Friday, August 31, 2012
Whatever it is that makes the essence of who you are needn't always be the same. You are welcome to re-invent yourself any time you'd like. Yes, really.
When I was driving home from work tonight, I realized it was the second day this week where I felt the true sense of incredible satisfaction with who I am and who I am becoming.
I am finally, shall I say, settling down with myself. I am embracing myself as a warm, compassionate, kind, giving, funny, friendly woman. Yes, I am all of those things, and not only am I accepting myself as that person...I am appreciating it. I am also letting others appreciate it as I am and not getting wigged out by things that would have set me on edge before.
I attended a luncheon today that included a few high level people, as well as several people I did not know along with some folks I have known for years. In such a situation as this, I might have been jittery, feeling insecure and shy and wanting to do anything but stand out.
Not so, today. I introduced myself to several folks I had not met, and talked freely to the big shots. I laughed, I relaxed as well as I could during lunch. The food was great - supremely healthy (salmon, spinach salad, grilled peaches, etc) and I even blurted out "SALAD!" when I saw that awesome bowl. I would have been more relaxed at lunch if I could have trusted to chair to hold me without fear. It was a little flimsier than I would like, but I tried to hold most of my weight on my leg and I did a good job.
When I was leaving the luncheon (probably before most folks), I made a point of thanking the organizers, and visiting each table and wishing folks well. I am pretty sure I stood out but in a good way.
The point of this happy memory is that I have not always been this way. I am a former shy girl who feels comfortable to be out in public now. I have a welcoming and friendly attitude which was very much on display today. I am feeling really good about who I am and who I am becoming.
Every day, I am evolving more into the me that I want to be.
So I say to you, dear sparkies, who do you want to be?
Saturday, July 21, 2012
I have a lot going on in my head right now, and I will write it all down once I sort it out - but in the meantime, I am learning something I have struggled with for a long time.
I can never do anything good enough that it is going to make someone love me.
That's not how it happens. I am loveable; I just can't DO something to get it. It is something that is freely given without consequence.
It has not stopped me from trying and BELIEVING that if I do certain things, than I will get out of it what I want, because in a way, the person would be "forced" to love me.
Well, just finally acknowledging that it does not work that way. Believe me, I have tried this repeatedly and often. Nope. doesn't work.
HOWEVER, WHAT DOES WORK AND WILL WORK FOR ME ---- is acknowledging, realizing, understanding, and yes, believing with all of my heart, that the things I do ------- need to be done for ME alone. For my satisfaction, for my health, for my own acceptance.
Everything else is off the table. I just have to be me and live up to my own expectations. I cannot control any of the rest of it, and that's all there is to it.
I just have to do it for me. Simplifies things a bit. It would help, perhaps, if I wasn't so stubborn. I would stop fighting this, and just freaking do it already.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Bought some REAL whole wheat bread.
Chopped up lots of watermelon, cantaloupe, strawberries, and threw in a half pint of raspberries to make a big fruit salad. Woo hoo!
Got my AC fixed!
Monday, July 09, 2012
There is only today - what are you going to do with today?
I have viewed myself for so long as fat, out of shape, a blob, if you will - I overlooked that I could change at any minute I wanted to - I could change what I was doing and how I viewed myself.
I once told my former trainer that I could not go for a walk because I ate chocolate.
He said, "what?"
I didn't get that they were 2 different ACTIONS. He pushed me out the door for my walk.
Being fat is not who I am UNLESS I choose the behaviors that keep me obese,
I choose to walk
I choose to eat healthy
I choose to go to therapy
I choose the person I am
and drumroll, please....
I choose to be the person I am becoming every day by the actions I take...
Do or not do. The choice is yours. There is no yesterday.
Friday, June 22, 2012
I did a little shopping last night - mostly because I have a casual work function today during lunchtime and it has been sweltering. I work at a semi-conservative place so shorts, and jeans are out.
I bought a couple of things to wear, and it started me thinking about a long forgotten item in my closet: THE COAT.
I bought it a while back - a long while back - I didn't live in my house when we bought it and that is going on 3 years.
I remember splurging on it (around $200). It's been in my closet now for years. I am going to wear this fall. I mean it, I am going to wear it. It's been too snug to be comfortable but it is my new incentive. I am going to get into that freaking coat!
I never thought I would be dreaming of wearing a coat on a hundred degree day!
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