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The Wife from Hell!!!

Tuesday, July 31, 2012







A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'


The driver says, 'Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.


Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly, dear -- you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'


As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls,


'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once !!?'


The wife smiles demurely and says, 'Well dear you should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did or your speed would have been higher.'


As the officer makes out the second ticket for the “illegal” radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth,


'Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'


The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir.


That's an automatic $75 fine.'


The driver says, Yeah, well, you see, officer, I had it on, but I took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'


The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'


And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WILL YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??'


The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'


(I love this part)



'Only when he's been drinking.!!!'


emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VANESSASPATZ 8/6/2012 10:41AM

    emoticon

We know just what to say when those husbands get out of hand! lol

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MCGS62 8/3/2012 3:08PM

    HMMMMM

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SILVER1369 8/1/2012 12:08PM

    emoticon

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SHARJOPAUL 8/1/2012 10:25AM

    LOL

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GINIEMIE 8/1/2012 9:35AM

    I shared this one with Erik, he laughed. Thanks for the jokes they're great.
emoticon emoticon

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Q8PRINCESS 8/1/2012 12:44AM

    emoticon

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ARTJAC 7/31/2012 9:57PM

    emoticon

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CHRIS3874 7/31/2012 9:23PM

    LOL

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1CRAZYDOG 7/31/2012 8:37PM

    emoticon

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PAMNANGEL 7/31/2012 8:17PM

    emoticon

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RAINBOWFALLS 7/31/2012 7:48PM

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BUTEAFULL 7/31/2012 6:35PM

    emoticon

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CATLADY52 7/31/2012 5:41PM

    Great one! emoticon

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ASRMOM 7/31/2012 5:07PM

    I love the fact all this is going on and she is KNITTING! What would it take to get her out of her happy zone? I want to be there!

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NORASPAT 7/31/2012 5:01PM

    OK, Mybe that will cure his drinking. Pat in Maine. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PHEBESS 7/31/2012 4:55PM

    OMG funny!

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EGGBASKET1 7/31/2012 4:18PM

    GREAT ONE !!! THANKS !!!

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JEANNETTE59 7/31/2012 4:08PM

  emoticon emoticon

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LAC936 7/31/2012 3:51PM

    What a riot

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CHACHAOREO 7/31/2012 2:50PM

    sad but true!!!

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ANHELIC 7/31/2012 2:43PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KAYDE53 7/31/2012 2:40PM

    emoticon emoticon

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GERIKRAGH 7/31/2012 11:42AM

    That's funny. Thanks for sharing.

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LOVESLIFE48 7/31/2012 11:18AM

    emoticon emoticon

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GOOZLEBEAR 7/31/2012 11:04AM

    Love it!!!!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MOMMA_BEAR_69 7/31/2012 10:59AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CATBEFIT 7/31/2012 10:41AM

    So Funny! I'm copying it in an email to my DH!

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DESERTJULZ 7/31/2012 10:33AM

    LOL!

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LINDAKAY228 7/31/2012 10:20AM

    Oh my gosh! Had me really laughing!

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AUNTB63 7/31/2012 9:58AM

    Oh my.....LOL Hugs!

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SENATOR9 7/31/2012 9:22AM

    That is a wife from hell emoticon

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NANCYRUBIO 7/31/2012 9:04AM

    Love it- remember those days!

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KATHRYNLP 7/31/2012 8:54AM

    Good Lord.. she must be a brunette! emoticon

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DOROTHYBERO 7/31/2012 8:54AM

    Too funny. Love it

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WORKOUTWITHPAM 7/31/2012 8:48AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SINDY01 7/31/2012 8:48AM

  lol:0)

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"What Is Couple Sex?"

Monday, July 30, 2012





An 8-year-old girl went to her grandfather, who was working in the yard and asked him, "Grampa, what is couple sex?"


The grandfather was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she's old enough to know to ask the question,
then she's old enough to get a straight answer.


Steeling himself to leave nothing out, he proceeded to tell her all
about human reproduction and the joys and responsibilities
of intercourse.


When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open, eyes wide in amazement.


Seeing the look on her face, the grandfather asked her, "Why did you ask this question, honey?"


The little girl replied, "Grandma says that dinner will be ready in just a couple secs."



emoticonMary Anne


Better make sure you know WHAT they are asking!!!! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VANESSASPATZ 8/6/2012 10:42AM

    rofl!!!!!! Hilarious! emoticon

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MCGS62 8/3/2012 3:10PM

    luv it !!

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CUSTOMSOUND79 8/3/2012 9:34AM

    I'm subscibing to this blog!

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CHRIS3874 8/2/2012 10:07PM

    Too funny!!

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GINIEMIE 8/1/2012 9:43AM

    For certain subjects one MUST clarify why the question, Gramps will know better next time. He'll take a couple of secs to answer....l
emoticon
emoticon emoticon

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PAMNANGEL 7/31/2012 8:20PM

    emoticonGood going gramps!

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LAC936 7/31/2012 3:53PM

    emoticon

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SLIMLILA 7/31/2012 3:24PM

    This is even better than the one about the kid filling out the info card in his wallet and asked his mom what "sex" was...... emoticon

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PLMITCH 7/31/2012 11:54AM

    emoticon

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SHARJOPAUL 7/31/2012 8:38AM

    LOL

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OVERACTIVEELBOW 7/31/2012 8:20AM

    Gotta love Grandpas

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RSSSLHB 7/31/2012 8:19AM

    emoticon emoticon

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THROOPER62 7/31/2012 7:16AM

    emoticon emoticon

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    emoticon emoticon

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    emoticon

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CINDYLUUU 7/30/2012 11:39PM

    Cute!

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SCOTMAMA 7/30/2012 11:25PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SAVINGHANNAH 7/30/2012 10:58PM

    emoticon

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MOMMA_BEAR_69 7/30/2012 10:47PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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    emoticon

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SANDYW1945 7/30/2012 8:38PM

    emoticon emoticon

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LJCANNON 7/30/2012 7:17PM

    emoticon emoticonTerrible!!

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CATLADY52 7/30/2012 7:06PM

    emoticon emoticon

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SNEVIL1 7/30/2012 6:50PM

    Haaa!

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OVERACTIVEELBOW 7/30/2012 6:00PM

    Yup, best clarify the question before giving the answer....

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PHEBESS 7/30/2012 5:57PM

    Poor Grampa!!!!

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LINDAKAY228 7/30/2012 5:05PM

    Be careful how you answer kids questions! Better clarify what they are asking first LOL

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1CRAZYDOG 7/30/2012 4:03PM

    All righty then. . . so much for passing along messages from Grandma!

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WORKOUTWITHPAM 7/30/2012 3:48PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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  emoticon

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    emoticon

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EGGBASKET1 7/30/2012 1:56PM

    THANKS FOR THE LAUGHS !!!

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WOWEETOO 7/30/2012 12:39PM

    emoticon

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DOROTHYBERO 7/30/2012 12:32PM

    emoticon

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NORASPAT 7/30/2012 12:29PM

    O/OH What a flub Grandpa made .

I bet Grammy and Mommy are going to be upset. Pat in Maine emoticon

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EGALITAIRE 7/30/2012 11:48AM

    Always good to clarify the question.

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KATHRYNLP 7/30/2012 11:46AM

    emoticon emoticon

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WILSON425 7/30/2012 11:06AM

    emoticon

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STHAX10 7/30/2012 11:00AM

    emoticonWhat a wonderful way to start my Monday!!! Thanks for the smiles!!! emoticon

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PEGGYO 7/30/2012 10:44AM

    emoticon

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GOOZLEBEAR 7/30/2012 9:55AM

    That is priceless!!!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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0309COOKIE 7/30/2012 9:46AM

    Lol.

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SENATOR9 7/30/2012 9:41AM

    emoticon

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ALLIEALLIE2 7/30/2012 9:36AM

    lol

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It's so hot in Iowa . . .

Sunday, July 29, 2012





This was sent to me by a friend from Iowa and I thought many of us could relate!!!!



This is from the Des Moines Register by Doug Mackinnon:

It’s so hot …

…the birds have to use potholders to pull the worms out of the ground.

… the trees are whistling for the dogs.

… the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

… hot water comes from both taps.

… you can make sun tea instantly.

… you learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.

… the temperature drops below 90 degrees, and you feel a little chilly.

… you discover that in July, it only takes two fingers to steer your car.

… you discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

… you burned your hand opening the car door.

… your biggest fear in a motorcycle wreck is, “What if I get knocked out and end up on the pavement and cook to death?”

… you break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

… the potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one up and add butter.

… the cows are giving evaporated milk.

… when you water your tomatoes, you hear, “Thank you! Thank you!”

… farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.





emoticonMary Anne

Happy Sunday!!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GINIEMIE 8/2/2012 8:24AM

    can relate to the branding iron seat belt and burning the hand opening the door.
emoticon emoticon

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OVERACTIVEELBOW 7/30/2012 6:02PM

    Good one(s) !! Thanks

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LINDAKAY228 7/30/2012 5:06PM

    LOL! Hope for cooler weather soon!

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WILSON425 7/30/2012 11:08AM

    emoticon

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SHARJOPAUL 7/30/2012 9:31AM

    Sounds about right!

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THROOPER62 7/30/2012 5:13AM

    emoticon

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ARTJAC 7/30/2012 12:43AM

    emoticon

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Q8PRINCESS 7/30/2012 12:42AM

    I can identify with most of those.

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BLESSED2BEME 7/29/2012 11:08PM

    How funny! My daughter was just in Iowa for 10 days and she can relate!

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HDHAWK 7/29/2012 11:04PM

    Oh boy! We're in for it again this week, but at least it won't be over 100. Close though!

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CATLADY52 7/29/2012 10:08PM

    Thank your friend in Iowa. Really liked the one about the birds needing potholders to catch worms. emoticon

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COPEMA 7/29/2012 8:18PM

    I look forward to my daily laugh fix from you, Mary Anne! You didn't disappoint today!
Thank!

Marsha

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1CRAZYDOG 7/29/2012 8:14PM

    Funny!!

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PHEBESS 7/29/2012 8:07PM

    Now that's HOT!

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BUTEAFULL 7/29/2012 7:56PM

    emoticon

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WOWEETOO 7/29/2012 7:48PM

    emoticon
oh those things are so true i went out yesterday to put refrigerant in my car and had to sleep all day after being outside only 30 minutes..blood pressure fell out big time
lol
the lady mary

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PLMITCH 7/29/2012 3:12PM

    Having been born and lived in Iowa for a number of years, I can appreciate these. Just something about that midwest heat! Not like it has been a picnic here on the east coast!

emoticon

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GOOZLEBEAR 7/29/2012 2:25PM

    Sure can relate to that!!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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0309COOKIE 7/29/2012 2:14PM

    Lol.


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NORASPAT 7/29/2012 12:31PM

    LOL, many can relate we are doing quite well.
HUGS Pat in Maine emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PEGGYO 7/29/2012 12:09PM

    emoticon

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CHACHAOREO 7/29/2012 11:36AM

    These are the Best!!!!

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JEANNETTE59 7/29/2012 11:25AM

  emoticon emoticon just think it is just a taste of what lies ahead.

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LINDA7668 7/29/2012 9:54AM

    emoticon Let's not forget about the corn popping on the ear.

This has been a crazy summer for all of us, weatherwise. Hope everyone is staying cool.

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AUNTB63 7/29/2012 9:49AM

    Thanks for sharing....and you are right...we have had many days that I can relate these heat related one liners. Hope you have a great/healthy Sunday. emoticon

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SENATOR9 7/29/2012 9:41AM

    Now that is hot emoticon

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WORKOUTWITHPAM 7/29/2012 9:06AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KATHRYNLP 7/29/2012 8:58AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Three Ladies in a Sauna!!!!

Saturday, July 28, 2012





THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.

SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE
BEEP STOPPED.

THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. 'THAT WAS MY PAGER,' SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR.

WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, 'THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND.'

THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW -TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM.

SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END.

THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.

THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID ..... WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT ..... I'M GETTING A
FAX!!

Gotta love the old gals !!!! emoticon


emoticonMary Anne

  
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PAMNANGEL 7/31/2012 8:22PM

    emoticon emoticon

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    emoticon

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SHARJOPAUL 7/29/2012 9:41AM

    LOL

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    emoticon emoticon

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    emoticon

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JAMER123 7/28/2012 11:25PM

    We all laughed & said, "Oh my!" emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GOOZLEBEAR 7/28/2012 10:36PM

    Great one!!! emoticon

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0309COOKIE 7/28/2012 8:39PM

    That was too funny.

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CATLADY52 7/28/2012 5:43PM

    That's a good one. emoticon emoticon

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OVERACTIVEELBOW 7/28/2012 4:17PM

    Gotta love us older women

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PHEBESS 7/28/2012 4:12PM

    LOL!!!!!

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JEANNETTE59 7/28/2012 3:16PM

  emoticon

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KAYDE53 7/28/2012 1:50PM

    emoticon emoticon

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EGGBASKET1 7/28/2012 1:26PM

    ANOTHER GREAT ONE !!!! THANKS FOR THE ENDORPHINS

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EVER-HOPEFUL 7/28/2012 12:18PM

    emoticon

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OCTOBERBORN 7/28/2012 12:02PM

    OMGosh! emoticon

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PEGGYO 7/28/2012 11:45AM

    LOL

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AUNTB63 7/28/2012 11:39AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon thank YOU!

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CHACHAOREO 7/28/2012 11:28AM

    emoticon

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NORASPAT 7/28/2012 11:01AM

    Oh MY Mary Anne where do you get them from. Dont really need to know just keep them coming Pat in Maine. (((((HUGS))) emoticon emoticon

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SWTHNY- 7/28/2012 10:56AM

    heheheheheheh!

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BUTEAFULL 7/28/2012 10:50AM

    emoticon

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SENATOR9 7/28/2012 10:44AM

    emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 7/28/2012 10:39AM

    That's hysterical! OOPS . . . incoming!

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THEFLORIDAFAIRY 7/28/2012 10:21AM

    emoticon

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_LINDA 7/28/2012 9:45AM

    emoticon

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GSWINNIE 7/28/2012 9:40AM

    HeHe

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    emoticon

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CHRISBEM 7/28/2012 9:17AM

    HA!

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Some HOT Friday Humor!!!!

Friday, July 27, 2012



This is how I felt after working in the yard most of the day!!!!







emoticonMary Anne

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LITTLEWIND53 8/9/2012 10:13AM

    It is so hot here, I feel too pooped to pop ! lol

Comment edited on: 8/9/2012 10:15:02 AM

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SHARJOPAUL 7/29/2012 10:05AM

    I know that feeling.

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SLIMLILA 7/28/2012 11:26PM

    emoticon

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MOMMA_BEAR_69 7/28/2012 11:14PM

    emoticon Too funny!!! Thank you.

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PHEBESS 7/28/2012 4:14PM

    Funny!!!!!

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KAYDE53 7/28/2012 1:54PM

    Describes my whole summer!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SENATOR9 7/28/2012 10:44AM

    Now that is HOT emoticon

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PYNETREE 7/28/2012 8:38AM

    Very corny, emoticon but, funny! thanks!

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DOROTHYBERO 7/28/2012 7:52AM

    emoticon

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    emoticon

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    emoticon

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    emoticon

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SWEETYOUNGTHING 7/28/2012 6:24AM

    emoticon

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RAINBOWFALLS 7/28/2012 6:16AM

    That is how I've felt this summer.

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FUTUREHOPE49 7/28/2012 5:43AM

    That is SO real! emoticon

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ROCKSTEADY4EVER 7/28/2012 5:20AM

    emoticon emoticon

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    emoticon

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Q8PRINCESS 7/28/2012 3:23AM

    emoticon

Oh that's so where I live!

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UNSTOPPABLE_ 7/28/2012 2:05AM

    emoticon

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0309COOKIE 7/28/2012 1:59AM

    Lol.

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ARTJAC 7/28/2012 12:41AM

    emoticon

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CONNIER64 7/28/2012 12:29AM

    emoticon

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BUTEAFULL 7/27/2012 10:32PM

    emoticon

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1CRAZYDOG 7/27/2012 10:28PM

    BWAHAHAHAHA!

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NORASPAT 7/27/2012 10:19PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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UMUCGRAD 7/27/2012 10:12PM

    LoL !!!
Thanks for sharing

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GOOZLEBEAR 7/27/2012 10:12PM

    Love it!!!! emoticon

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