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I've hit a new low - NEED HELP

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Who hasn't heard "If you see there is a problem, you're half way to recovery?" I know there is a problem. . .and each day it seems worse.

Some of you know my mommy died in October 2013. Some days it seems forever ago, but recently it weighs heavy on my chest. At first I thought "Okay, you just need to pick up yourself and learn to do things a little different." I lived with Mommy for the past 5 years. We had finally reached the point in life where we were best friends. Then I thought "It's okay, nobody expects you to jump right back into the swing of things." But I did. I signed up and completed my first 5k. I was going out to dinner with friends. I took care of probate tasks. I even got a dog to keep me company and keep me busy.

But then something happened. Something stopped in me. Let me back track a little. I still live in Mommy's house. I haven't worked outside the home in 6 years. I managed Mommy's affairs and maintained a happy, clean home. At the end I had set up a monitor in my bedroom so Mommy could call on me at all hours as needed from her bedroom. To this day I cannot sleep in my bedroom, nor hers (4 3/4 months) I've slept on the couch with the television on, but I've always put away the blanket and pillow during the day.

Going on about two weeks ago I questioned WHY. I figure, no one comes over, what does it matter if there is a blanket on the couch? Then I added, it's 40 degrees outside, it makes since to keep a blanket close by. But then the other voice in my head started saying, "You're being lazy. The house looks nicer without the blanket out and that makes you feel better." Then the fight started. . .
Voice 1: If I want to take a nap the blanket is right here.
Voice 2: If you went out you would not need a nap.
Voice 1: I'd have to get dressed and nothing is close by to do.
Voice 2: You used to enjoy just driving aimlessly to find new things to do.
Voice 1: I have only had my dog 3 months. It's wrong to leave him alone and he gets carsick.
Voice 2: You're not doing anything anymore. Make small goals for yourself.
Voice 1: Okay. I put do laundry on the calendar for tomorrow.
Voice 2: It's tomorrow. When are you going to do the laundry?
Voice 1: Maybe tomorrow.

I know I need to do SOMETHING but I have no motivation to do anything. Yes, I am currently sitting on my couch under my blanket in my PJs at 12:45pm. Please any and all suggestions will be read and attempted. I just am so alone. The friends I referred to earlier were actually my mommy's friends. And they have stopped calling on me. Not working outside the house in so long kind of sheltered me from making any friends in a while.

NEED HELP emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANNALALOCA 8/13/2014 10:21PM

    I just don't check on friends often enough, I'm sorry. I hope everything is going better for you by now. Please post soon. You're in my thoughts & prayers.

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SOPHIERC 3/20/2014 7:04PM

    Your in my prayers.grief is painful and uncomfortable. I've been through different types of grief. Everyone grieves differently in every situation. Don't be to hard on yourself. I would suggest you write goals of what you would like your life to look like and feel like. It won't happen overnight but at least you can have something to look forward to. Also attend church if you have a church or read the bible about our God who knows what you're going through and cares. Feel free to email me if you like.

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HALFTOCHANGE 3/19/2014 1:13PM

    Hi MIGSJG,

My friend and I were talking last night about how alone we have both felt in the last couple of weeks. I just attributed it to the restlessness of it being springtime. But I realized later that both her and I are feeling loss right now. Its not actual death just our close nit group is splitting in many directions, relationships are changing and there will be new distance between the people that I have counted on everyday for the last two years.

This realization did not come to me until I sought the advise of a trusted church leader. I sought him out and explained how dark and alone I've felt and sharing it with him and him saying that it was not just me who was feeling the impact of the change in my life made me feel less alone.

I know our situation is different. I know the exact same path won't make you feel less alone. But my suggestion would be to seek out someone you trust someone that knows you. Let them know how alone you feel. For me this brought release and I have been bright and bubbly ever since.

I want to let you know that you are not alone! I am sorry for the loss of your Mommy that is hard, but the world is full of places and people that are just waiting for you. Do not give up hope, because I was just feeling the same thing and now its past and that can happen for you too!

Best of Luck!

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EVIE4NOW 3/19/2014 12:59PM

  I lost my mom years ago but I do know what you are going thru. It does help to stay busy. Make friends by doing volunteer work, or at church. Join some clubs. If you still don't feel like you are getting anywhere, see a grief counselor. Good luck to you.

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I fit in the seat!

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Mom and I are kids at heart. We have been excited to see the World of Harry Potter at Universal since it opened last spring. We just got back from a week long trip in Florida ending in Orlando. The pumpkin juice was really good - kind of like a chilled cider with cinnamon - bet it would be great warmed. I got a lot of good pictures - even got my mom with the train conductor. Picture shown is me before conductor arived.

We were worried about the walking the day would entail. But we both survived. A little ibuprofen didn't hurt. But what made me jump for joy was I had lost enough weight that I could fit into the seats for the rides. I have in the past waited through the long lines to find out my big butt wouldn't fit in the seat. I guess more and more rides are putting sample seats out front. When I COMFORTABLY sat in the seat AND was able to close the harness over me I was overjoyed.

I've been a bit low lately not seeing the weight come off like I would like. You know you hear people say "I don't see it on the scale, but I feel it in my clothes." Well I saw it in my SEAT!!! That was truly a gift and boost to my ego and very motivating to me.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AKATHLEEN54 3/19/2013 11:15AM

    That's a wonderful NSV!!! Glad u enjoyed the trip. I would love to go there someday.... huge HP fan! Congrats! emoticon emoticon

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SNS1968 3/19/2013 11:13AM

    emoticon emoticon

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Get me out of my blues!

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

I was running last year averaging 2 miles three days a week. And then. . .

I took it easy and rested. Then . . .
I am dx with prolapsed mitral valve, put on meds and told to take it easy. Then . . .
I am treated for stress fractures and FINALLY released to walk NOT run. Then . . .
I have plantar faciitis.

OH YEA, THEN. . . I had never even heard of Peroneal Tendon Subluxation. My ankle pops horribly. I get this renching pain up the outer (lateral) side of my calf.

I have learned to love running/walking my GI and cardiac systems were actually running smoothly for a while. Now I find myself sitting around most of the time due to one pain or another. I then find myself getting depressed. I was seeing 14 - 17,000 steps a day on my Fitbit and was so excited. Now I am lucky to register 5000 steps. I am such an all or nothing person. If I cannot go for my morning and night time walk I get in such a slump and do not want to do anything.

I know everyone goes through the slumps, but with all these pains lately DOES ANYONE HAVE A LIGHT TO SHINE DOWN MY TUNNEL?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAROLJEAN64 2/26/2013 1:43PM

    Yes, how great that you still get in 5000 steps a day. Plus, this is my new mantra: Progress not perfection. I say in my mind every time I feel the monster of perfection depression, I smack it down with progress, not perfection. It is actually helping. emoticon

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My Fitbit and Calorie Whoas

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

I wonder just how many calories do I burn at night? I reach my goal of burning X amount of calories that my fitbit says to burn, but then the next day I'm under calories for previous day - what's up with that?

For those of you not familiar with Fitbit, there is a means of keeping track of calorie in take versus calories burned. It gives you a goal calorie burned for the day and then tells you how many calories you need throughout the day as you progress towards your goal.

This can be determined upon a sedentary lifestyle being updated throughout the day as you are more or less active.

Or it can be set to give you calories based on your history of activity and then updated throughout your day.

I try to keep track of how many calories I need to burn each day. I understand that normal functions such as breathing, digesting, and healing burn calories. But is there a means to determine what this burn equates to? For example, my fitbit says it expects me to burn 2205 today. By bedtime I check my Fitbit to happily see I have burned 2200 calories today and set my Fitbit for sleep only to wake up to: I was 400 calories under my in take goal yesterday.

This is getting frustrating. Any tips or words of wisdom out there?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRACYLYNN853 2/19/2013 10:32AM

    I'm not sure. I have been thinking about buying one, just don't know if I wanna spend the money. Good Luck!

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CKSCARBERRY1 2/19/2013 10:30AM

  I'm not sure how it would work. I have been contemplating purchasing one.

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Never stop learning.

Monday, February 11, 2013

I am 42yo and about to start a college course through Coursera - Introductory to Applied Physiology. If you spend time online anyway, here is a great way to enhance yourself. If you have not heard of Coursera it is a FREE site where one may take college courses from Universities all over the world. No college credit is available YET but many classes offer a certification of completion.

It makes me feel good about myself that I am still trying to learn new things all the time. I am even signed up for a course starting in April - Cardiac Arrest, Hypothermia, and Resuscitation Science course with Dr. Benjamin Abella.

Walking/Running for about a year now has given me so much energy, I feel I must do something useful with with the time and health I have been given. I hope I am healthy and open-minded enough to NEVER STOP LEARNING!


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