it to you in the hopes that women will love it and men will pass it along to a woman who will love it!



A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when Steven, a tall, exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him. This seasoned yet playful heartthrob noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As any man
would.) Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00...on one condition..." Flabbergasted but intrigued, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just
three words." The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply and passionately into his eyes, barely concealing her anticipation and excitement, and slowly and meaningfully said…."Clean my house."


(YOU GO, GIRL!)



emoticonMary Anne

Have an awesome, healthy day! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PAIGESMAMA 4/1/2011 7:16PM

    Love it!

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WUAKOS 3/30/2011 8:21PM

  That was awesome.... were can I find him hahaha.

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WIGIME 3/29/2011 7:38AM

    You got that one right.

emoticon

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NEW-CAZ 3/29/2011 1:46AM

    ROFL

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SENATOR9 3/29/2011 12:04AM

    Awesome emoticon

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FEISTY1949 3/28/2011 9:01PM

    I'll see her $20 and raise it $10! LOL

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MEOWSNEWPAGE 3/28/2011 8:31PM

    emoticon does that include windows?

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RAINTHIEF 3/28/2011 7:37PM

    emoticon emoticon

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DKELLEY35 3/28/2011 7:10PM

    That was too funny.

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SHAPELY 3/28/2011 1:42PM

    Loved it.

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PHEBESS 3/28/2011 12:23PM

    ROFL!!!!!!

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29MOMOF4 3/28/2011 12:16PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MELA1953 3/28/2011 11:39AM

    SHE SOUNDS LIKE ME!!!!

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KOMAL53 3/28/2011 11:37AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Way to go Girl!!! emoticon emoticon

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CATLADY52 3/28/2011 10:51AM

    Very good! emoticon

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NEWMAC2011 3/28/2011 9:53AM

    Love it!

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THETURTLEBEAR 3/28/2011 9:52AM

    Oh yeah - I like THOSE three words!!
emoticon

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VANESSAWY 3/28/2011 9:30AM

    emoticon

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MYBULLDOGS 3/28/2011 9:21AM

    emoticon emoticon

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MEANCARLEEN 3/28/2011 8:50AM

    emoticon

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Senility Prayer Plus!!!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

GOD grant me the Senility to forget
the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune
to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight
to tell the difference.

Now that I am older,
here's what I have discovered:

I started out with nothing.....
I still have most of it.

My wild oats have turned to
prunes and All Bran.

I finally got my head together,
now my body is falling apart.

Funny I don't remember
being absent minded....

All reports are in:

Life is now officially unfair.

If all is not lost, where is it?

It is easier to get older
than it is to get wiser.

Some days you're the dog,
some days you're the hydrant.

I wish the buck stopped here
I could use a few....

Kids in the back seat cause accidents;
accidents in the back seats cause kids.

It's hard to make a comeback when you have
haven't been anywhere.

Only time the world beats a path to your door is if
you're in the bathroom.

If God wanted me to touch
my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

When you're holding all the cards, why does
everyone else decide to play chess?

It's not hard to meet expenses
they're everywhere.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MELA1953 3/28/2011 11:35AM

    GOOD ONE!!!!LOL!!

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ILOVEROSES 3/28/2011 9:05AM

    Thanks for sharing and the puppy is soooo cute.

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KAYDE53 3/27/2011 10:57PM

    I loved this, it's great! emoticon emoticon

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THETURTLEBEAR 3/27/2011 8:34PM

    That was hysterical and the dog pic was the finishing touch! emoticon

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DKELLEY35 3/27/2011 7:38PM

    Awwww! what a cute puppy. You know as I get older, more and more of that gets true.

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TOTHEFUTURE1 3/27/2011 5:01PM

    Cute puppy and cute, accurate and funny blog

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GRATEFULADY 3/27/2011 4:27PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticonLaughter is always good for the soul. Thanks for sharing!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MEOWSNEWPAGE 3/27/2011 4:06PM

    emoticon more of that applies than I care to admit

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GOOZLEBEAR 3/27/2011 3:59PM

    That is so funny and sooooo true!!!! Love the puppy picture!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SHAPELY 3/27/2011 3:30PM

    How true this is, LOL Rosalyn

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4EVER21B 3/27/2011 2:43PM

    emoticon I second that! Thanks for a great smile.

Jackie

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DANCINCAJUN1 3/27/2011 2:27PM

    LOVE IT

emoticon

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EARTHMOTHR 3/27/2011 2:25PM

    Good stuff! emoticon

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GEMINIAN1 3/27/2011 2:25PM

    aaawwweee
Too cute ... thank you for sharing.

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Lady's Yearly Exam

Saturday, March 26, 2011

I went to the doctor for my yearly physical.
The nurse started with certain basics.

"How much do you weigh?" she asked.
"135," I said.
The nurse put me on the scale.

It turns out my weight is 180.

The nurse asked, "Your height?"
"5 foot 4," I said.
The nurse checked and saw that I only measure 5'2".

She then took my blood pressure and told me that it is very high.

"Of course it's high!" I screamed, "When I came in here I
was tall and slender! Now I'm short and fat!"

She put me on Prozac.

What a witch!!!



Have a great weekend! Remember to smile.....it's contagious! emoticon

emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RAINTHIEF 3/27/2011 8:31AM

    emoticon

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PEGGYO 3/26/2011 8:48PM

    LOL

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TEDDYTEDDY 3/26/2011 8:44PM

    Great one!!!

I love Maxine...Maxine is my new nickname at work as I wear a visor and sunglasses most of the time. emoticon

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DKELLEY35 3/26/2011 8:00PM

    Oh Mary Anne, You just make my day. That was so funny. Thanks.

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SONGOFLONGAGO 3/26/2011 6:03PM

    You've been reading my driver's license, haven't you?
You are simply delightful, my dear!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SHAPELY 3/26/2011 3:18PM

    This is soooo funny, And I think we are all a little guilty of a little of that. Hugs Rosalyn

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THETURTLEBEAR 3/26/2011 2:06PM

    Scarily close to reality, LOL!

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PHEBESS 3/26/2011 1:09PM

    LOL!!!

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BUTEAFULL 3/26/2011 11:29AM

    emoticon

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MCGS62 3/26/2011 11:06AM

    emoticon

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GOOZLEBEAR 3/26/2011 10:36AM

    Thank you dear friend for the Saturday chuckle for me!!!!! Loved it! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JAKEANDNELLIE 3/26/2011 10:09AM

    Thanks for my laugh of the day!
Sheila

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KOEHNA 3/26/2011 9:23AM

    OMG I loved this it is so funny. I thought you were serious for a min and thought your were nuts...LOL emoticon emoticon

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RAINBOWFALLS 3/26/2011 9:22AM

    I love it! emoticon

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BLESSED2BEME 3/26/2011 9:18AM

    I missed your "laughter" blogs while you were gone! Thanks for starting my day off with a smile:)


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