Tuesday, October 16, 2012
So I was looking back over my goals for October...boy have I messed up on these.
1) Needing to start walking- Okay, I've done this one...though not as much as I would like to be doing. I know I can kick my butt and get moving more.
2) Plan my meals- total fail on this one. If it's not part of the weekend challenge it doesn't seem to get done. I know this is a work in progress, but it's hard admitting defeat on this one. I have done better about the types of food that I bring into the house, though...that's one plus. =)
3) Drink water- still a 50/50 on that. I'm having a hard time breaking the soda habit again...especially with working so many days in a row...it's hard to not drink a mt. dew to try to stay awake, though I'm sure coffee would do far better.
4) Find motivation- yup, still a fail. Betty from the Pink Vikings posted a Monday motivation post all about losing the motivation and how to find it...think I might need to print it out and stick it to my bedroom door.
5) Find some nice clothes....I got this! There's some garage sale sites on facebook that I found some really nice "work-dress" clothes. The lady was selling them for $5 a shirt, so I now have some interview shirts if the need arises (which I'm hoping will be soon!) I showed them to my boyfriend, and he liked all but one (a pea green sweater...I'm still not sure about that one either, quite honestly), so I feel like I did ok on this goal. Might need to find a few pairs of jeans still. I hardly have the need to wear street clothes anymore, so I don't have a whole lot that look good on me.
6) Find some "me" time....hmm...not sure if I've really done this one or not. I have taken long hot baths (something I never used to enjoy but now relish!), but I still haven't done any real pampering for myself. I'm hoping to make an appointment to get my hair colored this weekend. *fingers crossed*
So I took my boyfriend grocery shopping on Friday, and I have to say that it does make a difference having him with me. I spent wayyyy too much, but some of it was staples that we were out of, so all in all I'm guessing it wasn't terrible. He's been cooking super healthy food all weekend. Yesterday, though, my inner fat kid won out. I was craving grease and cheese, and I know I could have ordered a smaller burger and probably felt just as satisfied, but inner fat kid wanted the baconator (doh!). So I messed up really bad yesterday, and I know it...I'm just hoping that my one super bad day won't neutralize all the really great food and the exercise I've done for the week. I have a massive migraine right now, which I know is partly from lack of sleep but also from all that sodium and grease. Today, I'm drinking water (4 cups down so far) and I've had a Luna bar and am working on a greek yogurt right now. Also, a cup of coffee to nurse the migraine. =( Really just hoping that weigh-in tomorrow isn't completely terrible.
Wednesday, October 03, 2012
New Month, New Goals!
1) NEED to start walking! I've been really sick this past week, and I've honestly missed walking and jogging when I can. The weather channel says it's supposed to start snowing tonight (ugh!) and it's going to be pretty nasty from then on, so maybe it's time to look into a gym membership.
2) Plan my meals. I really liked the weekend challenge we had this past weekend....it had a challenge to plan your meals out. I actually found that it does make a difference...and it's so nice to be able to know what's for dinner before I have to go rummaging through the freezer last minute...such a great feeling! And yesterday I purchased a pork tenderloin because it was on sale and it's on the menu for later this week. yay!
3) DRINK WATER! I've gotten lazy about this this past week, especially with being sick with a cold. It's easier to have something like a soda clean my palette when I can't really taste anything then a glass of water and the constant cough drops. Now, granted, I have still been drinking water, but not as much as I should have been. I found my water bottle yesterday (it was MIA) and I had four servings in nothing flat!
4) Find Motivation. I'm having a little bit of a roadblock..at least I was before I got sick. I just keep seeing all these people losing so much weight every week, and I keep thinking there's no way that I'll ever lose that much in one week. It's a little depressing....I'm feeling like maybe I'm in the wrong challenge to start. Maybe I should have started with something that's not so challenging. But then I think, any other challenge wouldn't have a great support group involved, and if I hadn't done this challenge I wouldn't have met such great ladies. Deep down, I know that it shouldn't matter about the other people that lose so much each week...that I need to do what's best for me, which is a few pounds a week. My competitive side still doesn't like it much...lol
5) Find some nice clothes. I may have an interview for a new job later this month, but I know that everything I have in my closet is stretched out and looks terrible on me. I need to go shopping, but I still don't feel good doing it. I need to get started on this...wish me luck!
6) Find some "me" time. I still am putting everyone before me. Even this past week while I've been sick, I was cleaning bathrooms and disinfecting sinks to make sure that everyone else didn't catch this. Don't know how much good it did, but at least I tried. I did get a lot of extra sleep this week, though, which was really nice (even if it was for a terrible reason, lol)
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
All right, so week 2 didn't go according to plan. Life got in the way. I didn't do as bad as I had thought I had. Only ended up gaining 0.8 of a pound. I was really proud of myself for doing almost an hour's worth of a workout yesterday. My body's sore, but not too sore (just lets me know I'm alive!).
So what do I need to do to keep my motivation up this week? Hmm...I know I need to make myself a priority, but how? First, I need to keep my inner fat kid in check. Second, I need to keep moving, no matter what. Third, I need to keep track of my food intake.
My biggest problem is my inner fat kid. She whines...a lot! Tells me I shouldn't HAVE to work out...it's hot outside and now we're sweating. WHY do we have to take this walk? Why can't we just go home and eat those chocolate chips in the freezer? Ugh! She can be so annoying. I finally just ignored her yesterday and did my workout anyways...felt good, but man! was she mad at me...she'll get over it though. I feel better, and that's what matters. I know that I need to appease her in small ways or she'll rear her ugly little head and before I know it, a whole bag of candy will be gone and I'll be left holding the wrappers...no bueno! So maybe I can do just a handful of those chocolate chips with a spoonful of peanut butter. I crave crunchy more then I do sweet...maybe I could grab some of those 100 calorie packs at the store next time I go.
I have a serious problem with getting moving if I've opted out of working out for a few days. It's just really hard to WANT to get up and dressed and out the door. I need to stop with my excuses, and I need to get dressed to the shoes before my body has realized what happened. I honestly think I need to work out for even just a few minutes a day to keep that momentum.
I have noticed that on the days that I track what I eat, I don't eat as much. Instead, I drink a ton more water. It's like I feel guilty if I have to put that extra bite of mashed potatoes on the tracker, so I just don't eat it. It feels really good to see a deficit of calories for the day, and knowing that if I go out and have a special meal with my family on the weekend, that I'm not going to feel too guilty about it. I do need to increase my veggies though. Got one in last night. I think I just need to start buying them already cut and cleaned. That seems to help with my motivation to eat them. Granted, it costs a little more, but I think it may just be worth it.
I know that I can do this. It's just going to take a couple extra pushes from me to get me there. I look at all the people on my team that work out 2 or 3 hours a day, and I can't help but feel jealous, but I know that their situations might be completely different from mine and they may have been at this just a little bit longer than I have. I'll get there though!
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Sunday...a start to a new week (or the end of an old one, depending on how you look at it). I have to say this last week I have not been too kind to my body. I've gone without lots of sleep that was desperately needed, I've put junk in my body that I knew better than putting in my mouth. Why? I know the big reason is stress, but I shouldn't use that as an excuse. I'm worth more than this and I know it. So, today, I am choosing to put myself up there (at around the top) on my list of things to take care of.
1) Drink 8 glasses of water. Not a hard thing to do when you consider a glass is considered 8 oz...I drink out of a 16 oz water bottle at home, so 4 glasses is nothing. I can do this!
2) Try to do something active every day this week. No sitting on the couch and playing computer games or watching tv. I'm not going to lose weight being a couch potato.
3) Eat 2-3 freggies daily. I went to the farmer's market yesterday and got a whole grocery bag full of fruits and veggies. Today, after I sleep for a while, I'm going to be cutting up the veggies for the week and try my hand at a vegetable broth. =)
side note: I did go out to dinner tonight and had parmesan crusted tilapia. But I made sure they put a big portion of broccoli on my plate, and surprisingly, it tasted soo good! I'm proud of myself on that one. =)
4) Fill out some job applications. I'm not going to get off this shift work if I don't put in some effort here. My family needs me to be in a more stable shift- time for me to get to it!
5) Work on cleaning my home. I've been working a 6-day stretch at work. I'm exhausted when I get home, and my house has taken a beating. I'm off the next 2 days, so I need to get the house cleaned up again and the filters cleaned on my heating system so I'm ready when the chilly weather gets here (which unfortunately isn't going to be too much longer).
Also, in the Pink Vikings group there was a post that asked us to state 3 positive things about myself.
1) I am a very loyal person (unfortunately, this is used by my friends a little too much sometimes).
2) I have empathy for people and their circumstances. I'm also a defender of people who can't defend themselves.
3) I would do anything for my children to protect them and make them happy. This doesn't mean that I spoil them too much, but they're good kids for the most part and they earn the fun stuff that we do.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
This past weekend was supposed to be one of fun times and going to a Greek Festival with some yummy food. Instead, it seems that all I did was cry. My eyes are so swollen, even my co-worker commented on it.
It appears that I have trust issues. My bf decided to try to keep something from me and I found out. I've been fighting with him all weekend. It all came to a head yesterday afternoon when I asked for something so small but that would mean so much to me. I asked for honesty and some common respect, and I feel like I got slapped in the face for standing up for myself. I felt that if I didn't say it, that we'd just keep going around in circles and I would end up getting bitter about it. Better to get it out in the open. Unfortunately, that was the wrong choice, and he tried to break up with me.
I have been a single mom for over 7 years now. I've always relied on me and only me. When I moved in with my bf, I decided to try to trust him more than anyone I've ever been with. I wanted this relationship to be "the one." I moved to the overnight shift at my job so that I could be there for my kids more during the day. Unfortunately, that meant that someone would have to stay with the kiddos overnight and make sure that they get off in the mornings. When he said he'd be there for me, I trusted him. I believed what he told me- for once in my life I was relying on someone else to help me. It all came crashing down last night. He admitted he messed up but told me I shouldn't have been snooping. I told him I shouldn't HAVE to be snooping because he shouldn't be doing what he was doing. I feel like an idiot for trusting that he'd always be there for me. My world feels like it's falling into little tiny pieces, and no matter how I try I can't quite pick up the pieces of this one. I feel so alone- completely, miserably alone.
We're still trying to make this work, but it's gotten so hard in such a short amount of time. How can I trust again unless he's completely honest with me?? And now I have to beg my boss to go back to a shift that I detest where there's so much drama. My dreams of going to nursing school are slipping through the cracks so fast and I can't figure out which end is up right now. I feel like I have no one to rely on again, and it hurts.
So, for now, here's the list I need to work on, just in case this doesn't work.
1) Get back to a day shift position. If I can't, I need to find a new job.
2) Figure out how I can get my daughter to her hip-hop class at 4 on Mondays ( I'd get off at that time)
3) Figure out who I can ask for for help on the weekends that I work and my ex doesn't have my kids. This will probably be at least one weekend a month that I need help.
4) Figure out a budget that I can try to squeeze a little more free cash out of to save for school (need to start somewhere). Maybe, if I get admitted to the university nursing school, I can downsize all my furniture and move into a smaller, cheaper place for the 2 years of school. It'll be worth it in the end, right?
5) Figure out a backup for when I'm required to stay after work for those people that call in sick. It'd be till 8, and my kids can't be alone for that long yet.
6) How to keep taking care of myself with my weight-loss goals. Right now, I'm so stressed out that I can't even think about eating anything, but soon my emotional bingeing is going to kick in, and I really don't want to do that again.
I'm not sure if this is really supposed to be on sparkpeople, but I needed a place to put this all down. This may just be a big, huge bump in our relationship, but I hate not being prepared.
I'm kicking myself repeatedly right now for not having a back-up plan, but I really thought this relationship would be the last one for me- that I'd found my soul mate. Maybe there's light at the end of this tunnel, but right now I'm not so sure.
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