Saturday, January 12, 2013
I'm not really a blogging type of gal, tending to keep a lot of my "stuff" to myself. But right now I find that my fear about a situation is greater than my reluctance to blog....so here's my first attempt at this puzzling activity.
Over the past 5+ years, I have gradually lost over 100 pounds. The extremely slow and frustrating progress was due in large part to the limitations of several chronic and progressive conditions where my activity is often very much curtailed. But bit by bit I was able to do a little more, and during the last 6 months of 2012, I had actually begun to enjoy some relief from the degree of pain and weakness, and had even gotten a part time job that supplemented an extremely tight budget. Things were good. But then I got this flu and then a bout with bronchitis---and all the physical gains that took years to achieve seem to have been wiped away. I am alarmingly weak, and a specialist that treats one of my chronic conditions said that there is a strong possibility that my muscles will never be able to fully recover to the point I was before, and it is imperative that I take my recovery process in a slow and steady manner. Did I mention that (especially as I age), patience is not my best thing?
Now I am back at another starting line, and have a long road ahead of me to regain some degree of my previous stamina and functioning. And yes, I am whining. I am very frustrated. I want to be back at work, I want to get back to my exercise class, AND I do NOT WANT TO GAIN BACK THE WEIGHT!.
My previous weight loss had been mostly dependent on the very hard-earned and slow increase in the movement I could do. It had taken years of effort to progress to a level of movement where I counter the weight-gaining effects of several medications and expend more calories than I took in. Now my movement and strength are curtailed again, and in just the past weeks of my recovery from the recent flu and bronchitis, I discover that I have started to show a slow weight gain. NOOOOOOO!!!!
My diet already follows the nutritionist's recommendations for someone with certain conditions (like HBP, high cholesterol, pre-diabetes), and some other conditions that require certain dietary elements to be included or excluded. There is very little wiggle room for things to exclude. The variable that permitted the previous weight loss was the element of exercise. This subject was discussed at my recent doctor appointment, and the advice was to be patient while my body recovers....and (gasp) not worry about gaining a bit of weight. Am I the only one who views re-gaining the weight (for any reason or for any length of time) with TERROR?
I'm really just venting a bit of frustration here. I've been in this position before in my life, and eventually I find the strength and wherewithal to overcome whatever challenge I have. I'm sure, with a bit of time, I'll reach a point where I'll just face the realityof what I am faced with now and deal with it. But for today, I am frustrated, mad, discouraged, and doubting my ability (or desire) to go through this complicated journey of dealing with weight issues yet again. Without the element of exercise, I feel lost.
Thanks for listening. MM