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Dropping the Cloak of Perfection

Saturday, July 21, 2012

I have a lot going on in my head right now, and I will write it all down once I sort it out - but in the meantime, I am learning something I have struggled with for a long time.

I can never do anything good enough that it is going to make someone love me.

That's not how it happens. I am loveable; I just can't DO something to get it. It is something that is freely given without consequence.

It has not stopped me from trying and BELIEVING that if I do certain things, than I will get out of it what I want, because in a way, the person would be "forced" to love me.

Well, just finally acknowledging that it does not work that way. Believe me, I have tried this repeatedly and often. Nope. doesn't work.

HOWEVER, WHAT DOES WORK AND WILL WORK FOR ME ---- is acknowledging, realizing, understanding, and yes, believing with all of my heart, that the things I do ------- need to be done for ME alone. For my satisfaction, for my health, for my own acceptance.

Everything else is off the table. I just have to be me and live up to my own expectations. I cannot control any of the rest of it, and that's all there is to it.

I just have to do it for me. Simplifies things a bit. It would help, perhaps, if I wasn't so stubborn. I would stop fighting this, and just freaking do it already.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAVERICK59 8/31/2012 9:06PM

I think you speak for so many of us that are too ashamed to put it out there like this.
Hugs and Love,


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BROADBRUSH 7/24/2012 7:44PM

    i absolutely know what you mean - but it is the way we are raised - to be people pleasers (hence this equals love and recognition). especially if you are a girl - you get it doubly your entire life.
it took me over the age of 50 to realize saying 'no ' to someone would not strike me dead. likewise - taking time for myself - oh my gosh - the B word might come across my forehead.
we are conditioned from very early in our lives - and it takes a lot of self dedication, self education, and self LOVING to at least steer some happiness and independence our way - so we can take joy in saying - yep i did that and i did it FOR ME!!
you will - BB

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JEN_BACK2BASICS 7/23/2012 11:45AM

    So true! Thanks for the reminder - it can be a hard lesson to learn.

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MUGGLE_MOM 7/23/2012 8:16AM

    So true. So true.
We have absolutely no control over anyone else's behaviors or emotions. We can only control ourselves. We can't make someone love us by behaving and being what they want. That only sets us up for disappointment. You are a beautiful, loving, caring, funny as all heck, successful woman in your own right. You don't need to do these things to make someone else love you. You just have to love yourself.

Wishing you a wonderful adventure.

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    So true for any of us to remember.


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ITSHOWYOULIVE 7/23/2012 1:25AM

    Great post!

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DIFROMWYOMING 7/23/2012 12:15AM

    I can very much relate to all of this...and I'm not quite there...

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TEDDYBEARGIRL 7/22/2012 1:30PM

    Do it just for YOU!!!!!!!

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 7/22/2012 7:37AM

    I agree. You can only do tings to improve YOUR life and make YOU happy. emoticon

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RAINBOWFALLS 7/22/2012 6:44AM

    emoticon emoticon

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HANDYV 7/22/2012 12:07AM


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ALWYS-LKN-UP 7/21/2012 11:56PM

    The road to loving yourself is a long one, I know because I'm on the same path. Just know that you are not alone, just be kind to yourself along the way!

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NORWOODGIRL 7/21/2012 11:48PM

    All right! The first step in success whether in health or love is knowing yourself. You are worth it. Let go of the past and "be me and live up to my own expectations".

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Positive Steps today!

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Bought some REAL whole wheat bread.

Chopped up lots of watermelon, cantaloupe, strawberries, and threw in a half pint of raspberries to make a big fruit salad. Woo hoo!

Got my AC fixed!

Woo hoo!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NANASAMM 7/11/2012 11:38AM

    Always a positive to have AC in the summer and fruit salad too? Sounds like a good day to me! emoticon

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BUSYGRANNY5 7/11/2012 11:08AM

    Love your positive post! Fruit salad sounds yummy! So glad there's lots of FRESH fruit available this time of year!!!

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ITSHOWYOULIVE 7/11/2012 1:20AM

    Oh, the biggest woo hoo goes to the AC being fixed!! Ours is dead, dead, dead and I know how precious AC is. The food choices today sound awesome!!

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MUGGLE_MOM 7/10/2012 11:12PM

    Love your positive steps!!!!!
This is exactly what you should be celebrating!!!!!!
I'm so happy for your that your AC is fixed :-)
Waiting patiently to hear about mine.....

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JEN_BACK2BASICS 7/10/2012 10:56PM

    Yay! Feels good, doesn't it?

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SARAWALKS 7/10/2012 9:22PM


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LOOZINITNOW 7/10/2012 9:01PM

    emoticonSounds yummy!!!

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COPEMA 7/10/2012 8:00PM

    Good job, Mary! You're doing great! 35 pounds and still going! Awesome! Keep up the good work!


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RAINBOWFALLS 7/10/2012 7:52PM

    Sounds yummy!

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DOINGME02 7/10/2012 7:48PM


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Yesterday doesn't matter

Monday, July 09, 2012

There is only today - what are you going to do with today?

I have viewed myself for so long as fat, out of shape, a blob, if you will - I overlooked that I could change at any minute I wanted to - I could change what I was doing and how I viewed myself.

I once told my former trainer that I could not go for a walk because I ate chocolate.

He said, "what?"

I didn't get that they were 2 different ACTIONS. He pushed me out the door for my walk.

Being fat is not who I am UNLESS I choose the behaviors that keep me obese,

I choose to walk
I choose to eat healthy
I choose to go to therapy

I choose the person I am

and drumroll, please....

I choose to be the person I am becoming every day by the actions I take...

Do or not do. The choice is yours. There is no yesterday.

Only today.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BUSYGRANNY5 7/10/2012 8:33AM


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    I had to laugh at the you couldn't walk because you ate chocolate. You're so cute. I can only imagine the look on their face. "Whatchu talkin' bout Willis?"

Every choice you make to do better, you become better! It may not be on your timeline but you learn a lot about yourself in the process! Keep it up girl!

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MUGGLE_MOM 7/10/2012 7:24AM

    Awesome Blog! And so true!
You go girl!!!!
Your road is right in front of you and you are on your way!!!!!

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SHALLID 7/10/2012 6:23AM

    I choose today too! Good luck on making wonderful life choices today! emoticon

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ITSHOWYOULIVE 7/10/2012 12:16AM

    Isn't it funny how we connect two totally different things and make them an item (chocolate bar prevents exercise)? Your mantras are AWESOME!!!

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CHRISBEM 7/10/2012 12:05AM

    My dad always says that today is the first day of the rest of your life.

One of the songs I like is basically a woman giving advice along what you said, that you get to choose how your life goes. A couple of lines that I like from the song go basically along the lines that your life is a book... the rest is unwritten.

I try to remember that one I have an oops moment... do I want my book to talk about the "I can't walk because I ate chocolate" or "I am going to walk to burn off the chocolate"?

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The Coat

Friday, June 22, 2012

I did a little shopping last night - mostly because I have a casual work function today during lunchtime and it has been sweltering. I work at a semi-conservative place so shorts, and jeans are out.

I bought a couple of things to wear, and it started me thinking about a long forgotten item in my closet: THE COAT.

I bought it a while back - a long while back - I didn't live in my house when we bought it and that is going on 3 years.

I remember splurging on it (around $200). It's been in my closet now for years. I am going to wear this fall. I mean it, I am going to wear it. It's been too snug to be comfortable but it is my new incentive. I am going to get into that freaking coat!

I never thought I would be dreaming of wearing a coat on a hundred degree day!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SKY2012 7/5/2012 8:50PM

    what a beautifulllllllllllll coat and wonderful goal.

you GO girlfriend! yeh! emoticon

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ITSHOWYOULIVE 6/28/2012 11:20PM

    Oh, summer always gets me dreaming of cooler days-lol. You and that coat are going to get a long wonderfully this fall. :)

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LOOZINITNOW 6/23/2012 10:30AM

    Yes you are!!!! emoticon

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_KATHY 6/22/2012 5:48PM

    All goals are good. Stay determined.

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ONEFLYCHIK10 6/22/2012 3:13PM

    Keep at it! I am convinced that there is no better feeling than getting in to something that never fit and now does! (mind you im single and have no kids, lol) keep at it. Im rooting for you!

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RAINBOWFALLS 6/22/2012 2:29PM

    Great goal. emoticon

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DOODIE59 6/22/2012 1:07PM

    That is a very tangible goal. Hanging in front of you, reminding you of why you are going to make the right choices each day between now and ... November. The side effect, of course, will be related weight loss and more fitness. Win, win, win:) Go, grrl.

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SHALLID 6/22/2012 11:46AM

    i know exactly how you feel. i bought a pr of jeans roughly 1&1/2 - 2 sizes small a year ago, now that you got me thinking about it, I'll take it out and put it on the outside so i can remember what i'm aiming for. no more unnecessary time outs for me.

WE can do this! Thanks for the inspiration!

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TEDDYBEARGIRL 6/22/2012 11:15AM

    Awesome goal to reach for!

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MUGGLE_MOM 6/22/2012 7:49AM

    I love it love it love it!!!!
I hope you are hanging it where you can see it multiple times a day.
Do you talk to it and let it know that it will be worn oh so very soon and that you can't wait?
I am so proud of you! You are one amazing lady that will be looking FABULOUS in your coat this fall!!!
Whooo Hooooo!!!!!

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KDAILEY70 6/22/2012 7:32AM

    emoticon emoticon

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It's All About Trust

Thursday, June 21, 2012

If I can trust myself to handle my own body and care for it in a way that is nurturing and good for my health, I will succeed.

If I trust that I am a good person, kind, compassionate, loving towards others, then I will not question every little motive when someone says or does something nice for me.

If I trust that all things happen for the greater good, I will be patient in waiting for the right outcome, instead of hurrying things along and insisting on my own way - even if - in the long run it may not be the best choice for me or for anyone.

It's hard to trust. It takes a lot of exercise to teach that trust muscle. It is something I am still working on, and may always work on.

For now, though, just for today, I am trusting in my abilities, and leaning on my higher power (God) to pull me through when I am weakest. I will not turn to food for comfort, or use it as a means of hiding my self perceived inadequacies. I will use food only to nourish my body without the need for it standing in for something else. I will believe that I can direct my actions to provide myself with what I need. I trust myself that I can do this!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YOBOELI 11/11/2012 11:24AM

    emoticon You can do it

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TEDDYBEARGIRL 6/21/2012 9:24PM


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    Wonderful post girl!

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RAINBOWFALLS 6/21/2012 1:44PM

    emoticon emoticon

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DOODIE59 6/21/2012 11:54AM

    Yup. You have to truly believe you're worthy of your life. Honour your spirit. Each one of us is unique, and has a right to be here. ... Let's make ourselves count! I firmly believe that when we get our insides (head/heart) working properly, the outside will fall into place (helped along by our efforts). Let's do this!

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_KATHY 6/21/2012 11:29AM

    Your blog is hitting the right notes this morning. But then, what you say seems to always resonate with me. Even your wallpaper hits home. I haven't been fighting for myself.. for my life. Trust is indeed a hard thing but it's the way it needs to be. This morning I am letting go of an old joyful deadly friend...Food for fun and entertainment. I trust I'll be just fine without it. I will learn joy in other things.

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_KATHY 6/21/2012 11:23AM

    double post

Comment edited on: 6/21/2012 11:30:58 AM

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LOOZINITNOW 6/21/2012 11:03AM

    Beautiful blog! You can do this! emoticon

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