Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Moments like these remind me of my mettle. I do not back down. I am not known for my subtlety - or so I have been told.
When the going gets tough, you have two choices, go big or go home. I will admit, there are plenty of times I have gone home. I have been paralyzed with the inability to see past the troubles for the pot of gold. I have been unable to muster enough strength and courage in myself to think that I could be ballsy enough to pull it off.
Well, newsflash, little Miss MickeyMax, I am exactly that person who is indeed strong enough, wily enough, obstinate enough to get the job done. There I said it. I have thrown down the gauntlet, I am raising the bar, I am expecting more from myself, and gosh darn it, I am going to get it.
IN my BLC challenge, I am asked for 5 things I want to accomplish out of this challenge with now just 5 wks to go. That being said, this is my life we are talking about and I am not really on a 5 wk challenge, I am on a 47 yr challenge, if I am right in the middle.
I am going to move a minimum of 10 mins more a day. My bare minimum has been 15 mins a day, but that is not enough to affect positive changes in my breathing, stamina and endurance. I am upping my minimum and taking it from there.
I am going to continue to aim for 5 fruits/veggies a day. For a woman who has not been stellar in this dept. This is quite an improvement.
I am going to test my blood sugar twice a day (I've slacked to my FBS only).
I am going to blog at least twice a week. I seem to have a better head game when I am blogging.
I am going to aim to get 6 hours sleep a night. It would be lovely to get 8, but it doesn't seem like it happens very often and I can be very productive on 6.
This week has been a trying week. I have had extra burdens at work to deal with -- and while I am extremely grateful to be working when so many folks are not, there are still times when when I need to step back a bit. Work life balance is not that easy to achieve. DH's hours (and pay) have been cut, and I am going through a re-org. I am putting on my happy face and telling others "this is good for us" but on the inside I am sweating like everyone else.
It's the uncertainty that rattles you. My Dad also had a very bad stroke last week, and strokes have always scared me...for good reason. It is like he is physically there, but living on some other planet. I don't know what is going to happen. The doctor said that he doesn't think the prognosis is good. Well, that is just a bowl full of comfort, isn't it? (NOT!) Again, it is all speculation and uncertainty that drives the fear.
I am channeling that no matter what lies in front of me, I am going to step forward with courage and conviction and take care of myself through this. When the dust settles, be it the job or my family, the truth is I will still have me and my issues, and my 47 year challenge to deal with on the other side. So for now, I am dealing with it all one day at a time. Doing what I gotta do to get to the other side, no matter what it takes to find that pot of gold.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Eventually, I had to stop putting off the inevitable. I had to go get change from the bank. I could have sent one of my staff, but it was cold and rainy and I did not feel right about doing that.
I tallied up all of my errands, and I made it a big loop. The whole thing took me almost an hour to complete, and it was a lot of walking. I was wiped out, but celebrated my efforts just the same. It was a JOY to get out there and move and know I could do what I needed to do.
I am celebrating my life and my ability to move.
I am celebrating by eating well and feeding my body nutritionally sound food.
I managed to exclude all of the baked good breakfast treats that were in a stone's throw of my office and super easy to obtain and instead chose healthy foods.
(I posted a small friend there to say hello also) Breakfast is more fun with companions.
I made GOOD choices and I am treating myself in the spirit that demonstrates my love for myself.
I value myself, and I am trying to live by "good energy in, good energy out."
It involves baby steps every day, and I am looking forward to staying the course, and watching things fall into place as I do my part in helping myself.
How do you demonstrate your love for yourself, sparkies?
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
I did something today totally out of character.
In front of humans.
Seriously I did.
Pretty remarkable for a closet eater.
I had some guys in my office working on my computer. They interrupted my mid morning snack time. So I did something I have never done before. I ate in public. Truth be told, it was weird. TO ME. No one else noticed. My 2 little clementines went unnoticed. I did not see that coming. I really thought all eyes would me on me. Nope, not even close. Huh?
My DH laughs at me. I won't eat out and then bring food home to my parents. Not even coffee.
All of it was called into question. If you do not have enough for everyone, you shouldn't be having it. Thus began my lifetime of closet eating. Until today. I ate clementines.
Yes, I am making this an uber big deal. It just wasn't done.
But I did it. Can I tell you how freaking free I felt today?
It was outstanding!
What have you done to break free of your long-standing beliefs, sparkies?
Friday, January 06, 2012
I got on the elevator this morning with a guy that I've seen in passing. He is usually not Mr. Chatty, but he was friendly this morning. He got off the floor before me, and I noticed when he got off, he sort of bolted down the hallway.
My first thought was, "he's a hard worker."
Where did that come from? I don't even know what he really does, and just that burst of movement of activity put that thought in my head.
In my normal way, I started thinking about what kind of impression am I leaving?
Don't I kind of just shuffle around these hallways?
For those that work with me, and know me, they also know I have an extremely strong work ethic, and can probably rattle off a dozen good qualities (my sense of humor, ability to laugh easily, encouraging of others, quick thinker, calm under pressure, friendly, smart, sociable).
However, for those that don't know me, what am I really saying about myself?
Hmmm. This is something to think about.
I am making good progress on the self care line-up. (Thank God I got my hair done!) I dress professionally, speak well, but I could be doing a lot more to make my outside match my inner self.
I have reminded myself that all things work for the greater good. The efforts I make on my own behalf to look beautiful, and to fuel my body nutritiously will pay off in dividends when I leave that good impression that I am seeking.
I am absolutely convinced that changes in my lifestyle will bring about a happier me because I will be proud of the choices I am making. I am not going to pretend that being thin fixes anything, but aiming for wellness and health will bring positive changes to my life: longevity and feeling good while I am here. I am not just trying to improve the duration of my life, but also the quality.
Impressions aside, -- my life is what I make it.
What are you saying about yourselves, sparkies?
Wednesday, January 04, 2012
I've been having an up and down week. Got a case of the sickies just as it was time to step into up into high gear with my BLC challenge, and also got back to work after a 2 week hiatus. Wasn't that inconvenient? Follow up my coughing spells with being overtired, an inability to hold my pee if I go into a super hack, and I am pretty much moved into crankytown.
Residents of crankytown are frequently prone to ignore their basic needs. Instead of planning for meals, they eat the first thing they see even if it is wholly unsatisfying and contains a lot of artificial -ites and -oses. Residents of crankytown forget their well laid plans. Additionally, these same residents have a tendency to go on attack, especially at themselves.
Not today, buckaroo. I have stopped the infighting and have retreated to the grocery store after work. Not that it did not feel bitter cold, getting out of the toasty car, but it was worth the trip. I scored a rotisserie turkey breast, two heads of fresh broccoli and fresh cauliflower, strawberries (buy1 get 1 free) and a couple of non threatening things for DH. (Can you say happy camper? I thought you could).
Way to go for me! I had some of the fresh turkey and spinach tonight for dinner. I packed up the remaining turkey to take for lunch (and still have some left over.) I washed and prepped some red grapes to take for a snack. Strawberries will go for a swim in my morning oatmeal which I skipped this morning. That started the spiral off in a bad way. Now I am prepped in a good way. My bags are packed and I am on the next flight out of crankytown.
See you at baggage check!
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