A day at the beach!!!!

Thursday, August 02, 2012

George was sunbathing naked at the beach in Jamaica.



For the sake of civility, and to keep "IT" from getting



sun burned, he had a hat over his private parts.



A woman walks past and says, snickering,



"If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."



He raised an eyebrow and replied,



"If you were better looking it would lift itself."



Mary Anne

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The Funniest Staff Meeting Ever!

Wednesday, August 01, 2012

The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. (This is one pretty sharp boss!) When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest. The theme: Viagra advertising slogans. The only rule was they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other products that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were acceptable.


About 7 minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a Top 10 List.. With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone! The top 10 were:

10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up!

9. Viagra, The quicker pecker picker upper.

8. Viagra, like a rock!

7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.

6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.

5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.

4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

3. Viagra, Home of the whopper!

2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life!



And the unanimous number one slogan:


1. This is your peepee... This is your peepee on drugs.


Mary Anne

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The Wife from Hell!!!

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'


The driver says, 'Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.


Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'


As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls,


'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once !!?'


The wife smiles demurely and says, 'Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher.'


As the officer makes out the second ticket for the “illegal” radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth,


'Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'


The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir.


That's an automatic $75 fine.'


The driver says, Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'


The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'


And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??'


The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'


(I love this part)



'Only when he's been drinking.!!!'


Mary Anne

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"What Is Couple Sex?"

Monday, July 30, 2012

An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him, "Grampa, what is couple sex?"


The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she's old enough to know to ask the question,
then she's old enough to get a straight answer.


Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all
about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities
of intercourse.


When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement.


Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, "Why did you ask this question, honey?"


The little girl replied, "Grandma says that dinner will be ready in just a couple secs."



Mary Anne


Better make sure you know WHAT they are asking!!!!

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It's so hot in Iowa . . .

Sunday, July 29, 2012

This was sent to me by a friend from Iowa and I thought many of us could relate!!!!



This is from the Des Moines Register by Doug Mackinnon:

It’s so hot …

…the birds have to use potholders to pull the worms out of the ground.

… the trees are whistling for the dogs.

… the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

… hot water comes from both taps.

… you can make sun tea instantly.

… you learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.

… the temperature drops below 90 degrees, and you feel a little chilly.

… you discover that in July, it only takes two fingers to steer your car.

… you discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

… you burned your hand opening the car door.

… your biggest fear in a motorcycle wreck is, “What if I get knocked out and end up on the pavement and cook to death?”

… you break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

… the potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one up and add butter.

… the cows are giving evaporated milk.

… when you water your tomatoes, you hear, “Thank you! Thank you!”

… farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.





Mary Anne

Happy Sunday!!!!

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